Saturday, April 29, 2006

Sex from a Font? (Revisited)

Today, I'm going to repost something I wrote at the beginning of my blogger journey...in January 2005, when Walker and I were no longer a couple for various reasons, but one of the main reasons being, the man I've recently mentioned I'm back in contact with. It's a long and complicated story, on the messy side and I've chosen not to go into detail and dredge that all back up. If you want to know...go back through my archives...most of January/February 2005 will fill you in if you really have to know.

Anyway, for the sake of re-introducing him into my page and hopefully giving you a laugh, I've pulled this post out for your reading pleasure this weekend. It's shorter than my usual essays, thus you will be pleased lol.

***

The scene is set. I've got the laptop booted up and ready to connect to ICQ and yahoo, I've got the headset/microphone sitting on the bed, ready and waiting. The ethernet cable is now plugged into the back of the laptop and I've got the camera sitting across the room on top of my tallboy, waiting to shoot me in all my...um...glory.

So, prior to all this happening, I test out the webcam bit, make sure the angle's right, the lighting etc...no point in turning it on if all he gets to see is the ceiling light...I grab a good friend on yahoo, send her a message saying "So? what do you reckon?" she looks..."OMG, it makes you look HUGE!" (oh great, I think, that's all I need). So I decide to skip the webcam thing...chicken. Which is just as well, cos I wasn't too keen to be seen on it wearing nothing but the headset/mic. That very afternoon I'd been thinking "Hm, wonder what he'd prefer? to SEE me doing that? or to HEAR me doing that?"

After my friend's comment, I opted for the hearing bit. So blah-blah-blah *pant pant, sigh sigh, pant sigh pant etc* is all going well, except for three things...1) I have to lie in such a position that I can see what he's typing on the screen...2) because I need to read what he's typing and respond to it, I have to keep my eyes open, which is not the easiest of things, considering we tend to close our eyes while we're, well, you know...and 3) right in amongst the "oh God"s his son and son's girlfriend wander up the stairs.

So imagine this if you will...I'm in the throes of doing my business and then all of a sudden I hear the 'beeps' of yahoo telling me that my 'talking' has been disconnected. ICQ shuts down, yahoo voice chat has been disconnected...I'm horizontal, and have a strong urge to yell "WHAT KINDA TIMING DO YOU CALL THAT??!".

There'd have been no point of course...there was noone to hear me *heavy sigh*

I type "Um Babe? everything ok?" His response "Yes I'm fine, just a bit flustered lol. Sorry, the kids just came upstairs. I didn't hear them". Ok, I'm thinking, this has not been all for nothing, because if he didn't hear them, then he must've been lost in what I was doing.

I can live with that.

***

One more thing, as you know I've been fart-arsing around with my blogroll. Please let me know if I've left you off or you'd like to be added. I discovered in the past couple of days that I had missed off a couple in particular that I read, so don't take it personally...could have been the hurry with which I entered them into the system. And if you've got me linked on your page, then it only seems fair that I have you on mine too....so give me a shout out in the comments section and I'll sort that out this weekend.

Right, that's all for now.....Hope you all have a terrific weekend!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Braveheart

It has come to my notice, that I am now blocked, banned and deleted...

*Crash!...*Smash!*...*Thunk!*

....*Tinkle*...

On first discovering my new status of nothingness, and feeling slightly put out by the dramatics of it all...something suddenly dawned on me....there is in fact a wonderful positive side to this turn of events.

I now have the freedom to say what I want without dealing with any repercussions of threatening emails or nasty innuendos via IM. I no longer need to be concerned that former confidences I've shared about my close friends or family will be blasted across the page for all to make judgement upon. Especially when they're lacking in facts, yet puffed up beyond recognition with exaggeration.

But we all have the right to say what we want on our pages right? And we all respect each others right to do so. And although I have indeed said a few things on here about how I've felt concerning past matters, I don't believe I've ever been disrespectful or nasty about it (although my last comment over there could be seen as such. That unfortunately was me overreacting due to past emotional attachment...sorry about that...one day I hope to get over myself). Just the fleeting mention of some things has caused a bit of a rumble.

Til now that is...because now I can relax and know that I will not be taken out of context or misunderstood, I can say and write about whatever I bloody well please. If you ever don't understand what I say on here or you want more information, you only need ask...I really do hate assumptions being made. You wanna know? Ask the question.

