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gasp Who IS that masked font?

2009-10-06T13:20:00.007+13:00

This far down the track, it's sometimes hard for me to remember where Dan and I came from. Not in the "Who am I?" or "What is my purpose on this earth?" kinda way you understand...but of how we met and how much that totally spontaneous meeting unexpectedly affected both our lives and the lives of those around us.

It's been over 3 years since Dan stumbled across this blog, and almost 3 years since we actually met in person for coffee. Next February it will have been 3 years since I told him I was in love with him.

Don't panic...this is not going to be a post filled with sunlight and rainbows, extolling the brilliance of the above-mentioned man and all he means to me.

Would I do that to you? I mean to say...this is the first time I've put font to screen in over 4 months, do you really think I'd come back and get all gushy/mushy on you? Nah...that'd make even me wanna gag.

The fact of the matter is...that it HAS been such a long time since I had the time or bothered posting anything on here, that it made me think back a bit to when I was actually writing every day...and then well, t'was like the thought association game thingy, blah blah blah...and before you know it...a bit of nostalgia crept in like a young child sneaking around on Xmas Eve...little shit.

ANYWAY...I'm here for the moment. It's been a good/bad and sometimes even ugly 4 months of absence, but always laced with large take-out cappuchino and larger laughs, so nothing lost. Except words on here of course haha.

Almost lost my father in April. My God, I don't think I've ever felt so horribly desperate for anything before. Keep meaning to write about that, but well, got no excuse, just been lazy and still thinking about it now gives me goosebumps of dread. Suffice it to say, he's doing well these days and back to playing golf.

Almost lost myself in June...ok *sheepish* rather dramatic...didn't lose myself, almost or otherwise, but did end up in hospital (courtesy of my diseased gall bladder, pah) and that's where my relationship with Dan moved up (or down) to another level. While he kept vigilance alongside my hospital-bedded arse, he got to see me perform in splendid glory...yeah, he watched me vomit AND wet the bed at the same time...lucky man. THEN he got the major privilege of standing in the toilet cubicle holding up my IV bag while I pee'd. Did I not just say how lucky he was!?? Too bloody right, I don't just let anyone see me pee ya know...I reserve that for very special people.

At this point in time, I'm on the South Island...Dan is at work, I received no dictation files to type up for my friendly neurologist and thus, here I am.

You know, so often I have posts pop up in my head. Honest to God! No lie! I really do! I hear, see, say, feel, smell and taste even, a post or a good meaty post subject and then unceremoniously let it wither away due to lack of time or energy reserves.

Amazing really, I've had this blog for um..er...*counting on fingers*...almost 5 years now...and you'd think that after such a decent sabbatical (and let's be honest, I've been totally crap at being regular this year [although thanks to high fibre, I'm very regular in other areas of my life]), you'd think I'd have got out of the habit of even thinking blog-wise wouldn't you?

But no, those subjects and anecdotes still pop into my head...I feel the need to write stuff, stuff in my head that needs an outlet purely because I miss writing on this page...my page...and regardless of anyone reading it or not I really wanna do it, alright? (Must stop arguing with self...others may think am nutso...oh, too late? Ah well, that's cool, always wanted to be seen as nutter - feels very liberating). Cos you see, for the longest time I've been a lazy arse prat about blogging.

Let's see if I'm able to strong-arm myself into changing that somewhat.

Airport Shmairport

2009-06-04T14:52:00.004+12:00

I hate this day.

You'd think after 18 months of flying up and down the country every month, that eventually you'd get used to saying goodbye...that you'd practically be ho-hum about it all...but you don't.

Well, I don't anyway.

One day I'm hoping the only goodbye I'm saying to Dan is when we leave the house for work each day...knowing that we'll be saying hello again in person, at the end of the shift.

I hate this day *sigh*

Future Developments?

2009-06-03T12:08:00.004+12:00

I'm down south in Christchurch at the moment. Dan's at work and my new boss is away for 6 weeks, cycling through Italy I believe, so I don't have any work to do.

In fact, this morning I've done nothing except lounge around on the sofa, watch an action movie on the telly, eat stuff that's bad for me, and think about how much I want sex. I'm wondering if I'm turning into a man.

When that flowed off my fingertips it sounded too good to worry about the whole PC thing, so, what the hell.

I was...

2009-05-06T10:41:00.003+12:00

...sitting here at my desk this morning with not much to do and realised something. I could post if I was of a mind couldn't I? Could I? Yeah, why the hell not? Lawd, do you know that it's been so long since I've actually posted (not to mention come into my own blog page), that I had to sit here and remember HOW I get back into blogger to do said posting? I honestly had to think hard about that.

Anyway, I'm here. I've been busy as you all have probably been. For the last couple of months I've been doing an extra job...from home...which is ideal, but quite demanding and very time consuming. The fact that I'm here this morning is only due to my new boss being at conference yesterday. I've taken on a medical typing contract for a neurologist. This has been an interesting and somewhat eye-opening endeavour for me. And it practically takes up all the hours that I'm not at the medical centre. BUT, it suits my purposes for the moment. I don't want to leave the medical centre, yet I do need to work full-time, and doing it this way is perfect.

That is, as long as I can figure out what the hell he's saying in his dictation. This is all done digitally. He records files on his PC at his end, then emails them over to me etc. Good fun, or not sometimes. When I'm down south with Dan, I drag my laptop with me and continue to work down there.

Unfortunately for my blog site, because of all this mad typing I've been doing to earn money, the last thing I feel like doing is actually type more by being on here. Thus, I've allowed my posting to slack off. As in the past, I have plenty to say, just not so much time or the inclination to be saying it *sigh*

And speaking of slacking off...that is what I'm going to do now...this is going to be in the form of me throwing a shitload of junk into several boxes, all in the cause of trying to empty out Cameron's room. Cameron won't be leaving home any time soon it seems. Next simesta he will have so much going on at Uni that he'll be unable to work at all, so the decision's been made for him to hang around. BUT in the meantime we are going to overhaul his bedroom and make it more comfortable for him to study in. That kid has SO much crap in there, I'm going to put it all in boxes and he can go through it later.

Right, must away. I hope all is going well in your lives, and next time I get the opportunity I shall come by and have a quick read about what you've all been up to!

xx

Hardening Up

2009-02-14T22:21:00.003+13:00

On Thursday I saw one of our regulars get out of the car and thought "Oh God, I DO hope she doesn't bring that bloody noisy little dog in with her today". It had been a frantic, loud morning and the last thing I felt like dealing with were other patients complaining. It's hardly healthy standards to have an aminal inside the medical centre, but it never seems to stop this lady, she must feel that everyone loves her pooch as much as she does.

How dreadful do you think I felt when she came out of the doctor's office looking miserable, then burst into tears, telling me she'd had to have her 'baby' put down just before Christmas? Poor lady.

***

On the phone to Dan the other night:

Me: "I should probably blog again."

Him: "Yes you should."

Me: "But about what?"

Him: "About how great I am lol."

Me: "Yeah, but I try to keep my blog as factual as possible."

***

To those in the northern hemisphere: It may give you some comfort to read that last night I went to catch up with some old friends of mine. Well not that part, but the fact that I was wearing a hat, scarf and gloves because it was so damn cold! I even went to bed wearing winter pjs. In FEBRUARY! Pah. That'll teach me for harping on about how much I thought I was going to melt in the heat recently.

***

And to finish off, I wish you a very happy Valentines Day. I hope you all have/had a wonderful day with your loved ones. I don't particularly believe in Valentines Day, I know some of you know this about me...I feel there should be no one day of the year that we concentrate on, to show our feelings to those we share our hearts with.

I'd also like to go on record as saying, that despite what I wrote above, not only is Dan great, but behind closed doors he is positively magnificent! So, for you my darling, I send an extra special dose of kisses (and gropes) to the South Island *smooch*

Still Breathing

2009-02-08T14:24:00.006+13:00

Am feeling very dissatisfied with life in general at moment. Can't seem to make any major decisions about where I want to be in my working career, or even where I want to live. I have far too many options available to me. I guess that's better than having no options at all.

The boys are doing well. Ryan's leg is getting better and better as you'd expect, and he's now working for his father. Not entirely sure WHAT he's doing there, but happier that he's not at service station any longer. He went into town yesterday for the first time, independently, no crutches...came home limping and looking grumpily frustrated. To be expected. BABY STEPS DAMN IT! They always think they know better.

Cameron and two mates are spending weekends looking at houses to rent (in between sleeping and socialising). Obviously we all knew it was going to happen, and have been preparing myself for void for 19 years now. Regardless of mental and emotional preparation, can still see self weeping uncontrollably and clinging on day he finally leaves *sigh*

Dan has been and gone from Wellington. He has also now found himself some new digs to move into in a couple of weeks time. This last 'visit' would have been the longest we've been together straight...over 2 weeks...couple of hiccups, nothing major. I had rather stunning meltdown on morning of our departure from Christchurch. Yay me. No such cheering from Dan at time...very calm, slowly opened slammed-in-face-door, walked away. Made me feel like idiot. I was. (Incidentally, superb bedroom door...slammed beautifully.) Still love the man like crazy. Very grateful he still loves me.

You may have noticed I've changed my profile picture (kinda looks squashed, whatever). This is due to a co-worker who had trouble finding me on Facebook because of my previous photo...apparently I looked 15 years old. Those who know me in person, and of course on here, are well aware that I am certainly not a teenager. Sure, I may act like one occasionally, but no. (Am hoping new pic age is around 25.)

The Cat That's Got the Cream?

2009-01-24T14:29:00.009+13:00

Yes, yes, I'm still here. Maybe not as often as I thought I'd be at this time of year, but I'm here all the same ok? I've the iPod blasting in my ears, I'm comfortable and chances are I could rattle on for eons. Pull up a seat and feast your eyes upon my words for a change. Who knows? They could be the last you see of me for the rest of the year. Best make the most of it now, yeah? Thought so.

The MOST exciting news of the year for me, is the arrival of the beautiful and much awaited Payten. And my God, you shoulda been there to see it all happen...well, ok, not really...in fact I wasn't even there to SEE it all happen myself. As can sometimes happen, the wee babe just refused to come out of the purpose-made orifice and came into this world via emergency C section. (Already trying to avoid her Aunty Lisa I see.)

Last Friday (16th) I started off the day by attending Anna's midwife visit, checking out bodily functions were normal, making sure all was as it should be. Apparently all was. In fact, 2 cms dilated even. Well, well, well. What does this mean?? I'm thinking...maybe this is all going to happen within the parameters of the correct time frame for me? Afterall I was on a tight schedule, I had places to go, people to prop up, etcetera, etcetera.

After veto-ing coffee with my best mate Fi, I chose to spend the day with Anna, on a just-in-case premise, you know? I mean to say, how would I feel if she rang to say she was in labour and I'd only just sat down with my coffee and friend for a good natter? "Sorry Anna, you had your chance, I'm afraid I'm no longer available to you now. Cross your legs honeypie and I'll see you in a few hours time ok? Good girl" ??

You see my dilemma. (I really wish these people would get their priorities right and realise that it really is STILL all about me *sigh*)

Soooo....I spent the rest of my day timing contractions and trying not to frown. Can't have the labouring woman thinking part of her support system might be getting worried, or worse yet, is falling to pieces. To be honest, it wasn't the worrying bit that had me frowning on the inside. It was the "Oh God, she's in pain enough already and we are nowhere near the grand finale. How's she going to cope later? HOW AM I GOING TO COPE WITH HER NOT COPING??!"

Later that evening I sat in the birthing unit watching Anna going through one contraction after another...watching from this point of view, I have to say, I couldn't help but wonder what the hell is wrong with us women??! I looked at her stomach, thinking "We must be bloody MAD! What was mother nature thinking??!" Eventually I had hold of Anna's leg, her foot braced against my waist, staring at her...um...well you know *blush*....and I was mentally pleading for Payten to come out.

Anna couldn't have pushed any harder than she was. I could've given birth myself right then and there, I was pushing so damn hard alongside her. (Let's say a quick silent prayer for that not happening...no more babies for me thank-you-very-much). While I was busy begging and pleading silently, wishing Payten would hurry herself up and stop putting her mum through so much pain, I found phrases almost akin to something cheerleaders yell. "You're doing great, Keep going, that's it, good girl. Come on baby girl, we want to meet you" Obviously I didn't yell them out, although thinking about that now, I could possibly have supported other women in the delivery suite at the same time lol.

I can't describe the frustration I felt when Payten didn't appear during that time. But just because I wanted that to happen, doesn't mean it was going to. After more doctors checking and some quiet discussions on the side, it was decided that a c section would be the best option. Payten was starting to get distressed with all the messing about etc, so off they all went to theatre (and I mean ALL of them, there were actually 10 medical personnel involved).

On Friday 16th January, at precisely 11.52pm, Payten Grace entered this world. Isn't she just all levels of gorgeous-ness?! (Yes, I think she looks like her god mother too, thanks *proud smile*)

Judging by the picture at the beginning of this post, you can see that Jaimee is nothing but delighted to have her little sister in her arms. God, I LOVE that picture, it's my all time favourite and makes me feel like crying every time I see it *sniff*

I'm now in Christchurch with Dan. As you may remember I was waiting for Payten to arrive before getting on a plane south. Payten arrived on Friday, I booked my flight and flew south on Sunday. Dan's knee operation went so well on Tuesday he actually came home that evening. And here's me thinking I was going to have the house to myself....bloody doctors getting in the way of my life sheesh.

With Ryan's broken leg, Payten's arrival and Dan's knee, I've clocked up a fair few hours inside hospital walls lately. I've also learnt to walk at snail's pace. Which has kinda been quite nice compared to the pace that Dan usually rushes about...it's like his bum's on fire sometimes lol.

Today, 4 days later, Dan's driving again (he's such a smart arse)...which is just as well really...with all the driving around I've done in the last few days, not to mention him telling me to go right when I should've turned left...I could've shoved him out the passenger door a time or two (and yeah you KNOW you deserved it too) lol.

I brought my backgammon set down this time, thinking it could come in handy to take up some hours of immobility. It may as well stay here, I never use it at home these days. At one point Dan suggested we have a game...at the time I wasn't, um, really talking to him, but whatever. Whooped his arse didn't I? I mean, what did he expect...honestly?? Does he not know what got me addicted to the internet in the first place? (Not to mention the practise I got many years ago which is part of my 100 things lol) Yeah, I was laughing...on the inside of course, can't have him feeling too much of a loser. (I can SO feel egg on my face coming up at some point here lol)

Right, I'm outta here. The weather is steaming hot and windless, I feel like wearing my short nightie all day long, the restriction of normal attire makes me break out in a horrible sweat...you know, soon as you've had a shower you practically feel the need to have another? Blah.

I shall finish off quickly with my star of the month....Anna...here she is, the proud Mama with her girls. The fact that Jaimee's in her pyjamas is either due to the lateness of the hour she came into the hospital, or the fact her father was looking after her lol.

Ready, Set, Go Baby, Go!

2009-01-11T19:52:00.009+13:00

God I'm bored tonight. Bored, Bored, BORED!

I have plenty of things I should be doing.

And earlier I was feeling guilty, Guilty, GUILTY!...because I haven't done half of the things I should've done today.

I did, however, buy a new handbag...so...yeah...you know that means the day is not a complete waste.

Someone told Anna she needs to have hot curry, hot sex and a bounce on the trampoline to get Payten moving into action. I'm not sure that'd do it, but I'm willing to be a cheerleader for all three if it helps. I am, if nothing else, happy to lend a hand in similar hours of need, so why not this? Desperate times an' all that blah.

Obviously still no baby...obviously no flight south has been booked.

Dan said he loves Anna, and he'll love Payten, but if they get in the way of him having sex then "By God, there'll be all hell to pay!" lol

I won't say what'll happen if this prestigious event gets in the way of ME having sex...cos, well...strong words for innocent ears such as y'all have. (Heads might even roll...but then that's only if we're lucky...oh, I mean eyes... eyes rolling. I'm such a plonker *sigh*)

Did you know that the most common google hit on this page comes from the words "itchy fanny"...oh, and next in line is "what to say when cybering"...(can you lot not think of your own stuff?? Speak up, ya saucy devils!! Sheesh)

No-one can say I don't write smut anymore...look above...trampoline, sex, fanny and cybering...it's enough to make a person terribly exhausted *snort*

Payten Pending

2009-01-07T09:48:00.006+13:00

I've got a couple of weeks annual leave coming up shortly, and there are several things I'd like to do with my down time. Not the least of which will be flying south to spend some time with Dan after he has a knee operation on the 20th of this month. I'm also hoping that at some point I'll be able to bring him back up here with me...this of course all depends on his follow up appointment and how soon they feel he's able to get back to work etc.

BUT...I won't be going anywhere until Anna's stomach shrinks with the much awaited arrival of Payten Grace. Once these two have parted bodily company, I'll be able to set firm plans in place.

Anna is due on the 19th but swears she will go into labour any day now. Jaimee was 4 weeks early, but we're obviously past that point and can't guarantee Payten will be early....but even so, Anna reckons she's had all sorts of niggles lately and that baby will be arriving very soon.

I do hope so, I'd like to book my flight down south. Whatever happens, I'm gonna be there for the delivery, so I must sit on my hands and be patient. I feel like I'm in limbo, so Lord only knows how Anna must be feeling lol.

Ryan went up north on the 23rd of December to stay with his girlfriend, Therese. After his accident we didn't think he was going to be able to spend the holidays with her, but she drove down, I drove up and we met somewhere in the middle to transfer him into her car. He thoroughly enjoyed himself up there, they were very happy to have him and he spent the time pretty much relaxing, socialising and recuperating.

I picked him up last Sunday, same place, same time, and he stood there with his arms open and kinda shuffled towards me. Think he was just showing off that he could put weight on his gammy leg, but I was more than pleased to see him, I had missed him dreadfully. He goes back to the consultant next Monday to check out his next move.

Cameron and I have been downstairs to the tenants for dinner twice in the last couple of weeks. Can't beat an authentic curry that seems to have taken hours to prepare...here's me hoping I'd be able to learn to cook this stuff, but I can see my patience wearing thin if I have to spend hours in the kitchen like she did. The husband said next time Dan's here, they will invite us down and he will love the curry so much he won't want to go home again lol.

With the holiday season and a skeleton staff, work has been quite mad...some days we've felt like we don't have enough staff to deal with all the visitors that need attention. Should be slowing down in the next two weeks hopefully. The last couple of days in particular I've felt quite low, bit draggy and slow. I got my BP read this morning and found that it was only 92/60...pretty damn low for me, but possibly why I've been feeling so drained. The heat won't be helping much of course.

I hope you've all had a great Christmas and New Year (or whichever version you celebrate in your house), and you're looking forward to a happy and healthy 2009 :)

Spontaneity and the Mess that Comes With It

2008-12-31T10:35:00.005+13:00

In the last couple of weeks, I have been thinking about putting together a post to wrap up the 2008 year. I had great plans to talk about all the changes that have happened this year..you know, stuff that'd make you laugh, make you cry, make you go "oh my God Lisa!"...that kinda thing. I had planned to start writing this off and on, add bits and pieces to it over the days, and post it with grand finesse on New Years Day.

Well...*ahem*...much like everything else that happens around this place, it fell into the I'm-too-tired-it's-too-late-it's-too-hot-and-"OMG-I've-run-out-of-time!"-too-hard basket.

Yesterday, Cameron and I decided to have a party this evening. He had wanted to invite his mates around tonight anyway and was encouraging me to return to the orchard again like last year. I've decided to stay home because I'm overnighting at the orchard on Saturday (because I have to drive further north to collect Ryan halfway between his girlfriend's place and ours on Sunday) and I don't want to be driving up and back, up and back.

In the end I suggested he drag out the BBQ and invite his mates and I'd help with the food. In amongst all my suggestions and Cam's rolling eyes, I asked if he'd mind if I invited a couple of my friends. He was concerned about the two lots mixing. Sheesh. It's not like we've never seen teenagers before...we know how to keep our distance.

This morning I've cooked sausage rolls, whizzed up a pineapple lemon cheesecake, and I'm about to head back to the kitchen to whizz up some hummus (which we trolled through two supermarkets late last night to find some damn tahini "Two supermarkets in less than a day you've had me going through Mum!"...not a sign of the stuff, all sold out - seems every man and his dog is making hummus for today...hummus scratched off list. THEN...this morning I cleared a space in our fridge and found we already had some hahaha!) God I love my food processor at times like these.

Cameron is still sleeping. Typical. I can't complain about that, because he'll just say he never asked for any of this, and that I had taken it upon myself to add these extras...he'll say they would have been happy with pizza and beer. So my mouth has to remain shut *sigh* Do you know how difficult that is for me??!

The house is a mess...I want to take down the Christmas tree, but apparently it's bad luck to do so before the end of the 12 days of Christmas...who makes these rules?? I haven't showered yet, I still have to work this afternoon and I don't know if the BBQ even works after being stored in the back of the garage for two years. Chances are, we'll do the usual, and fly by the seat of our pants, thus waking up tomorrow morning thinking "Thank God that's over".

Just before I go back to the kitchen, I have to show you something I thought was a bit of a laugh. Cameron made a chocolate cake in a cup last night. True story! Threw all the ingredients into a coffee cup, shoved it in the microwave and voila! Cake-a-mondo haha.

Not a particularly great picture (and oh so lopsided), but you get the gist right? One of the ladies at work gave me the recipe yesterday and once Cam heard about it, he just had to try it out. We stood in front of the microwave last night sceptically watching the coffee mug go round and eventually the cake grew. Too funny.

You should try it...4 tablespoons self-raising flour, 4 tablespoons sugar, 2 tablespoons cocoa, 1 egg, 3 tablespoons milk, 2 tablespoons oil. Mix all together, put in a decent sized coffee mug and microwave for 3 mintues.

Right...hummus...quick tidy of house...shower...work. See ya next year!

Christmas Cheer

2008-12-25T22:00:00.003+13:00

Ever seen anyone this excited about putting on an apron?? Not to worry, she'll learn eventually lol

Guess who got a makeup kit for Christmas? You oughta see the colours of my fingernails right now...when I turned up to see Jaimee, Anna and Jason, I was taken by the hand and told "Now just take a seat Aunty Lisa". Purple on one hand, hot pink on the other, glittery "blaaaash" from the corners of my mouth upto my ears and a variety of lip colours that changed over the course of time as and when she felt it needed refreshing.

I wasn't the only one that fell prey to her beautific demeanour...

I hope that your day was as fun and colourful as mine!

Merry Christmas to you and yours :)

(Um, let's not tell Jason about this ok?, he'd be horrified to know he was launched internationally in such a way.)

Lisa Who?

2008-12-16T21:47:00.003+13:00

I realise you probably think I've disappeared again, but I haven't...honest.

As is happening in most households across the world, the great crescendo toward Christmas preparations and all it involves, is upon us.

Add that to Ryan's injury, Dan's visit, Jaimee, the orchard...oh, yeah, and work, blah...that doesn't leave a lot of time for blogging.

Don't misunderstand, I'm thinking about blogging, truly I am.

