Saturday, April 30, 2005

Trying to Keep Up

For years whenever my kids come out with 'street talk', I've always told them "Please don't speak like that at home, you can save that kind of talk for your friends at school". Every now and then to wind me up, and after I've asked the fatal question of "How was your day honey?". I've had "Waasup Mama G? Primo...just hangin' with ma homey Bros, are ya hearin' me?" *bobbing head from side to side*. This used to result in me rolling my eyes, until I discovered I could play them at their own game by shooting back with something similar (I need to watch Ali G more often, he has been a fascinating source of information for me).

Seperately my kids are brilliant...together?...Oh...My...God! They taunt me to distraction!

On his own, 14 is extremely helpful when it comes to grocery shopping with me. He pushes the cart around, offering suggestions and telling me not to forget certain items (such as milk, it's always friggin milk!)....he has no problems still yelling out "I LOVE YOU!" as he's running down the path to school. Hearing this obviously warms my heart....the fact that he's still happy to yell it out in front of his peers amazes me. What do I care? Long as he's happy with that, so am I.

When 15 and I are walking around the aisles in the supermarket, we're constantly bantering about goods....there's a fair amount of "bargaining" going on....anything that has a computer CD attached to it is like gold to him...."Hey Mum! Here, let's get this"....."Are you kidding me? I've brought that before, you never ate it"...."Yeah but there's some really cool games on this CD"...."Well, whoopty doo"....."Awwww, come on Mum....I promise I'll eat the whole box if you buy it"......I look at him....hard....trying to peer directly into his soul..."Oh, I don't know...you always say that, and then it sits in the pantry, uneaten, minus the disk"....then he does IT....opens his arms..."Come on"...*tilts head, smiling at me*..."Let's hug"...*wraps his arms around me*...."Aaaah, see? Aren't you just feelin' the lovin'?".....*sigh*...I'm screwed...."Ok, but you HAVE to eat the damn cereal"...."Yep, you know I will...*grinning*..."I will eat that cereal with all the love and passion you bought it with"....."What EVER".

Now if I make the huge mistake of taking them both together....it's like demons possess my children....they talk in a foreign language....I can't keep up with it. For years my two have fed off each other with crazy little stories they make up....anything can spark these stories off. Just the sight of a man walking a dog can start off something to the tune of:

15: "Wouldn't it be funny if that dog just refused to walk any further?"
14: "Yeah, and then the man started shouting at the dog"
15: "Yeah, and then...and then....Duke Nukem came running down the street and grabbed the dog...and then...the man pulled out his primo final fantasy sword, that he'd been hiding across his back..you know, like that Elf on Lord of the Rings with his arrows? He'd just kinda put his hand over his shoulder and swoosh, the sword would appear" *making swinging movements back and forth with an imaginery sword*
14: "Hey yeah!...and then...a Chocobo (that's Final Fantasy for you folks out of the loop) came bounding down the street, grabbed the dog to safety and swung it up on it's back, and runs off into the distance" *bobs up and down like an ostrich running*
15: "Chocobos don't run like that"
14: "Yeah they do, you haven't played Final Fantasy enough to know every detail of Chocobo behaviour like I have"
15: "This is true...hey!...and then....the dude with the sword is suddenly overcome with Sonic the Hedeghog powers"...zap pow zzzzit...*moves like he's having a prolonged electrical shock*...."and his legs are a blur as he chases the Chocobo to get his much loved family pet back"
14: hahahahaha...yeah...that's good...and then..then..."
Me: "Then Lara Croft swings down attached to an incredibly long rope from a sky hook, pulls out her double barrelled bazooker...KABOOM!....Uh oh..what a shame....everybody just got killed...end of story"

This results in them both walking around me like Lurch off the Adams Family. Contorted facial expressions and dragging one foot behind them...."You know, when you both walk like that?...you really should make it more authentic and have drool coming out of one side of your mouth".

14: "Hey cool idea!"...*starts hoiking up saliva*
15: "hahahaha...yeah and then we could dribble it all over the thousands of Smurfs that are running around our feet...we could be the Dribbling Smurfy Kings of the World!....Mwah Ah Aaaaaaah!"
14: "Yeah!...Bow to us, you scummy smurf suckers!"

Oh please, someone help me *sob*
Friday, April 29, 2005

The Power of Deception

After all the bitching I did last week about my internal organs and lack of periods etc, this morning I woke at 5.30am and had to get out of bed to clean up the mess my body had made. Yes, I can hear all the "Eew!"s you lot just said, I have extra special hearing abilities don't ya know.

Now if I haven't made you shudder with disgust and scared you off with that, here's my post for the day.

After Operation Bleech, I came online and read some blog stuff for half an hour. As my eyes were forcing themselves to close and my body was starting to droop over the keyboard, I realised I really should've been back in bed...so off I trotted. I had a really odd dream. Something strange about the bed kinda rocking and then my body gravitating off the mattress (still in the fetal position cos it's so cold here). It was when I flew through the wall painlessly that it was confirmed, this really was a weird dream (although at the time I thought "How cool!").

Half an hour later, after a lot of thumping at the door had woken me and I'd paid the lawn man, I'm back lying in bed. I call out to my sons "Hellooo?"...silence....."Yoo hooooo, is anyone else awake in my house yet?"....nothing....."Does anyone want McDonalds for breakfast?"....*mumble mumble* (from 15's room).....HA!

"What was that sorry? Do you want McDonalds for breakfast?"
"Yes, I dooo"....
"Can you get up, and come with me then?"
"Yes ok"
20 minutes later
"15? Are you up yet?"
*Sleepily* "No....I'll get up now"
10 minutes later
"15? Are you dressed yet?"
*Wearily* "No, just doing that now"

It was kinda cool being able to have the power to get him moving so early in the day..yeah ok, so it was 'McDonalds' power, but it still worked for me.

I could hear him rummaging around in his bedroom....he was frantically getting dressed. I heard him swear as he kicked his toe against one of his floor toms (he has a drum kit in his bedroom) and 5 minutes later his bedroom door 'wooshed' open and his body, with it's t-shirt on inside out, went rushing down the hallway to the lounge and said "Ok, I'm ready" to.......nobody. Hahaha.

The look on his face when he came slowly back down the hallway, to find his mother and her sheepish grin, still tangled amongst her warm bed covers, was priceless.
Thursday, April 28, 2005

Close Encounters of the Canuk Kind

As I'm sitting here and mindlessly playing Zuma, I'm thinking hard about a subject for today (yes, I know I just contradicted myself, thank you). Walker is talking to me on the headset...I'm telling him I feel so dog tired this afternoon...he says "Ok, well you could go and lie down for a while"..."No, I don't want to, I want to stay here with you"...."Ok...soooo...let's think about something you could post for today"..."No...I don't want to...I just want to be difficult...like all my patients were this morning". If I wasn't so knackered, I'd cheer for the man and throw confetti or something...he didn't even sigh in weary frustration at my attitude...(unless he turned his mic off lol).

So, after thinking about what to post, I have decided to cheat this afternoon. I am going to post my entry from way back whenever it was...and tell you about the first time I met Walker. Our first meeting in October last year. A couple of you may have read it...but I'm thinking most of you haven't. Let me begin...

I met Walker for the first time at Vancouver International Airport. He flew 6000km so he could spend an extra week with me. I was staying in Vancouver for a week, and then flying onto Ottawa, where I was originally going to stay with him. But he didn't want to waste any time and came to make sure he had as much time as possible with me. I arrived at the Airport to meet him with butterflies and great anticipation. What if we didn't click in reality? What if there was no chemisty? OMG, what if we bored each other stupid and had to pretend all was the same??!

He rang me on his cellphone, he'd arrived a little earlier than expected and was waiting for me near the baggage carousels. I could hear the panic, the fear in his voice. He was just as nervous as I was. When I heard that in his voice, I relaxed...I became calm and strong. I continued to speak to him while I walked through the airport in search of the carousels. There was some confusion as to where I was...I mean...where I was exactly in the airport. He'd said he was by the luggage carousels, and I was indeed there...I told him so. "But I can't see you, and I'M here"....."Me too, and I can't see you either".

And then I saw him. I stopped talking, stopped walking...he was standing side-on..still talking to me on the phone. I watched and listened to him for about 15 seconds before he realised I'd stopped talking to him. "I can see you" I said quietly. He stopped mid-sentence, looked around and caught sight of me. "I CAN SEE YOU!" I yelled. We both burst into laughter and walked quickly to embrace and kiss each other. Lots of beaming smiles between kissing and hugging. It felt fantastic to hold each other. (As far as not seeing each other initially was concerned...that was thanks to a rather large sign near the carousels he happened to be standing behind. We were actually standing on opposite sides of the sign, doh!)

The next 6-7 hours we were on a bus (which went on two ferries) to get to our destination of Powell River where we were staying with yet another online friend. After that initial meeting, we were a little awkward with each other. We were travelling with a close friend of mine, and were very conscious about not leaving her out. We really didn't know what to do with each other for a little while. Small talked about flights etc. I suspect that had we been on our own, had I turned up at his door, we would've hugged, kissed and fallen into bed. I also think that was where some of the awkwardness came from...because we weren't alone, we were conscious of watching eyes, yet we were impatient to touch and kiss, explore and whisper to each other. (Ok, there's lots of "we"s involved here...that's what I wanted anyway lol.)

Originally, we had planned to fly from Vancouver to Powell River. But we decided it would be best to take the bus/ferry, so we had that extra time to get acquainted with being around each other physically. Afterall, we would be sleeping in the same bed that first night, we had to feel right and comfortable about that. It was night time, and dark, and during the bus ride he kissed me....REALLY kissed me....that was it...I relaxed against his chest and was lost in that kiss. God that man can kiss...to the point where he had me groaning against his mouth for more. If my girlfriend wasn't with us on the bus, I would've dragged him to the back seat and probably been arrested for indecent exposure that evening.

Later that night, when we all went to bed, I went to him, so easily, so comfortably and so hungry to finally be in his arms. "Blah blah blah" *pant pant pant* "Boo-Yah!"

