Saturday, July 09, 2005

Shit All

This morning I got out of bed full of motivation. The sun was the shining, birds singing, all that blah de blah, and I was feeling ready to go shopping. Not for anything of great magnitude, but shopping all the same.

I need to buy a couple of new washers for the bathroom taps. For weeks the faucet has been dripping. Both taps come out the same hole, in case you were wondering why I went from plural of taps to singular of faucet (although I do believe they're one and the same thing...maybe I shoulda said pipe or something, who the hell knows). Anyway, it wasn't just dripping, it was coming out in a small steady stream. In my non-plumbing wisdom, and due to the fact that it didn't matter which tap I tightened, it would disipate the steady flow a little. That to me meant both washers needed replacing.

I am still waiting for my sheepskin slippers...due to Alice travelling up and down the country, and nowhere near a shoe shop, not to mention, if she'd managed to buy them, nowhere she could give them to me. So, being that my feet and toes, no longer wanted to wait for the warmth, that was another item on the list.

I stopped at the hardware store, talked to the shop assistant like I knew what I was on about "I need two 15mm nylon washers" (apparently nylon last longer than the rubber ones). I arrived at the Mall....found some slippers I liked...they were on special...down from $99.00 to $49.95...bonus!

Got back home, put the slippers on....went into both the kids bedrooms and paraded my new slippers for them....as you do, when you have noone else to share your happy new purchase with. They were totally uninterested, although 14 did make the effort to say they looked just like the old ones I had years ago. (A reaction is better than no reaction.)

Right...onto the bathroom taps. I messed around with any dial or lever that was part of the hot water cylinder. I'm not sure this was even necessary, but Jason had told me I had to stop the hot water flow from the tank, so I was doing my best to stop it. I went to the bottom of the steps outside and twisted the toby until I couldn't twist it any further (I had 15 standing in the kitchen at this stage, with the tap on, so he could tell me if it stopped...hope you understand that, I'm too tired to go into any more detail and I doubt you want to read it right now.)

Back upstairs to the bathroom....I remove the tap covers....and wa la...the hole in the middle of the washers I'd bought looked far too small. Shit, I'm thinking, I bought the wrong size. Damn that Jason for misleading me. After 30 minutes of trying to work this out for myself, I concede and ring Jason. Anna and him were out shopping with Jaimee. Must be the morning for it. Jason says they're on their way home, so he'll call in and have a look-see. Cool. They all turn up, and this is when I find out what a dufus I am, because I have to remove more of the tap stuff to get further into the dungeon of taptrometry to where the washer goes. Jason, being the lovely man-helper that he is, asked me if I had a pair of multi-grips...nope, I didn't....so I rush off back to the hardware store and buy a pair...come back and hand them over.

That's when all the non-fun of this do-it-yourself event started. All he had to do was position the claws of the multi-grips around the barrel and turn it anti-clockwise, once the barrel comes out, the washer goes in...put it all back together again, and bingo, no more leaking. Sounds simple right? Wrong. That barrel did not want to be removed from it's surroundings. They had been a couple for so many years now, they didn't want to be parted. Aww, how sweet. Not for Jason it wasn't. He spent a good 40 minutes trying to loosen it...I was standing there watching him throw all his weight behind it...I felt helpless. If he wasn't able to shift it, how the hell was I going to be able to?

It took 50 minutes to remove it...the washer was replaced. Yay..one down, one to go. The second one wasn't going to give in as 'easily'. It refused to budge in any shape or form. Jason was fast losing patience and energy. For the sake of my friendship with him, I eventually rang my ex..his Dad had been a plumber for years before his retirement, and my ex had put the taps in, so I figure, maybe there's something we're not aware of, that he would know. He has a chuckle that Jason can't get the tap out...."I'll come over and take a look". 10 minutes later ex is walking up the driveway, passing Jason as he's walking down the driveway.

Jason: "It's all yours mate...she's a bastard, I can tell you that" (why does it have to be a 'she' when it's being stubborn?)
Ex: "No problem. You do know you have to turn it anti-clockwise to remove it eh?"
Jason: "Of course." *mutter mutter*

40 minutes later, ex comes out of the bathroom, moving his torso around, trying to manipulate his back (this is after I've stood by and watched him grunting and groaning, trying to remove rebelious tap) "I'll just go to a mate's and get one of his tools to do the job".

90 minutes later, I go out to the supermarket to get some food for dinner.

60 minutes after that I send a text message "Are you coming back?"

"No, I'll come over tomorrow with some vice grips"

He obviously didn't think I needed to know that. Never mind that the water had been off on the entire property for 6 hours by then. Sheesh. I cleaned up the mess in the bathroom. Put the 'working' tap head back together, switched the water back on...and now I'm sitting here blogging about shit all. Suck it up..it's the only thing I've got to offer today lol
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