But my energy levels are thwarting any action. It's not like I can climb into bed to rest and have the added benefit of a cuddle from blogger is it?

I have been making a very half-hearted attempt to even read blogs the past couple of weeks I'm afraid. Just time and energy, nothing more. It has certainly not been forgotten.

Anyway, enough of that for now. I will hopefully be back on track soon and catching up with everything the rest of you are doing in your lives too...I'm looking forward to that...you know how I hate being out of the loop.

Take care you lovely people, and I shall see you anon!

Skeletal Misdemeanours

2008-12-07T17:30:00.006+13:00

Ryan's girlfriend arrived in Wellington today (she lives up north, we are obviously a family with national affiliations *waves flag* yay us)...she's staying until Friday. We don't have a spare room, so the plan was that Ryan sleep on the sofa, while Therese took over his bedroom. Everyone was happy with that, so it was all good.

"WAS" being the operative word. Yesterday at approximately 1.15pm, my youngest son fell out of a tree (yes, a freakin' tree)...broke both bones in his left leg (tibia and fibula), which pierced the skin and then duly went back in. Enter one compound fracture.

Thankfully, he was surrounded by friends when this happened and one in particular was Cameron's current boss. He rang me to let me know...I couldn't hear him properly and thought he was the painter at first, sheesh...but the news got through finally and I left the house with the ingredients of pinwheel scones strewn across the kitchen counter.

I started writing this quickly this afternoon when I came home to give him a brief respite, and now I'm too tired to finish lol. I'll follow up soon as I can with details, but the bottom line is, he had surgery yesterday afternoon to have a rod installed and he's doing fine. Quite the tough cookie is our Ryan...he's in good spirits albeit frustrated at not being allowed to get out of bed.

More later when I'm less knackered. Oh well, at least he's sleeping in a proper bed I guess lol.

Nobuddy Leees Za Rome

2008-12-04T21:20:00.007+13:00

Tomorrow night is my work christmas party. Thing is, we all have no idea what's happening. I mean, the practice manger knows, and I suspect the partners know...but the rest of the staff? the plebs? we don't know.

We've just been told to turn up at work before 6.45pm and be wearing our glad-rags. Over the course of the past few weeks there has been much talk behind the scenes of what we could be facing during this coming event. We've managed to find out there will be no need for passports, sea sick pills, snorkels, gas masks, bicycle clips and the like. We also know there'll be no paint balls to contend with...which is just as well because I can see one particular male doctor a whole plethora of hues by the end of the night if that were the case lol.

Anyway, doing my best to live up to an ounce of 'glad-rag' image and having my ~~ghastly grey~~ silver regrowth starting to make an appearance again, I was in the bathroom tonight trying to douse them in dark golden brown muck. It's difficult attempting to do this alone. If I could remove my head and give it the required root overhaul, there'd be no problem. A contortionist I am not.

Walking into Cameron's room, I find both boys staring at his computer screen and a shit load of noise reverberating around the walls. "Left 4 Dead" is having a great deal of impact in my home of late.

Me: "I need some help...I've done as much as I can see, but I need someone to check over the rest and make sure I've not missed anything."

*silence*

Me: "Oh please? I'd really appreciate an extra pair of hands and eyes."
Cameron: "Yeah yeah, hang on a minute, I'll do it in 2 shakes of a lamb's tail"
Me: "shake shake"
Ryan: "That's not how a lamb's tail shakes"
Me: "Yes it is, they do it just like dogs...you just don't see it very much cos they get their tails docked." (any opportunity to educate my offspring)..."they tie rubber bands around their tails and..."
Cam: "Yes Mum! I'm coming! Geez!"

Cameron follows me back to the bathroom, leaving strict instructions with Ryan on how he should go about eliminating this, that and the other beastie in his absence.

Ryan: "But I don't know what I'm doing!"

Me: "Just don't get yourself killed! Shoot everything that moves hun, just keep shooting."

Cam: *picking up long hairpin* "What is THIS?"

Me: "Oh, you have to use that to divide my hair...I can't find the long tailed comb, so it's the best I could come up with short of a screwdriver...and I decided I didn't want to make my scalp bleed."

Cam: "How am I supposed to use this budget material and get a good result??!"

Ryan: "God damn!" *THEUNG! THEUNG! THEUNG!* (or whatever other spelling for loud gun noises you can come up with)

Cam: *laughing* "That sounds SO cool Ryan!"

Me: *Talking through hair* "How's it looking? Have you managed to get everything? What about this bit?"

Cam: "Stop moving Mum! How can I do this if you continue to move??"

Ryan: "SHIT!!"

Me: "Oi, stop that! Just harden up and shoot more Ryan!"

Ryan: "It's a TANK!!"

Me: "Oh My God"...rushing back to bedroom..."RUN DARLING RUN!!!"

Cam: "Mum! Get back here!"

God knows what I'm going to be up against tomorrow night, but come on...*snort*...piece of cake!

We Did It!

2008-11-30T21:25:00.004+13:00

I must say I didn't have as much problem this month as I did in July when I tried this, but then I did have a bit to write about, what with the flat crap an' all. Mind you, I had flat crap in July as well, while I was busy trying to rent it, eg. laying carpet, hole in laundry wall due to yet another leak etc.

The boys and I went out this afternoon for coffee. Turned out it was for an early dinner and icecream instead. It's almost like I have to pay them to spend time with me these days. Well, maybe not to that extent, but there's usually a bit of bribing needed to get them out of the house with me.

While we were having our eats this afternoon, we started talking about what we could get each other for Christmas. Several large ticket items were mentioned, way out of our price range, but we were kinda fantasising, so what the hey.

Then Cameron leans over to Ryan and says behind his hand:

"I know...we should buy her a friend, then we wouldn't have to go to the mall with her ourselves."

Although I knew he was only joking, that just topped off my day!

Just Every Day Life

2008-11-29T12:27:00.005+13:00

Haven't seen Miss Jaimee for a while, so I must do something about that this weekend. But then I also haven't heard from her, so I'm wondering if they're either away or just been full on busy with life like the rest of us. It's another beautiful day here in Wellington, bit breezy, but that's makes it the perfect washing day.

Got called downstairs to the tenants this morning...that's not unusual, it's rent day and I usually have to go down to them to get it. They never come up here. I heard a few days ago that the husband had to go to the doctor earlier this week because of a chill he apparently got in his back due to the leaky roof. I don't know if that's what actually caused it, but I really am not going to bother investigating it further. They feel that was the cause, so I deducted $70 off the rent for the doctor's visit, and everyone seems happy. They didn't ask for it, but it made me feel slightly better for all the crap they've had to go through since moving in!

The builder rang yesterday to say he would be in first thing Monday morning to replace the ceiling and skirting boards in the back bedroom. Then we can move their bed back in there for the time being. The plasterer/painter may not make it before Christmas, but as long as they can use that room again, they'll be happy...I'll be happy. The rent won't go back to it's full amount again until the room is complete, which may be after the New Year.

I mustn't forget to collect Cameron from the airport this afternoon. He flies in around 5.15pm and I'm looking forward to hearing how his trip went. I spoke to him yesterday morning, he's been staying in a 4 bunk room at a hostel for only $40 for two nights. He said there's only one other person sharing the room with him, and the dude's from Florida.

Ryan's girlfriend is coming to stay for a week soon...she arrives on the Sunday, he thinks she won't be here until Monday. We have nowhere for her to sleep, so Ryan will be sleeping on the couch in the lounge while she takes his bed. Now I need to figure out a way for him to clean up his bedroom before next Sunday, as opposed to Monday, because he will likely feel that a quick spruce around on the Sunday should do the trick.

I had a long conversation with her Mum last night, so we all know what to expect (and what not to expect), and I feel more comfortable now about her being here. It was more of an issue for me because I'm going to be working, Cam will be working, and Ryan will be finished working by then. Two teenagers in the house alone for hours on end, hmm. Not to worry though, I shant feel the need to be on high alert all week, they're both responsible kids...and Dan will hopefully be here for half her visit anyway, so I'm counting on him to get the ruler out and measure distances etc lol

Ciao!

Butter Wouldn't Melt in My Mouth

2008-11-28T18:27:00.005+13:00

It's a gorgeous day today. Not a cloud in the sky...lots of birds singing...the delicious smell of BBQ's sizzling and the happy laughter of children playing drifts through the open door of my home.

It's one of those special days...the kind we all love about summer.

(Fuck it, I just realised I forgot to get butter when I was out earlier)

Excuse me for a mo, gotta text Ryan.

Damn, too late. I can hear the scooter coming up the street...there goes that plan.

Speaking of hats...here's the one I was waxing lyrical about the other day.

Please excuse the dark circles under my eyes...I did get plenty of sleep last night, that's just the end of day mascara doing it's thing, blah.

Here's the other version of my hat. Not that you can notice much of it...it's disappeared into the wall behind me. Oh well, ya can't say I didn't try.

Just about outta the woods folks, only 2 days to go. (And here's me thinking I was not going to go on and on about needing/having to post this month haha).

Off to cook dinner now. Have fun and I'll see ya tomorrow :)

Heading for the Home Straight

2008-11-27T22:02:00.002+13:00

I'm sitting here trying to come up with something to blog this evening. Only 4 more posts to go...that's including this one. I'm struggling for subject matter...well, more that I'm tired and can't be bothered trying to be witty lol.

A few positive things after yesterday's moan. It didn't rain, so the washing DID get dry. I worked until 8.45pm last night, so sent Cam a text message earlier asking him to get the washing in as soon as he was home. His response? "You are a mean person."

Just for getting the washing in? Sheesh...that kid's gonna get a shock when he's out there on his own next year. I told him that one day he'll answer the phone and all he'll hear is me laughing at him. lol

The insurance loss adjuster finally turned up this afternoon, he reckons the room downstairs will be liveable again early next week, thank God.

My colleague's son has been improving really well, he's out of hospital now, and getting better ever day so I don't have to work tomorrow afterall. Next week may be another story, probably changing shifts around to accommodate for her absence on different days until he's back at school, but that's no sweat.

Cameron's just flown up to Auckland to attend the office christmas party. The company he works for has their Head Office based in Auckland. Cam's staying at a backpackers hostel for a couple of nights. That thought makes me a little nervous and I had to stop myself from shoving a can of pepper spray in his luggage, but hey, he's gotta step out on his own at some point *sigh*

And that's about all I've the time and inclination for this minute. I'm knackered and needing to get to bed, got bugger all sleep last night with all the moaning. It's pretty draining stuff ya know lol

Would You Like Some Crap With That?

2008-11-26T09:48:00.006+13:00

I feel quite down today.

I've just hung out the washing Cameron did last night, but I think it's going to rain. In fact online, the weather forecast says it will rain later but I've hung the bloody stuff out anyway.

While the weather in Christchurch was lovely and possibly too warm for me...the weather in Wellington was blowing gale force winds and lashing rains for a couple of days. There's now a hole in the ceiling of the tenancy downstairs where water came through at around 2am...and wet the bed that the tenants were sleeping in.

The bed that's in the middle of the lounge, because the bedroom is still being worked on. The carpet is now laid, the skirting boards I removed due to them being swollen with water are still to be replaced...and there is only half a ceiling. If I've managed to understand the tenant correctly, the workmen are coming back next Monday to finish that off.

The cat got into my bedroom during my absence and slept several times on my fluffy throw, leaving her nasty cat hair behind. Between her litterbox and her hair everywhere, I am hating the cat more and more these days. I am tempted to tell Cameron to take her with him when he leaves early next year.

The throw is now in the washing machine, to be hung out when done, so it can be rained upon.

I climbed into bed last night and felt like crying...I didn't...but I felt like it! I hated leaving Dan and Lorelei behind. Lorelei is flying up to Wellington this coming weekend for a friend's birthday party...I was hoping to pick up Miss Jaimee from kindy and then head for the airport to be Lorelei's taxi. She's certainly done it enough for me this year. Now it looks like I'll probably have to work on Friday afternoon, so I'll scrap that thought altogether.

That can't be help. One of my colleagues' sons is not very well and she will be unable to come into work the next few days. I'll be working on my own this afternoon, working later than usual tomorrow, and then doing Friday afternoon. I've no problem with doing the extra time, God knows these ladies do cover for me enough, I'm more concerned about her son than anything else. But I am having a pity party today, so it gets lumped in the pile.

Ryan was working solo again at the service station last night. The men that have threatened to physically harm him previously, returned AGAIN...they blatantly filled their gas tanks and practically thumbed their noses at him. This will be the third Tuesday in a row they've turned up. It seems his manager may feel he is being dramatic, and last night the police didn't even bother turning up. I'll go into more detail about this when I can be bothered. It's worth a whole post in my eyes. This particular thing angers and upsets me more than the rest of today's rant.

Right, I'm off to get a break from the house and find me a coffee.

Out.

Just a Quickie

2008-11-25T23:19:00.002+13:00

just about didn't make it...to posting that is, not to home.

Very bumpy flight into Wellington this evening.

Anne collected me from the airport approx 40 minutes after touchdown. Apparently there was a detour through the city. Besides, I had texted her just before we boarded to let her know we were running late, so she was to take her time. I'd rather have me waiting around for her than vice versa.

Came home to the house in a similar state as it was before I went away (but with hot water, hooray). The rest of it will be in order before I go back to work tomorrow afternoon. I'm practically looking forward to it...I know, odd.

Ryan has handed his notice of resignation into the service station, and I have to say I'm pleased about that. I'll fill you in more another time.

Cameron was cooking his delicious beef/garlic/seasame seed combo something-or-other when I walked in the door, so house reeks of the smell (nice smell though).

Hopefully all will be back to normal tomorrow. That'll depend on what's been happening downstairs in my absence and whether or not I can be bothered dealing with any of it.

The time I spend with Dan seems to go terribly fast...it's the only thing I loathe about any time I spend with him. It helps to know he'll be flying up here in a couple of weeks.

Ciao for now :)

Invalid, but Valid All the Same

2008-11-24T13:29:00.003+13:00

No post today.

I'm too tired.

It's too hot.

Maybe I'm getting too old.

I did say "Maybe.."

Ok, I'm just feeling too old...today.

As you were.

It's THAT Big??

2008-11-23T19:21:00.001+13:00

I'll confess I had a slow start to my morning. This was due to the 5 bourbon and cokes I downed last night. In my defence...they went down really well and kept going that way...and it's not like I had anywhere to be...so it was all good. I didn't have a hangover this a.m., however, as mentioned earlier, I was moving slower than usual.

We went to the Riccarton Market today. Totally enjoyed that. Bought myself what I think is a fabulous hat...mainly because it actually fits my head. MY head!

Thanks to my Dad, I have a rather large head...it's a polynesian thing I think. Commonly referred to as "Boonga" syndrome. Ok, that's just my take on it, but whenever anything on me is bigger than usual European standards, I blame my Boonga roots.

Boonga being...err...an affectionate term for polynesian, you understand. Anyone that's met me in person will notice immediately that I am a Boonga, through and through. Wide feet: check. Hula hips: check. Large head: check. Wide smile: check (unless I get pissed off, then frowny face: check CHECK check).

Back to my remarkable new sun hat. Not only does it fit my head, it is reversible, so I have two hats in one. Black or white. Brilliant!

To avoid being mistaken for an aged lawn bowler, I imagine I shall be wearing the black side more often.

Dan suggested earlier that I put it on, he'd take a pic and I could post it. That woulda been ok if he wasn't already asleep on the bed beside me...yes, I'm aware of the time lol.

See you tomorrow :)

Pushing the Buttons

2008-11-22T16:39:00.008+13:00

Busy day today. Early start with breakfast at the casino here in Christchurch. 7.30am. Lovely breakfast buffet and then had a fiddle around on the slot machines. Do they still call them slots? We call them "Pokies" here, which is interesting in itself...it's not like you get poked while you're playing them is it? God knows there'd be a shitload more people addicted if that were the case. Lines and lines of people backed up around the corner waiting to get in. Come on, you know I'm right.

There's a possibility we call them pokey machines (not to be confused with hokey pokey, although half of you won't even know what that is...a flavour of ice cream and more recently chocolate. Oh, how about the hokey tokey? put your left foot in, put your left foot out, you do the hokey tokey and yadda yadda yadda, or something) here because you're (not necessarily YOU, but just you run of the mill people (not calling you run of the mill you understand) people in general, normal, every day people, you KNOW??! Shit...*bashing head on desk*...why must I feel I need to continually explain myself? I'm well aware my readers are all bright switched on hoochey mammas, and dadas, whatever).

Fuck *cough* Where was I?

Oh! Pokey machines...probably called that because people.who.use.them are always poking money into them, not to mention poking the buttons to spin the whatsamacallits on the screens. Which is what we did a little bit of this morning. Funnily enough, I lost no money whatsoever. Read that? Lost NO money at all. None. That's cos it was Dan's money haha. In fact Dan won $125, his daughter won um around $80...and we'll stop there and just let me ride along on their winning coattails. And we won't try calculating how much Dan won after factoring in how much I lost, k? Cool.

I think the quote of the day needs to go to Dan's daughter (it'll be nice one day if I could actually use her real name...or perhaps we could give her a pseudonym? something really cute and sassy, like her.) Anyway, after spending most of the day out of home (oh don't give me that look, we were not at the casino all that time)...we got back and Talulah asked (you like that? Taluuulaaah? no?)...ok, err, Amber (yeah that'll do, directly outta the mouth of the subject haha)...

...so anyways,

Amber: "What are we having for dinner tonight?
Talulah (not really, it was me): "Are you hungry already?"
Amber: (not her real name either): "No, I just wanted to know what was for dinner."
Me (wanting to be called Talulah but blown my cover long ago): *walking into house* "Err, how about cheese on toast?"
From behind me I heard Amber (truly not her name) say...and I (Talulah-wannabe), am assuming she was looking at her father at the time...

..."Noooooo, Lisa's here, we have normal food when Lisa's here!"

***

PS: Thought I better come back in and tell you what we're having for dinner tonight...Dan is in the kitchen jiving about with the food as I type. Pork schnitzel, new baby potatoes and salad. After everything we've eaten today, cheese on toast woulda be A.O.K with me! lol

A Good Steal

2008-11-21T12:10:00.000+13:00

It's midday and I'm being very quiet.

I know that sounds unusual for me, but I really can do it you know.

Dan's been asleep since about 6am...pretty good for him, he's a bit hopeless on the sleeping stakes. I suspect after 7 nights of doing this shift he's exhausted. Poor lamb...(altogether now...."Awwwwwwww").

Did the washing and ran out of pegs...how is that possible? There's two of them living here, do they take turns at hanging out their washing? Anyway, I took some money off his bedside drawers, bought some pegs, and a couple of other important things *pushes new cellphone hastily in pocket* just kidding.

So, so far today, I've stolen his money, stolen his truck (bloody hell, I was magnificent driving that hulking damn thing haha so proud *beam*) and been tiptoeing around the house so as not to wake him. Like silently ninja-ing off into the night...but it's light...and I'm not really that good at doing the silent thing.

Don't matter anyway, the man would sleep through anything short of a sonic boom when he sleeps like that. I could dance naked around the bedroom singing the Hallelujah Chorus at the top of my lungs and he wouldn't notice. I KNOW! Hard yakka not to notice me I can tell ya.

But anyway, I'm about to naff off with the vee-hi-kill again and find a mall (oh bliss heh), and someone to give me a pedicure (once again with the bliss thing).

Ta rah.

Rambling Drivel

2008-11-20T23:01:00.001+13:00

I've spent the last couple of hours messing around not doing much...pretty much just about anything else except blogging. It's not that I'm avoiding you, it's just that when I'm not at my own keyboard everything feels different. You know what I mean? Different desktop or laptop, things are in different places etc. I have to get my bearings first before I can sit down comfortably and try to get my groove going.

My groove...such as it is at the moment. I'm not good with change ya know? lol It can take me a couple of days to get comfy. Not in the house, I don't have a problem with that. I'm used to where most things are. Although I did come out of the kitchen tonight while cooking dinner and declare "Wherever we all are in the future, we are having gas hobbs." It wasn't a question, it's happening.

Electric hobbs...have to wait for them to warm up, etc etc. I get bored standing around waiting for everything to heat up to the right temperature, waiting for it to cook on one side before turning blah blah blah. Boredom sets in, it feels like all the action is happening in the lounge. I head there, stand chatting, more blah blah blah...and have to rush back to the kitchen in case the dinner burns. That kinda thing.

Dan's on night shift again tonight...when I flew in last night he was already at work (his lovely daughter kindly collected me at the airport.) He crawled into bed this morning around 5.45am. That's when we got to say our hellos, have a bit of a chat, have a cuddle (oh settle down, it was just a cuddle, family site an' all that), snuggle down together and go (back) to sleep.

We've had a nice relaxing day, visited with friends, sat in the sun (bit obvious now looking at my Rudolph nose)...and before he went to work this evening I think he must've had all of 4 hours sleep. 2 hours this morning, and a couple more earlier tonight. Thank goodness this is the last night shift for a while.

I'm knackered, I'm rambling and I'm sure I've said stuff above you're barely interested in...BUT the more important thing here is that I've posted. It is to me right now anyway lol.

Almost There

2008-11-19T08:28:00.007+13:00

Not much time today. Going out to get a half leg and under arm shortly (God, why does hair have to grow back all the time??).

Haven't heard from the loss adjuster about the room downstairs as yet. That's bugging the shit out of me. The insurers knew I was going away tonight and told me they'd get someone here beforehand.

I'd rather be the one having to deal with this, than lump it on Anna (see pic - Anna's body, baby-to-be Payten, and of course the cheeky Jaimee)...who now has all the information she needs, including the various phone numbers.

If that brother stresses her out in any way I'll tear his head off (ok, I won't, but I'll do something equally nasty.)

I have to pack yet, I'm working until 8pm tonight and flying out at 9.15pm (all going well and I make it to the airport in time haha, let's not tempt fate by mentioning that. The doctor's been told she HAS to run to time tonight lol.)

Have a good day/night and I'll catch you from the south island tomorrow!

*mwah*

I've Got Hot Water!

2008-11-18T21:18:00.004+13:00

Ring the papers!

Tell the world!

oh yeah, I just did (heh).

Steve couldn't make it yesterday, but he turned up today with the gas fitter. They installed the new hot water thingy...squarish thing that attaches to the wall on the outside of the house. Hear that? the outside. That means not even the remotest possibility of flooding inside. Brilliant.

I had the first shower in my own bathroom since Friday and it was bloody magnificent. Well, it was for me anyway. Thank God that part's fixed. Now I can fly south tomorrow knowing the boys will be clean...well, hope the boys will be clean anyway.

But Wait...There's More!

2008-11-17T21:35:00.004+13:00

Is it my imagination or are the word verification "words" getting easier to deal with? There once was a time I'd have to type the damn group of letters about three times to get it right...these days they're practically words. Not necessarily real words, but a group of letters that you can at least pronounce even if you do sound like a plonker pronouncing them.

