5 January 2005

I've been going into the room lately, in a different nic..hiding...just so I can see Canada's nic in the room...how pathetic is THAT? I daren't go in under my usual nic...I can just imagine the IMs and MSN messages ringing out with great speed and gossipy enthusiasm. For someone who has always said she doesn't give a toss about what others think or say, this is new ground for me. I do care....I care alot. Yet, I feel the need to see some sign of him. See that things can be normal...all I guess it proves is that life goes on regardless of all the upsets we go through. It's a nice safe feeling seeing him there....can't let him see me...would hurt him more...still, a nice warm feeling ensues when I see him anyway.

Oh well, we all have to live with choices we don't like at some time or other.



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