I can also occasionally mention the new man in my life. Yes, I do have one...on what level I'm not sure yet...but that has been purely my choice. He's keenly turning cartwheels to make things happen at the moment...but I've learnt a valuable lesson from my most recent experience and am not rushing in blindly again. It's early days and although my friendship with this man spans several years, and we've had numerous ups and downs...I'm not in any great hurry to repeat the past.

Besides, I'm a different woman now than I was back then...I am emotionally stronger and less tolerant of temper tantrums and crap. I no longer fall apart at the slightest glitch or disagreement and I'm no longer biting my tongue to keep the peace.

And so a special message for the Deleter/Banner/Blocker Extraordinaire...

I thank you for giving me back my freedom.

Yep...it's my life...my thoughts....my feelings...in my words.

I told you didn't I? It really IS all about me!
Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Never say Never

Last year in September I wrote of how I felt about my teenagers drinking alcohol...here and here. You were all fabulous and gave me your opinions and told me of past experiences etc. My boys are both having the occasional drink these days, like when we're out to dinner or hanging out at their Dad's etc...and as far as I'm aware, they've not been drinking without one of their parents nearby. I haven't got to the stage where the fridge is stocked for them to help themselves here at home yet. Those pre-mixes are pretty much like lolly water...they're just too easy to drink...I know this through personal experience lol.

Last night as I was lounging around in front of the telly, my kids joined me in the living room and Cameron mentioned that a good friend of his had attended a party on Friday night. Cam had chosen not to go because he was working at 6 the following morning and thought it best to pass on it or he'd never get to work on time. I asked him if his friend enjoyed the party. Yes he did, but he got horribly drunk and was throwing up by the end of the night.

This started off a lengthy conversation about the effects of alcohol and how we're all different...how our bodies react to it, how we feel the next day etc. It also reminded me of a story about my brother when he was 16.

My brother and 4 of his friends had gone up north and stayed at a house on the beachfront. The Mum, who owned this house, had dropped the kids off and continued on north to stay overnight with a friend, leaving these responsible young lads on their own for the night.

Where the alcohol came from, I have no idea...I suspect it was already there, it was a holiday home afterall, primed for entertainment. The kids started playing cards that evening, and international drinking rules. You know the ones? If you point at anyone, you scull....if you say certain things, you scull...if you do just about anything but stand on your head, you scull. They were drinking bourbon...straight from the bottle. Everyone had a great time, there was lots of laughter and fun, good times were had. Wooot!

My brother woke the following morning....to the rancid smell of his own puke beside him on the bed. It was dry and crusty, and adhered his face to the pillow. (Just writing that is making my stomach turn lol). The other boys weren't in any better shape. One of them had gone to the bathroom in the middle of night...had a crap...missed the toilet...stepped in it and walked it across the carpet on his way back to bed.

The bottom line...they all woke to find they were now in a filthy, stinking, hell hole...one they'd created themselves. Panic set in...Mum was returning later that afternoon, to collect them on her way back to town. They pooled what money they had...rushed to the nearest store (I doubt they were doing much rushing at that stage)....and bought up as many cleaning products as they could afford.

My sister received a phone call from my brother. He asked if she'd mind if they used her washing machine....naturally she said yes. This was her little brother, the only boy and the baby of the family, completely doted upon...in other words...anything he wanted, he got. Later she's telling me on the phone "I had no idea Lisa!...they turned up with duvets, pillows, blankets...the washing machine was going non-stop!"

Mum turned up that afternoon to pick them up and couldn't get over how wonderfully clean the place was, the boys weakly smiling with pride under her scrutiny. Later my brother swore to me that he was NEVER going to get drunk...EVER again! *snort* I bet him $10 he would, but he insisted.

Talking about it with the kids last night, there was much laughter and "Eewww!"s but I was kinda hoping it would sink in that regardless of how often I hear "I'm never going to drink to that stage...I'm far more responsible than that" (Cameron the Righteous, give the kid a knighthood lol)...that even the uncle they adore and can do no wrong in their eyes...is still quite capable of getting into such a state.

We've all been there, and I have no doubt that my kids will have their own turn. And while I'm not keen to see either of them in that condition, I'm hoping that when they do, their father or I, will be close by to help them through it. I particularly want to be there the following morning, bashing around pots and pans in the kitchen and talking about "greasy pork chops" etc lol.