The last few times I've commented on someone else's blog (because it would really be the height of narcissism to keep doing that on my own)...I've had "leele" and "foose", throw in a "stizesse" and even a "bmaac" is practically friendly on the mouth and ear. They've changed something haven't they? They must've done it when I was AWOL a while back and not watching things so closely.

And another thing...have you noticed the "following" thing? I mean, I used to rely on www.blogrolling.com to keep me up to date with what you lot were doing and saying. Blogrolling seems to be having some kind of tantrum at the moment, so it's not as reliable as it was (I sympathise with them, really I do, it appears they're having major probs). The biggest shame about this for me, is that I can't add the extra blogs I've been reading to my sidebar.

Well I could if I was gonna be bothered typing things out in full again...more to the point, if I remember how to get amongst my template and do it. *shudder* BUT...then I noticed the "Add" icon on the dashboard. I've added you all to it...blogspot waved it's magic wand...voila!...and now I only need go into the dashboard and it shows me when you've updated, with a link to that particular post. Man I love technology.

Unfortunately, private blogs don't do RSS feeds (goodness, what terrible snobs)...so those ones I still have to go look at, but that's hardly an issue, my mouse still works, as does my finger, besides you're worth it. AND, it also says on my dashboard how many people are following me! Two...read my fingers...one, two...TWO! My grateful thanks to Gary and PBS for making me feel loved...what happened to the rest of you?? lol

And you know what else? You can follow someone's blog either publicly or anonymously. That's right, like a hidden camera, the blog owner isn't even aware you're keeping tabs on them. How spooky and big brother-like is that? I believe it also lists on your profile which blogs you follow, which is cool. Check my profile thingy out and see. If you're not on the list it could be because you're a private blog. If you're not private and not on the list, it could be I was foolish enough not to add you. Please don't take it personally, I have had a fair bit on my mind recently. But even so, make sure I'm aware if you're not there, give me a slap, I'll bow and scrape, and then add ya, no sweat.

Anyway, these two particular features have been making my life a little easier of late...so thank you Blogger...it's much appreciated that you continue to fine tune your lovely self!

My Hero

2008-11-16T19:15:00.006+13:00

I had plans to mow the lawn this afternoon and use the weedeater down the driveway, around the steps, wherever weedeaters do their best work etc. I told Cameron he was going to help me. He could either mow the back lawn or use the weedeater. He opted for the mowing.

Turned out I couldn't even get the bloody thing started. After yanking away for what felt like ages...tried pulling the cord on different angles...held my mouth different ways...switched switches, pumped pumps, whatever. Anyway, thinking I'd flooded it, I left it alone for a while and went to cut down one of the noxious weed bushes that is persistent on coming back to life with a vengeance whenever I cut them right back.

See, I thought it would be a good idea to get rid of that particular bush today because it was obstructing the gate between me and the property next door. The property next door which houses a man who I often see or hear using his own mower and weedeater. I figured I take out the obstructive bush, get through the gate, go lick Scott's boots and he might start mine for me (weedeater, not boots). Pah, my pride got in the way...besides I started it last time, I know I can do it!

I picked it up again. It still refused to start. I pumped the button again, made sure it was on...I'd only just filled it with 2-stroke petrol, so I knew it wasn't fuel. Cameron had a go...he's always better at starting those pulley things than I am....but nope, nothing. I took the cap off the spark plug and heads together, we peered inside.

Me: "Do you have a tool that'll fit around the spark plug?"
Cameron: "Er, Why?"
Me: "Because then we could get it out.
Cam: "And how's that gonna help?"
Me: "Well, we could remove it...you know, blow on it, wipe it with a rag, put it back in."
Cam: "Is that the right thing to do?"
Me: "I dunno but that's what they do on tv."

He went back to mowing. Then he got annoyed that he had to keep moving the 20 metre cord around, flicking it this way and that to avoid mowing over it.

"Who's idea was it to get an electric mower anyway?"
"Mine obviously...the petrol engines are too heavy for me to push around on that slope...and anyway I'd probably not be able to start that either."
Expecting him to come back with something to the tune of..."Well I would've done it."...smirking, he replies...

"Nah, you'd be just fine Mum...you underestimate yourself."

No Hot Water to Get Into

2008-11-15T23:25:00.005+13:00

Just realised that yesterday's post was my 600th...you'd think I'd have something more profound to write about than the roof falling in wouldn't you?...well that is kinda what happened, and as you'd expect, it did take up a fair amount of my thoughts.

Today is not really that much different, although some progress has been made. The carpet's not as wet as it was, the floor beneath it's been scrubbed, skirting and smooth-edge has been removed, the heater blower thingies are heating and blowing.

Yesterday while the water was gushing through the ceiling, the two ladies that live downstairs, plus their brother, went down to the service station to see Ryan. Ryan, completely unaware of what was happening at home, was duly informed and told that I had asked them to go and see him. What the hell?? Why on earth would I do that? I'm hardly going to send them to his work place to put pressure on him am I? Did they think he had a magic wand that would stop the water pissing out of their ceiling?

This afternoon I became more and more annoyed at my tenants brother and the feeling that he was trying to manipulate me. He kept talking about the inconvenience caused, the cost of the electricity that the heaters were using up, the fact that his brother works long hours at a supermarket. I understood where he was coming from and told him so...how could I not? It's not like I couldn't relate to it. This has been a very unfortunate accident...one that's left them without the use of one room...and us without hot water for a few days.

I offered to further decrease the rent to help compensate (I decreased it a small amount per week not long ago when they asked)...he didn't seem to hear anything that I was saying...he never acknowledged any of it. I suspect that's because I wasn't saying what he wanted to hear. I can't dry the carpet or walls/ceiling any faster than what's happening in there at the moment...I can't make the builder, carper layer, whatever all turn up tomorrow and finish everything. I think he's being unreasonable. Chances are I'm going to lose a couple of weeks rent completely, so I'll just suck that up.

When he was talking to me this afternoon, he finished off by saying that the other option was they find somewhere else to live. I told him I was doing the best I could under the circumstances, I would lower the rent to the market rate of a 1 bedroom flat until the second bedroom was back together the way it was when they moved in. When I walked out - which I did fairly quickly...by the end of the conversation, I was ready to burst my own dam...which I did by ringing Dan, waking him and crying down the phone, blah - I still didn't know what the brother wanted from me. I came back upstairs very frustrated.

I've just spent the best part of 40 minutes waiting for my laptop to install service pack 3, and thinking I couldn't have anything else open at the same time, sat here reading my book (Michael Connelly's, Echo Park) patiently. I gave up. It's way late and I want to go to sleep. My bum has already done that because of the position I've been sitting in for the past 40 minutes.

Seems these days all I talk about is how late it is, how tired I am, and how I wish I was asleep lol. I'll apologise for how messy these last couple of posts in particular have been. Long-winded, kinda disjointed...that's me trying to get used to using my laptop again. By the way, I cut all my fingernails off a few days ago...now you know how/why these monumental posts are turning up. I feel such a sense of freedom when I cut my nails off lol.

Ah crap, I'm doing it again. Night! :)

Getting in Hot Water

2008-11-14T23:26:00.004+13:00

I had a rather cruisy morning, messed around at home and although I thought I had something else I should have been doing, I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was.

Do you know what I mean? It's like being restless, wandering around the house, can't put your finger on it kinda thing. Anyway, my godson's school was have a twilight gala tonight, and it started at 4pm. I decided that was as good a place as any to go, left the house around 3.15pm and collected Jaimee from daycare on the way. I figure she'd enjoy toffee apples, candyfloss, and the like...all that good stuff her Mum would go bananas at me about later (well possibly behind my back anyway haha)

Unfortunately, not long after arriving at the gala I had a phone call from my tenant's brother (he speaks the better english out of the whole family I believe). I listened in alarm as he went on to describe that there was water coming from the ceiling in their back bedroom. I rang Jason who rushed over (what else could he do really, I had his daughter)...my hot water cylinder was dead...well, it was leaking...ok, it was furiously emptying itself onto the floor, through the suspended ceiling downstairs and all over the newly laid carpet.

Yep, it was utterly pissing down. By the time I arrived there were buckets and containers all over the floor, their mattress and box spring, duvet etc were outside, drying in the sun (see?there's a positive, it could have been raining today, but no, glorious sunshine, yes!) The mother took me in and showed me the damage.

"Lisa...oh.God" she says in her adorable indian accent (you can all hear that right? too cute)

I spoke to my insurers, who sent along a charming young man to suck all the water out of the carpet and set up his loud blow-drying machines to help dry out the wall/floor/ceiling, you name it, it needed drying *sigh* There's now a large hole in the ceiling where he's ripped out a lot of the gib board (driwall? I think some of you call it) and insulation.

Anna was here before me and had helped the ladies downstairs carry out their mattress and bed. She kept saying "I can't believe you're so calm about this, I would be panicking and flapping about like crazy" I was upset but I felt ok. I figured insurance would sort this out, they'd get it done fairly quickly...I couldn't stop something that had already hapened, no point in getting all strung out about it.

Once I realised the actual hot water cylinder needed replacing and not just fixing, well that made the blood pressure rise a little. That's a costly exercise, one I can ill afford. So, I rang my sister hoping I could speak with my brother-in-law (you know, famous BIL of the orchard?)...he owns a plumbing business, he has contacts, maybe he'd allow me to pay off a replacement cylinder? It wasn't until Diane said she'd pass the phone to Steve and I could speak with him that my cool reserve slipped...in fact it kinda sat at the top of the slide and pushed off yelling "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" down the slope.

I couldn't talk to Steve, I ended up bawling and hiccuping down the phone at Diane, who had guests over for drinks/nibbles, and said to me "Now Lisa, don't you be making me cry in front of these people". I managed to get out that I'd ring in the morning, between sniffing and cry/laughing we agreed this was a better idea. Shit. 5 minutes later Diane rings back, she'd spoken to Steve who said not to worry about anything, they'd get it all sorted on Monday.

Cool. I can cope with that. No hot water this weekend, but that's ok...we can shower elsewhere, easy peasy. Unfortunately the dishwasher won't work now, so I'm gonna have to boil the kettle and do dishes the old fashioned way lol.

Oh, hey, I'm sitting in bed with my laptop on my new laptop tray thingy right now....not to mention my new USB wireless adaptor...that's because I couldn't be bothered sitting up at the PC in the lounge. This is kinda cool, I could get used to this.

Anyway, gotta go, I'm stuffed and I'm going to be up early tomorrow....I'll be downstairs washing the floor, not to mention, removing the skirting boards and um, what is that stuff called that goes around the edges of the carpet? you know, they hammer the carpet to it...shit....it'll come to me eventually. Whatever it is, I'm removing it, so it hardly seems worth talking about considering it's not going to be there tomorrow. (Christ it's so obvious I should be sleeping lol).

Here, something sweet to end the post with. The extra sunshine in my day, (the kind that has nothing to do with the weather). Young Jaimee who had her face painted with "boom hearts" this avo and rather quickly I might add, because the painter could overhear the conversation I was having on the phone re waterfall.

A Quick Dip

2008-11-13T20:50:00.004+13:00

Bloody hell, almost forgot!

And saying that, now that it's 9.30 something, I've got nothing to write about. Well, I have, but I'm knackered and I'd rather be climbing into bed to read my book.

Which I'm about to do.

But, first, see this photo? These girls are from one of the colleges in Wellington city. These young ladies are all 6th formers (year 12) and apparently in the 7th form they don't have to wear uniforms. It's been tradition for some time that to mark this fabulous milestone, they put on their uniforms for the last time and jump off the wharf into the lagoon near Wellington Harbour.

Why am I bothering to tell you about this? No particular reason really, except yesterday afternoon, not long after this great tradition had been accomplished, I looked up from behind my reception desk to find about 5 of these lovelies walking through the door. Carried amongst them was another, who had cut her foot so badly it needed stitches. And from what I heard, she wasn't the only one needing medical attention.

Having fun makes you laugh, and laughing is good for the soul, in fact we all know it's renowned for being the best medicine there is. I'm sure the outcome of yesterday's foolhardiness was going to be known as something else.

Shit I sound like a grumpy old bag.

That's all. Time for bed!

What? How? Why?...err... WHAT?!

2008-11-11T19:29:00.010+13:00

So to follow on from yesterday. The phone call on Wednesday night at work.

Me: "Good evening, Blah Medical Centre."
Ryan: "Lisa?"
Me: "Yep, hi honey, what's up?"
Ryan: "Oh right, hi Mum. Would you mind if I moved out tomorrow?"

*brakes squealing...metal colliding...hubcap spinning...*

*...silence*

Mentally...I reacted like this:

In reality it was more like this:

Because, you know, I'm dark skinned. So in my mind I was exactly like this second picture. Except I carry a lot more weight...um, I'm not actually as dark as this lady...oh, I'm older than her of course...and I don't have a tiara...but I've always wanted one. AND...she looks like she's playing at being a tiger...we all know how gorgeous and powerful those big cats are...which is kinda sexy. I never role play wild animals but whatever floats your boat. We could be identical twins, yeah? I thought so too.

WOULD I MIND IF HE MOVED OUT TOMORROW??

Casual.as.you.please. He's given no indication that he was even thinking about it. Of course there's always been the idea that eventually it would happen...he knows, I know...but not even a ~~warning~~ whisper that he would be going in the next 6 months or so. I ask you! There would've been less impact if he'd kicked me in the stomach *sad face*

I sat in a quiet waiting room trying to breath and realising I was in the safest place should my heart really chug to a halt. My God, I actually felt like bursting into floods of tears...I'm such a baby...but he's my baby. Then I started raging on the inside "Are you fucking kidding me??!" but I calmly responded "I need more details Ryan"...which he couldn't seem to give me. I told him we'd discuss it further when he got home. I finished at 8pm, he finished at the service station at 10pm.

I rushed off to see the nurses, panic in my voice, "Is there any way I can make him stay at home? You know, like is it illegal for him to go off on his own at 17?" What an idiotic question that was, I left home at 17 myself, but I won't be divulging that gem to him.

We both get home, and I get to hear more. Apparently some 21 year old ~~slut~~ young lady comes into the station each day/night to buy a cookie (ffs) and she was asking him if he knew anyone who needed a flat because she was looking for a flatmate. My youngest had obviously decided he could be seen in the role of "Knight in Shining Armour" (yet he's such a love for tigers, you'd think he'd visualise himself as Tarzan) and told her he might possibly be able to help. Bet he didn't tell her he was gonna ask his mother first.

I guess the main thing is that he did ask. He didn't just bugger off. It warms me some that Ryan continues to ask if he can do things...stay out overnight, go into town for the day etc. Cameron has practically stopped asking me at all (unless it involves the house), he's at the point where he just tells me he's going out or taking off to do whatever. But Ryan is still asking, and you can bet I'll be trying to hang on to that respectful innocence as long as possible. After we'd spoken about the more practical side of moving and money, he pretty much chucked the whole idea. I think. I'm not entirely sure, but I'll not be taken so unawares next time.

I tell ya, I'm fed up with feeling the need to steel myself against what might come out of their mouths next, but at least it gives me some emotional padding before the big one drops. That'd be empty house syndrome or whatever you want to call it. Chances are, once it happens, I'll love every minute of it...or so they say (once again with the "they" sheesh ~~BASTARDS!~~)

I started this blog when my kids were 15 and 13, now they're 19 and 17...besides all the crap I've been in and out with as far as the men side of my life is concerned (and of course all the lovely stuff too, can't be forgetting that), the biggest changes around here are in my children. Where on earth did all that time go? (stinky cliche I know but seriously, where??)

Damn, look how long this post is?? If I was cunning enough I could've dragged it out for another couple of days. Crap. It seems NaBloPoMo's doing some magic and allowing me to spit and ramble on here, whilst leaving my children relatively unscathed. Poor darlings. And bless you dear reader for continuing to be here. Gold star for the lot of ya's!

No Way!

2008-11-11T12:22:00.005+13:00

My teenagers are becoming more and more independent these days...I know it, I celebrate it and when I fly off down south to see Dan, I utterly embrace it. It's been a gradual process. First going into town on their own to meet mates, then staying overnight with said mates, flying north to be with other mates etc.

Cameron says he's leaving home soon. First draft of that thought, was October...as in last month. He reckoned as soon as he'd finished his exams he'd be outta here. He asked me this weekend "I'm sorry but I won't be leaving now until January, so I hope that's alright with you Mum." I never expected him to be gone in October, but I wasn't going to tell him that. January is fine...it gives me a bit more time to get used to the idea.

However, I will have to control the urge to gut his bedroom, paint it and use it to my benefit the day after he moves out. I say this only because I'm not sure how long he'll be gone for. What IS an appropriate amount of time before I'm allowed to go get jiggy with that space?? I could wait 3-6 months, then pull it to pieces...and sod's law, he'll ring the following week and say he needs to come home. To be honest, I'm not sure he will...I suspect once both of my kids take it upon themselves to go, they will be gone. Finito.

So, I'm braced to be losing my 19.3 year old in the New Year. I shant be arrogantly laughing at his audacity to leave me...and I won't be spitting in the face of his future landlord either...I might want to, but I won't. I will not even throw myself at the floor, grab his ankle so he has to drag me along while trying to shake me off as I wimper "No, please, stay, I can't live without you."

No, no, no, dear readers, that's not gonna be me. Hell, I eat iron shavings sprinkled on nuts and bolts for breakfast...a splash of acid and I'm good to go. I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman. I digress. Whatever.

The relationship I have with my 17.8 year old has already been changing in leaps and bounds on the positive network, so I'm looking forward to enjoying more time with him...if he permits it of course. Goddamn, when did it happen that I have to be polite and respectful while desperately hoping he wants to spend time with me?? Demanding "Because I said so!" just doesn't cut the mustard anymore. All that does is begin The Great Debate...I'm just too old for that shit now ya know?

Saying all that, nothing could have prepared me for the phone call I got at work last Wednesday. More tomorrow.

Cheating? Who's cheating??!!

Lickety Split

2008-11-10T20:36:00.003+13:00

I've been told I'm not allowed to post today...so this is going to have to be our secret ok?

Besides, I'll make it quick.

Saw the doc this afternoon, he's happy with my BP (140/80), he upped my Tegretol medication and I have to go for blood tests in the morning to check there isn't something else behind the odd turns I had this past weekend. (Funnily enough, I had another this evening, but not quite as bad, so things are lookin' up.)

Ryan was gone for the night, so Cam and I went out for dinner because I couldn't be bothered cooking and thought maybe I needed a piece of good red meat in me. Perhaps my iron's down, dunno. Seems all I'm eating lately is chicken or fish. Which is ok...I like chicken and fish, but the steak was worth a shot and I bloody enjoyed it lol.

Um...what else? Oh yeah, Fizzy?...my practice manager said a similar thing about the possibility of migrane. Apparently you can have all those symptoms without actually having a headache. Learn something new every day :)

Oh, and I've got tomorrow off. So I'll be able to sloth around at home for another day, hooray! Course, it would be more fun if I felt better, I'm so damn vague I have trouble following my own conversation lol.

Do You See What I See?

2008-11-09T18:02:00.007+13:00

(Oi, check out my very cool NaBloPoMo icon over there on the right. Beauuuutiful huh??! Made specially by the one and only lovely Jo. Not especially for me...but for her...yet she very kindly let me steal it. Which I guess could now make me an abnormal thief. See if I care. Whatever. She said "Yes"...and I said "Alrighty!" Thanks Jo :D )

Last night I was on NZ's version of eBay, which is called TradeMe, trying to win myself one of these, and I had a seizure. The kind of epileptic seizures I have aren't the convulsing sort, they affect my vision (akin to looking through a kaleidescope) and my brain can't seem to send the right messages to my mouth. Or in other words, I can't talk properly, I slow right down, I can't remember what I was talking about and will pause mid sentence struggling to finish of with words that make sense.

Most of the time I stop talking altogether and sometimes even freeze, practically holding my breath until it passes. Each one generally lasts only 10-15 seconds. Last night's one was prolonged and I thought I was going to pass out. I had a horrible feeling of nausea sweep up my body and I also thought I might vomit. Thankfully I didn't do either but it did give me a bit of a fright. (I did however win that Laptop tray but only because Dan was keeping an eye on it at the same time and we were on the phone. When the flurry of bidders rushed in at the end my seizure was just starting to wind itself up.)

A couple of hours ago, I had another one. Almost identical to last night's. Ryan and I were in the middle of a conversation, just basically hanging out and chatting, and it started. The distorted images, full on nausea, light-headedness etc etc and I eventually opened my eyes to find Ryan getting up close and personal, saying "Mum? Are you alright?" (The things I do to prove to myself that kid cares for me, haha!) While I was busy scaring the crap out of myself, I'd obviously given him a fright too, poor sod.

I've been feeling quite lethargic and odd the last couple of days. Like I'm dragging myself around...very unmotivated. There's been a feeling of having to force myself to do anything, like I'm exhausted, yet I shouldn't be. I haven't done anything out of the ordinary recently so I can't blame working double shifts or lack of sleep, which can sometimes be the reason behind them.

I've rung the Practice Manager and bunked off work tomorrow...if I still feel like this in the morning, I'm not going to be much use to anyone. It's better I let her know now, than wait and see how I'm doing at 6am tomorrow. Far easier for her to get cover for my shift today, than have to ring around early tomorrow morning waking people up.

I'll take myself off to see Dr Tim tomorrow and let him fix me. I suspect it may have something to do with the new BP meds he started me on a couple of weeks ago. The nurse did say it would take 10-15 days for them to get into my system sufficiently, and it's either that, an uncanny coincidence or I've turned into an attention-seeking nutter, whoot!

Mutiny on the County

2008-11-08T15:03:00.006+13:00

Today is New Zealand's general election, so I took myself off to the voting booth and cast my ballot. I have to say that the American election has considerably paled New Zealand's for me (and probably many of us). I had far more interest in the US Elections...I almost forgot I was supposed to vote today.

I was so pleased to see Obama won. I'm not an avid follower of politics at all. I wouldn't have a clue about left wing, right wing etc, it all comes together as blah blah blah in my head. I read an article in Time Magazine last month that only confirmed my thoughts on Obama being the right man for the job. He seems a very humble person and his victory speech further strengthened my view.

I felt McCain's speech was gracious and respectful. What on earth could he have been thinking to make that woman his wing 'man'. I find it hard to believe that people would vote for someone that obviously needed to spend time taking care of her own family...how were those that voted for her expecting her to look after theirs? I cringed every time she opened her mouth. This is of course only my uneducated political opinion, but shit, ya know?

ANYWAY...I grew up in a staunch Labour Party household. My parents supported Labour for many years and I, not having a political bone in my body, voted right alongside them. I've always voted Labour because of it, always. Until today.

Today I defected, I crossed enemy lines and cast my vote for the National Party. I stood in the voting booth staring at what I felt were my only two choices amongst a list of various parties and almost puked when I ticked the National box lol. The lady in the booth next to me, looked over and said "Well that was just too easy." I didn't bother asking, I'm sure you're not supposed to, so I don't know who she voted for...but I didn't find it easy at all.