My girlfriend made it her business, to inform me, in all seriousness....in the supermarket the following day "Just a word of warning....we can hear everything through those walls....EVERYTHING". I replied "Oh ok... thanks for letting me know...in that case I won't bother holding back from now on".
Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Where's your little one right now?

My best friend rang me last night...unfortunately she's not been feeling so hot health-wise recently. Yesterday afternoon she lay down in the back room to rest her weary body and close her eyes. However long later she got up and went into the kitchen...the phone rings...it's the police.

Apparently my 5 year old godson had rung NZ's emergency phone number of 111 and told them he was home alone. He backed this up with "My Mummy went to the shop to get icecream and my friend Nathan is being mean to me". The police woman that rang back said that they'd had quite a nice conversation. Course, my friend hadn't left him alone at all...she was still there...and he knew exactly where she was. This is commonly known as 'taking advantage of a situation' or 'changing the expression on Mummy's face in a split second'.

Those that have young children are aware that kiddies don't stay in bed until 9am every day as we'd often like them to. They're usually up at the crack of dawn and ready to rock for the day. To begin with they come and harrass their parents...shaking them...jumping on them...sometimes inserting things into their sleeping nostrils. As they get older they leave their parents alone, and rummage through the kitchen to concoct their own breakfasts. These concoctions can involve such things as leftover chocolate cake...high caffeine fizzy drinks...and sometimes just big bites out of a slab of butter..that are evident by the teeth marks in it when later discovered by their parents. Other times the kids go all out and pull out bowls and crack eggs (shell an' all) and mix in a multitude of ingredients...like cocoa pops and fruit loops ...raisins...curry powder....and a pack of stale crisps they've found in the back of the pantry. Can you image if they rebelled against the "don't touch the stove" and cooked something up of this calibre??

These days, my two teens will drag their sorry butts out of bed around 11am during the holiday break...14 will have a yoghurt and a piece of fruit for breakfast (sounds healthy right? but I know better and he is being lazy and cheating)...15 on the other hand would live on bacon sandwiches...and if he's not cheating by grabbing a 'liquid' breakfast, he'll fry up bacon and toast some bagels.

So, do you have anything to share about your kids and their mixing/cooking abilities? I'd love to hear them.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Blog Venting and Jealousy

Two things I'm going to address today are due to a couple of questions asked by Bella (one from my comments yesterday and the other from her most recent post). One is about how I feel about Walker now reading my blog, and the other is about jealousy.

1. Because Bella has been here with me, since the creation of my blog, she could easily put herself in Walker's shoes and understand the feelings that swept over him when he came upon my blog one day by clicking on 'next blog'. I won't go into the details of that chapter of our relationship...it was fraught with confusion for me, and I had ended my relationship with Walker for all the wrong reasons.

Bella asked me yesterday if Walker reading my blog has changed what I say in it. She realises that it has changed in some ways, but is wanting to know how much, as Nicholas (her man in the US) is now also reading hers.

Yes, it's changed things for me. I don't feel right about blogging any negative thoughts I may have at different times about Walker on here. BUT, this has had a positive effect on my relationship with him...because instead of blogging how I'm feeling, I'm telling him directly instead. Previously, if I was annoyed by something he'd said or done, I would vent about it in here. Now, I tell him personally and we either talk the issue through, or he just accepts that I'm being a bitch (not that he'd EVER say that to me lol) at the time, and we carry on as usual. I couldn't possibly sit here and talk to him like nothing was wrong...and then vent in here and have him read it to find that I'd been feeling that way. I'd even cheat sometimes, and instead of having to repeat some of the hassles of my day to him over the headset, I'd forward him an email of what I had blogged about that day. These are the days when I can't be bothered talking about the hassles, but am happier just blurting them out 'silently' on here. (That was obviously before he discovered my blog.)

I'm well aware that some of you are reading both our blogs. Sometimes, some of you will comment on his blog and not on mine. And to begin with, I would think "Hey, come back here...you're my blogger friend, not his...he can bugger off and get his own lot!" lol Needless to say, I'm well over that now. One thing that did annoy me, was when Walker and I were busy yakking away on Yahoo, and then he'd say something like "Hey, [insert blogger's name] just commented on your post", then proceed to read it out to me. That was infuriating...I like to read my own comments first. But he's aware of this now, so no longer does it. At other times I've asked him to read what my comments say for that day out to me, before I've seen them myself...so the poor guy can't win.

I think that covers the 'venting' thing. And as far as blogging about the hopes or worries of our future together is concerned, this is something we talk about freely...directly with each other. We both have fears of what's in store. There's the "what if this" and "what if that" going on in our heads..but we talk about it...we can't foretell the future...as far as I'M concerned, we make sure that we're both aware of what's going on in each others minds and discuss anything that we feel could be a potential problem. In some ways that could be seen as roasting the chicken before the egg's actually hatched, but it works for me. As time's gone on, the "what if" stuff has become less of a 'problem' for me...I'm feeling settled...just damn keen to be in the same room with the man....have the chance to grab him...chuck him down...and...oh, scrap that...wrong post.

2. Now onto the jealousy issue. Being so far away from each other and the fact that we are not trapped in boxes and shut off from the rest of the world...then obviously we have contact with lots of other people of both genders. The jealousy that I feel is more about the fact that the women that he may hug and kiss 'hello' or whatever, have the privilege of being in such close proximity to him...and I am way over here not able to touch him at all. That part sucks big time. The biggest issue for me, regarding his recent house guest, was the overwhelming feeling of jealousy, that she was there and I wasn't. Not that he may want or love her more than me. He's proven to me time and time again that I'm the one for him. I have no need to feel insecure. I will admit that I don't like it when I hear about ex girlfriends in a sexual sense, but I accept that. Sometimes I shoot myself in the foot because I ask out of curiosity....I want to know some of what he's done with other women. Then he tells me...and I squirm about it....say something flippant like "sounds a bit sordid to me" or something similar. By that stage I realise I've just cut my nose off to spite my face. Other times I like hearing about it....'like' may be a bit strong...but curiosity and the want to do something for him that he's enjoyed from someone else is important to me. I want to know everything and anything about his wants and needs, only now it's going to be ME that is giving him that pleasure.

Jealousy, I feel, is something that you need to get your head around. I think we all need to accept that it goes part and parcel with any relationship, there are certainly going to be times when it can rear it's ugly head. But it's important that you get it into some perspective...it can be a nasty destroying feeling that can rip the heart out of an otherwise strong relationship. Talking it through and both partners accepting and understanding these insecure outbursts from each other makes all the difference.

I don't have a problem with women hitting on my man...why wouldn't they?...he's worth the hit. Like I said earlier, I feel secure enough to know he won't follow it through. Why would he? he loves me to pieces. I'm sure he knows that if he did...I would brutually injure every part of his body with great precision, when he gets over here in December anyway lol.

I could go on and on about these two particular subjects. OMG, I just did, didn't I?
Monday, April 25, 2005

Warning...this is a long one

Last night I went along to dinner and drinks at a good friend's house. There were about 45 people altogether...we were doing a continuation of celebrating my girlfriend's 40th (you know, the surprise party I went to a couple of weeks ago?). It WAS a surprise and her hubby didn't know about it either (he's soooo bad at keeping even the smallest secret from her, so we chose not to tell him). He did look rather wounded that night and said "I can't believe none of you told ME!". His wife responded with "Oh come on honey, you KNOW I would've found out the same day they told you..you're hopeless at keeping things from me".

Anyway, hubby had tried to arrange a bit of a surprise for her, himself. He had been ringing around asking us about all coming over for a barbeque/party...HIS surprise was to be on the same day, as we'd already scheduled OUR surprise for her. He couldn't understand how come so many people were unavailable to come to his wife's surprise 40th barbeque. To cut a long story short, last night I attended his 'not-a surprise-anymore' barbeque for his wife...coupled with a 'thank-you-so much-for-the-great-surprise-for-both-of-us-two-weeks-ago' barbeque.

I got to catch up with some more people I hadn't seen for a while...and I met a man named Bill, an American with the Foreign Services, who arrived to make what everyone else thought was "the best fried chicken in New Zealand history!"...but to me it was chicken drum sticks...deep fried in vegetable oil...although I did have a taste, the 'deep frying' bit makes me shudder these days.

Amongst my catch up with people last night....were two ladies I'm particularly fond of. I don't get to see either of them very often, and I always leave feeling like I still didn't get enough of them, even if we've spoken for hours on end. One lady is 67 years old (Lady A)...she kinda reminds me of my Dad in some ways. Her dark skin and bright smiley eyes and her amazing zest for life..she has the most terrific attitude about everything. The other woman is 44 (Lady B) and I feel a special kinship with her. She is unique to me in that she always dresses so 'man-ish', works as a storekeeper in a large industrial part of town, driving a forklift and loading huge boxes onto trucks for hours. She works shifts..usually from 6pm to 6am.

Lady A: Has had 6 children. 3 boys and 3 girls. All her children were well respected major league softball players. And her being their mum of course, and a support icon for each of them, was fully involved in anything to do with the Club. She now has 4...3 girls and 1 boy. 10 years ago her oldest son died in a car accident at the age of 25. Over 5 years ago she discovered a lump in her right breast, the doctors operated, removed the cancerous tumor and also took her lymph nodes under the right arm to be sure it didn't spread. A year later, her husband kept losing his balance...he was falling over continuously..the doctor sent him for physio...nothing changed....she got a second opinion...second doc sends him for a scan...he has a brain tumor. He was very sick for a long time, and after several operations and lots of treatment, he is back to being a strong healthy male, 70 today. A couple of years later, her youngest son was involved in a murder-suicide that rocked the core of the softball community. He was 23...had been drinking heavily, narcotics were also involved...he waited for his girlfriend to get home from her night out....and knifed her to death, almost choked her best friend by strangulation, and then stuck the knife in his own chest. She was extremely shocked and humbled by the huge turnout at his funeral. The girl he had killed was also a prominent player in our club...her brother was his best friend and they played on the same team.
Last night she talked with me about her throwing two BIG parties this year...one in July, to celebrate her finally coming off her 'chemotherapy' medication after 5 years....and the other...her 50th wedding anniversary.

