14 January 2005

Bella has got me to thinking. I need a more positive direction to go in with England. I need to set a goal and a date and sort out my finances and get my hiney over there. After the initial chat of confessing all about Canada and trying to work through it with England, I said to him (England) "perhaps next time we get online and chat we can talk about what we expect of and from each other?" He told me to slow down and let's get over this hurdle first. I suspect his heart rate had gone up and he was thinking I meant something along the lines of a marriage proposal or some such milarky. Not so. I meant as far as timing for texting and perhaps more chatting and being more open with each other. Wearing our hearts on our sleeves etc.

This weekend I'm going to talk to him about visiting him in England. God knows we used to talk about it at length. I briefly brought the subject up a couple of weeks ago, saying how very expensive it is over there. Well let's face it, it's bloody expensive in England, especially for us Kiwis, our dollar melts into about 30p or so. He said "Yes, but I would take care of the accommodation etc obviously" That left me wondering what "etc" actually encompasses. And besides, I'd like to make sure I had plenty of money behind me should I need to rush home in a hurry, I don't like the idea of someone else paying for much of anything for me, I'm an independent woman and choose to stay that way.

Soooo, I shall talk to him about a date, set myself a goal financially, and find out what "etc" stands for, so I know just exactly what it entails...what I need or don't need...the minimum amount of funds I need for the time being, and work my way up from there. I've done it before...had the savings set aside...but I was also working two jobs at the time so the money was coming easier....then my washing machine died...my tenants downstairs handed me notice.....couple that with 15's first year of college and my nest egg dwindled to taking a trip to the south island, not the the east of England. At that time England had been making noises about coming over here...him being tied into a contract gig-wise didn't help matters but the thought had always been there. We'd both like to visit each other's countries.

This has given me new inspiration to get my bum moving and put some direction in my relationship with him. I have to meet him don't I? Otherwise I'm never going to know if the chemistry and affinity we have is only that...an online connection...and the way we've felt about each other over the years is real...the emotions and yearnings...all physical and mental...are very real...I have to act on this.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

*gasp* Who IS that masked font?

This far down the track, it's sometimes hard for me to remember where Dan and I came from. Not in the "Who am I?" or "What is my purpose on this earth?" kinda way you understand...but of how we met and how much that totally spontaneous meeting unexpectedly affected both our lives and the lives of those around us. It's been over 3 years since Dan stumbled across this blog, and almost 3 years since we actually met in person for coffee. Next February it will have been 3 years since I told him I was in love with him. Don't panic...this is not going to be a post filled with sunlight and rainbows, extolling the brilliance of the above-mentioned man and all he means to me. Would I do that to you? I mean to say...this is the first time I've put font to screen in over 4 months, do you really think I'd come back and get all gushy/mushy on you? Nah...that'd make even me wanna gag. The fact of the matter is...that it HAS been such a long time sinc
Read more

A Wandering Post

Hallo Everybardee! (that's my Sharon Osborne impersonation.) I'm listening to Lemar's "If There's Any Justice" while I'm sitting here wracking my brain as to what to write today. And this song coupled with the recent brain-hurty questions that are being flung at us via Lisa's blog have me wondering. How many people out there are sitting in unhappy partnerships/marriages out there? How many are bobbling along in their marriages, for fear of not wanting to be alone or for the sake of the children etc? I spent 15 years with my husband before I finally realised we just weren't the same people we used to be and no amount of compromise was going to get us through the rest of life together. I met him when I was 18...seperated from him at the age of 33...one a teenager, the other a much different woman and the mother of two boys. I don't regret this time of my life, not one iota...there's a lot of learning and growing to had in those 15 years. My
Read more

Sleep, Blog, Sleep, Blog, hmm

Working extra hours will of course take it's toll on my body...and to be honest, things are going fairly well in that respect...that was...until last night. Cos ya see, last night, I didn't go to bed at the usual time of around 1030ish. I sat here and read my entire blog history...and although that's not HUGE because I've only been blogging since the beginning of the year....that's still a fair amount of reading to get through. That, coupled with catching up on some of your blogs (didn't always comment on them, forgive me)...I ended up crawling into bed at 1.35am. 1.35AM!! I haven't stayed up that late since I first started playing backgammon on the MSN Zone (and then we're talking about 3 and 4am, I must've been nuts!). Now I know that 1.30 isn't an unusually late night for some of you...but for me? it's big these days...real big. So this morning (some of the only free time I have this week, I...am...knackered. Why do we do this to
Read more