Monday, March 13, 2006

All By Myself...Or Maybe Not

I stayed overnight at Alice's Friday night. I finally got to bed at 2am...that was after I'd already been asleep on the couch since about 12.30am. Yep, that's me...my middle name isn't "Stamina" for nothing ya know *snort*.

Saturday morning I crawled from her daughter's room, into bed beside Al and we watched Bridget Jones' Diary...again. As I sat there staring at the telly and eating reheated leftover pizza for breakfast, my brain cogs began to spin. Bridget Jones was in her early 30's right? She was fixated on her weight, how much she smoked and drank..and the lack of men in her life....or maybe more the lack of a significant male in her life.

So....I've just begun the journey into my 40's...I'm not obssessed with my weight, although I probably should be...I know I certainly shouldn't be smoking....my drinking is minimal, so at least I've got that bit under control....and as for the lack of men in my life? Well, that's another matter entirely....and one I can live with for now.

But...I don't want to be on my own for the rest of my life. And some day I'm expecting that will change...eventually someone will come into my life....there has to be someone out there who deserves me...in whatever shape, mentally and/or physically, I may be at that point in time lol. Not that I'm in any hurry whatsoever. God knows I need plenty of time on my own to sort out my internal shit and discover what it is that I have to offer. Like..."would you like fries with that?"

At work last week, one of the patients was yakking away to me in reception....she'll be 62 this year and we were talking about some of her life etc. Then she said the words that had me mentally gasping for oxygen.

"I've been on my own for 21 years now, Lisa"

21 years??! oh my god....21 years?? Do the math people. That would bascially mean she's been on her own since she was 41....I'm going to be 41 in June. There is, of course, a possibility that I could indeed end up on my own forever after, BUT.....being one for shoving the negatives to the back of the cupboard and encouraging the positives to the front....I refuse to believe that could happen to me...deny, Deny, DENY!

My recent experience has made me wonder if perhaps I'm going to need a MASSIVE house to accommodate another adult living with me. I'm going to need a whole wing dedicated to my space...and he, whoever that poor bugger might be, will need to have another wing dedicated to his space...for when he needs to get away from me lol.

We could rig up a gong in the centre lobby..you know, that's where the two marble staircases wind down to the first floor? Told you this was a massive house I'm fantasising about. Anyway, back to the gong...we could bash it when things got to the air-snorting-through-angry-bulls-nostrils stage...retreat to our respective corners of Spacedom...coming back together again after decompressing...our coping mechanisms firmly intact.

Anyway, nuff of that, it'll happen, when and if it wants to happen.

While sitting at McD's yesterday afternoon, my cellphone rang. My brother is coming to town...he's flying over with his fiancee and the gorgeous baby Lyla this afternoon some time. It's been a while since I spoke to him and I told him so.

"It's been so long since I talked to you last, did Mum tell you what's going on in my life now?"
"This sounds exciting, what's the news?"
"I've got a new partner...her name is Alice...and she'd really love to meet you"
"Oh really!?" *sounding too happy for me*
"No David, I'm only teasing you, ya shmuck"
"But it wouldn't matter if you were, you're my sister and I love you"...

Earlier that evening I get a phone call from my father. My Dad always yells down the phone, he appears to think he has to, to be heard properly from the South Island to the North. "HELLOOOO!"....he bellowed sounding like he had a forced nothing-wrong-in-his-world kinda tone. "Hi Dad, how are you?" "I'M GOOD! YOU LOOKING AFTER THOSE BOYS? ANYTHING NEW HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE??"... "Uh..no...should there be?"

This morning I woke, switched on my cellphone and got a text message from my older sister (who incidentally arrived in Australia yesterday afternoon and was surprised to find my brother waiting to pick her and hubby up at the airport.) The text read "Hi, just had dinner at Dave's, it was gr8, Nic is so nice, Lyla is beautiful & I hear you're a lesbian now LOL Not that it would matter if you were".

So ya see, there's a rumour going around about me....what's more, it's one I started myself! It just confirms my sense of humour is sometimes lost on my own family *sigh*. I'll tell you something though....I do love the fact that my family were being so careful and PC about it all....just in case. So is this what my life has come to? Because I have no significant male in my life, people might think that I've swung to the other side?

Nah...surely not...I'm far too interested in having a good raunchy romp between the sheets with a man...and my enjoyment of that has been more than obvious at times across these pages. But we should never say never, because if 21 years of downtime starts looking like a strong possibility, I might have to reassess the situation.

You know?...just in case.
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