Lady B: Has 3 children. A girl of 16, and two boys, 14 and 6. Her middle child was never hers...when he was born she gave him to her sister who couldn't have children of her own. He is 14 years old now, knows that she is his biological mother but calls her Aunty. A couple of years ago she became pregnant....she was leaving the house with her 4 year old one morning...she slipped and fell down the old wooden steps and by doing her best to avoid hurting her 4 year old, she landed on her stomach...she lost the baby....5 months pregnant. She was so filled with anger at her husband for not fixing the steps as she'd been asking him to for months...she didn't speak to him for 3 months, refused to let him touch her and slept with her youngest in his bed for that length of time. Just before Xmas last year, I ran into at the local shopping mall....she was glowing and happy and told me excitedly that she was pregnant once again...this time with twins! I was delighted for her and her husband. She then went on to say quietly that she had been blessed with twins, and felt that her body had 'replaced' the child she'd lost a couple of years ago with the bonus of an extra. Two weeks ago when I met up with her at the 'first' 40th....I was hugged fiercely by her, and confronted with the news that she had miscarried both on Christmas Eve, at 3 months gestation. I felt utterly deflated and helpless.

When I think of these two women, I think about their strength and how, against all odds...regardless of what we do with our lives and what we endure....life continues. At the risk of sounding depressed and lacking any optimism whatsoever...that sucks. But we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off...never forget what's happened, but file it away to grieve another time in private....and keep on going.
Sunday, April 24, 2005

Frilly Dresses and Hairbrushes

In one of my posts this week I mentioned something about singing into my hairbrush. This reminds me of way back when I was a youngster and what I spent a lot of my time doing with my cousin.

My cousin and I only lived about 100 yards from each other...our birthdays were only 2 months apart...and we were in the same class at school together. We did absolutely everything together. Including riding our bikes around the neighbourhood...trying to get into trouble...but both of us were too sweet and innocent (translates to 'lacking the balls') to be too naughty.

We were forever stealing various foods and cooking utensils out of our parents fridges and cupboards...then hauling said bounty across to the otherside of the riverbank...and making a fire amongst the rocks to cook it all. One such day I recall, was during the height of summer and there was a fire ban in the city. In other words, no barbeques, nothing to do with fires...the flora and fauna being far to dry at that time of year....it could easily be set alight. Anyway, that day, while we were busying ourselves cooking bacon and eggs on a frypan over rocks we heard fire-engine sirens and just about crapped our pants. We were sure we were going to be arrested for breaking the law.

My cousin and I did a fair amount of singing...we sang in talent quests of various sorts...at the school, at the church...at the local youth group and eventually in the city's town hall. Lots of nervous fun. My mother was forever telling me to remember to smile...she said "just think they're all out there sitting on the toilet....that'll make you relax and you'll be smiling at the same time" *snort* course, it was ok for HER to say...she was never the one up on stage doing the warbling.

My aunt used to be a ballroom dancer and she had the most beautifully elaborate frilly, fluffly dresses that ballroom dancers wore in those days (stay with me now, you'll be pleased to know there's a point to this information). My cousin and I used to get dressed up in my aunt's frou frou dresses (there it is)...put the old vinyl records on the player...grab an extension cord each, and sing to our heart's content into the plug on the end. I will now admit I grew up with ABBA. I loved ABBA! I was in love with the blonde guy in the group (so much so, that I can't even remember his name now)...but to me...ABBA was HOT! My aunt, after many impromptu concerts of watching us dressing up in her gear and being forced to sit and "Bravo" and clap for us, eventually tired of it all and would call the dog in to replace her position on the sofa. (Geez, it's not like we asked her to throw flowers at us or anything.)

My aunt was a woman with fantastic patience, she allowed us to practically take over her home...we often wore her precious dresses to swing outside on the monkey bars and do hand-stands on the front lawn. There were also regular 'thumps' ringing out through the house, of us doing hand-stands against doors...and she gave me my first piano lesson...taught me how to play "Fools Rush In". I learned how to make pancakes in her kitchen...and could spend hours ironing tea towels with enthusiasm. All things these I wasn't allowed to do at home...my aunt's house was a sanctuary to me.

Years later, when my hubby and I took my older sister out one night...we'd all had a fair amount to drink...and after arriving home...we cranked up the Nolan Sisters *wince* on the stereo, my sister and I grabbed a hairbrush each and danced and sang in concert form to my husband. (Poor bastard just wanted to go to sleep at that stage...I had to keep kicking him to wake up..that was the fun part of the evening.) See? I knew there was going to be a hairbrush involved in this story somewhere.
Saturday, April 23, 2005

Bring Me Breakfast Please, I'm Famished

Denny wrote a post tonight/today, and asked us all what we do on Friday nights now that we’re ‘older and wiser’, well not in those words exactly, but that was my interpretation of what he asked.

First, let me tell you what I did with my Friday day, besides getting the lovely lady at the service station to make me a hot drink…and besides almost running over H&B on the way home. The rest of my Friday was spent doing the menial tasks of housework and watching some TV that I’d taped the night before….but more importantly I spent the majority of the day squirming because I was hornier than a field full of hornets that have been sprinkled in horny dust! Yesiree, I was aching to get my hands on my 6 foot tall strapping Canadian man…so much so, I would’ve been willing to actually hang from the ceiling in a harness wearing fake angel wings and strumming a harp, to get what I wanted. *slaps hands together* “Please God, just for today, I’ll behave myself and not think about running down cyclists or cultivate new moccachino friendships purely for my own benefit. PLEASE!” *falls to the ground, kissing God’s invisible feet*

Well, my whimpering to the sky didn’t do anything besides get curious looks at me from my children…so I changed my strategy…I was on my own for this it seemed, I would have to be more obvious in my intentions.

My kids exited the house to spend another weekend at their Dad’s. I went back to the computer and pretended I was normal and played Literati (Scrabble) on Yahoo with Walker…biding my time…all the while thinking about when I should strike…I was fortunate with Literati as the letters were almost doing the job for me….I was able to put down words like “pussy, nip, mound, douse, slit” Could I have been any more blatant??

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I went to watch my usual nightly 30 minute drama on the telly, and during the adverts I raced to the bedroom, hooked up the laptop and watched the TV from bed until my programme finished. I then opened Yahoo, stuck on the headset and continued my conversation with Walker. Eventually…after a few choice phrases from me thrown in discreetly, he said the three magic words “Where are you?” (haha, that’s not what you were expecting was it?). “Oh, I’m in the bedroom now” I replied matter of factly. I see his ears prick up (ok, I didn’t see them, but I just knew they had alright??).

There followed the relief/release I’d been craving all day…and 3 “Boo-Yahs” later, I was relaxed, feeling less strung out and we settled down to surf around Blogdom and discuss the rest of you. How do you like that then eh? YOU lot were our post-blah snuggle conversation. Hope that gives you the warm and fuzzies.

This morning I woke up feeling the same way…so, do I really need to tell you that it’s now 10.50am, I’ve been talking to Walker all morning…yet I haven’t set a foot on the floor in my bedroom? Obviously more blahs and “Boo-Yah”s were involved and now I’m sitting up in bed, curtains open, the sun streaming through, and fighting with my laptop keyboard. I’m hoping that he’ll materialise before me…*squeezes eyes shut, fingers crossed*….with a breakfast tray laden with scrumptious food, and wearing nothing but a satisfied smile and the body paint of a hundred tiny rainbows.
Friday, April 22, 2005

Making New Friends

This morning I opened my eyes to a beautiful sunny autumn day here in Wellington. I crawled out of bed, pulled the curtains back...and the sun came streaming through to touch my face and mix it's warmth with the contentment of my soul. Days like this always induce such motivation in me. I have a rather large bedroom window....and at various distances and heights, I have 4 different shaped Austrian crystals hanging along it's frame. This time of year is the best as far as the height of the sun is concerned for my crystals. When I opened the curtains this morning, there were immediately hundreds of tiny rainbows scattered across the interior walls of my bedroom..spilling out into the hallway and across to the walls of the bathroom. All I need to do is spin these crystals and I will fill the room with hundreds of moving rainbows, spraying themselves across my walls....dancing up and down like tiny laughing angels...all wearing a beautiful plethora of colourful costumes.

One such morning...when I'm FULLY awake and ready to take on the world....I shall spin all four of those crystals, crank up some Donna Summer music....and have my very own disco arena...right there in the centre of my bed. AND, I could even grab my hairbrush and sing into it if I'm really of a mind. Sounds cool huh? Well ok, maybe not....a private karaoke disco for one sounds lonely...actually, picturing that, it looks extremely SAD and lonely.

I staggered around amongst these gorgeous colours and got dressed into something that was unworthy of the angel's and their attire. (And yes, I can get dressed with my curtains open...my house is high up enough for noone else to see in...there's no fishbowl syndrome going on here for me.) I left the house to buy some milk...14 has a real thing about milk...he's forever draining the last of the reserves...and never telling me we need more. I drove down to the local service station, which I think is about to become my favourite shops of all time. There behind the counter, is the beautiful Indian lady with her gorgeous accent...and her splendiforous moccachino skills. I asked her if she'd be there on Monday morning. (Monday is 25th April...and here in New Zealand, that is ANZAC day...it's a national holiday...and more importantly, it's a day that we remember the troops that joined forces with Australia and fought in World War 1. Most especially on the beaches of Gallipoli. This day starts off with a dawn parade...a very sad sight to see elderly men, wearing their medals proudly and marching up the main street of town to the war memorial, laying reefs and reciting "In Flanders Fields" and "Lest we forget.."...joined by children and grandchildren of war veterans no longer with us. It's a very moving and emotional sight.)

Anyway (with all due respect to the ANZACs)...I digress...the main reason for me asking this lovely lady about Monday morning, was purely for selfish reasons. Most retail businesses are closed on ANZAC day until at least midday....most, that is, except the bakery that 15 works at. So I shall be up again at 5.30am and driving my son to work...and now that I know she'll be standing guard over her wondrous hissing, spitting and whoooshing coffee machine, I shall call upon her again to buy a hot drink to warm my hands upon that day. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship between me and this lady. One I will nuture and smile upon and be delighted to cultivate over the winter at such early hours of the morning.

