Thursday, March 02, 2006

Behind the Screen

How could I possibly disappear after all the support and encouragement you've shown? That would be unforgivably rude of me. Thank you all so much for your kind words, I can't tell you how much I appreciated reading your comments on my previous post. They've all helped me immensely. We really need to have some kind of party.

There are various forms of being 'done'. There's the done that applies to the roast beef being ready....the done that applies to an assignment, or job being complete...and then there's the done in relation to had enough, given up...nothing, more to come because there's nothing left to give.

I'm sure there are other varieties, but those are the only ones i can think of at the moment. It seems for the moment I'm "undone"....and not in the "I've buckled under the strain and my brain is now a gooey mass" sense...been there, done (heh) that...but in the "I have far too much to say to ever be done infinitely".

As some of you will be aware Walker and I spoke on the phone the other night and despite me bawling on and off through the conversation (sorry about that dear), I believe we're now on a comfortable footing with each other. This is a good thing of course, and I think it can only help towards the healing process. I'm feeling more at peace on the inside than I have for weeks.

Now, I wanted to address a comment that came through the other day. A comment from someone I've never heard from before. Her name apparently is "emily". I say 'apparently' because I know not where she came from or how long she's been reading about us, and as far as I was aware I'd never heard from her before. There have also been a few comments under the guise of "Anonymous".

Then last night as I was messing around in my Haloscan account, I came across Emily's comment again....or more to the point, I came across her IP address. I also found Anonymous' IP address...and blow me down if the two addresses don't match. So what? I hear you saying.....well if it was just emily and anon that matched I could understand it.

But can you imagine my shock when I realised that our 'friend' Emily has actually been reading both of us for several months now. And not only that, she appears to have several personalities...all who have their own blog. Sometimes posting comments under one non de plume, then posting a comment a day later, differrent name, but same IP address.

How IS this possible?? I know I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer (Heaven knows how many scars I'd have by now if that was the case), but shit, have I missed something? Can you be in different cities/states and have the same IP address each day? My ex-husband says, and I quote "That's a load of crap, they've got to have all come from the same person!"

This makes absolutely no sense at all to me....unless these three women (excluding emily and anon, which would make 5), all know each other, share coffee mornings together, using each others computers to read and comment etc. Perhaps they jet set across the country to each other?, bet their frequent flyer points are incredible numbers. Maybe I'm talking out of a hole in my butt?

And what about firewall proxies that some ISPs use? Can this be the reason behind these women having the same IP address? Would that also be the reason that some comments and emails have had very similar content, but were from different people?

Amidst Emily's comment, were the words "Noone knows who you really are". Although Walker has already focussed on this and I agree with much of what he's this instance I'm wondering if perhaps she's right. As much as it pains me to admit it, and quite frankly I'd rather cut my leg off without anaestethic, than say that someone who has such an unsavoury opinion is we really know who we're mingling with on here?

We come here to write because for the most part we enjoy writing...we vent...purging our thoughts and feelings...some comical, some not so comical...and for whatever the reason, the bottom line is that we're sharing parts of our lives with the rest of the world.

We show ourselves on here to be fun loving, miserable, happy, sexy, angry, passionate...whatever...the list goes on and on. We open ourselves up raw to you on occasion, giving out our inner most thoughts. We support each other in times of need....we cry and hurt when you're hurting....and we are jubilant and join in the party when something wonderful has happened and we celebrate together.

But...and this is in no way a criticism of any's just the way it is...we don't tell you about each and every second of our lives. There is much that can be read between the lines, and besides the writing that hits you between the eyes like a sledgehammer...the rest is like a jigsaw puzzle of who we are and how we live. Some of it can often leave us assuming the possibilities of what's REALLY gone on behind the scenes.

I've lost count of the amount of times I wish I was looking through your house windows so I could get the entire picture. I'm a peeping tom in the making, I am. Be relieved that I live all the way down here in New Zealand.....I'd be arrested for stalking....doing drive-bys and taking photos of you all at some stage. Hey, I never said I would be good at it...just that I have the capability. I certainly have the desire anyway.

We are a community of our own...a BIG that has every type of personality in it's membership....every race, religion, name it...our community has it. That's pretty damn special my friends. Not everyone out there in the world can say that about those they mix with on a daily basis.

We can do this, because we are diverse beings and have many facets to our make up. I love that about us....and will continue to love it. The Emilys and Anonymous' of this world will come along and do their best to upset the apple cart....make us think they are caring, supportive friends with one persona...then switch personalities and become aggressive or obnoxious but do it in hiding. They are nothing but cowards hiding behind insecurities, taking pleasure in causing mayhem.

Emily, Anonymous or whatever the hell you want to call yourself...may I suggest you take all your personalities and have a party of your own? Because you are no longer welcome at mine. Do not come here and comment in any manner....we KNOW who you are. And besides feeling the shock and disbelief of our discovery last night, I for not want to know you anymore.

The rest of you I'm hoping will stick around, because despite what I've said previously, you've probably noticed I still have plenty to say.

And yes, I'm aware I look like I've several different personalities myself at the moment...each post showing a different mood swing...I'm hoping to settle back into my old skin sometime soon. Thanks again for listening.

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