Thursday, May 29, 2008

Because I Can...

Anna came to see her GP the other night, Jason and Jaimee accompanying her.

Jaimee (4) came around the back of the reception desk and sitting on my knee pointed to my telephone earpiece/mic.

Jaimee: "What's that?"

Me: "Oh, this is my secret microphone to the boss."

Jaimee: "Oh. But who's the boss of you, Aunty Lisa?"

I watched her eyes widen as I held the micophone closer to my mouth and whispered:

Me: "Hello?...God?...Are you there God?"

(Got myself a slap from her mum for that one lol)

***

Occasionally the doctors are given gifts of thanks from their patients. Dr R has had a box of chocolates sitting in his tray since last Friday.

While I was messing about with the doctors mail this morning, one of the nurses commented:

Nurse: "He's had those chocolates there for almost a week now."

Me: "And you're bringing this to my attention because...?"

Nurse: "Because I feel like eating chocolate today, that's why lol"

Me: "Oh...right."

Taking the box from his tray, and placing it on the screen of the photocopier, I pressed the button.

Nurse: "What are you doing?!"

Me: "If he's not going to take them home or at least open them, we're going to confiscate them."

Sticking a post-it note to the copy, I wrote..."We just couldn't wait any longer."...and put it in his tray.
Sunday, May 25, 2008

Covering New Territory

This is the first time in many years that I've had a real life time relationship. A REAL one. One where I can actually physically touch the person I love, one where I can cuddle up to him at night, read books in bed beside him, cook in the kitchen alongside him. The bonus of this, besides feeling and acting almost like normal people, is I get to make love to him, with him. In the same bed no less...who knew how incredible the union of two bodies could be?

I'd forgotten what that felt like...the feelings of joining together with someone so freely and with that much love had drifted off to such a distance, they would brush past my memory banks so fleetingly I had to wonder if they'd ever existed to start with. I can safetly say that I have not felt this connected to another person since way back when I fell in love with the boys' father. I was 18. And while I don't want to minimise how I felt about Pat, there's certainly a difference to falling in love at 18 and then again in your early 40's. One of those differences is baggage...well, life experience, sounds better. "Baggage" can encompass such a hideous amount of 'whatevers' really. Besides, baggage and life experience, while getting lumped together in the passage of living, can also be quite different things.

However...being almost 43 now, I have surprised myself by once again being swept up to the giddy heights of a teenager in love. And as silly and mushy as it may sound, it also feels so bloody fantastic I'm not complaining. And let's face it, anything that can make you feel over 20 years younger has just got to be good for you right? Shame it doesn't peel 20 years off my face and body *sigh*

Now that Dan and I are finally, legitimately a couple, I get to spend more time with him in person. Yes, he still lives on the south island, but it's nothing that cheap flights and the organisation of switching shifts around etc, can't fix. In fact, we're getting pretty good at it.

Obviously there's been a bit of adjusting involved. Single people don't live on their own without a significant other for almost 10 years and then think that someone can just swan into the household and noone's going to notice the difference. The first time he came to stay this year was an interesting one for me. Last year, we'd manage to get two nights at a time over about 4 weekends. This time he was here for 5 days...and as he pointed out a few times, it was now on a different level...the bar had been raised. I mean, I know I was serious about how I felt last year...but now I had to get serious in a practical sense...in a commitment sense. *gulp*

So he fronted up for 5 days...and my mind was fascinated with how easily he fitted in...the boys just accepted that he was here again....they came and went as usual, it seemed no surprise or hardship for them to have him around. Saying that, Cameron did make it known how unimpressed he was that his mother was getting her rocks off so much through the bedroom wall from him. (Do women get their rocks off? Dunno. Anyway, who cares? when it feels that great you can call it whatever the hell you like I reckon.) After some rather dark looks and silences from my oldest child...the point was made and taken. It kinda gave off the feeling of what it may have been like if I'd got caught in the act by my parents *shudder*

Miss Jaimee (4), who has always been wary of newcomers in her midst, was so quickly drawn to him, I had to stop my jaw hitting the dirt. These days she'd rather speak to him over the phone, than me. No wonder really, he practically turns into one of the Wiggles and has her captivated from the get-go. How's a woman supposed to compete with that??

As expected, this year I've continued to learn more about myself...how well I adjust to change (or how well I don't), how I feel about commitment, how far I'm prepared to go for something I want, how I need to consider another person as part of my inner 'bubble' of safe people etc. I've written enough for now, I'll get to some of that other stuff next time. Sorry, I know how disappointed you all must be haha.

Oh, I'll tell you something I haven't learned yet...and that is the art of shutting up...who knew?!
Thursday, May 08, 2008

Missing the Spark

I'm having withdrawal issues re smoking again. I can feel it in my stomach. That knot that starts getting tighter and tighter each time I realise that I'm a non-smoker. Each time my body thinks "Hm, now feels like a good time for a smoke"...and then the mental gasp of....."You don't smoke, remember??!"

YES!...ALRIGHT!...I REMEMBER!...*mutter mutter*...bitch.

This'll teach me. Serves me right for thinking I was going to be able to smoke for a couple of days (or five) and then stop again without any problem. It's probably one of the phases of the non-smoking thing....I stopped reading Allen Carr's book because I stopped smoking before I even got past chapter 2. I was SO ready to quit.

Apparently Mr Carr suggests/recommends you continue to smoke while you read his book. Course I never got far enough in the book to find out why. NOW, I'm willing to read the whole damn book, but only because it'll give me some kinda weird 'permission' to smoke while I'm reading it. If Allen Carr feels that's the right way to do it, then who am I to disagree? He's been hugely instrumental in helping people stop smoking. And due to the success of his method/book(s) he continues to do so, long after he died of lung cancer.

