Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Tag...You're It

The man with the wonderful description of kissing (scroll down to "Besame Mucho")...that'd be Brian....has tagged me to play the "If I could be..." game. Apparently he's asked me cos he wants a New Zealand perspective on it. (I humour myself by thinking he asked me cos he thinks I'm an extremely gorgeous and sexy woman with a great set of nay-nays....SEE? I can play this game...I'm dreaming already! Yay Me!)

The object of this exercise is simple. Pick five from the list (way down there below) and complete the phrase. Feel free to add additional occupations after you've done yours. Pass it on by tagging others.

If I could be an Hooker....I would bat my eyelashes, flash my cleavage, blow kisses at passing prospects...I would take in only the richest and most handsome customers, being sure they had kind hearts....When alone, I would yell "Noooo, please don't do this, don't touch me!" and then cry and cry and CRY about my sick mother and my child that was due to have a limb amputated....and the customer would feel so badly they would pay a huge sum for me to stop crying, and throw in a tip for medical bills for my family. Then I would use the money to buy a farm and ship Walker over from Canada.

If I could be a farmer.....I would grow fields upon fields of lavender. I would have a small group of cows mincing around somewhere, cos I think that cows eyes and lavender go together in some way, not sure how, but they just do. I would live in a beautiful big 12 bedroom farmhouse with a verandah that went all the way around the outside, and I would refurbish my farmhouse into a Bed and Breakfast. Walker would be involved, cos he's so good at fixing anything that gets broken, and one hell of a cook, so all the guests would be wowed by his cullinary prowess (but unable to pronounce anything he did cook) and come back again and again.

If I could be a doctor....I would give all my patients a stern lecture about not harrassing the lovely receptionists and that the reason I was an hour late getting to said patient was because of ME, not them. (They never take it out on the doctor.) Then I would fix their broken bones with duct tape (for better support)....close up their open wounds with sellotape...wipe their noses with tissues and tell them not to go out in cold weather just after they've washed their hair. I would play with their babies, squash and squeeze them til they threw up on me...and then I would assume that the nastiness they'd come to see me about had now left their wee bodies.

If I could be a librarian....I would spend most of my day with my nose buried in a book. I would get to "ssshhhhhh" people on a regular basis and give them stern, grumpy looks for interrupting my reading time. I would patrol dark corners at the ends of aisles etc for imposter library-goers, who were there primarily to 'cop a feel'.

If I could be an actor....I would be the girl that wore the pretty white floaty dress that ran in slow motion through lavender meadows, hair caught by the wind and sing to the cows that would meander their way down to the milking shed each morning for Walker to milk. The background music would be composed by Roger Somebody (Dances with Wolves). In the evenings I would sit on the vernada in a wooden rocking chair, wearing elaborately sequined dresses, a tiara on my head...and Walker would keep me amused by reading aloud all your blogs as he massaged my feet (that's the beauty of wireless connection don't ya know?)

Uh oh...Um....I just realised that this really doesn't have much of a New Zealand slant at all....let me think....*brain pounding against skull walls again*. Oh ok....The farm on the other side of the boundary fence from my lavender/cow paddocks has 50 million sheep...the owner of this farm's name is Fred Dagg and every year he hosts the national gumboot throwing competition. Ah, that should do it.

Now I have to tag a few people to play this game (sorry folks, it's part of the rules and besides, if I have to play, it's only justice that I drag some of you with me)...so...I choose to tag...

Walker... it seems only fair ...afterall he's been portrayed as my Man Slave...and he deserves the right to reply

Bella....cos I want her brain to hurt as well (and she's been my faithful reader from the beginning of time, ok, not that long but you know what I mean)

Jon...because I always enjoy reading things from a tree trimmer's point of view

Kirsten....I thought this might be a good way to keep her mind off *cough* other things (like telling the blog world that I was wrong hahaha)

Fizzy...because she may not get the chance to participate once she starts working hard at teaching her students about important subjects, like ducks.

Right you lot (should you choose to accept this mission)...take 4/5 things on the following list and complete the sentence. GO!

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate...(By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember...(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner...(By Blue 944)
If I could be an actor... (By Blue 944)
If I could be an agent...(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer...(By KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist...(By Stoli)
If I could be a hooker...(By Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict (by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star (by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime (by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer (by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep (by laine)
If I could be a masseuse (by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver (by Brian)
If I could be a priest (by Brian)
If I could be a fighter pilot (by Sara)
If I could be a homeless person (by Sara)

If you are upset and weeping that I didn't choose you, then feel free to take part....the more the merrier! If you're pissed off that I tagged you for this...take it up with my bodyguard...you can find him here.
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