This has also reminded me that my brother still owes me $10.
Saturday, April 22, 2006

Absenteeism

My ex husband and best friend did indeed sleep together while they were away last weekend. They also chose to stay up north for an extra night. Given what my girlfriend has been going through with work and personally recently, she could have certainly done with the extra time out of the city. I'm not sure she really had to put herself through the trauma of having sex with my ex-hubby, but there ya go. lol

Over the course of the weekend, the level of weirdness I was feeling about the two of them together started growing in strength. Seeing as I was expecting her home a day earlier, and I'd still not heard anything I assumed that she'd either stayed the extra night....or that she wasn't sure how to tell me. Or maybe she was so traumatised by the event, she was sitting in the corner of her room psychotically rocking lol.

We met for lunch on the Monday with another close friend of mine and her young son....Alice filled us in on how much she enjoyed her weekend...sometimes going into detail, yet never once mentioned anything about the sleeping arrangments. Course, this didn't escape my notice, and eventually when we were on our own, I asked her outright. How could I not? It was on both our minds...best to get it out in the open (find out if the need for counselling was required).

I heard her confirm my thoughts and sat there waiting for the weirdness to hit me full force. Nothing but a slight twinge. And then that twinge dissolved into the ether and everything went back to 'normal'. It's all good and although I never expected it to be otherwise...it's difficult to know for sure until you're faced with it.

[You do all realise I'm only joking about my ex right? He really isn't that bad at all lol]

***

I heard from my mate 'John' last week. He rang to catch up, and he was also worried that I would think he hadn't been in touch with me because of what happened when he was in Wellington last...well, more what didn't happen. He was rattling on about how busy he'd been and apologised. I stopped him mid-sentence "See? Look what's happened to us now? Sometimes I don't hear from you for months, it's never bothered me or you before, and now you feel you owe me explanations for your absence??"

He's coming back down this week and due to work commitments, won't have the chance to stop by for coffee. He also said he's coming back in May and told me to pen him in my diary for the Saturday night, said we'll go out on the town. He also said "If it happens, it happens...if not, I'll be just as happy spending the time with you, no problem at all."

Nothing is going to happen, I don't want it to and never have. Despite the 'trial' kiss, it would never have gone any further because I never would've allowed it to. I have no interest in him in any other manner except as friends. And if he keeps saying "If it happens, it happens..." it'll get to the point where I've even less interest.

***

Recently I've had contact again with a special male friend of mine from England. After more than a year of no contact (besides a brief chat last Sept), he got in touch. We've started talking again....catching up on what's been happening in our worlds. I have to say it's a relief to hear from him and know he's doing ok. He was in hospital last year due to a suspected heart problem, and had been off work for four months. During that time his daughter in law (to be) had asked if she could get in touch with me, but he refused, saying that I wasn't to be bothered and that I wouldn't care anyway.

Why do some people feel that way? Just because the level of our friendship/relationship changes with each other, does that mean we no longer care what happens to them? Once you've been so close and had that special bond, no matter how that relationship ends, whether it be amicable or otherwise...doesn't mean we stop caring for them does it?

Of the three men I've been in love with (two of which I've mentioned today), I only want them to be happy and content with their lives...if that doesn't include me, then so be it. But I'll always care about how they are anyway. There's no switch to turn off those feelings. At times I've wished there was to avoid dealing with the hurt, but there isn't. Simply put, it's just a matter of time. You basically have to suck it up, learn from the experience, remember the good times and move on with your life.

I have no idea what's going to happen in my future...travel, men or otherwise. Anything is a possibility. I guess that's one of the beauties of life itself, you never know what's around the corner.

But what I do know, is that I definitely care to be a part of it.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Contemplation

Bugger this working lark...only been at work for 6 hours this week and already I'm getting fed up. Tonight when I drove home I was starting to wonder if it's time for a change in vocation. Yet I love my job...so maybe I just need more of a break. Like an overseas holiday or something else as financially crippling lol.

I've been having a think about this recently. Overseas travel I mean. Once the boys have left school and are at university (that's if both are going, at this point in time I know of one that's got his mind set on it)...what's to stop me selling up and taking off?

Besides my kids that is. The boys are the only reason I'm still here now I reckon. When they're 19 or older, they won't need me as much...they might still be living at home, but it doesn't have to be my home does it? Could just as easily be their Dad's they're living in. The drumkit got moved over there last week...why not my sons as well eventually? lol

That's just staunch talk...you know I'd be devastated if either one of them moved away from me...but maybe I could make that transition period easier, by having me, move away from them?

