Thursday, February 03, 2005

Thinking about the past

I've been thinking about some of the 'situations' I've put myself in after my marriage broke down over 6 years ago now. Was wondering if others had done some of the unnecessary things I did after my husband left the house.

I seem to become obssesed with men (actually, I know I did). My closest friend was brilliant, she never rolled her eyes (not that I saw), never told to get a "grip and get over it", and in fact one of my other friends seem to thrive on living on my single life at the time.

When I think back now I'm horrified at some of the things I did. Not the usual kinda thing you'd expect from a 33 year old mother of two to be up to.

I never did anything too seedy, but for me...it was quite out of character to be going to strange mens homes and eventually ending up in the sack with them *shudder*. One chap was shorter than me (no offence to shorter men), he had about 15 pins in his knee and dragged his leg along like Lurch off the Adams Family. I have no idea why I even slept with him, I felt no attraction to him whatsoever...his whole attitude put me off. I chose not to stay the night there, which set off a whole set of events....he became instantly depressed, told me he couldn't cope with it anymore and he would ring me later if he was still alive. I was out of there...after hearing that, there was no way in hell I would've been sticking around. Got out to my car..it was absolutely pouring down...car refused to start...it was sitting in a dip in the road, so I couldn't even crash-start it (all things that had to be taken into consideration at 1am that morning). I needed a phone....nothing short of a scud missile was going to get me back in that house, so I trudged off down the street to find a light on in a neighbouring house.

Knocked on yet another stranger's door....big, no, huge dark man answers the door....I'm shaking and close to tears, asking to use the phone...he allows me inside and out of the corner of my eye, I see him step out onto the porch and look up and down the street. I ring a good friend and ask her to come and collect me, she knew where I was, I'd given her all the details before I took off on my 'adventure' that evening. Now, this particular friend is absolutely useless at driving at night time, let alone when it's hosing down..course, in my emotional state at the time, I never thought about any of that...I just wanted to get home!

I thank the kindly gentleman and make my way back out into the dark street, waiting in anticipation for my friend. 20 odd minutes or so later, I see car headlights coming down the street "oh thank god" I'm thinking to myself...I see my friend coming towards me....and then I see my friend driving straight past me. Oh lord, how could she possibly have missed me?? I was the only person standing out on the street at that hour of the morning.

Anyway, after actually standing in the middle of the road and waving my arms about she found me on her return drive down the other side of the street.

We drove home, mainly in silence, some laughter about how stupid it all was etc etc. (My younger brother is a police officer, and I just knew what his reaction to this was gonna be, best I didn't tell him).

Backtracking very quickly to that afternoon, I just received a slat bed, it was late, so I had propped it up against the wall in my bedroom to deal with the following day (or so I thought). Soooo, after all that, my girlfriend and I found ourselves screwing my new bed together at 3am that night. Shoulda been the only screwing I was doing.

I never played softball that next day. I rang the coach and bowed out, said I was unwell and couldn't make it. I spent most of the day in bed with the covers over my face trying to hide from the world.

That part of my life lasted approximately 5 months. At the time I felt that anytime the boys were staying at their Dad's, I had to take advantage of my alone-ness...I always went out, regardless of how knackered I felt, I still just had to go do something that seperated me from the house (and the rest of the normal planet I guess).

Thank goodness I'm out of that phase!
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