I drove back home behind a male cyclist. This chap reminded me of Happy and Blue...I say I drove home "behind" him because he appear to feel that the entire road was there just for him...and should I show some bravado and try getting passed him, there was a strong possibility I might end up mowing him down. The thought that came into my head as I was slowly biding my time, waiting to get around him was..."where are the moose and dead coyotes when ya need them?". Ok, I confess that wasn't the first thought...my immediate thought was "Hey! Nice ass H&B, shame about the knee".
Thursday, April 21, 2005

Anyone wanna swap?

I've been so difficult to deal with lately. I mean...I've been irritable, and kinda argumentative. Not that I'm spoiling for a good fight, but everything seems to bug the shit out of me at the moment. And how many times can a girl use PMS as a reason for being a bitch? Last week while I was busy blubbering in the Principal's office at the school, I figured I must've been pre-menstrual. As shocked as I was by hearing the decision of a suspension for 14, I still feel I've more strength than to break down in front of the college staff.

Anyone who doesn't want to listen about 'period' talk can tune out now, cos I'm going to speak briefly about this. Are they gone?......Ok, on with the subject at hand.

It seems that for the past couple of years my body has been rebelling against it's estrogen content. My periods used to be extremely regular....every month turning up on exactly the right day. Now, well as I mentioned, for the past two years or so...sometimes they turn up...other times they don't bother arriving at all...these times can be 3-4 months apart (sometimes longer)....perhaps they've run off to roll in caramel syrup somewhere...my sweet tooth tends to roar back into life with a huge appetite at this time of the month.

Odd thing is, although they don't actually front up in the way they're supposed to...I still get the PMS symptoms. My back aches...my nay-nays hurt (thank you AmberLynn) to the point where I have to very carefully remove my bra at the end of the day...whipping it off in a hurry and just letting them fall out during this time, often makes me rather religious by exclaiming "Jeeesus, Christ Almighty!" through gritted teeth.... I'm bitchy, irritable and willing to rip the heart out of anyone that disagrees with me...my skin breaks out. The day before it's expected arrival, I'm ready to tear my hair out and climb the walls with lust (course, noone's gonna be willing to help in that department, if I'm looking at their chest, sizing up their heart cavity are they?)....and then...AND THEN...NOTHING!. I feel let down that there is zilch to show for all these body/mood changes. Seems unfair somehow.

Is it my age? I mean, I AM getting older afterall. I'll be 40 in June. is this an early onset of the M word? Or is it just the hormone rebel in me being pissed off at my moods and deciding not to 'turn up for dinner'. I'm sick to death of my fallopian tubes, ovaries and eggs playing tricks on me. Anyone wanna take them off my hands? I'm willing to give them up for a single-levelled 5 bedroom home with double garage (internal access of course)...large rumpus room and full view of the harbour.

Or maybe....just maybe... all I need is a really good "blah blah" session to smooth the ruffled feathers and relax my sorry arse. *sigh*
Wednesday, April 20, 2005

The Carnival

I took the boys to a carnival on Saturday night. It was an afterthought actually. One of my good friend's daughters was part of the singing entertainment that evening, and she'd (the daughter) rang me on Saturday to ask what I was up to that evening *hint hint* I always like to be at one of her performances. She's only 16, but has the voice of an angel and I hate missing out on her singing. The very first time I heard her, she was singing at the College Music Festival...she sang "Angel" by Sarah McLaughlan...sitting next to me was her mother, who sobbed so loudly through the entire performance, I would've been surprised if she'd actually heard her daughter singing at all. Anyway Jess rang me that afternoon to drum up some more audience for herself...apparently the night before she'd sung to a crowd of 6 people. 6! This carnival is only around for part of the school break, and it being the first night (and fairly chilly at that) I suspect most people hadn't realised it had started yet, and those that knew, couldn't be bothered leaving their warm homes for it.

Anyway, taking into consideration some of the drama we've had this week, I decided the boys and i could do with an evening of fine entertainment and relaxation. We dressed warmly and headed out of the house for some fun. Quite frankly, after the thoroughly enjoyable concert of watching Jess in action, I became extremely bored. Maybe it's my age. The boys seem to enjoy it.

15 spent a fair amount of money on the rifle stall (actually they were machine guns apparently). He seemed to rather like the idea of shooting things (should I be worried?). Never won anything though.

We had a lengthy conversation in front of the ticket booth. I needed to know what rides the kids wanted to go on, before I got upto the window obviously. Both kids wanted to scrutinise these rides in action before they stepped onto any contraption that was going to throw them around. Fair enough. I can understand that...Besides a couple of very lame, slow moving carousel things, I don't have the stomach for having my body flung about at g-force speed. All that does for me is make me hurl my stomach contents into the air. Which brought up my next statement. "Would you two please hurry up and make some decisions??!...because I'm not going to be forking out money for anything you wish to eat, until AFTER you've had your fill of showground rides." (I am nothing, if not practical about such matters.)

Years ago, when there was just me and the boyfriend (the one I eventually married)...this exact same carnival was operating way back then too...and I spent my time standing around watching HIM go on whatever his adrenalin junkie body felt the need to be part of. Sooo, keeping this experience in mind, the boys and I wandered about looking at the various rides. This 'wandering' was dotted with little bits of information from the past that I dropped in to help them make their decisions.

"I sat here and watched someone stagger off this ride and barf on the ground at my feet" (they opted to leave that ride out)

"I watched the expression on your father's face change while he was on this one....someone hurled while they were almost hanging upside down, and the momentum of the ride threw the vomit back over the people behind them" (another ride they chose not to get on)

(I wish I'd learn to shut up sometimes)

Eventually, they made some decisions, I got to buy the tickets and go through deja vu by standing at the bottom of these rides and watch my children get flung about. There was no hurling involved, the kids had huge grins on their faces during the rides, and finally they got to eat.

The pants I'd chosen to wear that night, kept slipping down on me to the point where I was continually having to hike them up or trip over them....this was making me irritable. I'd already stood on the cuffs of them so many times i wanted to find a pair of scissors and turn them into shorts. In retrospect, I guess I should be pleased they were having trouble fitting...WW would've been proud of me.

Irritable or not...the pants and the cold weather and the indecisive children aside...it was worth it to watch them both laughing so hard and forgetting about the rest of the world for a few short moments. And THAT was what it was all about for me....mission accomplished.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Advice for a Friend Please

This young lady is a very special reader of mine. In fact she is the one and only blogger who ever used to comment on my blog months ago when I first started writing.

During the ups and downs of my rollercoaster ride of personal international espionage (not really, but felt like it at the time lol), Bella was there to offer me a shoulder...she's given me her thoughts on what I was going through...and through it all, I felt incredibly grateful that she was listening to me and understanding my situation. Noone would ever know this now, because when I was fussing around installing Haloscan, all the Blogger commenting disappeared and I can't be arsed figuring out how to get them back (although I did try messing around with it for a while, because my situation did change for the better, I chose to leave it be and put that chapter to rest).

Here's her story in a nutshell (as I see it): Bella situation is very similar to mine. Her man lives in another country. The US to be exact. Just recently (February) she went to visit Nick and meet him for the first time. Besides a couple of hiccups (expected and unexpected ones), everything went extremely well, and now they are both saving up madly to be together. Nick is winging his way to Australia sometime near the end of this year, and he will spending 6-9 months living with her. This is a great idea...this will give them time to see how each other lives in the 'real' world. Mainly Bella's real world of course, because during that time, she will continue working....Nick won't be able to work, in fact he will have to leave Australia after 3 months briefly (possibly a quick trip to NZ), so that he can enter Aus again and spend another 3 months there...then doing the same thing again. Once they are completely comfortable with 'living' together, they plan to get engaged and he will go home to the US, tidy up some loose ends, and enter Australia on a fiancee visa...this will allow him to become employed. (This is a very brief outline of course...just trying to give you some background on her situation.)

Today Bella is feeling upset and angry. One of her long standing friends is questioning the viability of this. Bella's friend is asking what Nick is going to do during 8-5 while she's working, or any other time Bella has a commitment out of the house. Bella is being made to explain herself yet again (as if having an boyfriend overseas, that you met on the internet, doesn't get enough weird looks and questions asked.) Her friend is saying that she feels that Nick will eventually be very unhappy and relations could become strained between them, if he starts feeling like a 'kept' man for that length of time.

I feel the need to bring this up on my post today, because she's asking the blogging community to give her advice. So, if you could be so kind...please go and read her latest post....give her your honest opinion as to your thoughts on the matter....but be warned...although she is trying to do the 'counting first' thing before she reacts...she's not got it completely under control yet (something us fiery women are always going to have problems with I suspect lol)....but I know she will read and consider anything and everything you offer her.

Bella, I apologise for taking the liberty of going ahead and doing this without your consent. Feel free to smack me when you and Nick visit New Zealand sometime.

Monday, Monday...

It's been one week since a few things turned upside down in this house. Last Monday, we found out 15's boss had died tragically in a car accident and that my youngest son had been misbehaving at school to the point I was called in to see the principal on the Tuesday morning. He was suspended.

Yesterday was the funeral. It was held at the Town Hall in central Wellington and because 15 wanted to attend, then of course I didn't want to stop him. I arranged for someone else to cover my shift so he wouldn't have to go alone. It was a lovely service. The Town Hall was jam-packed with people who loved and respected this man and his family. The pallbearers carried his coffin out of the auditorium to Elton John's "Yellow Brick Road". That's when I shed some tears. 15 looked sideways at me...you'd think he'd be used to me crying by now. 15 was strong, he didn't cry (although he told me later that he felt bad that he didn't, and wondered if there was something wrong with him). He did however, go through that awkward shuffling thing, about going upto the oldest son (21) to shake his hand and say how sorry he was for his loss. But he did it. I was proud of him.

