Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Neener Neener, My Fanny's Beautiful

I finally sent the photos of my um, you know, to England. He was wonderful about it. Said the photos were was beautiful *blush*. But hey, this is from a man who says that all women look beautiful down there to him, and besides, it's been such a long time since he saw one up close in the flesh, he's hardly going to complain is he? (And let me just say here that I took that baby so close up, he probably felt he could virtually climb into it lol. Give me a break people...the angle's hardly the easiest to achieve!) I must say for Bella's sake, that England sent me some photos recently (a few years old) of him gigging on stage. The lead singer at the time was a woman, she was rather frumpy looking, I feel that perhaps the clothes she was wearing didn't do her any favours. Anyway, I thought she was a man! England, I know, had slept with this lady on a few occasions while they were touring, and that didn't bother me, the past is the past, but what he said that did get to me was "she was pretty chubby really, I look at that pic now and I think, my god, what was I thinking?" Holy hell, I'm overweight, and not comfortably so at the moment...I keep trying to lose it, but it just keeps finding me *sigh*. Hearing him say that kinda burned, and not calories. All I replied with was "yeah, well, so am I, just a different shape". I mean, what the hell am I supposed to say back to a comment like that? "Yeah you're right, what were you thinking?? Probably best just to burn all the fat people and be done with them" ?? Shit, my arse would be on fire before you could say "Pass the matches please".

Bella asked me if, after divulging the finer details of Canada and I together whether, for England, this subject is now dead and buried. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure. He goes in waves. At times things are wonderful and we're forging ahead, other times, he needs to hear more...needs the reassurance that it's him and only him that I want. I don't think there's anything more than what I've told him now, so I'm hoping this will be end of it. I can't handle having to drag it all up again, rehash the wonderful times Canada and I had together...I'm trying to move forward with this, not keep going back. It hurts to keep remembering. I think about Canada every day, several times a day...every single day. Bringing him up again and again is not helping me to get past him.

I have read Bella's latest post regarding the savings she's done and what she went through to get together enough money to visit Nick next month. She is to be commended in all that she did to get to this point. I congratulate her on such an effort and also for her recent promotion, wooo hoooo, excellent news Bella!

I have a few plans myself as to saving money. For one, I have this terrible addiction to V. For those of you that don't know, that's a high caffeine energy drink that's transparent green in colour, and filled with bubbles, just talking about it now makes my throat constrict and yearn for the feeling of it sliding down it's walls. These little gems are worth only $3 each, but I've been drinking at least 2 of these a day...that's 14 a week, 56 in a 4 week month. That folks, comes out to $2,106 per annum, which incidentally would make up my airfare to England in the winter. So, yesterday was the beginning of my "No V" days. It's a start. Besides, I can't exactly work out what I can save as yet, I'll wait til the boys are back at school which is when I'll be able to get a better estimate. (I must just add here, that while I was away with Canada, they have no such drink over there, so I went a whole month without one....til I arrived home...what should I see as I'm coming off the plane into the terminal?, but 15 standing there with a V in his welcome home present.)

The second...more major giving up smoking. I don't feel I'm ready to take this big step yet, but I know it would save me zillions of dollars by doing so. One of the nurses at work has been hanging around me lately, she's keen to use me as her guinea pig for the new "quit smoking" programme she's now qualified to run. Unfortunately for me, I am the only one at work that actually smokes. I say "unfortunately" because this makes me her prime target, and there's only so much diving and dipping I can do to get away from her. Shoot, I can't give all my vices up in one go...I'll shrivel up and die before that happens. First Canada, now V, then smoking...all in a timely fashion please.

We were so busy this morning at work, I came home, fell face down on the bed and thought "omg and here's me wanting to do double shifts, could I handle another 5 hours or so of that?" But you know what?, even though I haven't started doing doubles, I know I'll cope, because I have to, I want to, nothing short of my children falling ill or a major catastrophe is going to stop me from reaching London in February next year. Actually, I still don't know exactly when I'm going...the bride-to-be rang me yesterday to say she was thinking of changing the wedding date! Lucky she couldn't see the look on my face.

After the wedding sounds so much better for all concerned, but depending on how far away that is, could make a hell of a difference to the cost of the flight and the availability of my man to be waiting at the airport. Let's face it, who wants to arrive at Heathrow without someone there to welcome them? He's told me he'll hold up a sign that says "Blowjob NZ" *gasp* Oh well, guess it'll break the ice as I thump him eh? Mind you, that's not how I ever envisaged touching him for the first time.
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