Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Learning to play the trumpet...

I've been thinking. Yes, it's true...on the odd occasion I do indeed think...or there are occasions that I think oddly. Whichever way you want to read it, I've been doing it...yep...thinking.

In 5 weeks time, Walker will be at Wellington Airport. I should be waiting there to pick him up. But will I? I mean, will I actually turn up to collect him? Or will I freak out about how long I'm going to have someone else here in my personal space for 6 weeks....will I panic about that?....and thus leave him standing at the airport wondering about the closest motel to spend the night? Nah, I wouldn't do that. But I might, if he keeps going on about how many hours he has to spend travelling to bloody get to me! Nah, not really...just kidding....or am I? haha

So, I've been thinking about this....off and on, during my financial dilemmas, during my cleaning frenzies, and whilst I'm laying in bed at night with nothing better to do. Pfft.

I hop into my queen sized bed...lay down....then get up leaning on one elbow and look at the empty side of the bed....yes...all is ok....we will indeed both fit in my bed. (God knows why I've thought about this, it's not like I've never had anyone else in bed beside me before..uh..*coughing fit*..moving right along then). I don't believe it has anything to do with him actually fitting in my bed....I've lost track of how many hours we've spent talking about being in bed together...not to mention, being on the sofa together...the dining room table....kitchen counter...the car...oh... *smacks forehead*

I've been thinking about personal space. I've had my own amount of personal space for...let's see...about 7 years now. (Faaawck, that's a long time eh??) MY bed space....MY kitchen space (haha, like I'm EVER in the kitchen)...MY personal boundaries....noone has been in my face, or up this close and personal for such a length of time...for a long looooong time.

Granted, when I was in Canada last year...Walker and I shared personal space for 3 weeks. It was great...I didn't feel stifled...in fact just the opposite, I wanted him to step over that boundary line....I loved him being in my face (ooo err)...and OH. MY. GOD. I can't wait until he is that close again!

But...

what if I want to spread out at night? It took me a long time to train my body to sleep in the middle of the bed. I'm obviously going to push over his boundary line and give him less space to sleep in. Could this be a problem? Aww fuck it...probably not...the man barely sleeps anyway....if I push him over and it wakes him up, I'll just make sure it's the right time of night/day...and by the time I wake up, he could be serving me up pancakes for breakfast. Ok...that's good...got that sorted out in my head now. I love pancakes!

Um...what else?

Oh...how about bathroom space? First thing when i wake up in the morning, I roll out of bed and head straight for the toilet...have a pee....go into the kitchen, put the kettle on....boot up the PC, check my blog....open a few of yours to read and drink my moccachino while doing so. Next thing...I need to head back to the loo again. Not for a pee this time. For the other. *knowing look* This is basically a ritual. It works in perfectly with the time I need to wake the kids for school. In the middle of kissing and cuddling them awake, and them "hmmphing" at me to get off them...I ask if they need to use the loo before I do. If not, it's a green light for me. If they do, I end up pacing.."Could you please hurry up and get in there then? I REALLY need to go".

Now, this is fine...cos they're my offspring, they're used to all manner of sounds etc that their mother's arse emits each and every day. I can cope with that. But...now...in less than 5 weeks time, I'm going to have another adult in the house. An adult that loves me in THAT way...someone I've never even had the balls to fart in front of. The man adores me for goodness sake...how can I taint the way he feels about me by making such unsavoury noises and smells in his company? He'll stop loving me for sure!

I can't take the risk of that happening. *sob*

I must find a way to get around this.

When I stayed with Walker, his bathroom was upstairs....so being the sneaky tramp that I can be...I generally went to the loo whenever he was busy doing something downstairs. My house is all on one level...the toilet is, like...only 2 doors away from the bedroom. And when I need to go...well, the rest of house is usually asleep....that means, no sound whatsoever....I can't even crank the stereo up for background noise. *sigh* Do you think there's an injection or some sort of pill the doctor could give me? You know...to stop me from crapping for the duration of his 6 week visit? I mean...how am I supposed to cope with going to the loo like that, when he's only a couple of doors away and the house is totally silent?

I remember years ago, an acquaintance was about to go through the same dilemma. A good friend of hers told her to run the shower...go to the toilet...flush the chain...hop in the shower...all fixed. Well...my toilet is in a seperate room next to the bathroom. Perhaps I should start doing renovations now? What do you think? Knock out the wall between the two? I've been thinking about doing that anyway. It would certainly make more space in the bathroom and the toilet. Maybe now's the time to do it?

Hey!...I could start learning to play the trumpet or a similar instrument. I could practise whilst sitting on the toilet each morning. This would then serve to wake up the children...I'm sure they'd much rather get woken by this method, than have their mother smooching all over them. AND it would cover any embarrassing sounds I might make.

My ex-husband used to say "If you don't eat, you don't shit, and if you don't shit, you die." Should I stop eating for 6 weeks? I could certainly do with losing some weight. And if I did that, would my efforts come under the heading of "dying for the sake of love"? Would that make me a heroine of some kind?

Super Lisa...that's kinda cool..."Don't mess with Super Lisa, she takes no shit!"...or maybe it should be *superhero music playing in background* "Super Lisaaaa! She doesn't give a shit!" or somethin' like that. No? Yes? Aaww crap. I give up.

Ya see, it's just that there will suddenly be four people living under my roof for several weeks. Four people in close proximity. These four people are all used to having their own space. We all enjoy our own company, and the 'time-outs' we take from one another, help us enjoy each other more I would imagine. We respect each other's need to have that down time to blob out (or blog out haha), wind our brains down after the gruelling day and then we resurface at some stage in a more approachable mood and with good manners abound.

Cut us off from our blobbing out process and who knows how it's going to turn out? Should one of us do the resurfacing earlier than the others...start talking non-stop to one of us (usually me)...before the winding down period has ended...well...therein begins a fair amount of huffing and puffing, eye rolling, "you're not listening to me!" and "I'm not ready yet"...type phrases.

I love my children dearly of course....(let's face it, they're extremely expensive, I have no choice but to love them dearly)...and if there's anything I try to do most for them, it's give them my time and my undivided attention when they're talking to me. Being teenagers, in depth conversations with my boys, can be few and far between...I have to listen...if I don't, I'll fuck up any future thoughts they may have of sharing their space with me.

It'll be interesting to see how the dynamics in my household change with an extra male around. And not just ANY male either, but one their mother is in love with. I've already warned them about the inpromptu cuddling and kissing going on they're bound to end up witnessing at some stage. I felt it best to give them plenty of notice so they don't barf on the carpet I've spent so much time cleaning cat spew out of. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

Oh my, look at what happens when I don't write so often. I expect at least a few of you have come in here, taken a look and thought "Holy shit, look at the size of THAT!" Yeah, you're right, it's time I wrapped it up.

Ah well, I don't care what anyone says...big IS good! *wink*

(PS: BBQ still in box)
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