At 5 o'clock the same evening, we met with the School Board of Trustees. My ex-husband, my two sons, myself and the guidance counsellor. The school read their report out, and the Board asked a few questions and had their say. When we got to say our bit, my ex-husband launched into how inaccurate the school incident report was, and how he felt the Principal had embellished the situations outlined in it...eventually I staid him by putting my hand on his arm. We were not there to point the finger at the school...we were there to put forward our case as to why they should allow 14 to continue attending this College. 14 wanted to stay...and WE wanted him to stay. His guidance counsellor was wonderful...by the time he'd finished having his say I could feel the atmosphere in the room relax.

The outcome was in our favour thank goodness. 14 is allowed to remain attending this college with the proviso that he's to continue seeing the guidance counsellor (who is feeling very positive about the progress being made)...he's to apologise to the Deputy Principal for telling her to "get stuffed" and should these Board members ever see him before them again, they say, their hands will be tied and he will no longer be welcome. In other's words, he'd be out faster than you can say "Jack Robinson". Obviously we are putting strategies in place, with the help of his guidance counsellor, to avoid this happening in the future.

I'm tired...it's been a harrowing 7 days and I'm exhausted....we all are. 14 is feeling extremely humbled by the support and love he's finally recognised in the rest of his family...and he was extremely thankful to the Board for listening to him and allowing him to stay at the school. I was very proud of how he handled this situation. He was remorseful and apologetic, and didn't fall to pieces during the hearing.

Once again I thank those of my blogger friends that gave me the support during this, it was a huge help. Thanks also to Canada (Walker) for listening to me endlessly about it, and putting up with the tears and frustration I lay upon him. Canada, Walker, Canada, Walker...I never know what to call you in my posts these days! Thanks honey.

***

If I surprised anyone with my post yesterday...well more to the point, the "100 things about me" numbered 75-95, all I can say is I wanted to do something completely different, and by having to think about those particular numbers it stopped me from thinking about the rest of the drama that is currently in my life. I make no apologies, afterall it still fits in with the title, and what I wrote was true enough...but I will go so far as to add one more to the list;

101. I have more balls (or stupidity) than I actually realised. (Who Knew??)
Monday, April 18, 2005

100 Things About Me (The Finale)

And now for some juicy personal bits about me;

75. I've shaved my pubic region once, and due to the itching it caused afterwards, I shall never do it again. I don't want to be hearing about all the creams or potions I could use to stop the itching...I'm just never going to do it again. It was an itchy nuisance.

76. I love to talk dirty during sex. It turns me on more.

77. Hearing the f and c words during sex talk makes me hornier. (Geesh, get me, I can't even type them out in full here, hence the "blah blah blah" in previous posts lol)

78. I've always been self-conscious of my body, especially when getting naked. Yet, once the first kiss happens, I completely forget about the scary naked bit and am totally involved with what I'm feeling and what I'm doing to make my partner feel good.

79. I'm a noisy kinda girl in the sack. Even biting the pillow doesn't tend to muffle me enough. (eg 14 coming knocking on my bedroom door a few years ago..entering and saying in an exasperated tone "Do you mind Mum? I'm trying to get some sleep!". This is about the time I realised my kids were getting older and not sleeping like the rocks they used to.)

80. I love the feel of fresh sheets against my newly shaved legs.

81. Somehow I've managed to break 3 vibrators. Don't ask me how, it's not like I'm throwing them around the room or anything, is it?

82. My boyfriend mailed me a 'rabbit' vibrator and it's tucked away in the closet at the moment....it's never been used yet.

83. I have some 'WomanZone' cream in the bedside drawer that's supposed to enhance orgasm. It's herbal. Never worked for me...I never noticed any difference. Fine print says "for best results, keep rubbing" duh!

84. I've never used chocolate body paint as part of sex play...although I do like the thought of licking strawberry yoghurt off my man's 'bits'. Never being a huge chocoholic, I reckon it would be too sweet and I'd feel ill part way through. Not a good look.

85. Obviously, in my relationship situation, I'm a firm believer in phone/headset sex.

86. I have never needed the use of lubricant (yet). "You're actually dripping down my arm" unquote.

87. The oddest place I've had sex is in the last carriage of a train. Straddling his lap, facing him.

88. I seem to be obssessed with my own breasts at times..how they feel, how they respond etc. (Sad, sad, SAD!)

89. I used to play backgammon against my husband in bed. If he won, we had sex...if I won, I got to go to sleep. I became an accomplished backgammon player.

90. I've ended up on the floor at the foot of my PC during a particularly steamy cyber-sex chat with my boyfriend a couple of times. (No time to move to the laptop and bedroom, no kids at home, so why bother cutting the mood to move...easier to slip off my chair onto the floor if I want to lol)

91. All my nightwear is satin. Oh, except one...I have a two piece cotton pants thingy that my boyfriend loves because the top is too big and things have been known to fall out of it at opportune times for him. (He doesn't realise it's too big on purpose hahaha j/k but way cool bonus for both of us lol).

92. I loved hearing my boyfriend's deep throaty growl when I've dug my fingernails into his back or bitten his nipples.

93. I love giving head.

94. I can't always stay 'on top' for too long because my gammy knee starts to ache and cramp (damn damn DAMN!) I eventually figured this out by straightening that leg...so I'd end up with one foot pointing to his head, the other pointing to his feet.

95. I love the smell of a bedroom after a good romping sex session.

Now, back to my regular programme, so you don't think I'm completely obssessed with sex;

96. I have a non-convulsing type of epilepsy and take 800 mg of Tegretol every day to control seizures.

97. I have to take medication each day to keep my blood pressure in the normal range.

98. My real name is interpreted in the 'Baby Name' book as "honey bee".

99. I use the first 3 letters of each of my boys names together as my password a lot of the time.

100. I love my children, my boyfriend, my family and my life.
Sunday, April 17, 2005

100 Things About Me (Part 3)

Ok, here's my next instalment of 25. I'm slowly getting there.

51. My favourite alcoholic drink is Jim Beam bourbon and diet coke (although I'm also partial to butterscotch ripple, chocolate martinis and strawberry dacquaeries).

52. Favourite pizza topping is chicken, camenbert cheese and cranberry sauce. My second favourite is seafood; mussels, crabmeat, shrimps etc.

53. I've never been arrested.

54. I worked selling hot dogs at the circus when I was 13.

55. I've been to only 3 open-air concerts in my life; two were Dire Straits, the other one was Eurythmics.

56. My wedding dress went into a goodwill bin a couple of years after my husband and I separated.

57. I used to have a bumblebees nest in the wall of the flat downstairs. When the boys were little, we used to sit on the steps and watch the bees go about their work. It was fascinating to watch them fly out at a great speed, to come back a little later, laiden down with pollen, flying slower and wobbling around in the air under their burdens. I eventually had to lay down poison...the tenant at the time was starting to freak out at finding them floating in the bath she'd run at night....or open the back door and feel they were flying straight at her.

58. I hate seeing people chewing gum with their mouths open.

59. I can't stand noisy eaters and/or those that eat with their mouths open.

60. I've never been tied up.

61. Although I used to be scared of spiders, it appears I'm now the Bug Sheriff in this house. Neither of my boys are happy about creepy crawlies at all, so it's always left up to me to 'remove' such beasties from their rooms.

62. I started my very first patchwork quilt project over 3 years ago. It's a queen sized quilt and it's still unfinished. In fact I've often slept with it on my bed... and it still has over 200 safety pins holding it's 3 layers together. (I really must do something about that!)

63. I took a Gondola ride up Grouse Mountain and had dinner at the restaurant at the top. It was a beautiful sight looking out over the lights of Vancouver City.

64. I don't have any tattoos. I have toyed with the idea of getting a VERY small one on the inside of my left bicep. Too small for anyone else to see easily, but something I can see whenever I wanted. It would have to be something that had some meaning for me to do it.

65. The only piercings I have are one in each earlobe.

66. My favourite TV programmes are ER and Third Watch.

67. I get seasick, air-sick and used to get terribly car-sick as a child. (Although thinking back about the car-sick thing now, I wonder if it was my father's driving).

68. I threw up on my 4 year old brother in the car, during a family outting to go strawberry picking one weekend. He never came near me the rest of that day.

69. My favourite movie is "Field of Dreams". There are some beautiful, poetic one-liners in this movie, and it always gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling of hope after I've finished watching it. Such a feel good movie.

70. I hate brussell sprouts, but I've never tasted one. They look like tiny condensed cabbages...cabbage not being one of my most favourite veges either.

71. I make the best kick ass vegetarian lasagne on the face of the earth. Well, ok, that's an exaggeration, but people always love it and ask for the recipe. It's excellent.

72. I kept a prisoner 'company' for 9 months by writing to him in jail. I kinda ended up becoming his surrogate mother until I told him 'enough is enough'.

73. My mother and father worry constantly about me because they seem to feel I can't cope being a single mother with two teenagers. Both my parents loved my ex-husband, but after we split up and the boys and I had taken a trip down south to visit them, I asked if I could take back a jar of homemade relish that my ex adored and my mother responded with "No! I'm not giving any to HIM" *sigh*

74. Before the wedding, we had a constant headache with the seating plan due to my ex's family, mainly because there's so many of them, and the weekend prior to our wedding day, one of the sisters had been pounding her older sister's head against the sidewalk. It was a nightmare trying to find the right seating arrangements alongside those that were still talking to each other etc.

75. I walked down the aisle to the "Trumpet Voluntary".

Only 25 more to go...yayyy!
Saturday, April 16, 2005

Early Morning

My best friend rang this morning...to tell me that my 5 year old godson has apparently being going next door each morning before 830 to say hi to the neighbours. She found this out whilst taking her older son to soccer today...the neighbour came over and said to her son "Hello, Master Dynamo, as much as I enjoy seeing you, would you mind not making it at 8.15am?

This reminded me of years ago when my two were toddlers. Our next door neighbours had two daughters that were about 8 and 10 years older than my sons. These four kids used to play together a lot and so the neighbours house became my boys' home away from home. I never realised just how comfortable my kids were next door, until my neighbour (Gail) told me that 15 was a regular visitor over there in the morning after her husband had left for work. Her hubby is a truck mechanic and leaves for work at 6am every morning (bugger that)....Gail was starting to get a little peeved at opening her eyes at 6.15 in the morning to 15 and his loud and cheery "HELLO GAIL!". He was 4 at the time.

