Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Pushing the Boundaries of Friendship?

I could've had sex on Saturday.

I could've...but I didn't.

This all happened around 10am Saturday morning when he dropped in for a visit because he was in town. He had to fly out again late that afternoon, so we decided to catch up that morning before the flight.

Now, I'm not opposed to having sex during the daylight hours, and although it wasn't planned....we had discussed it earlier in the week, on an "if it happens, it happens" basis. I was feeling pretty sure by the time I hung the phone up that night, that it wasn't going to be happening for me.

This man is a dear friend of mine, I've known him for several years, and I will admit we've danced around the subject of sex off and on over the years...but to be honest, I've never really thought of him in that way. The idea occasionally flits across your mind, very briefly, but going through with it in the real world? An entirely different thing altogether.

Anyway, he turns up, and for the first time in our friendship, I'm feeling awkward in his presence. That part sucked. I didn't want to feel that way, I wanted to feel comfortable without any pressure. Eventually, after we'd exhausted small talk, I told him how I was feeling. He says "come here and let's try starting out with a hug". Reluctantly I moved to the sofa. He put his arms around me and I relaxed against him.

Ok, that part was nice. Feeling a pair of strong male arms around me is always a good feeling I reckon....I could've quite comfortably laid against him like that and talked for ages. Then we got to the "Ok, I'm about to kiss you" part. I immediately froze...I didn't want to kiss him. I forced myself to relax and thought "What the hell...I'm a single woman, this might be enjoyable, the least I can do is give it a shot." So I let him kiss me...first moment his lips touched my mouth, his tongue was in. OMG! I had to stop myself from screwing my nose up and shoving him away yelling "Get the fuck off me!"

I tried to pull back but I was jammed up against the sofa by this stage and there was nowhere to go. I reached between us and put my hand on his mouth..."Keep your tongue to yourself for the moment ok?"....Righty ho....so we try again...His breathing had become ragged, I could feel his heart hammering in his chest and yet it did nothing for me. How odd...here I was, in the clutches of a tall good looking man, nice bod...this was a bad time to discover I'm frigid.

Honestly, I felt nothing...no inner stirrings, no urges, zip...zero...nada. Which is saying alot for someone who hasn't had sex for a while and is in the 'zone', if you get my drift. In fact I'd go so far as to say the whole experience was a complete and utter turn off for me. I have to give him his due, he tried, he was charming, understanding etc...but the idea of having sex, just 'because we could' didn't appeal to me. We gave it a shot, it didn't work...so be it.

We talked about it, he accepted that I wasn't interested and we spent the rest of the morning yacking about anything and everything. He gave me a lovely big hug before he left, told me this makes no difference whatsoever to our friendship (not that I thought it would to be honest, we're pretty solid), and I apologised for winding him up because I was feeling like such a cock tease. Never EVER want to feel that way. It certainly wasn't deliberate.

We were crazy to even try I reckon. Earlier while we were cuddled up on the sofa he says to me "You can't blog about this you know"...."Yes I can, Noone will know who I'm talking about anyway."...."Yeah well, at least change my name ok?"

"I can do that for sure...hey, you can be my John"
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