I love the idea of selling everything up and travelling....and I mean travelling and working at the same time. You know...like some kids do in their early 20s or whenever....a working holiday of sorts. Can't see any reason why I can't do it in my mid 40s. I'm only middle aged, not dead.

Sell the house, invest the money, keeping aside enough to jet me over to England, see some of Europe and get settled until I find work. Or I could rent out my house as well as the flat downstairs. Although I'm not sure who would want to live in this dump, or how they'd treat it...it is the only major asset I've got...obviously I don't want it messed with. But the rental from both properties would easily cover the mortgage and rates so it's another option.

New Zealand is a an amazingly beautiful country...but it does have a big problem....it's just so damn far away from the rest of the world. So it costs an arm and a leg or a house for us to get anywhere.

Still, I do have a real craving to travel again....scary but exciting...definitely food for thought.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006

A Star is Born

Several weeks ago I made a halfhearted attempt at sorting out my blogroll. I wanted to put you all in order without messing around with my template and I wanted to do it in such a way that I would know when you had put up a new post....as opposed to me going in and out of pages hunting these newly updated gems down. There's a lot of work involved in clicking in and out of pages keeping track...I know you know this.

I approached the lovely Lisa over at "Happiness Is A Good Nap" because I could see she had it together and I humbly asked for assistance. She was wonderfully helpful, pointed me in the direction of Blogrolling.com and away I went.

I sat here and painstakingly entered each and every one of your links, typing the name of your sites, one after the other. I think there's an easier way to do it, possibly a drag and drop method, but I couldn't be bothered finding the instructions. Besides, I was in no mood to be reading what to do....I'm an impatient son of a bitch, I thought I already knew better than the programme itself...I would just force it to do my bidding.

I completed the task....hit the button to save it....and opened up my site to gaze proudly at my hard work......nothing. Not..one..iota..of a difference. There you all were, in your usual attire, staring back at me innocently. I resorted to my secret weapon...eyes shooting lazers, I rained the "death stare" upon you, willing you to change.

Nothing.

You really are such a naughty blogroll.

And then, I had a small crisis invade my already flailing brain function....and after bashing my head on the desk a few times, I threw my hands in the air....and decided I'd look at it another time, when I might see it with a more positive and winning attitude.

So...here we are almost two months later...and I see on Jo's comments at Chez la Laquet, that Fizzy is showing off because she's getting blogrolling....I'm thinking "OK, maybe now's the time to have another look at this"...nothing like some healthy competition with a worthy opponent to get the motor running right?

The fact of the matter is, I'd forgotten about it, and seeing that comment just reminded me. So don't get ya knickers in a twist, The Fabulous Fizz and I are not about to square off and end up in a wrestling match. You men can stop getting excited and preparing the mud you think is a necessary commodity under such circumstances.

Anyway, it's done now. I revisited the site today, and actually found the required code to put in my template (like DUUHH! What an absolute dickhead I am to think it was going to work without it!).

As far as the asteriskes next to some of your names are concerned...that's a probation period indicator. I'm doing a special reading survey and waiting to see if it's worth keeping those ones on. There is no discrimination...no site is exempt from this exercise...as time goes on you will notice that the star will switch to other names as I research the matter with meticulous precision. Once I've collated the information, I will make the decision as to whether I hit the delete key or not....propelling the banished links into the depths of the bloggy dungeon.

JUST KIDDING!!

Man, you're a volatile lot aren't you??

Those asteriskes, in theory, are supposed to let me know when you've updated your blog....if you've put up a new post in the past 24 hours it will put a little star next to your name, and then all I have to do is trot on over there and read you. And if you hover your mouse over a name, it's supposed to tell you the date that that particular site was last updated. Brilliant eh?? Yeah I think so too.

Problem is if you hover over Chez la Laquet at the moment, it says Jo last updated on the 30th of March...which I know is certainly not the case. So I either did something wrong, or it doesn't like Jo, or there's a glitch in the system. I couldn't possibly have done something wrong...and we all love Jo to pieces...so it has to be a glitch. I will eventually figure out how it works and tweak it a little this way and that and then probably screw it up and have to start all over again.

For now...let's just pretend it's working perfectly and give me a round of applause.

*The crowd goes wild*

Thank you...Thank you very much.
Sunday, April 16, 2006

Yes? No? I Don't Know.

One of my best friends and my ex-husband have some kind of thing going on between them....it's nothing that's come to fruition...yet. But it's there all the same...the flirty banter, some of it outrageously obvious...some of it more subtle. But the body language between them is starting to speak volumes.