Once 14 found his feet, he was waddling next door just as much, but I had restrained them from getting out of the house, giving Gail plenty of time to wake up properly. Gail rings me one afternoon to say "I think 14 is hungry"...."Oh?"...."Yes, he's just put bread in the toaster". I was embarrassed to find that my two had no qualms at all about going into the fridge or cupboards next door. They knew they were supposed to ask for anything they wanted. They still do it here at home. There's been a bar of chocolate sitting on our breakfast bar here for the past 2 weeks...neither of them have touched it.

I'm off to Jaimee's 1st birthday shortly (I was going to attempt to post a pic of her, but my brain is slowly down quickly). I am sooo not wanting to be moving anywhere now. This is what happens when I get up at 5.30am to take 15 to the bakery, and then not climb back into bed. STUPID WOMAN! I feel I'm wilting at a great rate of knots....be a puddle on the floor soon.

I drove 15 to work, then stopped into the local service station where they've just started up a new cafe...and I had such a craving for a Moccachino, I just had to stop in there. The lovely indian woman behind the counter was so happy to see me at 6am, she was chatty and smiley and called me Darling. Was a nice way to start off my day. These days when I order a mocca, I rattle off "One large, skim milk, moccachino, half-strength coffee, no marshmallows please"....I couldn't bring myself to say that today...fuck sake, I was still half asleep anyway. So I came home with my full fat milk, super strength coffee and sat here and read and commented on as many blogs as my eyes would allow me to focus on.

Prior to 15 going to work this morning...he came into the lounge to inform me "I think I've just broken the toilet seat". I had heard a loud "clunk" earlier, and not thought much of it...figured the cat had exited the laundry via the window.

So, after I finished my coffee...and commented around blogger....I clipped my hair back, slipped the rubber gloves on, and went to do battle with the toilet seat. I kinda like doing the occasional bit of DIY stuff. Anyway...20 minutes into this expedition I was on my knees swearing...worrying about breaking a finger nail (yeah yeah, I can be such a girlie girl at times)...and sweat was getting in my eyes....BUT...I won. Ha haaaaaaaaaa! Take THAT you wretched toilet seat!!
Friday, April 15, 2005

Family Matters

Just as I was in the lovely stage of drifting into dreamland last night...I hear 14's bedroom door open and the sound of his familiar steps down the hallway...they stopped outside my door. I shook myself to full alerness.

"Something wrong Honey?"

"Mum? What's that shaking?....the house is kinda shaking"

Our house is built on a slight hill...half of the house is built on solid ground...the front end is held up by stilts...well kinda, there's the flat and the garage that the front end is sitting on too...anyway, I digress....14's bedroom is at the front end of the house, and directly above the bedroom of the newly married tenants below *cough*

"Oh"....(I turned back the covers of the bed)..."Come hop in here beside me and I'll explain that to you" Anything to have a warm cuddly male body in bed with me...desperate sad woman that I am.

We had a quick chat about nothing that I can remember right now...then he asks again "So, what IS that shaking then?"..."Oh right, well that'll be the couple downstairs in bed"..."Huh?"...."You know...that's the tenants making love...it can shake the house a little sometimes"...."Oh" he laughs embarrassed.

*Rewind back several hours to earlier in the evening*

I received the letter from the school yesterday. It outlined the details of 14's suspension, and attached to it was a copy of the Incident Report that the Principal will be tabling at the board meeting next Monday night. When 15 came home from school, the two of us started discussing what was written in this report. 15 came out with a string of thoughts and reasons...he'd obviously been thinking about it over the past couple of days...so I asked him if he could sit down and write some of the things he'd just mentioned. "I won't write it...I'll just type it down for you"....I gave him the report to take into the privacy of his bedroom and he dissected that report, sentence by sentence...and came back with a fully typed report of his own...it was almost 2 pages long.

Here's a few of the paragraphs he'd written:

"This report says 'Despite interventions such as stand down, guidance from the Dean, and guidance from the Counsellor...'. While the stand down is relevant, we were not informed of any guidance given by the Dean. It is not even stated in this report. On top of that, we were not informed that 14 had already had an appointment with the counsellor prior to this stand down. To wait until now to tell us about all of these incidents and of the interventions involved is very irresponsible. Was 14 ever punished for any of the less explained situations? If so, why weren't we informed? And if not, why was it deemed not important enough? Does that make it important enough to present now, even though no action was taken against it?
Was the failure to inform us sloppy behaviour on the school's part? Or did they not believe it was their responsibility?"

14 did not threaten to kill Mr Blah. He did not say 'I'll kill you' in anyway, he said, 'I wouldn't care if I killed you'. Both 14 and Mr Blah confirm this. In the immediate situation, it may sound as if he threatened it, but he didn't. The way it was worded is a harsher way of saying 'I couldn't care any less about your life'. This would have been how it sounded to 14 as well. Regardless of the fact it is still disrespect, it shows the incorrectness of this line, and adds to the idea that this incident report is seemingly vague and possibly incorrect.

We have been informed of the reasons that a student can be stood down due to Section 14(1b) of the Education Act of 1989. One is if behaviour or disobedience is a harmful or dangerous example to other students at the school. The other is based on behaviour being a danger to anyone. The second one is irrelevant. 14 has not been violent or harmful to anyone so far. Witness students during Mr Blah's class say the chair caught on his foot as he stomped out of the classroom, and he did not deliberately kick it over, so there is nothing in this incident report branding him as a physical danger. The first reason is more valid, since the reason for this meeting is 14's continual disobedience. However, he hasn't often been disobedient in front of students, only in private talks, so how can it be an example to them?"

*Forward fast back to the pillow talk*

I eventually asked 14 how he was feeling about this coming Monday and the School Board meeting. "I'm really scared about it". The next 90 minutes of conversation involved his changes of behaviour, how he could help himself by recognising the triggers for his outbursts etc. This whole chat warmed my heart...it's the first time in a very long time that 14 has opened up and fully expressed himself to me. I mentioned how like his father he was...in a positive way of course....he kinda laughed at that.

"Don't you like being like your Dad?"

"Oh I do, but I'm not like him" then he quietly added..."I would love to be like him"

(This made my stomach knot when I thought about my ex and his alcohol consumption..nah, just kiddin, I knew that's not what he meant, but I wanted him to keep talking)

"Is there anything in particular about your Dad that you'd love to 'be like him'?"

"His intelligence"

"His sense of humour"

"His bravery...he's always very brave".

I was able to make comparisons and give situations from 14's past, to back up those three statements he made about his Dad. I was able to prove to 14 just how like his father he really was. I made him realise, that not only does he look so much like his father...but he also thinks like him...14 and his Dad are very alike in so many ways....I just don't think he ever saw how much before.

Earlier that evening, I had given him the 'report' that 15 had written in his defense. 14 was completely blown away by what his older brother had said....he was stunned that his brother had taken the time out to think about his situation and write down in such a frenzy how he felt about it. And he was touched emotionally, that his brother would step up to the plate and do his damndest to 'save' him.

This experience has been a real eye opener for me....I mean, I always knew how strong the bond was between my offspring...but I never realised that despite that bond, my youngest son has obviously felt like he was standing on an island alone. Having the support of his brother and father, who are both making it obvious that they're willing to fight and crush anyone or anything that could stand in the way of a healthy future for 14... has made him feel loved and wanted and 'accepted' as one of them.

This has been a negative and stressful time for all concerned, but I can see a positive light at the end of the tunnel for sure. Because even if 14 is "permanently excluded" from this particular college next Monday....I do believe he's finally starting to feel a part of this family. And isn't it interesting...speaking from a mother's point of view...no matter how much we love our children, and show that love in so many ways...they can still have so many stumbling blocks to get over, to make them feel accepted as one of the family 'in crowd'.
Thursday, April 14, 2005

100 Things About Me (Part 2)

For want of a better post, I shall continue my "100 things" list. Don't forget, these are in no particular order. Soooo, let's get on with it:

25. My father's hair is completely white now. He's 71 years old.

26. I have been going prematurely grey/white for the past 10 years, and have to dye my roots at least every six weeks. This sucks on a financial basis. But sucks more for me, cos I feel like shit if everyone can see obvious root growth lol.

27. I drive a 1999 Ford Laser XLR automatic hatchback.

28. My very first car was a dirty white Honda Accord.

29. My best subject at school was Shorthand Typing.

30. I was 'let go' (aka fired) from my first job as Engineering Secretary after 2 years...they felt I wasn't coping with the work load very well....three people were employed to replace me. Bastards!

31. My favourite colours are yellow (because it's bright and sunny), black (because I like the slimming effect it gives me) and white (because I look so good in it lol)

32. I'm a push-over as a landlady. My tenant's are terrible at taking advantage of me because I let them.

33. I hate doing dishes..so I have a dishwasher. Now I hate having to rinse dishes and stack the dishwasher.

34. 14 has two jobs: to empty the dishwasher and feed the cat.

35. 15 does anything else his mother asks of him (including bregrudgingly dying her roots and painting her toenails on occasion). He's become the 'man' about the house.

36. My children's eyes glaze over as I lecture them on the values of life.

37. I'm a shocking procrastinator.

38. I tend to repeat myself a lot.

38. I tend to repeat myself a lot.

39. When I'm faced with adversity, I need time to block it out for a few hours, before I go back to it and rethink the situation...then I feel ready to do what needs to be done.

40. I'm great in times when other people are having a crisis. I do what's needed...then I fall to pieces after all's been sorted.

41. As much as I'm good at hiding how I feel...and making my facial expressions stay neutral...those that know me well can read my face like a book.

42. I hate feeling out of control.

43. I'm extremely organised in every aspect of life except my housework.

44. I loathe housework with a passion.

45. I like to think I'm a passionate woman who speak her mind.

46. I often hear my mother or father's voice coming out of my mouth, directed at my sons.

47. I was secretary of the local softball club for 6 years. I stood down this past season.

48. I don't like earthquakes.

49. Any time I hear sirens, I immediately take stock of where my children are.

50. I love feeling green grass against my bare feet. It helps me relax.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005

On Second Thought...