I was hoping to have some kinda milestone moment with Cameron, now that he's old enough to do the deed. I was going to proudly walk in beside him as we went to vote together haha. But nope, he wouldn't get out of bed when I wanted to go. Besides he already thinks I'm daft enough, he would have been mortified if I tried taking a photo of him dropping his paper into the box lol.

I walked out feeling quite ill...stupid I know...but as I continued my way back to the car I thought..."No, fuck it, I'm fed up, it's time for a change." SO, changes are abound from one side of the globe to the other! And regardless of how our government change affects me, I'm still gonna feel more interested in what your new government is up to lol.

It's a Kinda Magic

2008-11-07T17:22:00.006+13:00

My godson, Liam (8 years old) went into hospital at 7.30 this morning for surgery. They were inserting grommets in his ears (where else do they put 'em?) and removing his adnoids. HUGE adnoids he had. Not anymore. This is what he looked like just before they wheeled him into theatre.

Cute huh? He looks very serious, but that has more to do with what was happening on the PSP, as opposed to what was about to happen. His mother (my best mate Fi) realised she was going to need something to keep him distracted this morning while they waited, and sent out an urgent text message to her friends/family to find someone with a PSP. Big brother Sam came up with the goods at 7am. That little black box kept Liam entertained beautifully.

Once I knew he was all done and dusted and I'd sat around waiting for a while, I decided it was probably best to come home and check back in with him later. He was only supposed to go in for the morning, home by 10.30am they reckoned, but due to the hugely oozing adnoid issue, the surgeon decided to keep him overnight and send home tomorrow instead. ("Oozing" is apparently a nice word for bleeding, and here was me thinking all sorts of pale yellow pus stuff, but no, I was wrong a-bloody-gain).

So I came home around 1pm feeling a bit hungry and walked into the glorious aroma of garlic, soy sauce, seasame oil etc. Lovely mix of smelly goodness. Cameron had obviously followed through with his plan to mess about in the kitchen and take a cooked lunch to work. In other words, no scrummy food for me...just smell. Oh well, less calories in that (or so they say...I swear to you I've tried to smell a photo of some elaborate dessert online and have gained 10 pounds in the process...besides what do they really know anyway??)

Here's what Cam left me. Of course, when he gets home from work he's going to tell me he had every intention of cleaning up after himself but he would've been late for work. Story of his life.

I ate lunch (salmon sandwich, apple) and spoke to Dan on Skype for a short while. Unfortunately during a game of backgammon that was shaping up to be a good arse kicking (against him, not me...I dare you to say differently), the weather utterly shat it's undies and my computer power surged. I was robbed!

Right, I'm off to play with micodermabrasion cream and come back looking like Halle Berry. Don't wait up for me, it's gonna take some time. Ciao!

One Moment Please Caller

2008-11-06T21:31:00.004+13:00

It's been one of those days. You know, one that feels longer than the others? My shift this morning was busier than usual...in fact Thursdays in particular are always full-on. I usually get home around 2pm and often get into a hot shower, climb into bed and rest/sleep for an hour.

Crazy eh? I've worked less than 6 hours, yet I can come home feeling like a stunned mullet. Afterwards I don't want to say anything, do anything and end up sitting in front of the tv watching anything...it doesn't matter what it is...I just need to sit still, be mute and stare.

This morning the phone rang so often that at one point I answered with my usual spiel...waited...no response...."Hello? Are you there?...Hello?" Then I realised I was talking to a dial tone.

A freakin' dial tone!? Damn.

After I rest I normally have a burst of energy and feel practically inspired to clean...never lasts long...I hate housework.

Today I didn't rest, I was moderately energised and now I'm more than ready for bed.

See ya tomorrow. Night! :)

All Washed Out

2008-11-05T20:13:00.004+13:00

I am SO tired of laundry! It's another one of those jobs that is never ending. Furthermore, I really should not complain about something that I know needs to be done and I know will always need to be done. Pointless. Unless of course I choose to never wash my clothes (or the boys for that matter) and we all go around smelling of that yummy stale odour...not.

Powers and secrets?...*snort*...whatever.

And should the kids ever do their own laundry...well, chances are the moment I find out, I'm gonna end up looking like this.

All that's missing is the gaping mouth as it hits the floor.

(Oh come on, give me a break, I'm trying aint I? Just think of what else could end up here...afterall, we are only on the 5th day lol.)

Look at That, Look at That...

2008-11-04T20:35:00.008+13:00

Don't ask me what I'm looking at on the screen, I wouldn't have a clue. (Excuse the state of my hair...it's gale force winds outside (for a change *snort*) and I'd just got in from work. Besides it's actual real life and my hair looks like this the majority of the time...far be it for me to show you my life via rose-tinted glasses, it is what it is lol).

My previous camera has always been a bit grainy, but at the time it was far better than the one I didn't have (if you get my drift). During the weekend I buggered off and bought a new improved version of the same webcam. I finally downloaded Skype (which I've done before and had no success with whatsoever), and found what a simple yet effective programme it was...ok, it was probably more about Dan stepping me through some stuff and me finally getting it.

I see my sweetheart every day now...not just talk to him. Seeing him, in some ways just makes me miss him more. BUT, I actually get to lay my eyes on him and that's a major bonus for me. I could even do another video post at some point...imagine the future possibilities! haha

Psssst, Mrs L, I do believe you were clocked as being my 72,000th visitor. You must feel terribly excited knowing that now!

Say "Cheese...(cake)"

2008-11-03T17:38:00.003+13:00

We're attempting to change our eating habits in this household, so for the last 2 weeks plus, we've been following a diet plan, well a healthy eating plan hopefully. Cameron who really does not have any weight to lose started off by following the plan religiously...saying that, so did I pretty much the first week.

I'm pleased to say that Cam has loosened up a little...being that he's only 19 and is not overweight...the daily food intake seems rather low. While we follow this plan, we've also been keeping an eye on the Weight Watchers food guides and how many points some foods are. I figured that between the two we're hopefully working in the right direction. Cam was horrified to find that his favourite pizza, which he can consume in it's entirety in one sitting...is the equivalent to 40 points. That's almost twice as many points per day than recommended.

There's a lot of chicken on this food plan. Chicken salad, chicken soup, chicken salad sandwich, chicken salad soup (ok, not that one). While I was out and about during our first week I received a text message from him..."Oi, how do I cook a chicken breast, godamn." Bless him.

Today the 3 of us were at the local mall, my kids to get their hair cut, and me to run a couple of errands. Ryan and I were sitting down enjoying coffee (and McDonalds in Ryan's case)...and Cameron, having finished his appointment joined us. *him pointing at slice of cheesecake in front of me* "What's that!?"..."It's salad, wanna share?"...."I love salad, cool" he said, picking up a fork and digging straight in. There's no denying this kid is my son, haha.

Anyway, this is what he looks like these days....

...he's talking to my sister and stepping her through something or other on her computer. I have to take photos when they're unaware...lot less drama if they're distracted. At some point I'll try to snap Ryan...but it'll take a fair bit more skill to catch my youngest out. Chances are you'll get to see a very skinny slice of him, cos I've taken it through the crack in his bedroom door lol.

Starting Off on the Right Foot

2008-11-02T17:15:00.009+13:00

The crates have been dragged out from under the kids beds and I've been going through them bit by bit trying to muck out everything that hasn't been touched for eons. I'm trying to do that with most of my household (again)...possibly something to do with Spring getting all sprung and such. I need to be more brutal, have less emotion and push back any memories that adhere to whatever item has just squeezed my heart..."Aaww, I remember the look on his face when he got this." My maternal, um, squidginess requires toughening up. Be gone squish! Bring me iron! Whatever.

I had washing to do, it's a glorious day so it would be a great time to mow the lawn as well...I also have the minutes of Friday night's staff meeting to type up. The boys have disappeared for the day with their father (both of them out of bed before 11am...who woulda thought it possible??)

And what have I been doing with all this spare time today? I've been sorting my priorities and skived off for a pedicure, haha. Any place I've had a pedicure, like, any place ever, has been run or owned by Asian people. Is it just my imagination or do all Asian people have a thing for Celine Dion? This is by no way a criticism...I love Celine Dion (Hiya C, just in case ya come callin')...just wondered if there's something in the water.

The local nail salon I frequent has a large plasma screen on the wall for it's patrons enjoyment while we relax and get pampered etc. The ladies and gents that look after me are lovely, they're chatty and personable and considering they're getting intimate with my digits, their manner makes me relax and feel real comfy in their hands. When it comes to anybody touching my physical self? I've gotta be happy letting them...pointless otherwise. Now, each time I'm there the DVD that's playing is either Celine Dion or Michael Buble...predominantly Celine. Perhaps they have a Canadian thing, dunno. Perhaps I should try slipping in some Bryan Adams?

Anyway, the washing's done, the scribble I wrote on Friday still lays dormant beside the PC, and I have a lawn to mow, so best be off. Oh and here's my toes, just so y'all can share in the glittery goodness of my Sunday! (Apologies for the blurriness, crap photographer an' all that)

NaBloPoMo, Go!

2008-11-01T06:53:00.010+13:00

At least two of my favourite bloggy people are taking part in the NaBloPoMo challenge of posting every day in November. 30 posts for 30 days. So I went and joined up. Well I think I did. I thought maybe I could have another go at this. I attempted to post each day in July...well, missed about 5 days altogether didn't I? And then I disappeared off the face of the screen for almost two months. Exhaustion? Disappointment? Lobotomy?

Why should I find it so hard to post each day? I used to do it without much thought at all. Possibly I think too much these days. Last time I bored myself rigid with what I was writing, God knows how you lot coped reading that drivel. Strong chance that's going to happen again.

Anyone know what NaBloPoMo means? National Blog Posting Month maybe? Just a guess, I'll have to look into that...from the short trip around the site, it appeared you can do this any month of the year. I think they have different themes/subjects for each month. I really should research things better, but given I was doing this late last night, I'll admit I wasn't paying too much attention to the finer details. I've no clue what this month's theme is lol.

I'm pretty sure I did sign up but have no idea if I'm supposed to do anything else with the personal web page I've been given. It's very empty at the moment (probably will remain so)...scrolling down the page I couldn't help but feel like a Nigel-no-mates when reading under the heading of "Lisa's Friends"..."Lisa doesn't have any friends..." (How can you NOT feel tremendously sorry for me??)

And just in case I didn't cross my t's and dot my i's correctly, and I've not officially signed up for it, let's just not tell anyone eh? I don't need to be branded an imposter....or hijacker (or any other word with 3 syllables).

*Proffers glass*.....Here we go then!...*clink*

Warts an' All

2008-10-27T22:49:00.005+13:00

I had an interesting chat with Jaimee last week. We were sitting at the table colouring-in together and she kept saying "pardon me" as she passed wind. Nice manners you say? Yes, that's what I thought and I told her as much. She continued popping away and pardoning herself each time and eventually I suggested perhaps she needed to go and use the toilet. Nope, she assured me she didn't need to go. (I later found out she'd 'stolen' a bunch of grapes out of her father's work van and scoffed the lot, go figure.)

We carried on colouring, switching pencils, turning pages to a 'better' picture (just when I'm finally getting into the one she'd first chosen...I may never reach my full colouring-in potential because of this kid.)

Jaimee: "I never say 'pardon me' at Kindy"
Me: "Oh? Why's that?"
Jaimee: "Because then they'd know I did it."
Me: "But surely your friends at Kindy fart too."
Jaimee: "Yes, but I don't want them to know I do. And if I'm really quiet, they don't hear it, and I don't have to say pardon me."
Me: "So, when your friends fart, what do you do?"
Jaimee: "I laugh at them"
Me: "I see. So how come you're allowed to laugh at them, but they're not allowed to laugh at you?"
Jaimee: "Because I don't like it."

Simple as that. We're talking about a 4 year old here. How young do the children need to be before they're taking into consideration their image in society? Noone enjoys being laughed at I guess and regardless of the fact that everyone farts at some stage during their day (some more than others), can you actually remember how old you were when you began worrying about other people 'catching you out'? When did kids this age start to be concerned about what other people thought of them?

Passing wind is natural...what happens if we don't do it? I'm sure there's some kinda long-winded (haha) medical term for it...whatever it is, I bet it's painful. The word fart itself is vulgar...to me that is...we were never allowed say it when I was younger. My mother said we were 'blowing off'...her best friend who lived next door called it "fluffing". There are quite a variety of words and phrases...no doubt you've all got your own.

Depending on what you've been eating, sometimes it just can't be helped. Foods that'll give you gas (the internationally acclaimed baked beans immediately springs to mind), can't be indefinitely crossed of your shopping list can they? That could mean half the contents of my pantry getting binned.

God, I got sidetracked...just for a change, haha. Back to these airy bodily functions and others' reactions to them. I will confess that I'd rather end up doubled over in pain than fart in front of particular people. Make that any people. Except my kids...they're supposed to love me unconditionally, I'm their mother. And even for them I try to keep it to a minimum. Besides if you can't relax and let rip in your own home, where the hell else can you? (I even farted against Cameron one time....he was clowning around with me and being deliberately obnoxious...I warned him first...he didn't believe me. I've never done it again but now anytime he starts getting all righteous I only need turn my bum towards him and he jumps, haha).

And men....what is it with men and farting? They all seem to think it's bloody hilarious! The louder and smellier the better. They even have competitions for God sake. Great noises trumpeting out of their arses...what could be more unappealing?? As far as I'm aware, a man's virility and attractivness is not dependant on his arse talking (although many can be quite talented at talking out of their arses lol). It's disgusting I tell ya!

It bothers me that a child as young as Jaimee is already feeling the restriction of social boundaries. But what doesn't bother me, is she obviously feels comfortable and relaxed enough around me to let down her guard and be her true self. I love that. To me that means I must be one of the people in her life that she trusts to accept her the way she is. Knowing that, despite the close proximity of her constantly popping away in my presence, warms me to the core.

So!...to those that read me.....*squirms around in chair*...oh ok, here we go......

*paaaaarp!*

Uh...*blush*...that's just to say thank you for continuing to read me, and more importantly, for accepting me for who I am too.

Oh, come on....give's a kiss....See? you don't want to now do you??

This and That

2008-10-23T18:37:00.008+13:00

I dropped Ryan off at the airport this afternoon. He's now in Auckland for the weekend and more, coming home Tuesday night. Whilst Auckland is not the capital of New Zealand, it is the biggest city, and I can't help but feel apprehensive about him getting lost or harmed while he's up there. I know he's going to be fine, he's good at using his initiative, and as long as he doesn't lose his cellphone again, I'll be able to hound him with phone calls if I feel the need. (I'm going to try really hard not to harrass him...if I do, I know the kinda response I'll get.)

Today work was so busy the hours flew by. Unfortunately the patients were grumpy and impatient, which only makes for a frustrating and fraught time for all that have to deal with them. Isn't it funny how you can have several lovely people make your day seem brighter, yet one lousy grump can instantly smother that sun for the rest of the day? Doesn't seem logical really, but it happens sometimes...I guess that can have more to do with our attitude and how we're feeling on that given day just as much as theirs.

After my stinky morning shift, and then releasing my youngest into the wild for 5 days, I topped my day off with a cervical smear....you know, just because I didn't feel I'd had enough to deal with in one day. Apparently my vijayjay is looking pretty fabulous, all is as it should be. The nurse asked me if I'd ever seen a cervix before (I mean really...when on earth would I have had the chance to do that?? My body has some flexibility but christ it ain't that good.) Anyway she goes on to describe it. Did you know that it looks just like the tip of a penis? True story! It has the same err consistency as your nose apparently. Right, nuff of that. I'm happy that's one thing I can cross off my "shoulda done it ages ago and finally got round to" list. Tis a lengthy one *sigh*

While Ryan's away I've been thinking about painting his bedroom. It needs it so badly. This painting thought only came to me about 2 hours ago. When I voiced it to Cameron he said "Eh? But my bedroom needs it more than his does!" I suggested that he sleep in Ryan's room for the next few days, we clear out his room, and paint that instead. He seemed happy with that but came up with several reasons about why he may not be able to help due to his next exam being on Tuesday. (I figure, that if I/we - ok, more likely, I - work fast enough, I may even be able to get both done over the next few days.)

Sometimes (in fact lots of times), I don't like voicing these kinds of thoughts of mine....if I actually say them out loud and don't follow through, then I feel tremendously disappointed with myself. So, let's pretend I didn't mention the painting thing at all and if I do paint this weekend, it'll be a lovely surprise, and I'll shout you all scones and cups of tea to celebrate k? Course, tomorrow morning I could wake up and decide it was a completely ludicrous idea, haha.

Just Because...

2008-10-12T20:05:00.005+13:00

Cameron: "So...why are you going back down to Christchurch tonight?"

Me: "Well, it goes something like this. I've got this week off work too....you'll be at Uni most of the time, Ryan is working full time the next few days.

Cameron: "So?"

Me: "Fi is working, Anne is working, Jaimee isn't back from Aussie yet."

Cameron: "And?"

Me: "Well...who's gonna play with me??!"

Cameron: "Oh."

Me: "See, Dan's my boyfriend, he HAS to play with me, it's part of the rules."

Cameron: *quietly* "Poor Dan."

Afterall, Tomorrow is Another Day...

2008-10-11T20:30:00.002+13:00

Earlier this year as we were saying goodbye yet again at the airport, I remember saying to Dan, "This will get easier won't it? We'll probably get quite blaise about all this goodbye-ing and flying up and down the country I guess"

Or something to that affect. Anyway, the point of me telling you that is, I was wrong (yeah yeah, print it out if you feel the need). I'm still waiting for the 'easy' part to happen. In fact, it appears to be getting harder and harder each time. I loathe this part of our relationship. I start winding myself up for it a couple of days before departure, which does nothing to improve my mood and thus probably makes him sigh with relief as he's waving me off at the airport.

I came home on Thursday night. Friday morning dawns and I think to myself "I can do this, I don't need him here...I've all sorts of things I can and WILL do." I lay in bed running through a list of things that need to be sorted...I still have a week off work, and I deliberately took this extra time to organise things around the house.

Then I sink slowly into a wavering depression and don't do anything. Oh, actually, that's not true. I sat on the sofa and watched TV, I hung out with the boys and listened to them tell me about their week...and I ate.

I ate a bowl of porridge for brekky...with cream...yes, I know. It's get better. I ate 3...that's three bagels, smeared with cream cheese (full fat of course), and smoked salmon. I chowed my way through half a large bag of chippies, and polished that off with 2 chocolate Tim Tam biscuits...which incidentally were filled with pink strawberry flavoured goop, to acknowledge Breast Cancer Awareness month. I think that means there's zero calories or something.

Around 5pm I decided I should probably lie down for a rest and read my book. It's not like I was going to get all energetic and leap about in a frenzy after stuffing that lot into my gob is it? So I lay down hoping the boys weren't hungry for dinner yet and thought, it's only an hour, they'll cope. I fell asleep...and dragged myself awake at 9.15pm. 9.15!!

This is all part of my cunning plan for them to learn how to fend for themselves. I have to say they are rather good at never going hungry...they do a passable job of feeding their faces...I just wish they'd bloody clean up the kitchen when they're done.

For He's a Jolly Good Fellow....

2008-10-03T00:15:00.003+13:00

It's Dans birthday today, hence me flying down last night. So far this year the habit seems to have been that we're either flying up or down the country in the middle of each month. But a birthday warrants an earlier visit in my book...so here I am! This of course will likely mean, I shall be spending the day carrying out his every wish and command...I am, if nothing else, here to ensure love, laughter, and fulfillment of his every possible need/want. Once these 24 hours are up, I will be ~~forcing~~ allowing him to reciprocate his gratitude on every level imaginable. Yes indeedy, I shall certainly permit that...I'm that generous...honestly, I was born that way, tis a gift.

Last Monday afternoon, when I picked Jaimee up from daycare, we talked about her drawing a picture for Dan for his birthday. Lots of colours, flowers, stars, the occasional disjointed person...you know the type, no necks, triangle bodies for girls (that'd be dresses of course), hair that looks like it only grows from the sides of your head, etc...pretty much typical for a 4 year old I would think. She set to work with enthusiasm and great concentration.

The pregnant cat(?!) was a bit of a surprise, and while she beamed at me waiting for a response, I had no choice but to heartily praise it's beauty and gush how clever she was.

In a totally biased way of course, I think she's pretty switched on when it comes to her letters. After writing "To Dan" she asked me "How does Happy Birthday go?" I spelled it out, and she wrote each letter in a different colour. Cute. In amongst the rest of the pictures, wherever she thought they would fit, she wrote her name, mine, and his again.

Jaimee: "Oh, wait."
*draws the number 4 next to her name*
Jaimee: "How many are you?"
Me: "Er, forty-three"
*draws the number 43 alongside my name*
Jaimee: "How many is Dan?"
Me: "Dan will be 49 on Friday"

She wrote the number 49 under his name, and looked at it for a couple of seconds giving it some thought. Turning to me, her eyes as large as saucers, she said:

"Oh my gosh....that is so many!

***

Happy Birthday SugarLips *smooch*

Er, Where To Begin..?

2008-09-29T22:40:00.005+13:00

Now don't tell me you can't relate to the above picture. We've all been down that road at some point. Notice how that wee stick figure has no hair? That's cos he's yanked it all out. (Don't even go there...my blog...my imagination.)

I wish I had the time and inclination to put on here everything I think and feel these days. The motivation for spilling out my thoughts seems to have disappeared and I rather miss that about myself.

I'm flying back down south this coming thursday night to spend a week with Dan.....he flew up here for a week not long ago...well, he flew home last Wednesday. We'll only have one week apart this time and already it feels like forever. I miss him terribly when he goes home, but it can't be helped at this stage. I need to focus on the time we do spend together and remember the fact that at the same time last year my life was filled with all sorts of difficulties, stress and downright weirdness.

I'll admit I find it easy to forget that at times. When he's here it's like he's always been here and is just automatically one of those things that make up my every day life. I feel I will continue to wake every morning and find him in the bed beside me...that he'll be the last face I see every night before I fall asleep. Imagining that comes naturally to me, let's face it, I'd been fantasising about it for almost two years. And despite how we can irritate or frustrate each other at times, I've been assured by a friend of mine that this is all completely natural and that I am finally taking part in a healthy, normal relationship...well bugger me! (Uh, actually, don't, but you get the gist).

The boys are good. Cam is in his last term of Uni...he only has about 2 weeks to go and then it's onto exams before he's completed his first year! The year feels like it's been going at warp speed. I have stopped myself from using any comeback with him that involves the words "excruciating pain as I pushed you out of my body", or the like...especially after he responded yesterday with "That's it Mum, you will no longer be consulted on any nursing home we put you into in the future." That kid is forever getting in the way of my groove, pfft.

Ryan is still working part-time at the service station...his hours have been increased next month due to him having more time on his hands and at this point, he'll be starting a year long full time course next February in web design. He did however tell me a few weeks ago that he's thinking of attending university at a later date, as an adult student and possibly studying psychology. Although I was surprised to hear him talk about going to uni at all, it pleased me no end to realise he's been giving his future some thought. May have been very fleeting, but who cares? he's thinking about it at least.

