Sunday, January 08, 2006

Relaxing into Our Personal Grooves

I rose at 5.23am this morning. It's now 7.50am and I've had all this time to myself.

It's been glorious....I've managed to tidy up the lounge, clean up the kitchen, replace the litter in the cat box, wheel the bin down to the roadside and start up the dishwasher. Currently I'm waiting on a few males to get out of bed, thus I can go pilfer a few laundry baskets and get the washing done.

I've even managed to drink my mocha and read some blogs. So I'm feeling pretty in control and on top of what's happening. The lawnmower man has been and gone and even with all his racket outside, the house remains silent.

I love this time of day. Love the quiet and calm before the rest of my house occupants stir. It gives me time to organise my thoughts and sort out my day, what needs to be done, what I want to do etc. Since Walker's arrival we've basically been taking each day as it comes....deciding on the day what we want to do...sometimes it's practically nothing. We're certainly getting very familiar with the supermarket aisles. Seems we're down there every other day.

The weather, although warm, hasn't helped us get outside too much really. The wind gusts we experienced the other day were of speeds over 160km/hr. The following day they were clocked in at 130km/hr, I say bollocks to that, they were just as strong as the day before....we spent time during the day going back and forth to the window...checking that the 2 seater wooden garden chair that Walker had dragged back up the bank the day before, was still where it was supposed to be.

We've been out to Anna and Jason's a couple of times....they appear to be going through a card-playing phase. Which isn't so bad really, I enjoy playing cards and Ryan loves to be involved in playing, so he's joined us both times (left Cameron at home) and it's been interesting just having him there. I'm seeing another side to my youngest son. One that doesn't involve him sitting in his room all day long with the curtains closed. Seems morbid doing that. I have to drag him out most days to make sure he's eating...he appears to get lost in there at times.

The boys have been adapting quite well to having Walker around....initially and before his arrival, I know that Cameron was feeling a little under pressure about it. He felt it was going to be left to him to keep Walker entertained. As entertaining as my oldest son can be, I never expected him to take on the responsibility of keeping our special guest amused and busy. The fact that I have to work part time for 4 of the weeks that Walker's here probably had something to do with the way Cameron was thinking.

Ryan turns up when and if he has to basically. On New Year's Eve we hosted a BBQ for some of my friends...Cameron worked that morning, so I was out of bed at 530am and by 10pm I was totally knackered. As happens on New Year's, people move around from place to place over the course of the evening, and by that time (10pm) we only had one person left. And she was well sozzled. I barely hung in there to see the New Year in and then toddled off to bed, leaving my good friend Anne, Walker and Ryan on their own.

While I slept, oblivious to everything else....my friend and Walker had a debate about giving Ryan bourbon. Anne felt that with it being New Years Ryan should be allowed a shot of bourbon. Walker, obviously knowing my thoughts on this, discussed with her at length how Ryan's mother would react to hearing this news upon waking....meanwhile Ryan looked on with much amusement. In fact he even thanked Walker the following day for the entertainment from the night before. Cheeky imp.

I have changed my thoughts on alcohol and my teenagers slightly...I've a feeling I may do so again until I'm sitting more comfortably with it (if that ever happens). I've decided that Cameron being 16 now, can occasionally have a drink when he wants to. He even has a few bottles of premix vodka drinks in the fridge....and besides having a couple on New Years Eve, he hasn't touched them since. He's either forgotten they're there or he's just not interested. I spoke with Ryan the week prior to New Year and again the morning of New Year's Eve...told him that because he's still only 14 that I felt he would need to wait to partake...his time would come. That if he ever felt he wanted to drink alcohol, then he was to come to me and we would discuss what he could have....I'm not going to forbid him to drink completely at this time, and I'm going to keep an open mind about it....but I'm going to try keeping as much control of the situation as I can. He agreed. I have to trust that he will respect my wishes on this.

During the discussion with Anne the other night, Ryan agreed with Walker....obviously he knew how I would feel about it. Apparently Walker went off to use the bathroom and came back to find Anne had a glass set up in front of Ryan and she was holding the bourbon bottle. Now before you all reel with shock at her audacity, she never got to pour it lol. I do believe she did that deliberately to wind Walker up further. As Walker rightly pointed out, neither of them could be making the decision...only Ryan's parents had that responsibility, and seeing as neither of them were present, all other opinions were moot. We already know the man's a smart cookie, right?

Upon waking the next day I got up expecting to find Anne asleep on the couch in the lounge and everyone else tucked up safely in their beds. I rose to find Cameron's bed empty...and the lounge area free of anything even resembling Anne...all that was left was a couple of glasses and an empty bourbon bottle. The other glass being Walker's. I went back to the bedroom to find Walker stirring....he'd had a restless night. Cameron had left the house around 1am and gone to stay at a friend's house for the rest of the night. Noone wanted to wake me up to ask or tell me what was happening. And hey, let's face it, most of you will know by now that if I don't get a decent amount of sleep I'm like a tigress unleashed the next day. Who the hell wants to have to deal with that??

Thus, Walker let Cameron leave the house with his mates....fought off my friend from giving alcohol to Ryan and spent the rest of the night sleeping off and on, waiting for me to wake up so he could inform me of all the going's on. Had Cameron come and woken me up to ask or at least let me know....I would've allowed him to. I like his friends, they're all responsible, mature teenagers...I'd have no worries about him running off to a party filled night of alcohol and debauchery with any one of them. lol

Poor Walker, he hadn't even been in the country for a week and he'd been subjected to making decisions on my behalf about my kids. Considering the circumstances, he did a fine job...I know it wasn't an easy position for him to be left in. On various occasions over the years, I've found myself in similar situations with other people's children. If I ever had any doubts on what their parents would want, I'd stand firm and just refuse, using the "I can't make that decision because I'm not your parent. This is what your parent thinks is happening at the moment, and that's how it's going to be". At other times I've basically told drunken parents that I was taking their child for the night, end of story. Far as I was concerned I was letting them know where their child was going to be, so they needn't worry, that kind of thing. Yes I know it's not a great thing to be telling other parents what I'm going to do with their kid, but in some of those situations, and seeing the expressions on the faces of those offspring, I'd be buggered if I'm going to be leaving them behind to watch their mum or dad falling around in a drunken stupor or worse. Nope, they were coming with me. Right or wrong, I can't leave a child behind when it's obvious they're upset about what's going on around them.

Thankfully I've not been in that position for many years. I've removed myself from places I no longer feel comfortable in. That's one of the advantages of getting older don't you think? We become more aware of what we want to do and recognise that if we're unhappy in the space we're in, we don't have to be there. We begin to handle things differently, with more confidence etc and don't find ourselves sitting around wondering what the hell we're doing there. We discover that it is our decision to change things for the better. I mean, we know this from early on, but with age comes the freedom and power of 'self' to put our thoughts into action.

Some of us discover this early....others, like myself, take some time to understand it. But hey, just because it's takes us longer to realise, doesn't mean it's any less meaningful or satisfying when we finally stumble upon it. I suspect that's what all the hoopla is about when people say they "need time to find themselves". I'm learning things about myself every day, how I react, how I don't, what I want and what I don't etc. What's more, there is just SO many things I still have to learn....and oh my god, will my poor brain stand the test of time? lol

I'm kinda liking this "hoopla" time in my life. It's pretty damn enlightening actually.
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