This morning I feel differently about yesterday, thanks to your comments and Walker's post for today.

Last night while I was at work, and as I was thinking about the post I made earlier in the day, I was embarrassed about how dramatic I became on this issue.

Today I feel stronger and ready to handle the situation. Yesterday I was a crying, vulnerable mess of a woman. I hate feeling vulnerable and insecure...and most of all I hate doubting my ability to raise my children. Fuck it, I'm a damn good mother. I've done the best I can under any given situation over the years. And Kurt you're right...my ex-husband and I were in an unhappy marriage...and once I'd spoken to him about separation and he moved out of the house...there was a noticeable sigh of relief from everyone, that it was over. Prior to that the tension was incredible. I was hoping that my kids were old enough by then to understand once I'd explained the situation to them.

I know there are always going to be ups and downs as my children find their feet and spread their wings in this world.

I think that maybe the reason I fell off the edge of "happy happy joy joy" motherhood yesterday is because I couldn't control what happened or what's going to happen. Someone else is now making a decision for what's going to happen to 14 as far as his education is concerned, and I don't like it one bit I don't have a lot of say in that decision at all, and it sucks. I do however get the opportunity to fight for what 14 wants, for what I want...and I know his father will do the same.

Whatever the outcome, we'll cope with it. We've coped with pitfalls before, not to the same extent, but we always do. We have no choice but to deal with circumstances that arise.

Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement and support regarding yesterday's post. I apologise for being such a snivelling, unravelled being and should there ever be a next time, which I'm sure there's going to be at some stage on this rocky road of motherhood...perhaps I should just throw myself on the bed and scream into the pillow instead.

Soooo, today I'm feeling ready to continue supporting my son by digging my cleats in, raising my shoulder and meeting the school Board for a head on collision at home plate.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
14 was suspended from school today. Next week he has to go before the Board of Trustees and give them some good reasons for why they should allow him to remain at that school. The Principal has taken this route because he feels that the school staff can no longer keep 14's manner and temper under control...and by losing that control over one of their students...it can impact on the others.

I sat in the Principal's office today and listened to the Principal read out a list of things my son has done over the past 16 months. He's told one teacher to piss off...called another an arsehole...threw a chair across the room...(there's a couple more to add to this list, but they escape my mind right now)...recently he threatened his math teacher...and yesterday told the Deputy Principal to get stuffed.

Looking back over these 'charges', it seems to me that 14 has only ever taken his anger and frustration out on adults. For the past few years, I've occasionally heard him tell me he doesn't trust adults. This apparently includes his father and myself. He doesn't like being talked about behind his back by anyone. If he knew I was writing about him on here he'd flip.

In some ways I feel the school have been unfair on him. He hasn't physically hurt anybody. There are other students that get into fist fights and who I've heard yell at the teachers....course, I don't know what their repercussions have been if any, but going by today's events, I would say there must've been repercussions.

Should the Board of Trustees decide next Monday night, that 14 is no longer to remain a student at this college, then he will be expelled. "Permanent Exclusion" is the official term. The school counsellor is kindly going to be part of 14's support group at this meeting...as are his father and I. The Principal will be cutting his break short and driving back from way up north to attend these proceedings.

This whole business is weighing on my shoulders like a murder trial verdict. I think I'm pre-menstrual, and over reacting. I cried when the Principal gave his verdict in the office...I cried over the phone to 14's father when I rang to fill him in on what had happened....I cried over the headset to Canada. I'm not sure this has warranted so much crying. I surely must be pre-menstrual.

I need to get to the bottom line as to why my son keeps doing this. Why does he keep rebelling against authority and disrespecting his teachers in such a way. Why is it always adults that he does this to? Is it because he knows they won't/can't strike back? Is it because, God forbid, sometime years ago someone actually did something to him that he refuses to talk about or tell anyone?

I've sat here for the past two hours, messing around the house, moving things from one room to the next...not really being a part of what I'm doing...and thinking that I must've done something to cause this behaviour. What did I do, or didn't do, that has my youngest child acting in such a way? His older brother is so different in comparison. I don't have these problems with him at all. If 15 feels he's been wronged he will stand his ground and discuss with the teacher why...until the matter is resolved...14 doesn't give anyone a chance to even see the mood change in him...he's hit the ceiling before you've blinked.

If I was on that Board of Trustees, I don't know if I'd want to have a student like 14 being part of my son's or daughter's class. How are the rest of the students supposed to continue learning if one of them is disrupting the class in such a way? If he's expelled from this school next week, his father and I will need to find another for him to attend. And any other school in the area doesn't HAVE to take him. They could easily turn him down after viewing his past history. Sending him away to Boarding School would become an option if the local public schools won't have him.

I don't want my son living somewhere else. And what purpose will it serve if he's living out of the house anyway? Until we get to the bottom of this and find out WHY he keeps letting off steam in this way...it's not going to make any difference if he's at a school near home, or somewhere up north is it? I need to find out why this is keeps happening.

I feel exhausted thinking about this. I can't talk about it anymore....I don't want to talk about it anymore...I don't want to talk to anyone right now...I just can't seem to think or say anything about it that doesn't have me dissolving in tears. As his mother, and main caregiver, I am feeling so responsible for this. And although I know it's not about me...and that we need to work on 14 and what's going on in his head...I still feel that perhaps this is something I started. He used to be such a sunny, happy child...always. With 15 being the deep worrier, old man that he's always been....and the problems I was having with their father....at the time, 14 was the one bright ray of sunshine in my life. Then I went ahead and separated from his father. And that's back as far as I can pinpoint his mood swing changes. He was never like this before...NEVER.

I think this is my doing...and for the love of God, I just don't know how I'm going to fix it.

100 Things About Me (Part 1)

I'm going to attempt to do my '100 things about Me' in 4 lots of 25. So, without further ado, and in no particular order (but as they spring to mind)...let me begin:

1. I come from a family of 6. Four children, two parents. I come in second. Two sisters, and my brother is the baby of the family.

2. I'm the only child that was planned. Which could have me thinking I'm "the Chosen One". When I went through my teens, my father continued to called me "the good one"

3. I used to do a lot of singing on stage up to the age of 16. Came first in many talent quests and competitions and have sung on tv once.

4. I started smoking at the age of 18 and ruined my singing career (haha), so now I only sing in the shower.

5. I'm made up of all the colours of the rainbow. Nah...I'm half polynesian islander, my father is a full blooded Nuie island boy...my mother is part German, English and Welsh. (I always wondered how my grandparents got together during those years.)

6. I have two godsons. One is 17 and now lives up north...the other recently turned 5..started school...and in his first week was scolded twice for swearing and once for spitting in the library *sigh*

7. My mother was an animal junkie, so I grew up with lots of pets...cats, dogs, a horse, an aviary each of cockatiels and budgerigars...a hen house of bantam, little egg laying chickens...mohair guinea pigs (which my mother decided to breed, briefly, and the whole of the neighbourhood kids watched the birth of tiny ratlike looking beings).

8. My older sister ran away from home...and I helped her by packing some clothes for her.

9. My brother is a police officer, now working for the Sydney Police Force.

10. I have two teenage sons...one that looks like me...one that looks like his Dad...seems fair.

11. I've been pregnant four times. (One day when I have the strength to elaborate about this without any anger and tears, I may even blog about it....I won't hold my breath on that)

12. I had 22 driving lessons before I finally past my test and acquired my license. (Yep, it's not a typo, I really said 22)

13. I own a house that has a two bedroom self-contained flat/apartment below it. My house is starting to fall down around me...Idon't have the funds to fix it up. I want to sell but I rely on the income from my tenants.

14. I've been out of the country only once so far...Vegas, Vancouver, Power River, Ottawa.

15. My boyfriend lives in Canada.

16. My birthday is 22 June, and I'll be turning 40 this year.

17. I have a scar on my inside right thigh, when a bike I was sitting on the back of collided with a hedge and a screw went through my thigh.

18. I have a scar on my left thigh from running away from a boy when I was 8...jumping over a fence...and a stray piece of fence wire went through my thigh.

19. My first godson was born on 6th August...I met my husband-to-be on the 6th of August, and our divorce was official exactly 21 years later...on the 6th of August. We went out for lunch that day.

20. My second godson was born on the 29th of March, and is an independent stick of dynamite.

21. I have a bum left knee...injured in a game of softball by having a whole lotta woman throw herself at me to avoid getting out on 3rd base. I hit the ground...swore very loudly...got carried off the field, so they could continue the game....and ended up in hospital for 5 hours waiting for someone to see me (translates to; perving at doctors and orderlies for 5 hours).

22. The bone in my right thumb appears to be permanently bruised from when I was team catcher and kept catching the pitches in the palm of my mitt as opposed to the 'pocket'.

23. I've never hit a home run.

24. My bra size is 40DD (scraping the bottom of the 100 things barrel here).

25. We have a cat who is going to be 11 this year and if she's locked in the house for too long, she will crap in the bath or behind the laundry door (scraping around further inthe bottom of the 100 things barrel.)

Considering this became rather brain-hurty by the end of it, I do hope I'm able to think of another 75 things over the next little while. Suffice to say, my next list of 25 will not be tomorrow lol.
Monday, April 11, 2005

My Monday Morning

Where do I start?

Very busy at work this morning. That's no unsual, especially for a Monday morning. As you will see, I'm not swearing in this post, so it can't have been as bad as Friday afternoon.

I had a lady caller later in the morning...she was quite upset because she'd been to see a specialist earlier today and found out she had a cyst growing on one of her ovaries. If that wasn't enough, the specialist then told her they were going to have to remove her uterus. "I'm 40 years old and I don't have any children yet...at the time I went numb and I couldn't think properly....now I've had time to think about things, I have lots of questions I want to ask. Is there any way you can fit me in to see my doctor today so I can get some answers, or perhaps another option?". I really felt for this lady, what a shock to start her week off with. I'm not ready to have any more children myself...in fact I feel I'm completely over that hurdle...besides I don't believe my body would cope with another at my age...but to have that taken away from me without any other option? I'd be gutted. Eventually we decided we'd wait until the report came through from her specialist. Until our doctor had read that report, anything that he was going to tell her would've been based on speculation. I actually ended up ringing the hospital to try and hurry this report along...if we got it earlier then at least we'd be able to answer some of the patient's questions. Unfortunately the hospital system can be awfully slow in this respect, so no report was forthcoming.