Anna is thriving well in her pregnancy and last month we went for the 20 week scan. All is as it should be...and guess what? We're having a girl! Hooray! Another wee girl. Already named no less. My god daughter...Payton Grace...pretty huh? Notice the "my"? That's me already getting possessive, heh.

Payton-to-be-s big sister, Miss Jaimee, is full of beans as usual and last month I took her to see the movie "Mamma Mia". That was the 4th time I'd seen it lol. (In fact, in August I managed to get Dan along to see it...can you believe that? Got him to a chick flick haha.) Jaimee loved it, and I loved sharing it with her. I also loved the fact that she knew the words already to some of the songs. How can anyone say ABBA's music has not stood the test of time when there's a 4 year old singing the correct words alongside a 43 year old??

Besides continuing to adjust to a real "live" relationship with my special man, and trying to slowly relinquish control of my growing offspring, not much else has changed. Oh, I'm smoking again. I've never stopped and started smoking so many times in one year. Whilst I haven't forgotten the reasons why I stopped and how good I felt when I did/do stop, I'm still bloody smoking.

Anyway, that's enough for now. I'm attempting to give you an update and possibly start the ball rolling toward some regular blogging again. I've still been keeping an eye on you lot out there, despite not making it obvious, but I'm still watching nonetheless. I hope you are all healthy and enjoying your lives and those that are in the colder climates are keeping warm and vice versa.

I am SO looking forward to better weather...sunny days and warm barmy nights, and all that lovely seratonin that goes with it!

Transmission Error

2008-07-31T21:15:00.003+12:00

Having worked in an office since the age of 18, you can imagine I've had to deal with many photocopiers during my career.

I hate the bloody things.

They are notorious for jamming and breaking down when you need them most.

I was scouting around on YouTube last week and found this.

Just another reason for me to hate these shithead machines lol.

Blowing Chunks Today

2008-07-30T10:21:00.005+12:00

I really want a smoke. I'm still sitting here in my pjs, it's SO cold, and the rain is lashing against the windows. It's 10.44am Wednesday.

I'm almost tempted to get dressed and head for the store to buy a packet...shame you can't just buy them by the single. I've been sitting here thinking about who's not at work at the moment, so I can visit them and lend a cigarette. It's making me fidgety and down.

I want to sit outside on the top step and suck on the end of it (the smoke, not the step) and enjoy the feeling of it hitting the back of my throat.

That must sound disgusting to non-smokers.

And trying to blog is hopeless. When I stopped smoking earlier this year, (well from what I've noticed about my reactions), it's almost like I stop breathing...so I hold my breath. Anyone else see the irony in that? lol.

Last time during the first week, I had to remind myself that it was ok to eat. I know! I'm in a bad way if I'm not eating. It was like nothing was allowed to touch my lips. Course, once I got over that hiccup, I ate quite happily and with great frequency and the scales dobbed me in to the doctor...twice. Blah.

***

ANYWAY, it's is now 1.04pm. I've spent a good part of today browsing around the "QuitSmoking" website...looking for incentive/motivation. I'm still very figdety...the good thing about that is I'm due at work in an hour, so I'll be busy for the rest of the day and some of those difficult hours of the night.

I'll tell you something though...I'm feeling this right to the pit of my stomach...it's like a desire that needs to be fulfilled immediately. It'll go, I know that, but for the moment, my God!

Here We Go Again...

2008-07-25T15:16:00.001+12:00

Ok, I'm doing it again.

Stopping smoking that is.

Smoked my last one a couple of hours ago.

Now have a patch stuck to my back.

Cameron said he will give me 15 days of support...and it will only continue past that point if I manage 15 days with good behaviour.

Me...not smoking...having to be good all the time.

Hm.

I'll do my best to keep the whinging and mood swings to a minimum as much as possible in here.

I have to do this. I managed to go almost 4 months with only 2 cigarettes earlier this year. Started back kinda hesitantly - 1 a week, 1 every couple of days, etc etc...then moved onto the full blown smoking smoker. I'm not smoking to the same extent back before then...but I have obviously been smoking nonetheless.

Besides the obvious health benefits...I'm now a lot more aware of how I smell. I'm almost paranoid at the smell on my clothes and in my hair. You can't get away from it you know? You could change your clothes and shave your head after every cigarette...and the damn smell would just seep outta ya pores anyway.

My best mate's got the right idea...she stopped around 14 months ago...and has never had a puff since. From what she's told me, she'd still like to occasionally...but is scared that if she does....she could find herself straight back into it.

Anyway, just warning you...I'm having another go. There's probably no need to warn you anyway...it's going to go very smoothly this time around.

Well, for the first 15 days anyway! haha

Shopping the Right Way...

2008-07-24T21:06:00.003+12:00

This is my kinda thinking.

Not great for my bank account of course, but still, I can see the rationale behind it.

Isn't it fabulous how strongly the man agrees! lol

Upstairs, Downstairs

2008-07-23T11:02:00.002+12:00

My new tenants appear to be settling in well, and from what I can gather, so far the only real furniture they have is a lounge suite. It's unfortunate that they don't speak a lot of english...there is a definite language barrier.

Mum is staying with them for a few months to help them settle in, and she seems to speak better english than her son and daughter-in-law. I've had to come to the conclusion that if I need to talk to them about anything at length, it's better I go through the older brother who's english is impeccable. I can explain it to him, and he can be the unofficial interpreter.

Saturday morning I received a phone call from downstairs. The husband announced himself, and after that I had no idea what he was talking about. His mother gets on the phone saying "There is music...coming from roof...I don't know what it is, I don't know what it is."

I didn't have the television or the radio on up here...both the boys were still asleep, so it can't have been noise from us. I go down to investigate. Walking through the back door I find the three of them pointing at the ceiling....at the smoke alarm. Apparently it had gone off the morning before, and again just before they rang me. The wife had been cooking. The mother kept nodding her head and assuring me "no smokers here, no smokers here". Lots of hand signals and smiles later, I return to my own lounge.

Monday afternoon I pull into the garage at home...as I walk up the stairs, my heart just about stopped when I find the mother standing at the top of those stairs waiting for me. She's such a tiny wee thing, 5 feet tall if that and she's pointing, laughing and talking about washing.

I round the corner of the house to find her also laughing daughter-in-law perched on top of one of the large planter boxes, kitchen window wide open, and about to climb through it. Apparently they'd been hanging out the washing and had locked themselves out of the house.

They appear to be friendly and happy people, with a good sense of humour. If nothing else, they are certainly keeping me entertained! lol

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night...

2008-07-22T11:02:00.002+12:00

And I don't just mean the weather. You know my previous post just down there? I must've felt something coming on. You know like the calm before the storm kinda thing? God, it just made me think be careful what you wish for....or talk about.

Earlier in the evening Dan and I had been talking on the phone about guilt, not in any great depth, but talking about the guilt of our situation, how we came together etc. The guilt that lingers when you've hurt somebody you care for. My best friend had said that regardless of what you do, what you give to that person, compromise with that person, or even just let them have whatever they ask for (besides the obvious change of mind), the guilt won't go away in a hurry.

I mentioned that I still felt guilty about how I handled things with Neil...it's not something I'm proud of...I hurt him terribly. I'm now passed the point of dwelling on that...I remember it, I feel bad, and I hope he's doing better. I can't taint my future by continually dragging in some of my bad choices and actions from the past. I can only learn from them and handle any similar situation differently, appropriately. (God forbid that will EVER happen again, felt like the proverbial revolving door there for a while *sigh*).

ANYWAY...the restlessness, pacing, feeling like I was missing something (besides my honey of course)...I switched on the computer and blogged about it. The day before I had been changing some settings on my PC, and unbeknownest to me the next night, my ICQ chat programme now boots up automatically on start up. While I was sitting here writing to you lot...I received an instant message from Neil.

My heart dropped into my stomach. "Well, well, look who we have here.." that's what it said. Short of shutting down ICQ, which would have basically just slammed the door in his face...not to mention made me look like I was lacking any shred of courage (I really DO need to get rid of some of my pigheaded pride)...I responded to him.

During our cold and frosty exchange, I find out he's still coming to New Zealand. He's still been in contact with my friend Anne (complete news to me, she'd said nothing), and apparently he's flying to Aussie to meet another good friend of his, so felt why not come over to NZ seeing as he was that close. He also said, then he could meet me face to face and find out the REAL reason he was dumped. The bottom line I believe is...he wants to stand in front of me and make me squirm, because he's convinced I have lied and cheated and he wants me to say it to his face.

I know, and some of you know, that I had indeed lied to him during this time, with all the shit that was going on in my head, and the stupidity of trying to keep everyone happy, I lied to spare feelings and save myself from having more shit flung into the mix. Another foolish mistake. What goes around comes around and now I may have to deal with him in person. I can of course always refuse to see him, and that's if he gives me the courtesy of ringing first as opposed to just turning up on the doorstep. The element of surprise would be more his style.

15 minutes later Dan rang. From the sound of my voice he knew something was obviously very wrong. It wasn't until I was talking to Dan that I realised I was actually physically trembling. I was doing my best to keep it in check, but my voice was shaking and then the dam burst and he had to deal with a near hysterical woman just before starting a night shift.

Neil got as much information out of me as I got out of him that night. Which was bugger all. The man's a Leo...the whole thing felt like a lion stalking it's prey. He was goading me, trying to fish for information, and I was pretty much swerving around it verball, refusing to give an inch. He's aware that Dan and I are a couple, and that's all he really needs to know as far as I'm concerned. If he wants dates and times etc, so he can have some sort of confirmation, he won't get it unless he asks me outright.

I turned up to see Anne the following morning to get some information out of her, and she had no idea when or even IF he's coming. Far as she knows he's not even booked. The two of them have had 4 email exchanges and one chat online over the past 6 months. I won't bother going into how I felt about her not letting me know sooner. It's irrelevant really. Neil was playing games with me during that chat trying to imply that they were thick as thieves (for want of a better phrase lol) and that I would soon be seeing him in my own personal space.

Once I'd spoken to Anne I felt much better I have to say. I'd had fuck all sleep the night before, more because of my friendship with her, than Neil's surprise announcement. I'd be more than happy to avoid him in person, which is sad on some levels. I told him that I could see no point in us meeting in person after everything we'd been through, and that I couldn't see the benefit in it. Perhaps he just needs to have some closure, or perhaps he just wants to give me a piece of his mind in person (as well as on here, it's not like he holds back). Eventually we ended the chat, me saying, "I trust you'll enjoy the rest of your day. Take care"...and him saying "I still think you should meet me for old time's sake".

Old time's sake...yes, I can see the reasoning behind that, certainly. But not after everything we've said and done to each other, in the recent past in particular.

Anyway, I've run out of time, I've got stuff to do before work. Was just thinking it's no wonder I was so bloody restless that night....I must've KNOWN what was coming. It's like The Secret, The Law of Attraction...I put it out there in the universe, by saying his name...and by God, if he didn't materialise before my eyes. Spooky! I also thought it would give you the opportunity to gasp again at something I've written, or at the very least say "Oh for fuck sake Lisa!!" I KNOW you want to! haha

I'm going to start talking about winning the lottery now lol

Moving in the Wrong Direction

2008-07-19T20:54:00.000+12:00

Well, it's more than apparent I have lost the challenge to blog every day in July. To be honest, I actually don't feel so bad about it today.

Ok, I feel a little bad about it. I truly do feel annoyed at myself for being so arrogant and saying it was a piece of cake and then going right ahead and failing. That'll serve me right for being so up myself eh? lol

It's pissing with rain this evening. The morning started exactly this way too...hours of torrential rain. It's been so loud this evening I've continued to keep raising the volume on the telly to hear the damn thing.

I feel restless this evening and the weather's only adding to it. I feel like I need to be doing something, I just haven't been able to figure out what that something is. Stupid, but true.

I often feel this way. Like there's so much more I could be doing (besides housework), yet I don't entirely know where to start. So I end up practically pacing around the house, getting odd looks from the kids as I turn up unexpectedly to 'visit' with them in their rooms.

Ever get that? Like you want to stay in and relax for the evening, but there's another force pulling you to move about? Or something. I realise I'm not describing it very well. it's the mood I'm in...kinda blah-ish I suppose. Blah-ish and mundane, perhaps feeling settled in a rut.

Maybe I'm craving excitment? Hm, maybe. But then I think I've managed to fit enough emotional 'excitement' and adjustments in my past 6 months in particular, I should be enjoying some down time.

Anyway, that's enough for now, just felt the need to move something and my fingers seemed the laziest and easiest option. Getting in to bed early with my book should alleviate this feeling....basically because I'll be asleep within the first 15 minutes I expect lol.

Hope you're all well and enjoying your weekends :)

Radio Ga Ga

2008-07-17T17:10:00.005+12:00

Many times over the past few years, I've stolen blog subjects off the radio. I have to admit, it's been some time since I did that, but if you've been reading me for a while, you may remember my radio posts. Generally subjects I've found interesting and wanted to either bring to your attention, or just basically discuss further (cos I'm like that.)

A post that springs to mind fairly quickly, was one I wrote about Polly having a microphone in the doctor's office while she was having a cervical smear. Caused a wee upset with a couple of the males that read me at the time. Considering both sides were purely giving their opinions on the matter and both had the right of reply...a respectful peace eventually settled in once again. (I will confess I was probably a tad harsh in the closing paragraphs of that post.)

Today I wanted to share with you the masterminds behind my favourite radio station here in Wellington and the people that have given me some interesting, if somewhat controversial subjects in the past. Apparently there's a bit of a phenomenon of lip-dubbing sweeping the globe(?). I had no idea this was happening. Yes I know that shows how much my finger has slipped off the pulse. Hush.

Without further ado, I give you...the fabulous Crew of Wellington's 91ZM. Enjoy!

*crowd goes wild*

I love all of this, but my favourite part has to be the elephant...that's just too funny. And furthermore, they're sooo damn clever, they did this all in one continuous shot...no editing. Told ya they were fab didn't I?

Back in the Saddle.

2008-07-16T22:20:00.003+12:00

So to speak.

I'm home.

Just sayin'.

House not in such bad shape really.

Cat must've got locked in my bedroom. Found evidence of that *sigh*

Jo you'll be pleased to know that Cameron carried my rather heavy suitcase up from the car for me.

Ryan was asleep. Typical of him.

I'm knackered now and more than ready to get into my own bed to sleep.

Shame I had to leave my bed warmer behind, he's so good at doing that lol.

Grubby Thoughts

2008-07-15T15:32:00.006+12:00

All this resting and relaxation is getting to me in some ways. We all know that I'm not going to win housekeeper of the year...I've made it more than obvious at times that Domestic Goddess is out of my league. And despite the fact I like my house to be orderly and clean...the covetted title of the big D.G. is never gonna be mine. I make valiant attempts to be...hell I'd even get on a chair and start vigorously wiping the walls in the kitchen if I thought someone was gonna see me do it. That's the important thing don't ya know? That someone see you do it. Important. Very.

That way, they have a visual...which in turn makes their mind think "Oh ok, and here's me thinking she never cleans anything at all around here...obviously I'm wrong, I am seeing this with my own two eyes an' all." *closes eyes, opens again* "Nope, it really is happening...no figment of my imagination going on here." The moment they've gone of course, I down tools and am back slumped on the sofa, watching Dr Phil, and munching out on chocolate and chippies (crisps).

Me? Rubber gloves, cleaning chemicals, blood and sweat, working my fingers to the bone? Come on. Really.

I'm probably not fooling anyone....the dirty house and extra body fat would be a clue. Damn my body for letting me down and showing it's traiterous self like that. Bad body! Bad!

Something interesting I've noticed (or not...interesting that is, not not noticed...I mean, shit...blah...never mind)...when I'm here at Dan's, and he has to work, which can often be the case...I spend some of my time thinking about all the things I have to do at home and how much I wish I was home to do them. Course if I was in my own house, I'm overcome with completely valid phrases like "oh I'll do that tomorrow"..."I'll get that done once Jaimee's gone"... and/or ..."I'll get one of the kids to do that shortly" (that last one being the biggest fantasy and crock of shit in my world).

With the flat being recarpeted and then tenants getting the once over etc, before coming down here, I started running out of time to give the house a clean. I always think I've got more time to do these things....most of the time I don't. I need to learn from past experience and start planning weeks ahead. And you know what? Do you all know how bloody pointless that would be?? I obviously fly down here on my own...that leaves two people still occupying my house. Two teenager male people....'nuff said.

So, in closing...until my children fly the coop, (get kicked out, go live with their father, run away with the circus, whatever)...it really is not possible for me to even get close to the bottom rung of the ladder of Domestic Goddessness. Until that time comes...I will just have to be a dirty girl. I'm starting to think it may be my calling. I may even embrace the whole idea of it. I mean to say, how hard can it be? I'll just keep on, keeping on...same old, same old. Voila! (for you Michelle lol).

Anyway, in further closing...I shall stop fretting about what I'm going to be faced with when I get home tomorrow evening. I shall step in the door with my eyes shut and 'feel' my way to the bedroom, dragging the suitcase behind me.

Surely all these words are enough to award me a pass for yesterday's absence? Go on, be a sport...we'll put it down to a mental health day, yeah? Everyone has those now and then, right?

Ta!

Err...

2008-07-13T20:42:00.002+12:00

I felt so guilty for not following through with what I was going to do, that I couldn't help myself and had to come in tonight and post something.

Anything.

And this is it.

For the time being anyway.

I Surrender

2008-07-12T20:39:00.002+12:00

It's hopeless really. I'm writing crap and boring myself shitless with anything I've put up this month.

Soooo, I've decided that while I'm down here (in the South that is), I'm going to give it a miss until I'm home and can come up with something more worthy of a read.

I'm not happy with most of what I've written this month. It's one thing to blog every day....it's quite another to blog something interesting.

Bless you to those that have bothered coming in and giving it a look over regardless.

I'll be back, again. But for the time being, I'm waving the white flag and admitting defeat.

Catch you next week :)

Now...where were we?

2008-07-11T19:51:00.004+12:00

This is me blogging from Dan's house.

This is me also thinking it was a mistake to say I would blog each and every day of July.

Who's stupid idea was that??!

20 fun-filled days to go. Woo hoo!

*sigh*

Ready...Kinda

2008-07-10T15:18:00.002+12:00

Had one hell of a shift this morning. Thursday are starting to rival Monday mornings. As much as I enjoy my job, I'm feeling pretty glad it's over for a short time and I'm not due back until Monday week.

The new tenants are downstairs messing around, measuring up etc...making sure they're furniture (what they have of it), will fit in the right places. I'm packing and trying to get myself ready for my flight this evening. I've had to upgrade my suitcase size...well, I'm taking a slightly bigger suitcase this time around...winter clothes take up that much more than summer ones obviously.

Dunno if I've got everything, but I'll deal with that when or if the time comes for it. Long as I've got my meds and plenty of knickers, I'm past caring. Although I'm sure noone is going to want to take me out in my pjs lol.

Next time I'm in here, I'll be sitting at Dan's PC. Hopefully, by then, I'll have the chance to actually go and read/comment on your blogs. Suffice to say I'll do my best to keep up with the daily posting regime for July.

You might find yourselves coming in here to read one sentence lol.

Take care...I'll catch you from the South Island. Whoot!

Done

2008-07-09T21:42:00.000+12:00

Just signed the tenancy agreement with the Sri Lankan couple. Thank God that's over.

Hopefully, they'll be good tenants and not bother me at all. I'm a push-over as a landlady, so I barely ever put my nose in downstairs unless I'm asked to. The times I've had to do that over the years, you could count on one hand.

Now I can fly south tomorrow night and not worry about having to deal with it all when I come back. Except the wall hole...by then it should be nicely dried out and we can cover up it's gaping ugliness.

I can't wait to see Dan tomorrow night...his arms are going to be the perfect place to relax after the past couple of weeks. Yay!

Time for bed, I'm stuffed. *mwah*

Covering His Arse?

2008-07-08T21:18:00.004+12:00

I got the above card from Cameron last month. He knows I have a thing for handbags and felt it appropriate, yet funny. He's very thoughtful like that (sometimes, not so much others. What can I say? He's a male teenager).

It accompanied a book. "The Almost Moon" by Alice Sebold. He chose this book because Sebold also authored "The Lovely Bones" and he knew I'd enjoyed that. Thoughtful brownie point number 2. He made strong reference to this fact, and stressed that he didn't want me to think that the subject matter was the reason.

Not sure where he was coming from, I turned the pages to chapter 1. The very first sentence in the book?

"When all is said and done, killing my mother came easily."

Hm.

Flat Out

2008-07-07T20:51:00.004+12:00

Haven't heard from the Sri Lankan people, so I have no idea whether they're still interested or not. They came back through again yesterday afternoon for another look, so I figured they were at least seriously considering it.

The new tub has been installed, as has a new kitchen sink mixer, and the only thing left now is the hole in the wall. That won't be repaired until it's dried out sufficiently...no point in putting up fresh gibboard against damp frame. For the time being, it looks ugly, but the laundry area is serviceable, and that's more important. Unless I can get the handyman to fix it while I'm down south, it can wait til I'm back. It won't be properly dry until this coming weekend anyway.

If these people actually do want to move in this week (that's a big IF at this stage), then he can do it while I'm away. I'm very over the whole thing. In fact, I'm in a very "Can't be fucked" kinda mood about it now. Whatever happens, happens. I'm passed caring. If I don't sort it beforehand, I'm not going to sweat it, I'll just re-advertise when I get back from Dan's next week. Simple. No use in getting wound up about something I can't control. Taken me a while to remember that lol.

Off to bed to keep warm and read my book. It's bad enough sometimes feeling like an old woman, let alone acting like one too. Saving grace may be dementia lol.

Live While You're Alive!

2008-07-06T19:05:00.005+12:00

Received this via email today so figured I'd use it right here. I'm knackered tonight and not feeling too flash...early night methinks. It's only the sixth day and I'm already cheating. Still, the below makes sense to me...if only I could stick with it all to the letter lol.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On Madam's tombstone (of Waylon and Madam) she said she wanted this epitaph: ' Tried everything twice...loved it both times!'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches.)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath... And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Remember: Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. You are worth it!

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time.

Not sure why there's 11...bit of an odd number really (haha).

Hope you're all enjoying your weekend :)

All Washed Out

2008-07-05T18:13:00.005+12:00

Today has not worked out the way I wanted it to, but I may have achieved something, so it can't be all bad. A couple of minutes ago I panicked when I realised we're on day 5 and I had to post. I know.

I may have found a couple of tenants. Certainly they're keen. They're from Sri Lanka and only been in New Zealand for a couple of months. Big brother's been here for 12 years and has taken them under his wing and doing the rounds trying to find somewhere suitable for them to live now. He's very keen on my flat, so that's good. I like the whole family oriented thing...it shows a strong support network for them. I'll make a decision tomorrow (not that I have many options!), but I feel that they're the ones I'll probably go with at this time.

