Sunday, March 27, 2005

The Photo Saga

After I told Canada that I'd posted that pic on my blog (how stupid of me to tell him) he was very quiet. I knew he was unhappy about it, and eventually asked him to spit it out. He said that he was uncomfortable with others seeing me in such a way. He said "I don't want everyone else seeing my girl like that". That immediately got my back up "So...if I happen to go out with a low cut top on, that shows some cleavage, you'd be telling me to go and get changed?" (Over my dead body he would).

At this stage I was already feeling annoyed about being a dork and going through the the camera, handcream, tv, breakfast bar, bedroom dresser, kitchen window thing, because he'd said he was going to crop out my body and it was my face that he loved the most. Ok, I understand, the man loves me to pieces, he wouldn't care if I was 500lbs or 100lbs, and my body is not the reason he loves me so much...he's said it several times during our relationship...but even so!....I didn't go through that to have him cut out my body! Bastard!

My annoyance was teetering on the brink of fury so I decided it was time I buggered off to take some deep breaths "I feel sick, I'm going to lie down, I'll catch you later". *poof* I was gone before he had a chance to say anything else.

After deep breathing and stomping around the house for a couple of hours...feeling like I'd just made a complete and utter fool of myself, not to mention a tad on the slutty side and that I'd completely wasted my time doing it, I went to bed and lay there feeling upset and fuming. This was of course due to the fact that I wanted to yell at him more lol. You know...something to the tune of "For God sake...it's just a bra and a pair of tits, it's not like noone's never seen that before!!".

The phone rang (of course it did, you knew that was coming, right?)...."Hello dear"..."Hello"..I said staunchily...and then...fuck me...if I didn't let myself down and burst into tears...bloody emotional twit that I am.....but the stubborn bitch in me rushed forward and launched herself "I'm not a possession, I can wear what I like, when I want and wherever I please...that photo was only going to be on there briefly....right now it can stay there forever after for all I care! There aren't too many that read my blog on a daily basis...and those that do I've come to trust and think of as my friends".

"You don't know who's looking at that picture....some lunatic in New Zealand could have seen that (I interrupted "don't you be talking about LLCoffee like that!") and chose to cut and paste it and start stalking you. I'm in Canada for Christ sake...I can't do anything to protect you from over here!" I have to admit that new tack of his took the wind out of my sails a bit. I stopped listening to what he was saying and started thinking about that bit in particular...he's right...what if they did?...do I really want another James in my life? The answer is obviously no....but I'm my own worst enemy...and I lay in bed fighting the urge to spring out, rush back to the PC and whip that pic off the screen. I felt that if I'd removed it then, I'd have lost the entire argument. Stupid huh??

Oh well, not to worry....it all got sorted it the end. 3 hours later we decided it was time to hang up...it was obvious.....I was talking less and less and in almost a whisper...and it had just turned 8am in Ottawa.

We had another small talk about it this morning and then changed the subject and went back to 'normal' (if there's such a term in these circumstances). The bugger about having arguments at this distance is of course, the fact that we don't get to cuddle up and fall asleep after resolving them. That is one of the extremely frustrating facets of an internet relationship.

Right, it's all over now...nothing to see here...move along (oh! but don't forget to come back again ok?)

oh! LL? you do know I didn't really say that don't you? lol
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