Friday, May 27, 2005

As It Should Be

Yesterday was my last day of double shifts for a while, and just as well too. Over my lunch break yesterday, it became obvious to me that I'd had enough. I found myself sitting here, shoulders hunched and staring at the floor. I closed my eyes and felt so tired, I just wanted to slip to the floor and go to sleep. The thought of going back to work made me feel like weeping. That afternoon, all I wanted to do was sit...not talk to anyone, not answer any phones...not smile if I didn't want to....but just SIT. Ah, how good it would feel just to sit still and ignore everyone and everything. But no...unfortunately that isn't what I get paid for. People kept coming in to be greeted...too many questions being asked that I couldn't advise upon....nurses being unavailable to consult with and phone calls to be answered...lots and lots of phone calls *sigh*.

Ya know? It really hasn't been that difficult to deal with....I've pumped myself full of vitamins and my kids have been trojans at organising themselves, getting their own dinners etc. It's comforting that they're capable of coping without their mother, although I could do without the occasional looks of pity I've had from them.

There's a gastric virus sweeping New Zealand at the's a nasty vomitting/pooping thing that has the punters coming into work in droves. This virus has got so bad in a couple of schools that they've closed their doors to try stopping it from spreading amongst their pupils and staff. My favourite 1 year old (Jaimee) has been subjected to this...continually power-chucking up anything her mum has attempted to put in her mouth. The wonderful Dr Richard has been fantastic at seeing her regardless of what his schedule is like. It could have something to do with the death stare I use on him while I'm asking, but I doubt it. Poor guy. He had to call in to ask us to shuffle his patients around that morning because his two year old had been doing the same thing. The moment he arrived at work, I was there, waiting to pounce as he came through the door...."Oh, how pleased I am to see you!"....I must try and change that strategy, he now sees right through me..."Oh dear...what's up with her this time?". is Friday...and that means the weekend is here for me now that I'm done with Allison's shifts. I've had a short burst of energy this morning. I went shopping and blew $200 I can't afford on baby stuff and then dropped in on Jaimee and her mum Anna, for coffee. The minute I walked through the door and saw that little munchkin sitting on the floor, with a string of fake beads around her neck, dark curls trailing down her face, her huge brown eyes fringed with long lashes, smiling up at me.... I knew it was worth every penny. That little girl melts my heart good and proper. I can't help myself, she turns me to mush.

For the next couple of hours I relaxed and spent time playing dress-ups with my wee human dolly and by the time I'd left, I knew that all was as it should be in my world.
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