My priority is sorting out the laundry situation and it's hole in the wall. Today I've spent a fair bit of time running around looking at supertubs and eurotubs. I am so over anything to do with laundry! I'll go back in the morning to buy one, with Ryan in tow to help me. I may have even found a solution to removing those stubborn screws from the bed, thanks to a knowledgeable and very helpful man at the hardware store.

The day has completely gotten away on me. I feel emotionally drained and was looking forward to a night at home relaxing. Unfortunately I'm going to have several teenage boys turn up in less than 2 hours, which will drive me to my bedroom. Cameron is taking advantage of us not having tenants downstairs, so him and his mates won't need to concern themselves with making too much noise. There's noone there to disturb...yet.

Ciao!

Oh Man

2008-07-04T18:32:00.007+12:00

I've been downstairs looking at my flat's half-wall and trying to figure out which way would be best to rectify the whole tap/laundry tub dilemma.

In the meantime, I waited around for a prospective tenant who said he'd be here between 12.30 and 1.30. No show. Then I get an email from him eventually saying that he couldn't find the property...although he mentioned my neighbour's house and then said he'd got an idea of the property, so I can let it to someone else. That was mighty generous of him.

I went out to Bunnings this afternoon to have a shufti at laundry tubs. I figured changing the tub would be a good start. The taps were originally installed on the wrong wall, and right now I'm thinking my ex-husband, for all his wisdom, is an idiot. To put the taps in the correct place, I'd have to make another hole, in another wall. Avoiding that would be helpful. I measured up the old tub, making sure I didn't get one too big for it's allotted space. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything I thought would suit my purposes.

And therein lies the problem. I didn't really know what I was looking for anyway. I don't know anything about plumbing or ways around sticky situations when it comes to pipes and tubs and washing machines. This annoys the shit out of me. Unless I've come across this in a previous life, I've no experience in such matters. For all I know Jason will turn up tomorrow and say "Oh right, not to worry, we'll just do this, this and that, and it'll all be sorted". He's a man, men know these things.

Today I'm tired of being the man-woman of this property. I rely on others to steer me in the right direction when it comes to all things buildy and plumby. "Others" being my brother-in-law and my girlfriends' husbands/boyfriends...you get the picture. While I could have a go myself, it makes more sense to at least do a bit of research and find out the easiest, most cost effective way by picking the brains of helpful men. I could be bull-headed , grit my teeth and try, but what would be the point in that, when I can use the fount of those in the know?

However...I hesitate before asking because I hate imposing. I hate the idea that they may feel an obligation to help. Sometimes it's the physical presence of these men and their skills that I require. Ok, sometimes I just want them to stand by and watch/advise, while I'm getting in touch with my macho side...but if I screw up, my saviour is on site to put it right.

I'm getting off track. Laundry tubs. I stood in the hardware store staring at different tubs, measured up a couple I thought would be appropriate, but I still wasn't certain. What the hell did I know?? Sure, I could buy a tub, but would it be the right one? The taps had to be on that side, the cabinet door had to be facing this side and the tenant's washing machine hoses needed to have access to the taps without rendering the tub itself useless. Fuck me.

Years ago when I was looking for a new car, I remember Neil telling me to take a male with me when I went around the car yards. He suggested Jason at the time. Jason doesn't know anything about cars. But that wouldn't matter, says Neil, the salesman doesn't know that. Neil gave me a shitload of information about what to look for and how to 'play the game' when it came to the salesman...what to do, what not to do etc. It was all extremely helpful, and I was happy with my eventual purchase. (Incidentally, I took Anna with me, she knew more about cars than Jas.)

If I'm ever in a situation that's not typically 'female' (I know that leaves me wide open for sexism), I don't always like to let the other person know. I tend to go in with an attitude that shows I mean business and hopefully gives off an aura that I am confident I know what I'm doing. Obviously I've done some homework and picked brains beforehand. Knowledge is power and all that jazz. Whatever. Looks can be awfully deceiving, but if it means I get the desired outcome then well and good. The salesperson gets the sale, I get what I need without fussing and sales crap...happy dances all round.

This attitude can backfire. The helping man may not part with all the information you require. Sometimes your demeanor may give the impression you already know everything there is to know about the issue, and the helper can leave out a vital fact. This crucial tweak is sure to only be discovered by the helpee after embarking on their DIY journey, and noticing that things don't appear to be going to plan. Helpee goes back to helper, sad faces abound, no happy dancing to be seen, music not even playing.

Today I was upset for having to rely on others at times like this. I was angry at myself for not having the skills necessary to complete the job and not organising my time more effectively. Having to accept that left the strong taste of defeat in my mouth. I drove home looking through tears of frustration ready to spill. I thought about the downside of being a single parent and having to run the show alone...and obviously feeling very sorry for myself. Blah.

I stepped in the door to hear Ryan's innocent "How was your day Mum?", the dam burst and I sobbed on him for a few minutes while he held me. He verbally rubbed my back by talking about how good the new carpet looked and everything will get fixed this weekend etc...and my blubbering became mere sniffling. Bless him.

*Reads over above*

God, look at what the thought of doing laundry does to me.

***

If you've got this far then I thank you for reading my rambling today. I'm feeling slightly less frazzled now. To those that celebrate it...Happy Independence Day to you. Have a good one :)

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

2008-07-03T15:22:00.000+12:00

That's what I'm doing. Waiting for prospective tenants to turn up. I've had several enquiries and to be honest, they've all kinda run into each other. Certainly, there are a couple in particular that I'm interested in meeting. But besides that I'll just take them all as they come (if they come)...and take it from there.

What does one do in a situation like this? Stand in the corner while they check the place out and take notes? I'm tempted...mainly because I'm scared I'm going to get my wires crossed. What if I think I've clicked with someone and it turns out to be the wrong person? I may have to start a star system in my notebook, blah.

The carpet looks great! I'm really pleased with it. The laundry "wall-hole", not so much. I have to ring Jason this evening and tell him I need him and his uncle to turn up this weekend and do several things. Priority of which being the hole in the wall. We used to have a strip club/massage parlour in Wellington called The Hole in the Wall I think. I did say "I think". I'm not up with the play when it comes to such establishments. Honest.

I suspect you've heard enough of my flat, it's leaks and the carpet. I do have a couple of things I want to write about, but with what I'm trying to achieve at the moment, I'm struggling to put it into font. For the time being, it's post number three on the 3rd of July, and right now, that's what's important lol.

See you tomorrow!

Getting Laid

2008-07-02T10:50:00.004+12:00

I had 3 couples lined up to view the property before 1.30 today and have had to postpone them because the carpet layer's decided to do the carpet today. Can't help that, the carpet needs to be laid.

Half the wall is now missing, there is insulation and broken pieces of gib board (drywall, sheetrock, whatever you call it in your country) all over the kitchen floor, and it's pissing down with rain and I still can't see where the water's coming in *sigh*

The problem with waiting for friends to do maintenance, is that they generally already have a full time job, as is the case with Jas. Which of course means, I have to wait until he has time to fit me in. It's the reality of the situation but frustrating all the same. I've only got ants in my pants because I'm working on the deadline of 10 July lol.

I've had 732 hits on my online advert and 12 email enquries. Considering I only put it up yesterday afternoon, that's not so bad. I've no idea really, I've never advertised for tenants this way before.

***

Just went downstairs to clear up the mess that Jason left behind. Carpet layer is present and accounted for, madly rolling out underlay. And I mean madly...he's kinda like the Energizer bunny. He talks non-stop. Anyway, I'm back up here now cos he came out with "So? How's that cuppa coming along? I haven't had one this morning." The man's saving me money, he can have as many cuppas as he wants lol.

Possibly he's trying to get rid of me because I'm watching what he's doing with such interest. I can't wait to see the outcome. I have to admit it's easier on the ears staying up here. He's got "The Rock" radio station playing full blast. Which is probably the reason he talks so bloody loudly...half deaf lol.

Two days into July, 2 posts. Woo hoo!

July Shmuly. Piece of cake. (Watch this space, egg meeting face could be in the future! haha)

It's Here!

2008-07-01T09:50:00.002+12:00

The 1st of July that is. I did say I would attempt to post every day this month, so here goes.

Once again, I'm in the process of letting out my flat downstairs. The previous tenants have been gone 2 weeks, and I'm finally putting down new carpet throughout. I've had quotes from 3 different firms, one in particular stood out for professionalism well above the others, but in the end I've decided to buy the carpet seperately and get in a carpet layer independently. I've saved myself over $700 doing it this way, so I can't be unhappy with that now can I?

The carpet's going down this week (hopefully, the trader I bought it off is going away tomorrow and the carpet layer hasn't been in touch with him as of last night). Yesterday I advertised online and so far I've received 5 emails from interested parties. Not a bad start. I put up several photos of the place after rushing downstairs to take pictures while the sun was shining....had to try and get it snapped from it's best side you know? lol

During this messing about to see what needs fixing, I asked Jason to come and deal to the laundry tap which continually drips. He dutifully turned up and after poking around a bit, said "You know, I think there's water coming from inside the wall"....he pressed against the wall to feel for dampness....and put his hand straight through it. Oops. Guess he was right.

So we need to find out where the leak is coming from, and repair the large hole that's now showing off the wall frame. And I really want to get all this done and dusted and rented out before the 10th of July, because that's when I fly down to visit Dan for a week. I'm not sure it's going to be possible, but you can bet I'll be trying bloody hard to make it happen! The last thing I want to do is leave my kids to deal with tenants moving in and any further queries that come about.

Inspire me people, I need subject matter. You'll see that pretty damn quickly as the month goes rolling by and you find yourselves reading some blatantly boring posts. Lots of short sharp posts or long winded ones I suspect. I only said I'd post every day...I didn't say they were going to be worth reading did I? lol

My hands are cold, I need a shower, the housework needs doing and I better bugger off here and start moving before I hit the road for work this afternoon. Have a great day/night!

Ironing Out the Kinks

2008-06-25T13:30:00.000+12:00

Hm...I'm doomed if that's the case. I think you probably know by now, that not much in my life is straight. Oh, my sexuality, that's definitely straight (except that one time waaay way back when I was messing around seeing what it was like...yeah, so I kissed a girl and I didn't like it. No cherry chapstick maybe? Anyway, who cares, nuff of that).

When it comes to my household...and my background with men...not very straight. But hey, I'm working on it and as far as I'm concerned I'm on the straight and narrow now, so you can breathe a sigh of relief. God knows I put some of you through some tough reading with all my to-ing and fro-ing a while ago.

I can procrastinate too long at times, and chop and change my mind so often that my life can become virtually akin to zig-zag formation. Not a bad fashion statement in the 60's but under the "OMG You're Kidding Me?!" heading on the mental stability front. And it doesn't stop my brain from having the occasional moment of confusion (yeah whatever, hush up).

A question was asked on the radio the other day, and I can't remember it verbatim, but it was something like "Who can you trust more than anyone or anything else in the world?" Basically that person(s) you know you can always count on and trust with your confidances etc...that's how I took it to mean anyway. I thought about this, and realised that amongst all my loved ones and closest friends, two people in particular stood out.

The first one was Cameron...the second, Anna. I know that regardless of whatever crap I get myself into, whatever half-brained situation I find myself drowning amongst...those two in particular will always, always be there for me. They'll pick me up, drop me off, give out sound, honest opinions and rescue me from myself more times than I care to recall. Granted there are several people I can trust in my inner circle, but possibly not to the same extent as those two. Unconditionally, they've become my wing men over the years.

If any of my other close friends are reading this, I hope I haven't offended you by not putting your name up here. By ommitting your names, it also doesn't mean I love you any less than the two mentioned. Cameron and Anna, I believe, give me a security of trust that goes deep, never flounders and has taken many years to build. I really hope I give the same to them in return.

A couple of months ago, I had a 'moment' about Dan. (Well, I've had shitloads of 'moments' over the past 18 months, but this was after he moved out of the house and after I burned my bridge with Neil ok?) Dan was off out for the evening, just to the pub to watch the rugby. I thought he'd ring me when he got home later that evening...not unusual, in fact pretty typical any other day....but he ended our call with "I'll call you tomorrow after work".

NOW...here's where the moment struck (btw, this is the first he's heard of it, so it's all news to him...er, Hi Dear). My mind launched into the zig-zag rumba and had phrases running at it, break-neck speed. "How come he's going to wait until that late tomorrow?"....Do you think he's actually going to be seeing someone else and staying overnight?...."Why wouldn't he ring me in the morning before work, like usual?"..."Because he's going to be busy doing something else WITH someone else?". They were coming thick and fast and appeared to be never-ending..."WHY AM I EVEN HAVING THESE BLOODY THOUGHTS??!" (ok, we do know some of the "why", but let's not go down that road right now, if at all.)

I remember that night vividly...I almost made myself sick. You know the pathetic drivel that can get so out of hand you're practically having heart palpitations and want to burst into tears? During this brain-churning session, Cameron came into the room, took a look at my face and said "So? What's up with you then?"...and all that shit came tumbling out. You know sometimes how it's easier to say it out loud?...get it off your chest stuff? Times like this? it's awful...words of insecurity can hang in the air. They sit heavily up there and you panic thinking that everyone is going to see them and think you're a fucking moron...all you really want is someone to come along and shoot them out of the sky.

True to form, Cam used his verbal gun and helped eliminate those thoughts, finishing up with "Gee Mum, Dan wouldn't do that to you." That was really nice to hear at the time and I could feel myself physically relaxing. If Cameron trusted Dan enough to say that, then I was obviously being a complete plonker to entertain such a thought. Course, then he wandered off down the hallway saying "Besides, he needs to be married to you first, lol" !!!!!! Funny boy...not.

I've run out of time, and this is probably not the best place to stop, but I've written enough for the moment. Besides I've managed to get off track and can't figure out where I was going with it now...I really did have a direction when I started this lol.

I'll follow up and finish off once I get it straight in my head again haha *groan*

This, That and the Other

2008-06-20T18:39:00.013+12:00

Just a quick catch up on some of what I've been doing lately. (Please excuse the quality of the photos, I've taken them with my phone.)

I flew down south on a whim a couple of weeks ago...you may remember that...I blogged from Dan's while I was on my second drink. It snowed while I was there! This was very exciting for me. I've never been in the snow before. Course for Dan it was just a damn nuisance and while I was busy outside taking a few photos, he was busy inside telling me to "Close the bloody door!" lol. (He did however come out eventually, but only to make a snowball and then pose for a photo that I could send to Jaimee.)

I made scones...and they were good. True story! They really WERE good! I had to use scone mix though....I've discovered it's the only way I can get decent scones. Honest to God, I've tried just about every other way/recipe, and this is it. Buy scone mix from supermarket, add water. Wa la!

I helped Anna and Jason pack up house. They're moving this weekend to a larger/better house...AND the more exciting news is...they're pregnant! AND even more exciting for ME, I'm godmother to this new baby. Cool huh? So, theoretically, WE'RE pregnant, woo hoo! As of today, 9 and a half weeks, so this could feel like the longest pregnancy in history lol. Here's a pic of Jaimee, who helpfully packed herself into the cat's cage last night.

Last month when Dan was up, the two of them baked a cake. This is Jaimee cleaning up after Dan.

This is Dan cleaning up Jaimee.

And this is after Aunty Lisa has cleaned Jaimee properly...including a discussion about not wanting to have hair washed or even wet (and yes I do look this gorgeous when I'm wearing that shower cap...it's the only reason I use it).

Cameron's on a break after just finishing his first set of uni exams. I think he goes back in a couple of weeks time. In the meantime he's back working for Dad for some pocket money.

Ryan's course only has about 4 weeks left before he's finished for the year. I believe he's had a decent enough taste of this to know now whether he'd like to continue on this path...I haven't yet had the chat with him to find out if he wants to enrol fully next year. For the time being I think he's going to be working at the service station almost full time until that decision is made. It's very difficult to know anything for certain when it comes to Ryan. I don't get a lot of information from him full stop. So like I have for the last few years with this boy, I tend to fly by the seat of my pants and keep my eyes open in case I miss something.

This is my sanctuary, the orchard.

I haven't been up there for a while and probably won't too soon due to my tenants moving out downstairs recently. I'm in the process of getting some quotes to have the carpet replaced before I advertise. I'm hoping the carpet people can do that before the end of next week. Obviously I count on the income...and the lack of extra funds...which would help put petrol in my car at the exorbitant price it is...is not getting me to the orchard in a hurry. It all just means I'll enjoy my time even more when I DO get up there lol.

I think I'm going to have to do a month where I post every day...you know, like one of those things that Jo did in November? Post every single day regardless of what it is or what I'm doing. I'm gonna try that. I think I'll go for July. What do you reckon? Worth a shot anyway. I used to be able to do it without even thinking much at all (post daily that is). I need something to get me back into the habit of regularly blogging. Anyway, July it is. *fingers crossed*

It's now Friday night here in New Zealand so I will wish you an early happy weekend. Have fun, I hope I do too! *mwah*

Magnifico!

2008-06-13T18:17:00.005+12:00

If you've been reading me for a long time, you'll be aware that my bed needs fixing. That is to say, it squeaks...loudly. So loudly, that it distracts those using it, from the quest at hand. To remedy this problem...and it IS a problem if you're a teenage boy trying to sleep, study or hang out, in the room next door... apparently a screw extractor, or an 'easy out' is required. From what I can gather, they're not always that successful.

I need a new bed. Mainly because I'm not sure how I'm going to fix the one I've got. Dan thinks it's unnecessary. And he'd be right, if he was sleeping on his own in it....or I was sleeping on my own in it...which at the moment, I'm doing the majority of the time. But, when we're both in it? We need a new one. Any kind of movement on it makes it creak, let alone when you're really wanting to get ya motor running, so to speak.

So anyway, a couple of weeks ago my mate Fi sent me this link and told me to give it a try.

Here's my result:

"76% Italian. Making love is a religious experience.

Passion is everything. Merely holding hands with your loved one can move you to tears and you periodically set fire to your bed after sex as a sacrifice to the Gods of Love."

I have to wonder what the other 24% of me is supposed to be, but for now, and because it's suits my purpose, I'm 76% Italiano.

"BRAVO!" I hear you cry...and again..."BRAVO!"

So, I'm thinking...next time I'll have a valid reason for purchasing a new bed....it's only right that I allow the Italian within me to reach it's full potential. It'd be rude not to set the bed on fire, right? Ya see? I just knew you'd think so too.

Never underestimate the ~~cunning~~ skillful thought process involved, when a woman is efficiently ~~twisting~~ assessing a situation and determining that shopping can be the one and only conclusion. heh

Eccellente!

Honey, I'm Home!

2008-06-11T12:47:00.002+12:00

Well I'm back in Wellington. Flew home late last night. Clear skies, no wind, so rather uneventful. The cabin crew however was another story. They were chatty, friendly and full of quips and wise-cracks over the PA system.

For instance,

"Here at Pacific Blue, we pride ourselves on having skillful and efficient pilots, and the most up to date technical equipment. We also pride ourselves on having the most good looking cabin crew."

"Unfortunately they couldn't be with us on this flight, so you'll have to put up with blah, blah and blah* this evening." (*Not their real names.)

and

"We're about to dim the lights for take-off, so if you were thinking of making a move on the person next to you, now would be a good time to do it." Then hissing eerily into the microphone: "I know what you did last summer!"

While the above brought a smile to my face, it didn't change the fact that I'd left Dan behind. It's lovely to be a normal couple in the same space like everyone else. As I stared out the plane window during the flight, my heart sank at the reality of knowing the following morning he would not be within arm's reach. Boo.

Still, progress is progress and if I cast my mind back 12 months, I should have nothing to complain about. Back then there was obviously no way I could fly down south on a whim.

Arriving in the door at home I was pleasantly surprised to see the household in good order. When I left there were boxes of computer equipment scattered around the lounge and enough teenage boys for Africa (slight exaggeration, maybe just for Australia, whatever). Last night the lounge was tidy, vaccuumed even *gasp*, the kitchen clear and all the laundry done. Plus the cat was still breathing (oh well, can't have everything).

Cameron kept a tight rein on the goings on around here...to the point where he'd told Ryan on Friday night, that if he (Ryan) wasn't home by 7pm, there would be dire consequences. I hope Ryan is now aware of how leniant is mother is. But then he always did listen to Cam more than me. I'd have been interested to know what those consequences would've been, had Ryan not turned up in time.

Last time I came home to find the house a bit of a bombsite...needless to say Cam was disappointed with my reaction, haha. I think he thought I'd be rapt only because they hadn't burnt the house down. I won't deny I was of course, pleased they hadn't. After my initial blowout, I asked Cam if he'd missed me, his response was a gloomy "I had."

Anyway, I'm happy to report that all is well on the home front today. I am loving that I'm able to leave the boys alone for several days, without major apprehension. They're proving themselves capable of holding the fort and not becoming malnourished. Always a good thing from a parental point of view.

Should I ever come back to find an unfamiliar pair of panties mixed in with other laundry, well, that'll be cause to review the situation wouldn't it? Course it would. The main issues being...who have they had here while I've been away? Why are her panties still here? (and how the hell did they remove themselves from her person??) Course, it'll be worse still if one of them actually claims them as his. That'd be a whole other matter for me to adjust to lol.

*mwah*

Filling the Gaps, Part 2

2008-06-07T19:19:00.002+12:00

It's probably best to let you know from the start that I've been drinking. Not much...actually I'm only on my second bourbon, but anyone that knows me well enough, will nod their head and comment that I'm quite likely to be half-pissed.

Bingo...that's me right now haha.

Now to get on with the rest of my gap filling stuff. Once I've done filling the holes, I may feel I'm able to blog 'normally', whatever the hell that is these days. But hey, who cares? Because I'd like to be able to write what I'm upto and to my regular readers some of it is not going to make sense if I carry on about this. That and the other thing, which will not gel mentally/chronologically with what's been written already. Afterall, I do know that y'all have been wondering, needing to know even. I am, if nothing else, trying to be good host and making an effort to keep you abreast of my life. Let's face it, y'all are sitting onn the edge of your seats (I'm half-pissed remember? just humour me, k?).

The cruncher came when Dan finally moved out of the house. Yeah, that'd do it right? (obviously *snort*). Finally, the man I truly wanted was available. He moved out in February, and on Valentines Day flew to Wellington to spend a couple of hours with me...just a couple...we had brunch along the parade (and a short, frustrating grope in the car...well?? you want the truth or not!?) That pretty much did it for me (seeing him that is, not the groping, although it helped, woo hoo). As you may remember, I spoke with Neil not long after that, another downer of a conversation with him, blah blah blah, ended that not so nicely, but end it I finally did. As the man has said, he doesn't want to hear from me again, not once, not ever.

Dan flew up again mid-March, on a different level. This is the time I mentioned earlier, where he was here for 5 days straight. Interesting visit that one. Having him around 24/7 was quite an adjustment for me. Well not a HUGE adjustment, but one all the same. When he drove the car, he poked around changing things (ok, only ONE thing, but it was MY car was it not?)...he got in the way in the kitchen (well, truthfully, it was refreshing to be sharing my kitchen space with someone, the kids barely ever get in the way in the kitchen lol)...but he was there, and I wasn't used to having another body so close, so often. And the bed...he was in the bed whenever I was in the bed...how is one supposed to fart with any kind of satisfaction, when there's always someone there, like, listening ya know? Sheesh.

