Thursday, June 02, 2005

Would the Cry Baby Please Step Forward

I cried at work today.

Not because of anything dramatic with a patient...but purely because I finally cracked (lol). Well, I believe I must be premenstrual, because during all the years I've worked here, I've never EVER cried at work before. NOT EVER (I say that with such emphasis because just about everyone else has at some stage). The frustration of not being able to fit everyone in that needed a doctor, having to turn patients away, a 3 year old that cried almost non stop for 30 minutes...and the final straw for me being the ignorance of one of the nurses (not unusual for this particular nurse, but today I didn't seem to be able to let it slide). I can't be bothered going into all the details of it, but that was it for me.

Annette came back to the desk...took one look at the expression on my face and ordered me to go and have a break (like she has the authority pfft lol). Knowing it was indeed time I vacated the front desk (or I was going to put on a little side show for our waiting 'guests'), I basically went straight for the kitchen....virtually slammed the door shut....and burst into tears. I WAS SO FRUSTRATED!

Anyway, boo hoo hooo....I'm sitting there on my own...thinking how am I supposed to go back out there now that I've just messed my face up. What the hell is wrong with me? Am I really this weak?? No, I'm not. If anyone can cope with anything that happens around here and still smile...it's bloody me. That's right, ME!. Soooooo, while I'm pacing back and forth, using a tissue to save what's left of my face, I come to the conclusion I've gotta be premenstrual. There's just no other reason for this debacle.

As most of you that read me know, I despise losing control of any situation. Me crying is not a good look....it makes me feel weak and vulnerable, and could look like I can't handle what's going on around me.

I sit back down...inhale....exhale....inhale...exhale...right, I can feel the control starting to return.

Door opens. In steps the Practice Manager...she gasps..."Oooh, Sara, what's wrong??!"

Sara crumples. (Blah, I almost had it together then!) More booo hooing...."I don't think I'm coping very well with today" I hiccup through my tears.

"Is there anything else that's happening that might be making you feel this way?"

"No, no, ....although I think I might be premenstrual"

"Oooh, well I know that feeling only too well"

For the next few mintues she yacks at me about her own premenstrual problems, and the demon she's seen coming out of her daughter, at that time of the month.

This gives me time to pull myself back together....she has a very soothing voice my boss....and as I listen to her I feel myself relax and returning to my regularly-scheduled-programmed state.....I take a deep breath...I decide that considering this is the first time I've done it at work, I can forgive myself.

"Hey, how ironic is this? After doing all those double shifts and coming out smelling like roses, I fall to pieces when it's all over. Aren't you glad I didn't do this last week before Allison came back from Spain?"

The look of horror on her face at the thought of that, made me burst into laughter.....I thanked her for putting up with me and went back to the front desk, gave Annette a weak smile, and got on with the rest of my shift.
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