On Second Thought...

This morning I feel differently about yesterday, thanks to your comments and Walker's post for today.

Last night while I was at work, and as I was thinking about the post I made earlier in the day, I was embarrassed about how dramatic I became on this issue.

Today I feel stronger and ready to handle the situation. Yesterday I was a crying, vulnerable mess of a woman. I hate feeling vulnerable and insecure...and most of all I hate doubting my ability to raise my children. Fuck it, I'm a damn good mother. I've done the best I can under any given situation over the years. And Kurt you're right...my ex-husband and I were in an unhappy marriage...and once I'd spoken to him about separation and he moved out of the house...there was a noticeable sigh of relief from everyone, that it was over. Prior to that the tension was incredible. I was hoping that my kids were old enough by then to understand once I'd explained the situation to them.

I know there are always going to be ups and downs as my children find their feet and spread their wings in this world.

I think that maybe the reason I fell off the edge of "happy happy joy joy" motherhood yesterday is because I couldn't control what happened or what's going to happen. Someone else is now making a decision for what's going to happen to 14 as far as his education is concerned, and I don't like it one bit I don't have a lot of say in that decision at all, and it sucks. I do however get the opportunity to fight for what 14 wants, for what I want...and I know his father will do the same.

Whatever the outcome, we'll cope with it. We've coped with pitfalls before, not to the same extent, but we always do. We have no choice but to deal with circumstances that arise.

Thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement and support regarding yesterday's post. I apologise for being such a snivelling, unravelled being and should there ever be a next time, which I'm sure there's going to be at some stage on this rocky road of motherhood...perhaps I should just throw myself on the bed and scream into the pillow instead.

Soooo, today I'm feeling ready to continue supporting my son by digging my cleats in, raising my shoulder and meeting the school Board for a head on collision at home plate.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

*gasp* Who IS that masked font?

This far down the track, it's sometimes hard for me to remember where Dan and I came from. Not in the "Who am I?" or "What is my purpose on this earth?" kinda way you understand...but of how we met and how much that totally spontaneous meeting unexpectedly affected both our lives and the lives of those around us. It's been over 3 years since Dan stumbled across this blog, and almost 3 years since we actually met in person for coffee. Next February it will have been 3 years since I told him I was in love with him. Don't panic...this is not going to be a post filled with sunlight and rainbows, extolling the brilliance of the above-mentioned man and all he means to me. Would I do that to you? I mean to say...this is the first time I've put font to screen in over 4 months, do you really think I'd come back and get all gushy/mushy on you? Nah...that'd make even me wanna gag. The fact of the matter is...that it HAS been such a long time sinc...
Read more

A Wandering Post

Hallo Everybardee! (that's my Sharon Osborne impersonation.) I'm listening to Lemar's "If There's Any Justice" while I'm sitting here wracking my brain as to what to write today. And this song coupled with the recent brain-hurty questions that are being flung at us via Lisa's blog have me wondering. How many people out there are sitting in unhappy partnerships/marriages out there? How many are bobbling along in their marriages, for fear of not wanting to be alone or for the sake of the children etc? I spent 15 years with my husband before I finally realised we just weren't the same people we used to be and no amount of compromise was going to get us through the rest of life together. I met him when I was 18...seperated from him at the age of 33...one a teenager, the other a much different woman and the mother of two boys. I don't regret this time of my life, not one iota...there's a lot of learning and growing to had in those 15 years. My ...
Read more

Sleep, Blog, Sleep, Blog, hmm

Working extra hours will of course take it's toll on my body...and to be honest, things are going fairly well in that respect...that was...until last night. Cos ya see, last night, I didn't go to bed at the usual time of around 1030ish. I sat here and read my entire blog history...and although that's not HUGE because I've only been blogging since the beginning of the year....that's still a fair amount of reading to get through. That, coupled with catching up on some of your blogs (didn't always comment on them, forgive me)...I ended up crawling into bed at 1.35am. 1.35AM!! I haven't stayed up that late since I first started playing backgammon on the MSN Zone (and then we're talking about 3 and 4am, I must've been nuts!). Now I know that 1.30 isn't an unusually late night for some of you...but for me? it's big these days...real big. So this morning (some of the only free time I have this week, I...am...knackered. Why do we do this to ...
Read more