Now, both these people have just recently come out of other long term relationships...and at the beginning I was pleased that they were 'stroking' each others egos. You know? Helping each other through difficult and complicated times. Nothing wrong with that I thought...it was good to see them both supporting each other and building a new friendship.

I love them both...I want them to be happy. If that means they're happy by eventually becoming a couple, then so be it. What say have I in the matter anyway? I know, they both know, it's important they have some time out from a heavier relationship of any kind. Neither of them are ready for anything of great significance right now. They've both said so enough times.

But sometimes things happen. People get closer and intimate with each other (and I don't mean in a sexual sense), as they go about using that support network to survive the rougher times. And sometimes, beyond all rhyme or reason, something grows out of that. Something stronger and deeper. So there's always that possibility.

I have to admit, I would feel a little odd if they did in fact get together...whether it be for a fling or something more substantial. Either/or would likely be an adjustment for me in some way. Even after all the years of seperation from my husband. I don't think it would be a jealousy as such....Lord knows I've been sitting on the sidelines encouraging them both in subtle and not so subtle ways lol.

I might end up getting my nose out of joint because if these two become an item, I'll get fed up if he starts monopolising her time. She's a classy lady...she's my buddy, my confidante, my sounding board....the one I trust enough to handcuff me to the bed. He's the father of my children, has seen me in just about every possible situation and position (oo eer)...I trust him with the lives of my sons, yet not enough to handcuff me to the bed. There's something wrong with that lol.

I spoke to my other sounding board last night.

Me: "How would you feel if Al and Dad got together?"
Cam: "Well, it wouldn't bother me. Both my parents are single, I know that at some stage I'm going to have to adjust to them having someone else come into their lives again. Besides, I like Alice, she's cool."
Me: "Yes she is, I'm glad you think so too..."
Cam: "I don't mind who you end up hooking up with...either of you. Long as they don't mess with me and tell me how to live my life or what to do...I'm happy if you're happy."
Me: "So...can you actually see Al and Dad together as a couple?"
Cam: "No...not really...but more importantly, how would you feel about it?"
Me: "Dunno really...think it would seem a little weird at first, but eventually I'd get used to it."
Cam: "Dunno...*deep in thought*...I think he might deserve her" [haha, loyalty to Alice as opposed to Dad, I love it lol]
Me: "Anyway, might not happen...besides, she could see a different side to your Dad this weekend."
Cam: "How do you mean?"
Me: "Well...like when he takes his teeth out...I forgot to tell her about that lol"

They've gone away (seperately) to stay overnight on Saturday at a mutual friend's caravan section up north...there'll be two other people as well, and I think they'll all have a great time socialising together...all easy going people, good company. And yes I will admit that I have wondered a couple of times about how it's going. Long as they both return in one piece, I'll be happy.

Because as you know....it's always all about me. lol
Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Cheers!

I received this in my email last week. It was sent by my ex-husband and he asked "Is this you?"

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife.
She took to drink right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"


****

Interestingly enough, some people out there could think that their ex-partners are indeed celebrating the demise of their relationship. Unless they've been trying to get rid of them for years and there's been nothing but hardship and hassles throughout their time together, I doubt that anyone celebrates the end of a relationship.

There are the questions of "why?" and "what if?" and the one that can keep us awake at night "what did I do wrong?" or "what could I have done differently to make it work?" or even worse "What's wrong with me?"

Sometimes, there's just not anything to be done to fix things. Sometimes, it's a case of finding out that the two of you aren't as compatible in your views or lifestyles as you first thought. Sometimes, it's the end of something that perhaps should never have started in the first place.

Granted, there are sometimes differences so blatantly obvious to all those around you...your friends shake their heads and think "this is only going to end in tears" and other such 'blah' statements. But you remain oblivious to it all, because you're happy...and because you refuse to listen to your gut instinct...because you're happy. And you shove to the back of your head what they say, pride not allowing you to listen to them. No matter the grief that can be caused, you forgive and carry on...because you're happy. Or should that be "because you think you're happy"?

And then one day you open your eyes...you take a proper look at your relationship...the one you've been pretending is working...and you realise you've been kidding yourself for far too long.

And it strikes you full force...you're not happy at all...you have to get out.

Too many times we beat ourselves up mentally because we feel we could've done something more to keep it going...we feel responsible for not making enough of an effort to help it survive. We blame the other person for being this, that or the other way...yet they are only being themselves...and what right do we have to try changing them into something they're not?