Anyway, that was back then, and it took me a nano-second to realise I actually wanted to have him around getting in the way, enjoyed him even (way hey, yep , I sure did enjoy him, phoar). To be honest, besides getting a little 'foot stampy' about my territory, it wasn't much hardship having him closeby. The toughest part is saying goodbye at the airport. Boo, it's the stinky bit, for sure, for sure.

The following month I flew south. No children around, just the two of us, no holds barred....well, I got myself a urinary tract infection for my all sexual troubles, didn't I?. *sigh* Eventually ended up ringing work and asking them to send me a prescription for antibiotics. If I could've got rid of it without getting hold of them, you can believe I would've done it. Certainly embarrassing when I heard the snigger of my co-worker on the other end of the phone. But bless them to the Garden of Eden and back, they faxed a script to the nearby pharmacy and the following week I walked back into work to front a couple of chesire cats at the reception desk.

One of my co-workers (after shaking her finger at me like a school ma'am) said "You know how to stop that from happening right? You have to go to the toilet straight afterwards, that's the best solution I've found." While processing the fact that Annette had obviously had some fabulous frantic monkey sex...enough to warrant an infection, I figured it made sense.

The mother-advising-her-offspring expression disappeared from her features when I asked....

"Oh wait. Do I have to get out of bed first?"

haha.

Do you think I should stop drinking now or what? lol

Filling the Gap, Part 1

2008-06-01T10:16:00.006+12:00

Earlier this year when I was having my sabbatical (which is just a fancy word for "trying to hide and hope no-one notices"), I had a decision to make. Believe it or not, and against my better judgement, Neil was still in contact at that point (yeah yeah, I can hear ya, don't ask, it's just too crazy to explain).

ANYWAY, I took my break from the world at large, and then took a two week one from the menfolk. By the end of that, I'd driven myself almost potty trying to sort my shit out. We all know it's that much easier to sort other people's problems than you're own. And considering neither of them were Michael Buble, it just wasn't that cut and dried, ya know?? (I'm gonna have his babies, did I tell you? Just sayin')

Dan was married, Neil was in England. Neil was in the throes of organising a trip to New Zealand...Dan was trying to get himself out of a complicated situation, and attempting to do right by all involved. Now this next part is possibly going to sound like I'm only saying it because Dan reads my blog, and we're now a couple. You don't shit in your own bed, right?

Wrong, (well, it's really not a good idea to crap your bed, trust me, past experience and chonic illness speaking here). So yeah, going back to it....Wrong...I'm saying it like it was. What I REALLY wanted, and yet felt I may never be able to have, were the same thing. And that was Dan. He's the one I wanted, but he was unavailable, despite trying to be in several places and keep several people happy at the same time. That's another wrong. You just CANNOT keep everyone happy. It's NOT possible.

In the meantime, Neil is obviously feeling some 'rumblings' underground, and asking me "So? You and WE are ok, right?" and I'm telling him not to worry, next time we get to chat I'll let him know just how "ok" we really are. Oh my God, Oh My God. Oh. My. Fucking. God. Of all the things I've said to Neil since he stepped back into my life last September, that sentence is the one that sits heavy with guilt in my stomach. Just typing them now actually makes me catch my breath and want to yell, "Liar! Lisa, you are such a fucking LIAR!" (Excuse the language, but going that low deserves a bit of self-loathing I reckon).

Trying to reassure a person that everything's honky dory, when in your heart and mind, you know that it's anything but, is nasty. It's a dirty, nasty feeling. I had the opportunity right there and then to call it quits. I could've told him that things weren't ok, and that despite Dan being unavailable, I still wanted him more regardless. And because of the chickenshit that I can be, I didn't. I clammed up and lied instead.

The next time I spoke with Neil, we spent the majority of of it arguing. Well, it was spent with him giving another one of his lectures and me feeling like a naughty little school girl looking at her shoes. That was pretty much it for me. I'd been through many of these lectures over the years, the majority of them unjustified and I didn't want to have to deal with any more. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. So I never did get to tell him just how ok things were. In fact I did the exact opposite. And I did it via email. Shoddy I know. To give you some kind of time line, I sent that email in March (that's how much longer we stuck at it after the initial breakdown in January).

Obviously there's more involved than I've mentioned above. I wasn't planning to go into all of that up there, I was planning to give you quite a different post altogether. I was actually just working my way up to when I saw Dan again for the first time this year. That would be after the last time in November...you know that disastrous time when everything seem to change with the turn of a page? Yeah. That's where I was going when I first started this.

HOWEVER....I have written plenty already, so I shall save that for next time. Now that I've started I feel I'm just going to write and basically go blah blah blah blah, regardless of whether it's being read or not. This is a good thing yeah? Well, I'll/we'll find that out as I keep blabbering I expect lol.

Oooo, look at me eh? Three posts in a week, who woulda thought. haha

Because I Can...

2008-05-29T17:03:00.005+12:00

Anna came to see her GP the other night, Jason and Jaimee accompanying her.

Jaimee (4) came around the back of the reception desk and sitting on my knee pointed to my telephone earpiece/mic.

Jaimee: "What's that?"

Me: "Oh, this is my secret microphone to the boss."

Jaimee: "Oh. But who's the boss of you, Aunty Lisa?"

I watched her eyes widen as I held the micophone closer to my mouth and whispered:

Me: "Hello?...God?...Are you there God?"

(Got myself a slap from her mum for that one lol)

***

Occasionally the doctors are given gifts of thanks from their patients. Dr R has had a box of chocolates sitting in his tray since last Friday.

While I was messing about with the doctors mail this morning, one of the nurses commented:

Nurse: "He's had those chocolates there for almost a week now."

Me: "And you're bringing this to my attention because...?"

Nurse: "Because I feel like eating chocolate today, that's why lol"

Me: "Oh...right."

Taking the box from his tray, and placing it on the screen of the photocopier, I pressed the button.

Nurse: "What are you doing?!"

Me: "If he's not going to take them home or at least open them, we're going to confiscate them."

Sticking a post-it note to the copy, I wrote..."We just couldn't wait any longer."...and put it in his tray.

Covering New Territory

2008-05-25T13:24:00.003+12:00

This is the first time in many years that I've had a real life time relationship. A REAL one. One where I can actually physically touch the person I love, one where I can cuddle up to him at night, read books in bed beside him, cook in the kitchen alongside him. The bonus of this, besides feeling and acting almost like normal people, is I get to make love to him, with him. In the same bed no less...who knew how incredible the union of two bodies could be?

I'd forgotten what that felt like...the feelings of joining together with someone so freely and with that much love had drifted off to such a distance, they would brush past my memory banks so fleetingly I had to wonder if they'd ever existed to start with. I can safetly say that I have not felt this connected to another person since way back when I fell in love with the boys' father. I was 18. And while I don't want to minimise how I felt about Pat, there's certainly a difference to falling in love at 18 and then again in your early 40's. One of those differences is baggage...well, life experience, sounds better. "Baggage" can encompass such a hideous amount of 'whatevers' really. Besides, baggage and life experience, while getting lumped together in the passage of living, can also be quite different things.

However...being almost 43 now, I have surprised myself by once again being swept up to the giddy heights of a teenager in love. And as silly and mushy as it may sound, it also feels so bloody fantastic I'm not complaining. And let's face it, anything that can make you feel over 20 years younger has just got to be good for you right? Shame it doesn't peel 20 years off my face and body *sigh*

Now that Dan and I are finally, legitimately a couple, I get to spend more time with him in person. Yes, he still lives on the south island, but it's nothing that cheap flights and the organisation of switching shifts around etc, can't fix. In fact, we're getting pretty good at it.

Obviously there's been a bit of adjusting involved. Single people don't live on their own without a significant other for almost 10 years and then think that someone can just swan into the household and noone's going to notice the difference. The first time he came to stay this year was an interesting one for me. Last year, we'd manage to get two nights at a time over about 4 weekends. This time he was here for 5 days...and as he pointed out a few times, it was now on a different level...the bar had been raised. I mean, I know I was serious about how I felt last year...but now I had to get serious in a practical sense...in a commitment sense. *gulp*

So he fronted up for 5 days...and my mind was fascinated with how easily he fitted in...the boys just accepted that he was here again....they came and went as usual, it seemed no surprise or hardship for them to have him around. Saying that, Cameron did make it known how unimpressed he was that his mother was getting her rocks off so much through the bedroom wall from him. (Do women get their rocks off? Dunno. Anyway, who cares? when it feels that great you can call it whatever the hell you like I reckon.) After some rather dark looks and silences from my oldest child...the point was made and taken. It kinda gave off the feeling of what it may have been like if I'd got caught in the act by my parents *shudder*

Miss Jaimee (4), who has always been wary of newcomers in her midst, was so quickly drawn to him, I had to stop my jaw hitting the dirt. These days she'd rather speak to him over the phone, than me. No wonder really, he practically turns into one of the Wiggles and has her captivated from the get-go. How's a woman supposed to compete with that??

As expected, this year I've continued to learn more about myself...how well I adjust to change (or how well I don't), how I feel about commitment, how far I'm prepared to go for something I want, how I need to consider another person as part of my inner 'bubble' of safe people etc. I've written enough for now, I'll get to some of that other stuff next time. Sorry, I know how disappointed you all must be haha.

Oh, I'll tell you something I haven't learned yet...and that is the art of shutting up...who knew?!

Missing the Spark

2008-05-08T21:48:00.002+12:00

I'm having withdrawal issues re smoking again. I can feel it in my stomach. That knot that starts getting tighter and tighter each time I realise that I'm a non-smoker. Each time my body thinks "Hm, now feels like a good time for a smoke"...and then the mental gasp of....."You don't smoke, remember??!"

YES!...ALRIGHT!...I REMEMBER!...*mutter mutter*...bitch.

This'll teach me. Serves me right for thinking I was going to be able to smoke for a couple of days (or five) and then stop again without any problem. It's probably one of the phases of the non-smoking thing....I stopped reading Allen Carr's book because I stopped smoking before I even got past chapter 2. I was SO ready to quit.

Apparently Mr Carr suggests/recommends you continue to smoke while you read his book. Course I never got far enough in the book to find out why. NOW, I'm willing to read the whole damn book, but only because it'll give me some kinda weird 'permission' to smoke while I'm reading it. If Allen Carr feels that's the right way to do it, then who am I to disagree? He's been hugely instrumental in helping people stop smoking. And due to the success of his method/book(s) he continues to do so, long after he died of lung cancer.

I went to the doctor last Thursday night for a routine check up....put on 3 kgs...obviously that sucked. Add that to the Jaimee thing on Friday...I bought a packet that evening. So yeah, it's the doctor's and Jaimee's fault, ya know? I ran out of cigarettes on Sunday evening. I bought another packet after work on Monday. The reason? Probably just because I'm breathing. I expect you'll see the irony in that dumbass excuse as much as I do. *sigh*

I want a cigarette so much tonight I feel like crying....or screaming...or both. Consequently, I'm doing a lot of deep breathing. Cameron, completely unimpressed and terribly disappointed with me, said this evening..."Mum, every time I heard the flick of your lighter, a small part of me inside would die". My God, he's so dramatic...he must get that from his father's side *cough*

The After Shot

2008-05-06T11:30:00.004+12:00

And this is what she looks like today. (Her head looks disproportionate to the rest of her but we'll have to put that down to the photograher and the fact I only ever take photos with my camera these days.)

I was going to spend some time reading blogs and even post again, but I've run out of time...I'm off to get physio done on my knee and then to work. By the time I get home, I doubt I'll feel like doing anything haha.

That's My Girl

2008-05-03T21:36:00.005+12:00

As most of you will know, this young lady is the lovely Jaimee (not sure why she looks cross-eyed in this pic, must've been the photographer!) If her parents weren't around so often, I would attempt to claim her as mine, but alas, they won't go away. Both my boys are of the impression that Jaimee's needs and wants come above and beyond theirs' in this house, even when she's not here.

There are certain bits and pieces that I'll buy for her in the grocery shopping, and should I see one of the boys reaching towards them in the pantry, I'll always point out..."Oh, I got that for Jaimee, she loves those museli bars...please don't eat them." or whatever it is. Generally this gets the response of "Oh, right, yes of course, I see how it is."

Yesterday I answered the phone to hear a rather high-pitched Anna... "Jaimee's fallen at kindy, are you able to go and get her?!" Friday is my day off, I had climbed back into bed earlier to read my book and fallen asleep...the phone woke me at 11.35am. I know, lazy bitch, but it's my day off, bite me.

I rushed into the kindergarten...no way I could've missed her...she was sitting on a caregiver's knee, and most of the kids were gathered around. She had an icepack against her nose and the teacher was trying to keep her awake. "Hello my little darling"....She reached for me and I picked her up....her arms snaked around my neck and she slumped against my shoulder.

I rang Anna while I carried her daughter out to the car and said I'd meet her at the doctors office. Unfortunately, I didn't have Jaimee's carseat. A slight pang of guilt later, she was buckled into the back seat. I gave her the icepack and asked if she could hold it against her nose. I also asked her to try and keep awake so we could go and see "Dr Penny, or Dr Richard or maybe even Dr Sally!". Hell I didn't know who it was going to be, I was talking non-stop regardless.

I've gotta hand it to that little girl and her determination. I spoke to her constantly, I sang really loudly (yeah, I know)...I slid the window open so the wind could blow in her face. And I kept glancing back watching her....she held the icepack against her nose the entire way. And oh my god, she fought against going to sleep to the point where her eyes were rolling up and back down again as she struggled to keep awake.

Then she started making really weird gurgling sounds, I turned back to see her, eyes as big as saucers, looking straight at me. The thought went through my head "Oh fuck, she's going to vomit and start fitting"...that's when I almost lost my cool. Thank God the doctors were less than 10 minutes away. I was actually going to work...Jaimee is a patient at the medical centre I work for. I have to admit the thought also crossed my mind "Aw man, my work colleagues are going to see me dressed like this and crying at the same time if I don't pull my shit together." Because of course, this was all about me *snort*

"You are such a brave girl Jaimee JimJam, and we're almost there...I need you to stay awake ok?...I keep seeing sooooo many yellow cars* and you KNOW you have to see them before Daddy does, right?" She grunted. That's the only time she actually 'spoke' to me. For someone who is generally so devoted to chattering full-steam-ahead, she didn't say one word to me at all. I have to put that grunt down to the competitive nature coming out of her...not surprising given her parents.

ANYWAY...she didn't vomit, or convulse, thank goodness.....I got to work, ran in the door and took her straight into the treatment room. The nurse came for a gander, the doctor turned up 10 seconds later and while they poked and prodded, shone lights in her eyes and ears, and up her nose, my heart rate started to go back to normal (don't forget, it's still about me). I couldn't have appreciated the staff and the swiftness with which they moved more than I did right then. They were brilliant.

She was good...well not good as such. But she was ok...very sleepy after bashing her head like that....very swollen down one side of her face, to the point where we thought she'd not be able to see out her left eye later...but besides the shock of the fall/pain, she was doing ok. (God, ya know, noone even asked how I was doing? What's up with that??) Later that afternoon her face had puffed up so much she didn't even look like herself...but she was pretty much back to normal after a short sleep (with us poking her to make sure she would stir)...Jason did it so often, she actually took a swipe at him in her sleep lol.

Jaimee actually fell last week too...damaged a different part of her anatomy. And the kindy has only just done this big revamp outdoors, laying down all that lovely spongey stuff to avoid the children hurting themselves if they fall. My little darling has managed to fall twice in one week, and make a good job of it by hitting her body against something on the way down to that lovely spongey stuff.

Bet she just wasn't watching where she was going cos she was busy being bossy and telling someone else what to do...she's so like her Aunty Lisa.

Attempt to Blog, Take 2

2008-04-27T11:58:00.003+12:00

This is getting a bit hopeless isn't it?

I have lots of things running around in my head to write about, yet when I sit here, I have trouble putting the words together to make it readable.

I think the best thing to do is basically just spit it out and forget about grammar completely...well, maybe not...but maybe just enough for you to understand what I'm going on about anyway lol.

And shorter, sharper posts. Which is better than no posts at all. For me I mean, I miss writing on here, regardless of size...

...and we all know that life is not necessarily about size right?...more about length...

...err...*cough*...of life, that is.

Moving right along.

Larry...thank you for your apology. Noone is hearing from me like they used to. Besides Leilani and Lisa, two ladies very dear to me, I have been extremely slack at getting in touch with anyone online. Dan is the special man in my life, so you can not only imagine, but expect, that I am in constant contact with my sweetheart. In fact I was down south with him when I received that comment. I certainly didn't appreciate reading it, nor did I appreciate your response to Leilani...she was afterall only watching my back. To be completely honest, your magic carpet "story" was kinda spooky for me. I must've forgotten about the personal joke thing between us, so I'm sorry for that, and also that this seems to have got blown out of proportion. Thanks again for your apology.

I have always appreciated your comments Larry. I appreciate everyone's comments. You are all free to say what you think here. There are at least four of you, who are particularly good at hitting me between the eyes with reality at times. I have always appreciated the honesty and frankness of these contributions...it's almost akin to having a conscience in print...sometimes it's the only thing that will get through my thick skull. However, if you are being disrespectful to others, then that isn't a good thing at all. It's unnecessary and just plain uncool, ya know?

Right, now that THAT bit's over, let's see if I can get on with something more interesting and attempt to continue to chonicle the days of my life.

*cue hour glass, running sand, music*

Just kidding.

I was reading through some of my archives a few days ago...my writing has changed...I'm not sure I like what I'm putting up here now (or NOT putting up here, more to the point)...I'm going to try and change that. While I know I'm a different woman to the one that originally started blogging three years ago, my views on many things are unchanged.

Ciao for now *mwah*

The Guts of It

2008-03-23T21:25:00.004+13:00

*ahem*

*tap, tap, tap*

"Err, is this thing on?"

*thonk, thonk, thonk!*

*deepens voice* "Charlie, Romeo, Alpha, Papa...are you receiving me?...over"

*rolls eyes*

Yeah....I know....sorry.

Soooo....I stopped smoking two months ago. Exactly two months ago today actually, 23rd of January. What possessed me to stop smoking and blogging in the same week is beyond me...but it happened anyway, and despite some ups and downs emotionally, we managed to ride it out.

The kids didn't even notice I'd stopped until I pointed it out to them 3 days after the fact...and here's me hoping I was raising a couple of observant and attentive young men. *sigh* Saying that, when I did approach them, asking "Have you noticed anything different about me the last few days??", they both suddenly took great interest in my hair. *snort*

I also took some time out from the adult male variety, trying to give myself some space to think (like I needed any more freakin' time dwelling on all that). Anyway, without going into detail I'll just say that all is now as it should be. It's gotta count for something if we still refuse to let go considering some of the complications we've been dealing with of late. But...he's happy, I'm happy, and so far the rest of the damn world looks happy, not to mention bloody marvelous, as far as we're concerned (with a couple of exceptions). The angels can breathe a sigh of relief and break into chorus again. Hallelujah!

Cameron started university 4 weeks ago. He's coming home pretty knackered at the end of each day, but seems to be enjoying his studies thus far. He's doing a double degree, triple major and due to lack of hours in the day, is no longer working part-time. I don't believe I got this right the first time I put it up on here, but I've got it written down now ha ha...he's studying a Bachelor of Science, majoring in Computer Sciences....and a Bachelor of Commerce and Administration, majoring in both Management and International Business.

Ryan starts a 15 week course involving computer graphics and web design on the 1st of April. This course will hopefully give him some idea whether he'd like to go on further, working towards a Diploma in either subject, or both. Two days after beginning this course, he'll turn 17 years old. Excuse the cliche, but Oh.My.God, where did the time go?? This coming wednesday he is finally going to be working again. He has a part time job at the local service station.

I've obviously not been spending much time online at all. I sincerely apologise for not responding to emails (you wouldn't believe how many drafts I started). I found myself struggling to keep up with all the goings on, let alone trying to put it into words and update anyone not directly involved. I know that you will understand where I'm coming from with this, but it's still rude of me not to reply and at least let you know I'm doing ok. Please know that I have been wondering about you too, and hoping you are doing well in your part of the world. Goosey, you especially have been in my thoughts.

I will elaborate on some of the above as time goes on, but think that's enough for the moment. I actually could be ready to start writing on here regularly again. Dunno yet. What I do know, is that I've missed doing something with my hands all this time anyway lol.

Over and out...for now.

Toodle Pip

2008-01-19T21:44:00.002+13:00

I'm taking a sabbatical.

Just letting you know in case you start to wonder if I've fallen down a dark hole.

I'm still around checking in on my blog favourites but need the time out from my own life and just about everything else right now.

I wish you good health and much happiness. Take care and bye for now xx

Where's My Limo?

2008-01-16T22:03:00.000+13:00

That's the name of the OPI nail polish on my toes..."Where's My Limo"...cute huh?...oh never mind.

Leilani?...Thank you. Thank you for commenting on that post down there...I couldn't have said it better myself. You're a gem and a good mate...ok, one that asks some frightening questions (via email). Questions that have my brain struggling to monumental proportions, but a great mate nonetheless. Big smooches to you my gorgeous friend.

Right, 'nuff of the mush. You'll be thinking I've been eating too much sugar again. (Have not!)

So anyway, I keep sitting down here to write something...anything...and then my mind scrambles any possible subject I might come up with and I get up again, and walk away.

Actually, this afternoon at work, I was thinking that I'd just come home and do a video post...that'd solve the thought of sitting here in this heat and messing around with the keyboard.

But, on the way home I made a detour to the supermarket...it was crowded with hot, pushy people, all trying to get away and probably thinking the supermarket is the last place they wanted to be. I know it was for me anyway.

What's a girl to do when you're out of milk, bread and butter, and you've already told the kids they'll be having steak and salad for dinner? You can't turn up empty handed when you have two hungry mouths to feed, can you?

I finally got in the door. I looked in the mirror...oh dear. I wasn't going to sit down here looking like that!...Mascara smudged under my eyes and obvious frown lines. The "drained, haggard" look is SO last season don't you think? I would be absolutely thrilled if it ever became the fashion. They'd stick me on the cover of "Vogue", I swear.

And another thing...after getting out of sticky work clothes, I wasn't prepared to be seen on camera, wearing a green camisole with white bra straps showing so prominently underneath. And I sure as hell wasn't going to be seen on camera without one lol.

But I will do another video post soon...I promise. I know you're all holding your breath waiting to feast your eyes upon me and hear my gorgeous accent again (no, no...don't argue, you know it's true...no need to be shy). I mean, honestly...the least I could do is show you in person that I'm really not falling apart at the seams, physically or mentally right?

Speaking of dinner...(yeah...we were)...when I did get home, Cameron decided he didn't feel like steak...and Ryan wasn't even here. He rang 2 minutes later to ask if he could have dinner at his friend's and stay overnight.

