Sunday, January 09, 2005

The Complications and Simplicities of It All

I sat here this afternoon, mindlessly playing Bejewelled, and thought to myself “am I a particularly complicated woman?” I didn’t think so, but everything of late has me dissecting all I do. England has been unhappy with me the past couple of days, for small things, I feel anyway. And quite frankly when he gets in a mood like that I feel like sending him a text and saying “oh ffs, is that really necessary??”. But I don’t, because I know that he is trying hard to ride this wave out and me saying crap like that to him will only exacerbate the situation *sigh* Is this another case of the bad boy winning out over the nice guy?

I’m going to try something different with England tonight….I’m going to sit in my bed and chat to him either voice or typing on my laptop….I need to go the extra mile for him right now…he needs to see some kind of effort from me….AND....I’ve managed to get my digital camera to work with the laptop and make it into a web cam of sorts. Eeeeek! God help me!…*rushes off to tidy up cesspit of a bedroom*.


Why is it that all my friends these days tend to be single divorced women? I mean, isn’t it interesting how we gravitate towards those that mirror ourselves in some shape or form. I have amazing friends, wonderful women….but why are they still single after all these years?? Is it because we’ve become particularly fussy with our choices of men? Is it because we now know for sure what it is that we want or need in a partner and are less accepting of those little foibles that some men have? It’s not like we’re perfect is it?

I need a gay male friend I think. Someone who I can cuddle up to and discuss the complications and simplicities of life…someone who won’t put any pressure on me sexually but whom I love dearly and can say whatever the hell I like to. That’d be kinda cool don’t you think? We could say whatever we liked without any repercussions or having them running off into the distance (which of course, is a repercussion). Someone who will berate us for our fashion sense and not just say “you look fine “. My ex husband used to say “you look good in anything you put on hun, you know that”. Well, I was asking because I bloody didn’t know that at all!

Once when 15 and 13 were messing with my head and my house…deliberately trying to wind me up and not do as I asked…I said to them “Do you know what happened to the last person that didn’t listen to me??” They both give me bored expressions, like they could care less but ask anyway “what?” I say in a low menacing voice “He doesn’t live here anymore” Bursts of laughter from them both…oh well…can’t say I didn’t try…obviously I haven’t got this threatening thing down to a fine art yet.

On a more positive note...I got an email from the teacher who’s taken 15 to Japan this morning. Said they’d all arrived safe and sound, found the hostel and had eaten dinner. So at least I know he’s safe. I can’t help but wonder whether he’s changed his underwear and been brushing his teeth daily.
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