And what about us? Let's face it...we've all done something to try changing ourselves, whether it be physically or on a psychological(?) level...to show the other person, we are the...ONE.

Noone should surpress their personality because they think that's how the other person wants them to be. Sure, we can bend this way and that to accommodate each other and some situations. There will always be certain times where you have to tone it down a little or 'behave' for want of a better word. But to try pushing, shoving or even stomping on a character trait that YOU don't like or don't want to see? Unfair.

My ex husband has finally left his girlfriend of the past 6 years. He's moved out and bought a house and when I spoke to him this morning he was telling me how much he's loving his own company. He's sleeping better, he's looking so much more relaxed...he's happier, and showing himself to be the man I remember him from years ago.

"So, when is your house warming party?"

"Who says I'm going to have one?"

"We do."

"Oh, you do, do you?"

"Well, yeah...besides, Alice and I have already started organising it."

"Oh, and we want to know if you've got a frying pan yet"

"And why would you want to know that?

"Because we're coming around on Sunday to have pancakes for breakfast"

"I see"

"You're cooking"

"Just as well I've got a frying pan then eh?"

"Excellent"

"Don't you have anything better to do today but harrass me?"

"Nope, and anyway, you love it"

"Well, there is that...but that's besides the point"

See Folks? That's what friends do when you need their support...they rally around you. They start organising your life and making you cook for them. What's more, you allow them to do it...because you know at any time, you have the power to say "Oi, piss off and stop bullying me" and they'll back off. They might clout you first, but they'll back off all the same.

That sense of self and the power that comes with it, is a strength like no other.

And THAT alone, is well worth the celebration.
Monday, April 10, 2006

New Discoveries

Things I learned this weekend:

Male strippers need to be prepared when the Bride-to Be is already half hammered and unexpectedly 'flicks' his policeman's hat away to reveal him in all his glory to her screaming friends;

The Bride-to-Be's mother is more than prepared to stand up in front of her daughter's friends and demonstrate and explain the new sex toy she's just gifted her daughter;

I can't sit in the passenger seat of a car with a HUGE erect cock cake "trembling' on my lap without hoping like hell nobody sees me, on the way to the party;

I'm more flexible than some 20+ year old women and impressed my best mate in the bargain. Don't know how that happened, but was good to find out when I had to put my hand on the floor without bending my knees...and no, I can't do the splits lol;

A 16 year old girl CAN get into a nightclub but only if she switches all the wedding paraphenalia her sister's wearing on her Hen's Night, with what she's wearing (did that make sense? lol);

Women in their early 20's (and one 16 year old), are like duracell bunnies, dancing all night..all night...all night. While the 40+ year old women are leaning against the bar wondering when they're allowed to go home and stop being nannies to the early 20 year olds, who are hammered because the 40+ year olds spent the evening shoving vodka jellies, punch and strawberry dacqueries down their throats;

Men can 'leak' semen whether they're erect or not...What? like they're full of it and it overflows? This is the first time I've known of this, why do I not know this at my age?? I'm pathetic. Who knows about this? Give me the low down (haha). (I've met plenty of men who are full of it but not necessarily in the same respect lol.) ;

I'm a closet Anne Murray fan. Driving home from Anna's I switched on the radio to hear "Could I have this dance, for the rest of my life..."...talking aloud to myself I said "Aw, what crap, where's the decent music??"...and then proceeded to sing along to it all the way home;

We're going to be attending a luncheon wearing fleecy pink pjamas and bunny rabbits on springs on our heads. This is to play tea parties with a gorgeous two year old boy who also has pink pjs. It seems the only male I'll allow to see me in my nightwear these days, needs to be a minor;

Older males don't like the fluffy pink pjs. A friend of mine told me "You can't wear those! I'll refuse to get into bed with you". Problem is, it's cold here now, and these pjs are soooo warm and cosy, I aint gonna throw them out, I'll just hide them instead lol.

Yep, that's some of what I discovered this weekend. What about you?

Friday, April 07, 2006

Tired but Blingy

I'm taking some time off work. Well, not loads of time, just a week. And it's the week leading up to Easter (that's next week in case you were wondering). Which means the boys will still be at school. God help them if either of them decide they're feeling unwell on ANY of those days. I've told them, that unless they're vomitting or there is blood present, they will be attending school regardless.

