Saturday, January 01, 2005

It's done

Well, I said goodbye to Canada yesterday. I cried all day. I was a coward and wrote an email saying goodbye. We had talked on a daily basis on mics using yahoo voice chat and I had planned to talk to him about it via that avenue, but I knew once I heard his voice I would've broken down and cried and he wouldn't be able to make sense of my words.

He's angry. Very angry. And who can blame him? He doesn't believe anything I said to him in the past, thinks I lied to him about how I felt. But I did love him, and I still do. In all fairness I can't love two men at the same time. It's not fair on either of them.

Now I hear he's going to post on a mutual website. He's going to air our dirty laundry to people we know mutually online...people we've been friends with for a long time, and from what I've heard, none of it's going to be pretty. He says this is war. He's going to do what he can to ruin what little dignity I have left. I'm hoping he may calm down some and be rational about this. Under the circumstances that may be a bit much to expect.

To be quite honest, I thought he was above doing that. But anger and love do crazy things to us and we lash out wherever we can, despite the fact that it really doesn't do us any good. Only exacerbates the situation.

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