Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Leading Conversations

Years ago when my oldest son was 9, he came to me and asked me about how babies were made. Now, we’d had this chat before, as some of you would know , they’re well curious about this before they turn 9. But lately he’d been discussing some of the ins and outs of this baby stuff with his friends at school and there were various different ‘stories’ as to how and why babies came about.

Not wanting him to be given false information, I sat him on my bed, and went into detail a little more for him. I’ve always been open about such matters with my boys…given direct answers to direct questions…seemed pointless calling a penis a willy or peepee or whatever other names for it…it’s a damn penis…why call it anything else?

Somehow, the conversation got around to birth control (probably more detail than he needed really, but he was asking questions, so I launched fully into just about everything)…I discussed condoms with him. He was concerned that wearing something like that may hurt the girl…next thing I’m getting one out of the drawer to show him how thin and soft they are, and telling him the girl would appreciate him wearing one to stop her from having babies. (This is after I emphasise that it is only best to be doing this with someone you REALLY love…ok, at my age now, I know I’m a hyprocrite but gotta make sure the foundations are set properly for my kid.)

“Let’s pretend my finger is a penis”

“No, no, use my finger” *holds his index finger up*
(NB: was such a tiny ‘penis’ compared to the size of the condom…it just kinda flapped and folded around it…that’s the condom doing the flapping stuff, not the finger)

“you gently unravel the condom from the tip until it’s completely covered …”
Blah blah blah, you get the gist right?

Next comes the ejaculating conversation. He wants to know what it looks like...how do you get to make this stuff come out of it etc. *sigh* This was starting to get more detailed than I was expecting. We got onto the masturbation conversation, I didn’t actually have to talk too much on this. At one stage he said “oh, that’s the feeling when I get all warm and it’s nice” (He’s staring dreamily at the ceiling and runs his hand across his chest when he says this.) He adds...”it looks like cottage cheese eh?” “OH MY GOD!” I’m thinking...but sitting there calmly, no change of expression on my face (gold star for me).

Rush forward 3 years...I’m doing the washing one morning...stuffing his clothes into the machine...and what do I find? (was going to say "and what do I come across?" but that didn't seem right) ...Yes, you guessed it...suspicious substance on t-shirt. I freeze...how do I approach this subject now without completely embarrassing him?....I head down to his bedroom (his living quarters these days)...plonk myself on the bed and say “do you need me to buy you some more tissues?”...”eh? no, thanks”...”ok, I just wanted to say, I was expecting this to happen at some stage, and there’s no need to be embarrassed about it, it’s perfectly natural...but I’m going to be making sure you always have a box of tissues in your room from now on”...*puzzled expression from him*...”but I don’t have a cold”...”maybe not, but I’d rather you used tissues than your t-shirts ok?”…..*understanding dawns on his face*….”oh, right..yeah ok...tissues would be good”..."Cool, thanks for the chat...sorry to interrupt whatever you were doing".

Conversation ends, mother leaves room.

See how easy that was? *snort*

This post has come about due to the fact that 13 has run out of tissues in his room and the same chat has been put off for too long. He’s a completely different kettle of fish…reacts completely different to me ‘interfering’ in his life…I so do not want to be having this conversation with him…but I will…afterall…How hard can it be?
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