To be honest, I'm really looking forward to the time off. I can feel the frustration and irritation working it's way up inside me when I'm dealing with a particularly difficult patient. All the people I'm dealing with at the moment feel like difficult patients. My patience is being stretched to the end of it's tether. The energy I use up trying to keep my cool is starting to drain me. The next person that rings me on a Monday morning to register their family of 5, just because they can, could possibly get the phone hung up in their ear lol Do not ring your medical centre unless you really need us on a Monday morning!

Problem is of course, they're only getting themselves organised, and I can't blame them for that. Some Mondays I just ask for their name and number and if they'd mind me ringing back later in the day when it's less frantic. Other Mondays I wonder how I manage to continue smiling and keeping the frustration out of my voice.

So, yeah, I'm taking some time out and I'm counting down the hours til the end of today's (Friday) shift. The boys go to their Dad's tonight, so my 'holiday' will have a lovely kick start with a child-free weekend. Not that I don't love them both to pieces of course, but the thought of all that silence sounds magnificent to me.

In other news, I've bought a new ring. It's very pretty and has plenty of a girl's best friend in it...I haven't worn diamonds since my husband left the house...I decided it was time I got to wear them again. I had it resized to fit the middle finger on my left hand and it fits perfectly. Course, the day after I started wearing it, I broke the fingernail of that finger...and seeing as I can't stand having fingernails different sizes, I chopped the lot off. So now I have short stubby fingers wearing diamonds *sigh*

I mentally justified the purchase by saying it was a 40th birthday present to myself (yeah I know, I'm 10 months late lol) and I've finally made friends with the Inland Revenue Department. Yay!



I know it looks rather blingy, but the diamonds are little wee ones (or I wouldn't be able to afford it lol), and I've had a variety of feedback about it. Most have admired it....Anna on the other hand looked at me and said, "OMG! You naughty, naughty girl!"....Cameron surprised me by saying "How did you KNOW they were having a sale??" Apparently he's been throwing away any junkmail from the letterbox that has anything to do with jewellery on it. How devious! lol.

BUT...I got to the letterbox first the other day, and I found my favourite jewellery store's latest catelogue there, and I have already got my eye on another ring. I don't know what I'm thinking....I couldn't afford the first one, let alone another lol. A small lottery win would be nice right now.



Whether I actually do anything about it, is another story of course...but it is cheaper than the one I'm already wearing and I like the idea of it sitting on the index finger of my right hand.

Not that I'll be telling Cameron (or Anna) that lol.
Thursday, April 06, 2006

Not Often Seen

Several months ago I wrote about one of my most favourite patients, Mrs S. She's a vibrant, colourful character that demands the attention of your heart immediately upon first meeting. You cannot help but be pulled in by her personality.

I have always marvelled at how energetic and vivacious this wonderful 85 year old woman is. She touches and warms all those that come in contact with her. Each time she leaves my waiting room, I feel a void. It's like opening a book and having your senses assaulted and energised by a plethora of bright colours...only to turn the page to find a dull grey looking back at you.

In contrast to his wife, her husband is a very quiet person. He seems a doddery old man, walking in the shadows of his more spirited wife. I've watched him reverse his car in the carpark straight into a stationery vehicle, and drive off without even realising. It was always him that rang and made appointments to see the doctor, for either of them.

Last week Mrs S came into the surgery, she was quiet and withdrawn and looked 'old'. I found out later that afternoon, she'd just moved. And what I mean by that is, that she'd moved....only her. She'd left her husband and was staying with a friend.

When she went in to see the nurse that day, she'd cried against her. Apparently he'd driven her crazy for years. He controlled everything she did.... there wasn't much she could do without his say so. She'd had enough and finally found the strength to do something about it....ending 66 years of marriage.

We never really know what's going on behind those closed doors, do we? The personality we show the outside world, although for the most part, represents alot of the type of people we are inside...it can also be very different in comparison to the face we show to those nearest and dearest to our hearts.

There is a definite security in knowing that those who love us most, will always be loyal and understanding of our less loveable traits. We take the good with the bad...for better or worse....and we hold our heads up in public, never allowing others to see we could be slowly building a wall of resentment...until one day it can get all too much and we disintergrate in whatever way. We all react differently.

While I feel a deep sadness that they are both dealing with the hurt and confusion of this separation after such a length of time, I can't help but feel even more admiration toward this ballsy lady for taking this step at the age she is. I hope she feels free and happy to do as she pleases for as long as her health allows her to.

At the age I am now, there will never be such an anniversary on my horizon...but that's not to say that I don't applaud and appreciate the longevity of those that manage to make it that far down the road...regardless of the end result.

