Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The Call of the Wild

It's that time of the month again. You know? That time?

I know this because my breasts are sore, my body feels exhausted, and I'm ready to climb the walls today with the need of a good romping steamy session. I also know it's that time because there are horrible words jumping out of my mouth and my stomach has a knot in it that makes these words come about. It sends a signal to my brain.

Stomach: "Yo, Brain! Stomach's time."
Brain: "Time?"
Stomach: "Yeah you know, time to get nasty."
Brain: "Nasty? Why?"
Stomach: "Because it's time, that's why! Every part of the body is pissed off right now, you gotta make sure you're sending them all the right information ok?"
Brain: "Oooooh...that time."
Stomach: " finally get it."
Brain: "But she's feeling really horny right now...I'd rather go with that."
Stomach: "No no nooooo!...Don't you see? All the hormones are zapping and zinging around, confusion's at an all time high, it's perfect." *snicker*
Brain: "Aaww, that's just plain mean."
Stomach: "yeah yeah, whatever Dude...just don't forget to tell the eyes to go into tear overload too ok?"
Brain: "Yeah, ok." *sigh*
Stomach: "Cool...Later!"


M was unaware that the new contraceptive pill she had been given contained a high level of testosterone. Her husband, B, quickly learned the valuable art of ducking from flying plates and other airborne objects during M's PMT phase. He also redisovered his childhood facility for the short-distance sprint. Interestingly, M's parallel parking abilities - or lack thereof - no longer started arguments, however. They improved dramatically on this pill.

Blood tests eventually revealed M's testosterone excess and she changed to a pill without it. Within a month, her mood swings had virtually ceased, but now B felt he was living with a librarian studying to be a nun. Another change of pill raised her testosterone level back up to a happy medium. Much safer for both their marriage, and the household crockery.


Hormones have a lot to answer for don't you think? *mutter mutter* Little bastards.
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