Monday, July 04, 2005

Let's Talk

I've been thinking.

"WHOOOP WHOOOP!" (that's the alarm bells I know you've got going off in your head right now.)

Ok, where was I? oh yes....I've been thinking....yep, I've been wondering about a particular subject that has me a little stumped. I've chosen not to google this subject because I have nothing else to talk about today, so I'm going to blog about it instead, and you lot are going to comment about it. Do...You...Understand??! YOU are going to comment FURIOUSLY! (I am, if nothing else, a bitch that DEMANDS that you comment.) Love me, hate me...feel a whole lotta emotion or none at all.... but whatever you feel or don't feel, make sure you bloody comment.

Right, now onto the subject.

Let's talk orgasms. Let us not be afraid of this word...let's stand tall and speak about this without embarrassment....let us scream it out proudly to the world! (or neighbours even).

I'll go first.

*clears throat*

Years ago, I didn't know what an orgasm felt like. I'd heard plenty about it...faked it a kazillion times to please my husband...but not had one at that stage. In fact, I had come to the conclusion that I was never going to have one. Which is of course, not unusual. There are plenty of women out there enjoying healthy, fulfilling sex lives, without an orgasm. We know this to be fact.

Then, I had one...probably out of pure stubborness...but I had one all the same. I don't have it diarised, so I couldn't give you the exact date...but it happened...and the nerves in my body rejoiced and cried out "Hal..le..LU..jah!".... from the top of my head, all the way down to my toes! I found whatever it was inside me (not physically you smutt-heads) to relax enough.....grappled around in the bottom of my womanhood or wherever the hell it was....and found it. I was about 28 years of age and I was ecstatic (literally). Holy hell, the years I wasted!

(Yes... I'm starting to wonder where the hell I'm heading with this post too.)

Over the years, I've become more in tune with my body...it's likes and dislikes...what makes it flow like the river wild, and what makes it dry up akin to the Sahara.
I know when objects start to swim before my eyes and my body tries to make me relax myself involuntariy, that I'm about to have my form of an epileptic seizure. I know I'm pre-menstrual when my stomach starts knotting up and I start talking in loud sharp blasts to my children..."You....will....DO....what...I....said or I will....hunt....you.....down. And let's face it, I know where you live. So....you....will.....be....dead....meat! Yesiree, you will be...looking at me like THAT. I'm go' slap you upside the head!" (Who am I kidding? I never scared anyone, 'cept maybe my parents.)

I digress...the fact of the matter is, as I got older, I learnt more and more about myself, some of it good....some of it bad...and some of it just plain interesting! Being on my own for a long time, I've learnt a fair bit more about my body. I don't know if that was due to desperate need or downright determination, but I learnt it all the same. This part is very important, it's US as women, that need to learn about our bodies before we can let the menfolk know what we want or how we want it. If I don't achieve orgasm, I wouldn't lay the blame on my partner. Yes, they certainly have a part in it and the part they play can make a world of difference to us...but for me, if I don't get there, I feel I'm obviously just not in the right mood emotionally to let it happen. Something is making me hold back from liberating my body completely in this way. It can be any manner of things, and I could talk about that side of it until the cows come home, but I'm hoping you already understand what I mean by this.

Now to my question. I want to know about multiple-orgasms. Is it not enough that it took me that long to discover an orgasm in the single form, that now I need to find out how to make it happen in the multiple form??

Now, for a more personal side of me (just for a change *snort*)....I had 6 orgasms over the space of half an hour this weekend. This is a rather amazing fete for me....I've never had 6 like that before. Most times I have 3 with the occasional 4 thrown in for good measure...but never 6. So, are these multiples? This is a genuine question. And how come I don't know the answer to this question, when I'm 40 years old and expect that I should be knowing such things already??!

I'm not even going to bother getting into how these things feel...each one building from the last....etc. We're all so different....different things get us to those heights and we act in different ways when we get there right? And if what I'm experiencing is not multiples then I give up because quite frankly what I'm achieving now feels pretty damn GLORIOUS! But....I still want to know what constitutes a multiple to the rest of you.

What I should probably be concentrating on, is how to be silent during this event....I'm not quiet by any means (which is why it's a free for all when the boys are at their Dad's lol), but I am going to have to perfect the art of making no sound if I have a sleepover *cough*. I might not care too much what the neighbours think of me, but I do care about what my boys think. Unfortunately, they no longer sleep through anything short of a sonic boom.

I doubt it will be happening any time soon, but I am kinda worried about it.....to the point where I should start practising immediately. It's going to take that long to work out how to become mute. I have frightening visions of my mouth clamped shut, thus making my head explode or worse yet, snot shooting out from my nostrils. I know he'd be loving (hopefully) what we're doing and all that...but I'm sure he'd appreciate me more if I kept my nose mucous to myself.

Rightyho...you're up.
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