Friday, January 14, 2005

The Colour of Fanny

This afternoon I spent some time in the bedroom trying to take a photo of my nether regions for England. My god, what a fiasco that was. I have to say here, I tried this a couple of nights ago, it was late, I had the flash setting on, and each picture I took looked like I had the sun shining out of my fanny, so I gave up. I mean to say, I'm sure we'd all like to think we've a bright light shining out of us for someone right? and my ex husband always said I was sitting on the biggest gold mine there was, but it wasn't a true showing of what I really look like down there, so I deleted all those (thank god for the delete function on digital cameras).

Today however, I managed to get it sorted, natural light, no flash, just me.

Good Lord, have you even seen anything so hideously ugly before?? I'm not one for inspecting myself on a regular basis in the mirror in that position, and now that I've seen a close up of it, it's no bloody wonder! And then there was the colour of it...made me start wondering, if I ate something blue (maybe blueberries, or drink lots of blue dyed juice or something similar) would that turn it purple? If I ate heaps of carrots or oranges, would that turn it a pale pinky orange hue?

Straight after seeing these pics, I go online and speak to my closest friend, asking her what hers looked like when she got her hubby to take pics of it. Was it ugly? What colour was it? Did he like said pics? Question after question until she was asking her hubby what he thought and are there any out there he'd seen previously that he thought were hideous? and just exactly what constitutes an ugly fanny in the eyes of men?

He refused to answer most of them, he's been in this position before. We've drilled him on the likes of similar subjects....it made him nervous to be asked such questions again. So, she starts asking other men on her msn list, ones that she's known for a while and talked about everything with. One guy says "don't think I've ever seen an ugly one". That response made me feel better. Next guy says "well it's the shape of them...some look a bit beat up" Say what? what does that mean?

So now, after all this nervous laughter and carry on with my friend and us hunting for the mystery of the ugly fanny, I still have these photos, protected and hidden within the tiny metal confines of my digital camera, and my brain starts fighting with itself.... "Will I ever get up the courage to send these? (Course I will, I took them for that purpose right?)...What if he hates them? (Nah, surely not, it's me and he loves me, so he'll love them)...What if it is indeed the ugliest fanny on the face of the earth? (If he has the balls to say that, I shall fly over there, spare funds or no spare funds, and he will die a slow painful death)"

Ok, think I've got this organised mentally for the time being.
| (1)Blogger

<< Home