Trying to Keep Up
Seperately my kids are brilliant...together?...Oh...My...God! They taunt me to distraction!
On his own, 14 is extremely helpful when it comes to grocery shopping with me. He pushes the cart around, offering suggestions and telling me not to forget certain items (such as milk, it's always friggin milk!)....he has no problems still yelling out "I LOVE YOU!" as he's running down the path to school. Hearing this obviously warms my heart....the fact that he's still happy to yell it out in front of his peers amazes me. What do I care? Long as he's happy with that, so am I.
When 15 and I are walking around the aisles in the supermarket, we're constantly bantering about goods....there's a fair amount of "bargaining" going on....anything that has a computer CD attached to it is like gold to him...."Hey Mum! Here, let's get this"....."Are you kidding me? I've brought that before, you never ate it"...."Yeah but there's some really cool games on this CD"...."Well, whoopty doo"....."Awwww, come on Mum....I promise I'll eat the whole box if you buy it"......I look at him....hard....trying to peer directly into his soul..."Oh, I don't know...you always say that, and then it sits in the pantry, uneaten, minus the disk"....then he does IT....opens his arms..."Come on"...*tilts head, smiling at me*..."Let's hug"...*wraps his arms around me*...."Aaaah, see? Aren't you just feelin' the lovin'?".....*sigh*...I'm screwed...."Ok, but you HAVE to eat the damn cereal"...."Yep, you know I will...*grinning*..."I will eat that cereal with all the love and passion you bought it with"....."What EVER".
Now if I make the huge mistake of taking them both together....it's like demons possess my children....they talk in a foreign language....I can't keep up with it. For years my two have fed off each other with crazy little stories they make up....anything can spark these stories off. Just the sight of a man walking a dog can start off something to the tune of:
15: "Wouldn't it be funny if that dog just refused to walk any further?"
14: "Yeah, and then the man started shouting at the dog"
15: "Yeah, and then...and then....Duke Nukem came running down the street and grabbed the dog...and then...the man pulled out his primo final fantasy sword, that he'd been hiding across his back..you know, like that Elf on Lord of the Rings with his arrows? He'd just kinda put his hand over his shoulder and swoosh, the sword would appear" *making swinging movements back and forth with an imaginery sword*
14: "Hey yeah!...and then...a Chocobo (that's Final Fantasy for you folks out of the loop) came bounding down the street, grabbed the dog to safety and swung it up on it's back, and runs off into the distance" *bobs up and down like an ostrich running*
15: "Chocobos don't run like that"
14: "Yeah they do, you haven't played Final Fantasy enough to know every detail of Chocobo behaviour like I have"
15: "This is true...hey!...and then....the dude with the sword is suddenly overcome with Sonic the Hedeghog powers"...zap pow zzzzit...*moves like he's having a prolonged electrical shock*...."and his legs are a blur as he chases the Chocobo to get his much loved family pet back"
14: hahahahaha...yeah...that's good...and then..then..."
Me: "Then Lara Croft swings down attached to an incredibly long rope from a sky hook, pulls out her double barrelled bazooker...KABOOM!....Uh oh..what a shame....everybody just got killed...end of story"
This results in them both walking around me like Lurch off the Adams Family. Contorted facial expressions and dragging one foot behind them...."You know, when you both walk like that?...you really should make it more authentic and have drool coming out of one side of your mouth".
14: "Hey cool idea!"...*starts hoiking up saliva*
15: "hahahaha...yeah and then we could dribble it all over the thousands of Smurfs that are running around our feet...we could be the Dribbling Smurfy Kings of the World!....Mwah Ah Aaaaaaah!"
14: "Yeah!...Bow to us, you scummy smurf suckers!"
Oh please, someone help me *sob*