Looks truly can be deceiving, can't they?
Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Like Father, Like Sons

Thank you so much for your kind comments on my previous post, and again thank you for your birthday wishes to Ryan.

When his Dad arrived at our house yesterday after school, we had fun with Ryan. We gave him the keyboard and mouse and he did a good job of being excited about his gift and thanking us. His father said "well go on, go check to see if they fit into your computer then" (the old one).

Eventually, after we'd had our moment of fun, I brought out the computer case all wrapped up and said "And here's the rest of your present". He was like "No Way! That's AWESOME!". He was more than rapt with his new PC and especially touched by the fact that his brother had built it for him.

Dinner last night was great, there were only 6 of us, and I had told Ryan it would be a small affair anyway...he can have his mates to dinner for his 16th, like we did with Cameron. He understood that and besides, didn't care anyway, long as he got to participate in the Japanese food throwing thing again lol.

Below are some of the pics I took....and regardless of how much I tried to get a nice smiling picture of the 3 males, it never happened. They do this to taunt me!


Picture 236Picture 238

Picture 235Picture 234

Picture 239Picture 242

Yep, I'm afraid it's true....the evidence is upon me once again....my two boys really DO take after their father.
Sunday, April 02, 2006

Going the Extra Distance.

My oldest son has just finished building another computer. This will be his third, and as each one comes about, he gets better and faster at putting them together. This last one is special to him...it's a surprise for the recipient, so all has been very 'hush hush' in our house.

He researched the parts he thought best, checked with his father to confirm his choices.....ordered directly from the importers for mailing straight to Dad's work...and saved over $400 in the process. The parts arrived first thing Thursday morning.

Thursday after school, Cam made his way to his father's work....spent a couple of hours putting the parts together and testing them...I picked him up at about 7.30pm. Friday after school, same story....back to Dad's work to load the required software. Unfortunately I couldn't pick him up, his father had already left to go north for a big softball weekend, and the staff eventually kicked Cameron out at 6.30 when they were going home.

Cam told me he would catch the bus home if he had to, but if push came to shove he would walk. It's actually not that far to my ex husband's place of business, in fact only about 10 minutes by car. BUT, it's down the bottom of the Ngaraunga Gorge, which is a big kick ass hill that has 6 lanes of peak hour traffic shooting up and down it around that time of night.

He went to the bus stop to find he'd missed the bus by 10 minutes. The next bus that turned up wasn't coming into our suburb, so he got back off it. The following bus (40 minutes later), WAS coming up this way, and although Cam waved his arms out to the driver, he shot straight past him anyway. By this stage he decided it would be best to walk. His cellphone sitting comfortably at home on his snare drum, so couldn't ring.

He walked up that damn steep hill, with his school backpack (which must weigh at least 10 kilos, lord knows why he needs so many books in it)...He dangerously crossed those lanes of traffic (yes, I've spoken to him about that already lol)...he was hungry and tired and frustrated that he hadn't completed the job. He was probably also ready to murder the third bus driver. The software had taken longer to load than he expected, and he still had more to do. With his father away for the weekend, he had no access back into the building.

In the meantime I had arrived home from work around 7.15pm wondering where he was. I had rung several times, no answer. There was nothing left to do but wait. Eventually I heard his footsteps heavily thumping up the outside stairs.

He was cold, hungry and angry, and when he walked in the door he came straight at me for a hug. This is my 16 year old we're talking about. Nothing much phases this kid but as I held him tightly against me, he sobbed on my shoulder. There were actual tears, which is saying a lot for Cam, I can't even recall the last time he cried. The frustration and exhaustion had got to him.

Tomorrow is Ryan's birthday. He will be 15 years old. In keeping with what we did for Cameron's 15th, his father and I are replacing Ryan's computer. His current one is very old, very slow and has no CD rom drive in it. In other words, he has an old 'dunger'.

Cameron, bless his heart, has just helped to remedy that situation for his younger brother.

****

Fortunately, we are family friends of the office cleaner. She too was supposed to be away up north this weekend, but we discovered she was unwell and stayed put, and so he was able to get in today, after working at the bakery. The relief he felt at being about to complete the task on time was very obvious. He's a much happier chappy right now.

For those that are interested...Ryan's new computer consists of a 2.8ghz, 64 bit processor, 80 gig hard drive, 512mb ram, CD Rom burner/DVD player combined...and it comes in a cute little black box with some extra bells and whistles.