Bad news for 15 today. His boss at the bakery died in a car accident on Saturday. I heard the news from one of the nurses at work...and I immediately rang the College to get hold of 15...apparently it had been broadcast on the radio this morning. I was expecting that one of his school mates had already told him...and I wanted to know how he was coping with it. I spent a good part of this morning holding back tears....I didn't know this man, but I knew what he meant to my son...I went through my morning smiling at patients, but my heart aching to be with my son. As it turned out, he didn't know....not until he turned up here at home and I spoke to him. He's understandably upset. He talked alot about his Boss and the type of man he was, and he spoke about this man's family and how much he felt for the two sons that he'd come to know so well. The oldest son had hired 15...the younger one was quite a bit younger (approx 10)....and each time he came into the bakery, he followed 15 around like a puppy dog....15 said he reckoned this youngster followed him around so much because he was the closest one to his age that worked there.

30 minutes after getting in the door after work...I got a phone call from the Deputy Principal at the college....I thought she was ringing me about 15, to let me know how he was doing. But nope...she was ringing about 14. Apparently, he'd had another 'incident' in class....minor compared to the first one, but telling a teacher (the Deputy Principal at that), to "Get Stuffed" ranks up there as almost as bad as telling his maths teacher "I wouldn't care if I killed you". I'm at my wit's end with this kid. Tomorrow morning, we will be fronting up to the school again at 9am.

The boys' father came around this afternoon. I filled him in on what's been happening with the boys today and then I had a chat with him about the 6 year old that lives with him and his girlfriend. He's the girlfriend's nephew. Her sister and two children are living there also. The daughter is a well mannered, good natured child. But the son? Oh my God...every weekend my kids go to their Dad's they come home spouting off about this 6 year old and what he's done or said. This weekend he punched 15 in the balls and punched his father in the face. He's undisciplined, unruly and I've been wondering if he may have ADD. My ex doesn't live in a particuarly large house...so when my kids are there, it's even more of a squash for them. I had to tell their father today that his children were so unhappy with this arrangement that I didn't want to keep pushing them to stay with him every second weekend. The Ex tells me, he's very unhappy with it himself. He's been looking at finding elsewhere to live...just him....he's had enough of the relationship with his girlfriend of 5 years...things have not been good for quite some time now and he wants out. I know what my Ex is like....he'll likely keep bobbing along in the same situation regardless of how it feels, just so he doesn't have to deal with the drama of leaving. By the expression on his face at hearing that his children were not keen to continue their fortnightly visits with him, maybe..just maybe...this will give him the shove he needs to do something about it. I'm not encouraging him to leave his girlfriend...but I'd be pleased no end if he left her. She doesn't appear to have any maternal instincts...and as Canada says, she's basically his drinking buddy. I'd have to agree with that.

Before he turned up, I read a couple of blogs, found out I had inadvertantly upset a very special reader of mine. Hopefully I've managed to smooth that part of my day out anyway.

All this happened before 2pm today....I hope the rest of you have/had a better Monday than I did! I can't be arsed reading this back to myself, so I hope that all this rambling makes some kinda sense to someone!
Sunday, April 10, 2005

Sharing the Love

I don't like being one to shag and run, but that's what I did last night. Well, I didn't have alot of choice at the time....I had another "blah blah blah" session with the favourite man in my life...and then rushed into the shower, chucked some clothes on and ran out to the door to a dear friend's 40th surprise party.

Had a great time...danced a couple of dances...ate food I shouldn't have....had only one alcoholic beverage....drank water the rest of the night...sounds boring, but I enjoyed myself...although I was home by 11.30pm and tucked up in bed.

This is a short and sweet(ish) post today. I did however want to share this new blog I've been reading lately. Some funny and interesting reading here. Nice guy...lives in Ontario, Canada. Take a look....don't be afraid to comment...and I don't mind if you want to let him know I sent you. I'm all for spreading the comment love.

That's all for now...I'm feeling drained today....I need to head back to bed methinks....over.
Saturday, April 09, 2005

Boo-Yah!

I think I need to remember that when I've been drinking....I'm not to be posting....drinking and posting don't seem to go together too well for me it seems. (Bad girl Sara!...Bad BAD girl!!)

My apologies for all the expletives I used in last night's post. As you could tell, I was high on anger and frustration.

I came home from work, stomped around for awhile....grilled some marinated chicken wings, poured myself a large bourbon and coke and sat down to watch some tv. Eventually I felt I was 'together' enough to come online to talk and blog...obviously that wasn't the case...cos I turned into a bit of a potty mouth. (It was the alcohol that did it! I swear! I'm usually such an angel).

After talking to Canada on the headset and spitting out some of what happened (ok, I spat out pretty much all that happened)....I whinged and moaned and ranted at him and he nodded his head and 'uh huh"ed his way through my spouting.

When I'm done...I'm exhausted and want to go to bed....I tell him, "I am so not in the mood for anything sexy tonight, I'm sorry babe". (I feel it's only right I apologise to him...afterall, we'd spent some time earlier in the day winding up each other in anticipation of the night ahead). But I didn't want to not talk to him...well more to the point....I didn't want to stop hearing his voice at that time....it was soothing to hear him talk to me...didn't matter what he was saying....I would've been happy to drift off to the sound of his voice.

So, I hooked up the laptop, opened Yahoo on it...plugged in the headset and climbed into bed...snuggled down and got warm and comfy....and he told me about his day...told me some more stories about his past. I lay there in the dark and kinda mumbled my way through them. Then he says some magic words "blah blah blah" (not the actual words he said). My mind springs awake..."eh? what was that?".... "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"...my body springs awake...(I'd actually heard what he said the first time, i just wanted to hear him to repeat it).

For the next half an hour or so, we went "blah blah blaaady blah blah" back and forth at each other...and I ended up going "Boo-Yah!" three times (not the actual exclamation, but you get the gist).

After more talking, I fell asleep with a smile on my face and had the image of a thousand angels holding hands and singing "Kumbayah" around a fire-side, in my dreams. Isn't it interesting what a bit of booty can do for ya soul?
Friday, April 08, 2005

My Shift Sucked!

After posting this morning, about how much I enjoy my job...I had the most shitface fucked up afternoon...there were so many patients I felt like smashing in the face! No wonder I became a hero at the surgery when I said I'd take on doing Friday afternoons for 3 months!!! Fuck sake, it was horrible! Stupid fucken bastardy impatient people who have no compassion in their small minds for others. How am I supposed to keep these people happy?? And why should I? They don't give a toss about anyone but themselves anyway.

I've done plenty of Friday afternoons before....done it because the usual receptionist needed a 3 month break...so I KNOW what doing Fridays entails....I went to work this afternoon braced and ready for the onslaught...but Mary Mother of God!...next time I'm gonna be wearing armour and carry a damn cow prod.

I'm so exhausted after today's shift that I don't even want to think about it. The thought of it exhausts me.

I'm now on my third triple bourbon and coke....I'm starting to relax a little now.

Anyway...enough about me....how are the rest of you doing?? *hic*

Alone Again....Naturally

No no, not alone...not really. In fact, I don't like being alone too often...that would mean I'd have to make a movie with me conducting an invisible orchestra and mouthing out the words to "All By Myself"...so it's best that I'm not alone all the time.

I've been a medical receptionist for almost four years now. Prior to that my work career has always been as a secretary or Personal Assistant to a General Manager, CEO, construction executive or the like and I have to say that now, I think this is probably the most enjoyable job I've had. I love dealing with the public...I love smiling at the patients....mind you, I don't enjoy gritting my teeth and trying to keep smiling at the difficult ones...but for the most part, I really enjoy what I do.

I have several favourite patients...one of which came in a couple of days ago...he's a very charming, quick thinking 72 year old gent...and omg, I could just imagine what he was like to deal with in his younger "hey days". I hadn't seen him for almost 3 months, and he came through the door, saluted me, said a cheery "Hello Gorgeous!", and then proceeded to tell me how much he liked my new hair colour and that it made me look younger. How on earth can I not warm to this man??

This is how his last visit went with me:

Him: "By the way, I really like that new dress you're wearing, that colour looks wonderful on you"

Me: "Oh, thank you...actually, I saw your name yesterday on the schedule for today, so I wore this especially for you....I knew you would like this colour"

Him: Well...that's why I booked yesterday....I knew you were a forward thinker...you'd see my name on the list..and that you'd do your best to look good...just for me.

Me: "Oh...umm" *laughs* "Damn, you win...you got me that time"

(For the record here, I don't ever wear dresses to work...but taking into consideration he could only see me from the waist up, I was happy to humour him on this one.)

Now, I probably just made him sound like a rather smooth talking dirty old man. But, he never says it with any tone other than flirtatious fun and with a twinkle in his eye. I can never be offended by him. He was probably extremely dangerous for females in his younger years. I enjoy bantering with him. Not true about the old chap that gives me the creeps, who comes in on a regular basis and continues to talk to my chest. He's either blind, or thinks I have no head. I don't class myself as someone who scares that easily, but I have to admit, when I see his car pull into the carpark....I find something to do out the back that makes my co-worker deal with him instead. He makes my skin crawl.

Anywaaaaaaaay....back to the origin of today's title. This weekend, well, as of today actually....Canada's overseas guest has gone to stay elsewhere for a few days....she's gone for the entire weekend. AND...my offspring are going to be at their Dad's all weekend....starting from this evening...soooooooo....that means, we're going to be at home.... all by ourselves....ok, so he's in his home...and I'm in mine..(a mere 14,000 miles away)....BUT....we're still going to be alone together...there will be no interruptions, no worries about having to curb what we want to say..or do for that matter. And keeping all that in mind...I'm going to keep this man extremely busy for most of the weekend...busy...busy....BUSY! Yep, he's going to be a busy boy indeed.

And thus, there is the explanation for today's title....we're going to be alone again...and that in turn will make us do what comes naturally.