I adore my kids, I really do.

Happy Hump Day my lovelies....*mwah*

My Horoscope for Today:

2008-01-14T21:47:00.000+13:00

Cancer (June 22 - July 23)

"An outburst does you no favours on the relationship front so take a few moments to cool off. What is it that you are really furious about, the real issue or your lack of control? You are the only one responsible for this difficult situation. You can put an end to it by changing your stance and temporarily going with the flow."

How DO they know??

It's almost like magic, isn't it? Pfft.

Tomorrow I want to read one that says something about dreams coming true and harmony and peace will reign supreme in your life and blah blah blah, warm, fuzzy, wholesome, positive stuff. Fuck that negative shit.

And the swearing...enough of the swearing!

Eh? That was me, you say?

Oh...yeah...that WAS me *sigh*

You know? One day I may just surprise the crap out of you all and get it right!

I promise we'll fly lots of colourful banners and balloons that day, k?

Hell, we'll have a fucking parade to celebrate that milestone, I tell ya!

Mind Games

2008-01-11T21:47:00.000+13:00

You know you've been distracted when...

- you drive 50 yards down the street and it's the 3 year old passenger beside you that brings to your attention she's not buckled in - "Oh! My seatbelt Aunty Lisa!";

- you immediately have to apologise and then have a conversation about 'naughty' words and how bad Aunty Lisa is, all.the.way.home, because you just said "Fuck!" in front of said 3 year old without thinking;

- the following day, you jump in the car, put it in gear and instantly move in reverse coming within a hair's breadth of the garage wall behind you;

- you yell at the children for not putting their shoes away...take a seat at the computer, look down and count five pairs that belong to your own feet;

- you discover you're completely out of blood pressure medication and it's the last thing you should be without right now;

- you have to ring work in the morning to ask what time you're expected to be there that day;

- you've driven halfway down the street, only to turn around and head back home to replace your slippers with footwear more suitable to work in;

- stacking the dishwasher, you go to jam a plate in the bottom rack, next to the cutlery and thrust a fork tine up the inside of your thumbnail instead.

BUT... you do feel good thinking you could be getting your focus back when...

- you go to the local pharmacy, purchase a bottle of magic "Rescue Remedy" potion to combat stress levels. Then you notice... *hands covering face with a deep sigh*...you haven't brushed your hair yet, you're still wearing your pyjama top, there's a different earring in each ear and the wisp of cottonwool stuck to your cheek is floating about gracefully with every move you make.

I MUST'VE LOOKED LIKE A FREAKIN' MENTAL HEALTH PATIENT!!

*groan*

Time to do a lot of deep breathing and melodious humming I suspect.

The Too Hard Basket

2008-01-09T11:05:00.000+13:00

I had a lengthy text conversation with Neil's son last night. Neil's still in hospital and the doctors can't find anything else wrong with him, they believe it's "psychological trauma" that set him off.

He's seen a psychoanalyst and will be doing so again. They'll be keeping him in for a further couple of days to make sure it doesn't recur and he's very withdrawn at the moment. Mike's also said, Neil is asking after me every day, and nobody knows what to tell him. Mike said the best thing for Neil right now, would be for me to make up my mind.

So I did...I told Mike that it was better that I just backed off completely. I told him that I can't continue to keep doing this to Neil, and that by me disappearing I will no longer be screwing around with his father's head or his health.

Mike's obviously angry at my decision, and knows it will further upset his father. He said that if I think he can tell his Dad that, while he's in this condition then I'm very wrong. Do you know how much I hate walking away from him when he needs me the most right now? Yet being the one that triggered this off, how can I be of any help?

But what am I to do? Wait til Neil gets out of hospital and then dump it on him, and possibly send him straight back there? Isn't it wiser, maybe more practical to tell him while he's still there with medical attention close at hand? I don't know anymore.

I'll admit, I DO feel the urge to get on a plane right now...but what's that going to achieve? Besides the hefty opposition I'd be coming up against with his family and friends..the shock of me turning up out of the blue may set him back further. At the very least, it could give him hope.

Should I pretend again? Should I lie, and tell him what he wants to hear to make him happy, even though I'm not? Should I let him come to New Zealand, yet know already that it would only be to keep him happy, not myself? In some ways I feel like saying "Yep sure, come, we'll do the campervan thing around the country and have a great time"...just so he can get here, we can do whatever together and he will go away again finally knowing.

And what happens if he comes here, we're off around the country somewhere and he has another one of these episodes? How do I deal with that then? A depressed psychologically traumatised man in a strange country...can't imagine how easy that would be to cope with. Sounds callous I know, but the possibility of that would scare the bejesus outta me...I'd be on edge the entire time.

Eventually I switched my cellphone off last night, there really wasn't anything more I could say. Of course, I wish him a speedy and full recovery...of course, I care for and love the man, he's been a large part of my life for 8 years now. But all these emotional ups and downs had to stop somewhere...I can't continue to live under this pressure. And I was dealing with it well before Dan came on the scene, so I knew deep down, it had to be done.

I refuse to go back and mess about with his head any longer. I didn't realise how much I was messing with it to be honest...I've actually felt for many years, that he was messing with mine...but there ya go. He's a high maintenance man with standards and expectations I'm exhausted with trying to reach. How many times can one relationship have the shit kicked out of it and still be expected to survive?

There's a major difference between rising to the challenge to make things work...and doing them only because you think it may be necessary, regardless of how ludicrous you believe it is. England to New Zealand is a bloody long way to come when one of you knows they're only doing it for the other person's sake (that made sense, right?).

My feelings for Dan aside...I know it's the right thing to do. I hope sometime in the future, Neil will eventually come to the same conclusion.

Soap Opera Update

2008-01-06T21:00:00.000+13:00

So I made the decision to take some time out from Neil...On Friday morning I asked for two weeks, no email, text or phone contact at all. I needed a breather. I've been feeling under so much pressure, it's been a nightmare trying to juggle two men in such a way.

Foolish of me to think I might actually have a handle on it. I lied to Neil, told him that Dan was no longer in contact. This is not the first time I've lied to Neil...I did it a few years ago. It really is quite hopeless trying to keep everyone happy you know. It can't be done. Well, more to the point, I can't do it and not suffer emotionally and mentally anyway.

Here's the quick version:

- Neil knowing full well that I was already involved with someone else (yet unaware of the married status of that person), asked if he could come to NZ to see me. At that time, he was prepared to come here regardless of my circumstances, and said it was my choice that we meet, secretly or openly. I told him there was no way I would not be able to tell Dan about it, he would have to know. Given that I was waiting for Dan, and for how long was starting to become anyone's guess....I weakened and said Yes.

- As I suspected was eventually going to happen...Neil tried to push Dan out completely, and after me flying down south to see Dan and the general feeling of screwing with each others morals Dan and I both felt strongly during that visit, I allowed it to happen.

- Dan took a few days out to stamp his feet and came back wearing his big-man britches, refusing to give up. He said he was going to continue to call me (as long as I wanted him to) and that he would still be here after Neil left NZ. Obviously I wanted him to, I didn't want to give him up in the first place, but not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel, it seemed a logical choice. (Pfft, I feel a lesson in logistics coming on)

- Neil thought Dan was gone....and he wanted him to stay gone. After a few attempts of bringing up Dan's name, trying to work the conversation around to my continued contact with him...and Neil hitting the roof about it...I chose to shut my mouth and stopped bringing Dan up at all. Neil had already given his opinion of that situation in a rant, and at the end of it said "You just won't say anything against Dan will you?" My simple response was "No."

- For the past month in particular, Neil and I have done a continuous up/down, up/down, with our relationship...we started bickering about stupid things, little things, things that really weren't important...and things that got blown way out of proportion. I was accused of being selfish, self-centred, insensitive and thoughtless at various times.

- Dan, knowing most of what was going on, and finally getting to the point where he'd had enough, put his foot down and forced my hand, backing me into the proverbial corner. I had to make a choice. I knew it was going to happen. It had to didn't it? I could hardly continue to carry on in this vein.

Jesus!...WHAT WAS I THINKING?!? I've been having headaches for the last month...every day. I thought maybe it was my blood pressure. But no, my BP is better than it's ever been. I had to come to the conclusion that it was caused by the stress of my self-made drama.

So...I opted to ask Neil for a two week breather...I needed the time to think. Did I really want to blow my possible future with Dan completely, to find Neil and I just continued to fight, and then no flights would be booked this month as planned? (Yes, I do know how that sounds you know.)

ANYWAY...the rest of this very looooong story, goes like this. I asked Neil for two weeks out...he over-reacted (as to be expected), spent 3 hours arguing with me about it....he started hyperventilating, his blood pressure hit the ceiling, he phoned the kids, they turned up, paramedics were called...and his daughter-in-law got on the PC, and sent me a quick message..."Done enough now have you Lisa?..."

He's been in hospital since Thursday night...he was heavily sedated, non-reactive, but enough at one point to ask if I'd asked after him. Thankfully he's doing much better today. They don't know what happened to him, but it wasn't a heart attack as first suspected. I found out this info by finally sending an email in the hope someone would fill me in. I was grateful that his daughter in law replied and let me know regardless of the grilling I got from her in that email.

SO, the question now is....will Neil be expecting me to get in touch with him in two weeks time with a decision? or does he even care anymore and would he rather not hear from me at all ever again? While I loathe hurting him (and it's obvious it's far too late to NOT do that)...I'm actually hoping for the latter. And while that may sound selfish and insensitive, I'm hoping I won't have to deal with any more drama.

I apologise for only writing the short version because as I'm sure you'll know, there have been many facets to this saga. This is a cheery way to start the New Year isn't it? ha ha

***
(There you go Larry, that was pretty much for you...the only other three that would want to know are already aware (and that's including the one that's embroiled in it). So basically this was an update for Larry, cos I think you're the only one that may be interested to see what's been going on in the background lol.)

Happy New Year....

2008-01-03T19:08:00.000+13:00

...or not.

The beginning of a new year.

The possibilities could be endless really...or could they?

I guess that remains to be seen.

Did you know, I've been blogging for 3 years now? Yes, I'm amazed too. December 31st, 2004...that was my first ever blog entry. Not that you can tell...for some reason my archives only show up from Jan 2005. Whatever...no biggie.

Funnily enough, I've come full circle. Three years ago, I was faced with making a decision when it came to the men in my life. Yes, that's "men", plural. The last few months, I've found myself again in a similar situation. Two men, one me...now that aint gonna work, is it? I've said "funnily enough"...yet it certainly has no humour to it at all.

How the hell do I get myself into these situations? Is it because I'm weak and insecure? Is it because I'm the procrastinator extraordinaire? Is it because I'm greedy and want everything? Possibly a combination of all the above. Whatever the answer, it's caused me major stress and heartache trying to figure things out.

When it comes to emotions/feelings, being forced to make a choice is never easy. Not when you have such a depth of feeling for both. Three years ago, the decision was actually easier...it didn't feel like it at the time...but that was only because I SO hate hurting anyone...regardless of how I feel about them. I knew who I wanted to be with more back then, I knew which one wasn't right for me.

Despite how the current situation is 'played' out, someone is going to get hurt. Could be either one of them, could be me...could be all three of us. Knowing that you're the cause of such hurt to anybody is horrible...it is a truly nasty feeling. Weighing up the pros and cons of both is a practical, yet somewhat cold and calculating way to do it...far less emotional. And of course, it doesn't always mean you end up making the right choice by doing it that way.

I picked up one of those infamous "No. 8" balls in a shop the other week...shook it up....turned it over to read the answer to my unspoken question...nothing. It didn't give me any answer whatsoever...totally blank. I spent a few minutes, shaking and looking, and still zilch. It was either malfunctioning, or it just didn't know what to tell me. Fucker.

Most of you would probably think I'm completely hopeless at making decisions of any kind...it could also have you wondering how on earth I manage to stumble through my life, seemingly with no structure. Truth be known, most of the time I'm actually pretty good at making decisions...I have to make them all the time...in my work, in my home life, with my sons, my house, my time etc.

When it comes to the impact my choices can have on someone else's heart? Not so much. In fact, not at all. I drag the chain so badly while deliberating, I frustrate and confuse everyone involved, including myself.

In the end, I know I'm going to have to do what I think is right for me. I'll have to go with what feels right...for me. It's a focus that feels selfish, but I believe it's the only way to do it. I know I can live/survive without either of them in my life...it's more of a case of deciding which one I don't want to be without. And of course, I'll have to suffer the consequences if it goes tits up.

"You make your bed, you lie in it." A simple cliche, but one that scares the crap out of me. Let's hope I'm full of so much shit, it won't be fatal if I get some of it knocked out of me eh?

Short and Direct

2007-12-24T18:59:00.000+13:00

To my special blogger friends (and those that don't have blogs but read others' anyway *wink*)...I wish a safe, healthy and happy holiday season.

Merry Xmas and all the very best to you and your families for the New Year.

*Big smoochy group hug*

Saying It Right

2007-12-21T08:43:00.000+13:00

Rushing into the nurse's room, doctor on my heels:

Me: *grabbing nurse and looking back* "haha, I win!"
Doc: "Actually it was you I wanted to nail."
Me: *cough* "You really need to choose your words more carefully."
Doc *gasping* "You've got a filthy mind!"
Me: "I can't help it, can I?!...when you're on your own, you have an inbuilt radar for such things."

****

Walking into Cameron's bedroom:

"Honey? Are you able to..."

*taking in state of room*

"I wish you'd put those dishes and cups in the dishwasher...and bring your dirty washing out to the laundry please...god, I get so fed up with telling you that. I'm going out shortly, the truck will be here to collect the mini-skip soon, can you tell the driver...*pointing*...are those boxes empty?...chuck em out. Oh my god, what is THAT?"

*pausing for answer*

"Jeez Mum, that was all very A.D.D. of you...go take some medication."

Piece of Cake

2007-12-18T23:17:00.000+13:00

On Saturday, after my hair-ripping experience, I was expecting to put up a very short post here.

It was merely going to say:

"Well...THAT hurt like a mother-fucker."

But, I didn't need to...because not only was I too busy admiring my own armpits and running my hands up and down my hairless legs...I was also slapping my sister on the back and telling her what a great job she'd done and how proud I was of her.

My Mum watched for a short time, then she obviously got bored. There was no yelling or crying involved whatsoever...she buggered off to find something more interesting to do.

Lucky I'm not such a sensitive gal...I could have been hurt by her disinterest...perhaps I should have been more entertaining? Although how I was supposed to achieve that lying on my back with my arms in the air is beyond me. (Oy, this was my mother...me being in that position would not appeal to her, so shut ya gobs.)

Anyway, apart from one very brief teeth-gritting moment...it was virtually painless. Call me a sissy for getting so worked up about it last week, I don't care.

I had psyched myself up so much, that I'd been prepared to deal with the nightmare of whatever torture she was going to bestow upon me. In reality, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I'd expected.

I can also imagine now, how easy it would be to get the other bit waxed...you know?...*raises eyebrows*....the other bit? But no, I aint gonna do that regardless of how simple that may be.

So you see...it really can pay to expect the worst...then anything less than that can result in the double whammy of a delightful surprise and tremendous bonus.

Go on...admit it...you were disappointed I wasn't screaming my lungs out. lol

Hair Today...Gone Tomorrow

2007-12-10T21:29:00.000+13:00

I've been growing the hairs on my legs and under my arms for almost two weeks now.

Don't freak out...I know it's a turn-off, but there's a logical reason for me doing this. Besides, I'm not here to turn you on anyway.

Back to the hair, I'm a shaver. Apart from the few months I gritted my teeth and gave the epilady a fair crack many moons ago...I've been shaving for years.

I shave in the shower every day or every other day...it's a nuisance, but the alternative is dealing with prickly legs and armpits, and I'm just not prepared to leave it until it gets completely out of hand...so the hair's gotta go.

My sister, bless her heart, has decided to take up waxing, along with the rest of the services she offers in her studio.

Which means my body is once again being tampered with for the sake of beauty science. Christ, how much longer can this go on for? Am I not already beautiful enough for fuck sake??

You know, I didn't mind so much laying back on her fabulous special chair for a couple of hours, while she painstakingly practised at glue-ing single silk eyelashes to my own natural ones. (The bonus of that was, after taking an hour to do only one eye, she went cross-eyed, I said "Bugger this for a lark"...she said "Yeah, let's have a wine." and we stopped the lashing until the following day.) Apart from how bloody long it took, I rather liked the finished product. Made me feel very feminine.

But, this coming Saturday, I'm going to get on that chair again, allow her to slap hot wax under my arms, and rip the hair right out of 'em!

My legs I can cope with (I think, who knows yet? I'm such a baby)...my armpits??...well, yeah...not so much. I keep visualising skin ripped off at the same time. Not a good image.

My Mum will also be staying at the orchard and more than likely, will want to watch this fascinating procedure. Which means swearing is not going to be an option. Bashing my sister after she's caused me that kind of pain, will also have to be scratched from the list. Tad unfair I feel. Mother go home.

Women do this all the time right? Not everyone's a sissy like me and chooses to shave. We all know that there are plenty of brave females waxing more than just their legs and armpits these days. It seems to me, that it's practically become 'vogue' to be lovely and smooth ALL over...no expense or pain spared. Anna told me the other day, that while she was in Vietnam a couple of weeks ago, she'd had the hair removed from her armpits via the 'threading' method *shudder*

And you know what else?...I read an article recently stating that men are opting to have brazillian waxes. You know that doesn't mean they're having their backs done, right?? A salon down south advertised brazillian waxes for males...she's been absolutely inundated with clientele. These men aren't your average white collar pretty boy types, you know (no offence guys)...they're big beefy farmerboy types...(we're talking about the deep south of New Zealand here!)...bloke and their sheds, kinda men...ordinary fun-lovin' Speights drinkin', burpin', fartin' kiwi male types. All keen to have the hair ripped out of their nether regions for whatever reason.

So anyway...Saturday, I'm finally going to do it....I don't HAVE to do it, but I've chosen to. If not just to help my sister in her training, but for the fact that I won't have to shave every freakin' day or so in the shower. It's a win/win situation I suppose.

I'm a noisy girl at the best of times, so I reckon, when I get this done this weekend?...there's a strong possibility you're going to hear exactly when it happens, regardless of where in the world you might be lol.

Aw shit...I just need to suck it up and not be such a wimp...I mean...how hard can it be??

I'm Home...

2007-12-08T00:43:00.000+13:00

...yet I guess you didn't even know I was out. I don't get out too often these days, so when I do, I have to make sure it's noted somewhere I guess.

Hey, look at me!

I've posted, um...*counts up posts*...5 times within a week.

Who knew it was still possible eh??

I've been out to my work christmas dinner tonight...had far too much to drink...can you tell??

Enjoyed myself immensely...and although the screen is slightly blurry, I can still type.

Damn, I really am a legend.

Or something like that.

I'm off to get my gear off and get into bed...I've a headache coming on I think.

I bet you're all just tickled pink that I thought of you enough to come here and post before I went to bed, haha.

Happy weekend to you all!

Never Thought I'd See the Day

2007-12-05T11:56:00.000+13:00

Cameron left the house this morning, for the last time in his college school uniform.

The last time...EVER.

That's it...finito...he's done with school.

Ok, he's going to university next year...but he's done, done, done, with school.

Course, I had to grab him and hug him tightly before he left.

"Well...this is it...last time sweetheart."

"Oh Mum, it's just school."

"I don't care. You made it all the way through and came out the other end intact...I'm so proud of you."

*sigh* "It's only school...no need to make such a big deal about it."

Then he stepped out the door grinning and winked at me.

He WINKED at me! lol

*deep breath*

My baby's gonna be playing with the BIG boys!

I feel a moment coming on. *sob*

What Utter Nonsense

2007-12-04T10:00:00.000+13:00

You know those people that can get chatty when there are gaps during conversations? They're the people that kinda start talking madly, filling in the pauses by running off at the mouth...polluting the air with a whole lot of anything and nothing...which can sometimes equate to complete rubbish? You know what I mean right?

Sales people love them. A good salesperson will gauge this in their prospect, sit back and let the potential buyer continue on like that...til they've basically sold themselves on whatever product it is. The sale goes through, and the vendor barely moved a muscle. I think they call that "easy money".

I can be one of those people. I readily admit it. I don't always do it and despite enjoying the sound of my own voice, I actually value silence. I'm the mother of two boys...they can be rowdy buggers...so yeah, I LOVE my silence.

But there are definite times that I feel the need to talk non-stop...fill the spaces...and keep filling them til I run out of steam.

Which is what I think I'm doing now. Filling in the silence. My real life silence. Regardless of anything else I'm doing or dealing with, I'm likely to rattle on in here regularly at the moment. Half of what I say could possibly make no sense at all (this is not new to most of you of course)...but it could help fill the void in my heart and hopefully stop the rest of me from wanting something I can't have.

And if I talk long enough and loud enough, and keep doing so? I might even be able to stop myself from noticing and feeling that emptiness. (I didn't say the bullshit started tomorrow did I?)

Kinda sounds good in theory...to me anyway....whether it works in reality remains to be seen. So, I'm just warning you now, I could start going on and On and ON in here, ad.nauseum.

Brace yourself.

Internet Lovers

*gasp* Who IS that masked font?

Airport Shmairport

Future Developments?

I was...

Hardening Up

Still Breathing

The Cat That's Got the Cream?

Ready, Set, Go Baby, Go!

Payten Pending

Spontaneity and the Mess that Comes With It

Christmas Cheer

Lisa Who?

Skeletal Misdemeanours

Nobuddy Leees Za Rome

We Did It!

Just Every Day Life

Butter Wouldn't Melt in My Mouth

Heading for the Home Straight

Would You Like Some Crap With That?

Just a Quickie

Invalid, but Valid All the Same

It's THAT Big??

Pushing the Buttons

A Good Steal

Rambling Drivel

Almost There

I've Got Hot Water!

But Wait...There's More!

My Hero

No Hot Water to Get Into

Getting in Hot Water

A Quick Dip

What? How? Why?...err... WHAT?!

No Way!

Lickety Split

Do You See What I See?

Mutiny on the County

It's a Kinda Magic

One Moment Please Caller

All Washed Out

Look at That, Look at That...

Say "Cheese...(cake)"

Starting Off on the Right Foot

NaBloPoMo, Go!

Warts an' All

This and That

Just Because...

Afterall, Tomorrow is Another Day...

For He's a Jolly Good Fellow....

Er, Where To Begin..?

Transmission Error

Blowing Chunks Today

Here We Go Again...

Shopping the Right Way...

Upstairs, Downstairs

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night...

Moving in the Wrong Direction

Radio Ga Ga

Back in the Saddle.

Grubby Thoughts

Err...

I Surrender

Now...where were we?

Ready...Kinda

Done

Covering His Arse?

Flat Out

Live While You're Alive!

All Washed Out

Oh Man

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

Getting Laid

It's Here!

Ironing Out the Kinks

This, That and the Other

Magnifico!

Honey, I'm Home!

Filling the Gaps, Part 2

Filling the Gap, Part 1

gasp Who IS that masked font?