I went to the doctor last Thursday night for a routine check up....put on 3 kgs...obviously that sucked. Add that to the Jaimee thing on Friday...I bought a packet that evening. So yeah, it's the doctor's and Jaimee's fault, ya know? I ran out of cigarettes on Sunday evening. I bought another packet after work on Monday. The reason? Probably just because I'm breathing. I expect you'll see the irony in that dumbass excuse as much as I do. *sigh*

I want a cigarette so much tonight I feel like crying....or screaming...or both. Consequently, I'm doing a lot of deep breathing. Cameron, completely unimpressed and terribly disappointed with me, said this evening..."Mum, every time I heard the flick of your lighter, a small part of me inside would die". My God, he's so dramatic...he must get that from his father's side *cough*
Tuesday, May 06, 2008

The After Shot

And this is what she looks like today. (Her head looks disproportionate to the rest of her but we'll have to put that down to the photograher and the fact I only ever take photos with my camera these days.)



I was going to spend some time reading blogs and even post again, but I've run out of time...I'm off to get physio done on my knee and then to work. By the time I get home, I doubt I'll feel like doing anything haha.
Saturday, May 03, 2008

That's My Girl


As most of you will know, this young lady is the lovely Jaimee (not sure why she looks cross-eyed in this pic, must've been the photographer!) If her parents weren't around so often, I would attempt to claim her as mine, but alas, they won't go away. Both my boys are of the impression that Jaimee's needs and wants come above and beyond theirs' in this house, even when she's not here.

There are certain bits and pieces that I'll buy for her in the grocery shopping, and should I see one of the boys reaching towards them in the pantry, I'll always point out..."Oh, I got that for Jaimee, she loves those museli bars...please don't eat them." or whatever it is. Generally this gets the response of "Oh, right, yes of course, I see how it is."

Yesterday I answered the phone to hear a rather high-pitched Anna... "Jaimee's fallen at kindy, are you able to go and get her?!" Friday is my day off, I had climbed back into bed earlier to read my book and fallen asleep...the phone woke me at 11.35am. I know, lazy bitch, but it's my day off, bite me.

I rushed into the kindergarten...no way I could've missed her...she was sitting on a caregiver's knee, and most of the kids were gathered around. She had an icepack against her nose and the teacher was trying to keep her awake. "Hello my little darling"....She reached for me and I picked her up....her arms snaked around my neck and she slumped against my shoulder.

I rang Anna while I carried her daughter out to the car and said I'd meet her at the doctors office. Unfortunately, I didn't have Jaimee's carseat. A slight pang of guilt later, she was buckled into the back seat. I gave her the icepack and asked if she could hold it against her nose. I also asked her to try and keep awake so we could go and see "Dr Penny, or Dr Richard or maybe even Dr Sally!". Hell I didn't know who it was going to be, I was talking non-stop regardless.

I've gotta hand it to that little girl and her determination. I spoke to her constantly, I sang really loudly (yeah, I know)...I slid the window open so the wind could blow in her face. And I kept glancing back watching her....she held the icepack against her nose the entire way. And oh my god, she fought against going to sleep to the point where her eyes were rolling up and back down again as she struggled to keep awake.

Then she started making really weird gurgling sounds, I turned back to see her, eyes as big as saucers, looking straight at me. The thought went through my head "Oh fuck, she's going to vomit and start fitting"...that's when I almost lost my cool. Thank God the doctors were less than 10 minutes away. I was actually going to work...Jaimee is a patient at the medical centre I work for. I have to admit the thought also crossed my mind "Aw man, my work colleagues are going to see me dressed like this and crying at the same time if I don't pull my shit together." Because of course, this was all about me *snort*

"You are such a brave girl Jaimee JimJam, and we're almost there...I need you to stay awake ok?...I keep seeing sooooo many yellow cars* and you KNOW you have to see them before Daddy does, right?" She grunted. That's the only time she actually 'spoke' to me. For someone who is generally so devoted to chattering full-steam-ahead, she didn't say one word to me at all. I have to put that grunt down to the competitive nature coming out of her...not surprising given her parents.

ANYWAY...she didn't vomit, or convulse, thank goodness.....I got to work, ran in the door and took her straight into the treatment room. The nurse came for a gander, the doctor turned up 10 seconds later and while they poked and prodded, shone lights in her eyes and ears, and up her nose, my heart rate started to go back to normal (don't forget, it's still about me). I couldn't have appreciated the staff and the swiftness with which they moved more than I did right then. They were brilliant.

She was good...well not good as such. But she was ok...very sleepy after bashing her head like that....very swollen down one side of her face, to the point where we thought she'd not be able to see out her left eye later...but besides the shock of the fall/pain, she was doing ok. (God, ya know, noone even asked how I was doing? What's up with that??) Later that afternoon her face had puffed up so much she didn't even look like herself...but she was pretty much back to normal after a short sleep (with us poking her to make sure she would stir)...Jason did it so often, she actually took a swipe at him in her sleep lol.

Jaimee actually fell last week too...damaged a different part of her anatomy. And the kindy has only just done this big revamp outdoors, laying down all that lovely spongey stuff to avoid the children hurting themselves if they fall. My little darling has managed to fall twice in one week, and make a good job of it by hitting her body against something on the way down to that lovely spongey stuff.

Bet she just wasn't watching where she was going cos she was busy being bossy and telling someone else what to do...she's so like her Aunty Lisa.