Friday, January 21, 2005

Where is 15?

I haven't heard from 15 for almost two weeks now. Hence I'm starting to get a little worried. I see my Visa balance rising and I wonder if he has enough money for what he needs or wants over there in Japan. Being the true paranoid mother that I can be at times, I write an email to one of the teachers that's over there with him, asking her to basically give him a smack in the back of the head and send word home so his mother can relax. I received her reply this morning. She said all's well, and that unfortunately for most of the kids, a lot of their last homestays didn't have internet, and at the school they could only read the messages, not reply to them.

So, I feel better now....I know he's still alive and I know he has enough money (she mentioned that she felt sure he had already bought whatever he wanted while he was there). Man, I miss that kid! Despite the fact that he's quite a bit taller than me and gives me a fair bit of schtick at times, I still miss him like crazy. I've been listening to one of his favourite drum tracks alot...makes me feel like he's here. He's a drummer, did I tell you that? A very good one too. This morning I was caught by 13, sitting on 15's bed with his duvet cover wrapped around me...it smelled just like him! 13 walked away sighing and rolling his eyes.

What's he going to be like when he comes home? Will he be changed? Will he have grown into a man over the month he's gone? What if he wants to move out of home now that he's so very independently travelled across the globe without me??! I sent him an email earlier this week, told him of my plans to visit England. No doubt I'll hear his opinion on that when he gets back.

Isn't it interesting how the dynamics change so much in the house when we decrease to one woman, two teenage sons? 15 has become my right hand man, he's my sounding board for whatever crazy idea I have at the time.....he does just about everything the man of the house used to do. Well, actually, that's not entirely true, 15 does more than that...the ex man of the house did squat all...hence him being the ex man of the house now.

I want 15 home now. I've had enough of this independence of coping with life in general without him. I need him back here to lean on. OMG! How selfish does that sound??

But you know what? With him being away...it's actually given 13 the opportunity to stand up and be counted. He's taken over some of the chores that 15 used to do...granted, he still disappears into his bedroom and I don't see him for hours...but I think this has been a good thing for the two of us. I'm so used to treating him like my baby...ffs woman! he's 13 years old! he's hardly a baby anymore. I suspect one day they'll both disappear...and to further away than their bedrooms. *sob*

Before 15 went to Japan, he was filling out the Visa application at the bank..he asked me "what's a dependant?"...I explain that's what he is, someone that depends on me financially because they're not able to do so for themselves yet. He says "oh right, ok then. When you're old and crusty, you can be one of my dependants". How friggin sweet is that?? Bring it on baby!

I feel so secure in the fact that I have a future already set up being his dependant...woo hoooo! I can see myself now, being one of those elderly people...the ones that make it difficult for nursing staff...throwing meals back at them...scampering out the door the minute it's open...inviting the wrinkled old men into my room to show them my 'etchings'.

"Wherever you go, no matter how far, my love is with you, wherever you are"
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