The Call of the Wild

It's that time of the month again. You know? That time?

I know this because my breasts are sore, my body feels exhausted, and I'm ready to climb the walls today with the need of a good romping steamy session. I also know it's that time because there are horrible words jumping out of my mouth and my stomach has a knot in it that makes these words come about. It sends a signal to my brain.

Stomach: "Yo, Brain! Stomach here...it's time."
Brain: "Time?"
Stomach: "Yeah you know, time to get nasty."
Brain: "Nasty? Why?"
Stomach: "Because it's time, that's why! Every part of the body is pissed off right now, you gotta make sure you're sending them all the right information ok?"
Brain: "Oooooh...that time."
Stomach: "Hallelujah....you finally get it."
Brain: "But she's feeling really horny right now...I'd rather go with that."
Stomach: "No no nooooo!...Don't you see? All the hormones are zapping and zinging around, confusion's at an all time high, it's perfect." *snicker*
Brain: "Aaww, that's just plain mean."
Stomach: "yeah yeah, whatever Dude...just don't forget to tell the eyes to go into tear overload too ok?"
Brain: "Yeah, ok." *sigh*
Stomach: "Cool...Later!"

***

M was unaware that the new contraceptive pill she had been given contained a high level of testosterone. Her husband, B, quickly learned the valuable art of ducking from flying plates and other airborne objects during M's PMT phase. He also redisovered his childhood facility for the short-distance sprint. Interestingly, M's parallel parking abilities - or lack thereof - no longer started arguments, however. They improved dramatically on this pill.

Blood tests eventually revealed M's testosterone excess and she changed to a pill without it. Within a month, her mood swings had virtually ceased, but now B felt he was living with a librarian studying to be a nun. Another change of pill raised her testosterone level back up to a happy medium. Much safer for both their marriage, and the household crockery.

****

Hormones have a lot to answer for don't you think? *mutter mutter* Little bastards.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

*gasp* Who IS that masked font?

This far down the track, it's sometimes hard for me to remember where Dan and I came from. Not in the "Who am I?" or "What is my purpose on this earth?" kinda way you understand...but of how we met and how much that totally spontaneous meeting unexpectedly affected both our lives and the lives of those around us. It's been over 3 years since Dan stumbled across this blog, and almost 3 years since we actually met in person for coffee. Next February it will have been 3 years since I told him I was in love with him. Don't panic...this is not going to be a post filled with sunlight and rainbows, extolling the brilliance of the above-mentioned man and all he means to me. Would I do that to you? I mean to say...this is the first time I've put font to screen in over 4 months, do you really think I'd come back and get all gushy/mushy on you? Nah...that'd make even me wanna gag. The fact of the matter is...that it HAS been such a long time sinc
Read more
This is a complete test post.  Just checking to see how live this thing still is and whether or not I'm able to use it should I feel the need to go back to blogging.  Which I miss incidentally, and think would be great to use again for an outlet of sorts. I got the washing done yesterday finally, all hung out, worked in my study passed sundown and considering how much the temperature dropped, damp washing, not worth bringing in.  This morning look out the window at 9am, overcast and then raining, so what the hell.  It stays out for another day or 2 at least. Got that out of my system and with the boredom of it all, let's see how this posts, or not!
Read more

A Wandering Post

Hallo Everybardee! (that's my Sharon Osborne impersonation.) I'm listening to Lemar's "If There's Any Justice" while I'm sitting here wracking my brain as to what to write today. And this song coupled with the recent brain-hurty questions that are being flung at us via Lisa's blog have me wondering. How many people out there are sitting in unhappy partnerships/marriages out there? How many are bobbling along in their marriages, for fear of not wanting to be alone or for the sake of the children etc? I spent 15 years with my husband before I finally realised we just weren't the same people we used to be and no amount of compromise was going to get us through the rest of life together. I met him when I was 18...seperated from him at the age of 33...one a teenager, the other a much different woman and the mother of two boys. I don't regret this time of my life, not one iota...there's a lot of learning and growing to had in those 15 years. My
Read more