Thursday, April 07, 2005

Yelling and Barfing

We are getting the roof replaced at work. Today they turned up just after I did. So at 7.45am this morning, I'm out in the carpark asking four men (all kitted out in their shorts and leather toolbelts) if they need to get into the surgery for anything in particular before I go locking them all out. OMG, they're wearing shorts and toolbelts and I'm talking about locking them OUT?? I just KNEW there was something wrong with me! Bring on the hardhats I say!

And so, this morning for at least two hours, they made so much noise up on the roof, I thought I was going to need an appointment with one of the nurses myself to get my ears syringed (eew, never had that done before, don't plan to start if I can help it).

At one stage, I look up just in time to see something come flying off the roof and land on the front door step. So I'm back outside looking up and, feeling the need to keep my smiley, polite image intact, I try calling out. "Excuse me?"...no response...I try again...."Hellooooo?".....nope, nothing. Ah shit, I'm thinking, those bastards are all probably deaf as posts anyway. One more go...."HEY! GUYS?!"....a head comes over the edge of the roof to look...."COULD YOU BE MORE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT'S COMING DOWN OFF THERE PLEASE?"..."OH YEAH, SORRY, I'LL SEND SOMEONE DOWN TO PICK THAT UP"...."THANK YOU...WE'D REALLY RATHER NOT HAVE TO TREAT OUR PATIENTS FOR MORE THAN WHAT THEY ORIGINALLY CAME IN FOR"....Sheepish look..."FAIR ENOUGH".

After this brief yelling exchange with the roofman I head back inside. A young woman follows in the door behind me...hands me a form..."I'm here for a blood test please...back in a sec, I think I'm going to be sick"...She runs for the toilet...I hear her hurling....now the noise that followed her hurling noise sounds something like "splaaaaat" kinda....course it shoulda sounded more like "splaaaaash"..but it didn't...it was "splaaaaat".....which made me realise she didn't get to the toilet bowl in time....so next thing, I'm standing outside the toilet door asking her if she's ok. (Now I know that's a stupid fucken question, cut me some slack, it's only 8.20 in the morning, I should be still asleep). No answer...god, is she related to the roofers or what??....."Can I do anything to help you?"....a teary weak voice comes back "I'm so sorry, I've just been sick all over the floor in here"...."Oh, don't worry about that...get yourself sorted and come on out...I'll lay you down in the treatment room until you feel better".

Out comes this very pale lady...(I do my best not to gag at the smell that follows her out)...I lead her into the treatment room and help her onto the bed...then I go fetch the nurse and tell her about the mess in the toilets. Poor nurse. We don't ever have to clean up messes like this....we're not allowed to....the nurses have to do it all...they've got all the gear for it. Last week an elderly gent came in and left a sizeable puddle of blood on the carpet with his foot....can't be touching that kinda stuff without those latex gloves.

The rest of the morning I spent dying to go for a pee but not wanting to because the electrical cord for the roofers was being fed through the staff toilet window...and it being a windy day, what if the window actually blew wide open?? I can't be seen yelling at the roofers and then have them seeing me in that position can I?? That wouldn't do at all. I'd rather have my bladder become the shape of a watermelon before I'm seen like that!

Before I started this job, I never realised all the other uses for latex gloves.
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