Saturday, April 22, 2006

Absenteeism

My ex husband and best friend did indeed sleep together while they were away last weekend. They also chose to stay up north for an extra night. Given what my girlfriend has been going through with work and personally recently, she could have certainly done with the extra time out of the city. I'm not sure she really had to put herself through the trauma of having sex with my ex-hubby, but there ya go. lol

Over the course of the weekend, the level of weirdness I was feeling about the two of them together started growing in strength. Seeing as I was expecting her home a day earlier, and I'd still not heard anything I assumed that she'd either stayed the extra night....or that she wasn't sure how to tell me. Or maybe she was so traumatised by the event, she was sitting in the corner of her room psychotically rocking lol.

We met for lunch on the Monday with another close friend of mine and her young son....Alice filled us in on how much she enjoyed her weekend...sometimes going into detail, yet never once mentioned anything about the sleeping arrangments. Course, this didn't escape my notice, and eventually when we were on our own, I asked her outright. How could I not? It was on both our minds...best to get it out in the open (find out if the need for counselling was required).

I heard her confirm my thoughts and sat there waiting for the weirdness to hit me full force. Nothing but a slight twinge. And then that twinge dissolved into the ether and everything went back to 'normal'. It's all good and although I never expected it to be otherwise...it's difficult to know for sure until you're faced with it.

[You do all realise I'm only joking about my ex right? He really isn't that bad at all lol]

***

I heard from my mate 'John' last week. He rang to catch up, and he was also worried that I would think he hadn't been in touch with me because of what happened when he was in Wellington last...well, more what didn't happen. He was rattling on about how busy he'd been and apologised. I stopped him mid-sentence "See? Look what's happened to us now? Sometimes I don't hear from you for months, it's never bothered me or you before, and now you feel you owe me explanations for your absence??"

He's coming back down this week and due to work commitments, won't have the chance to stop by for coffee. He also said he's coming back in May and told me to pen him in my diary for the Saturday night, said we'll go out on the town. He also said "If it happens, it happens...if not, I'll be just as happy spending the time with you, no problem at all."

Nothing is going to happen, I don't want it to and never have. Despite the 'trial' kiss, it would never have gone any further because I never would've allowed it to. I have no interest in him in any other manner except as friends. And if he keeps saying "If it happens, it happens..." it'll get to the point where I've even less interest.

***

Recently I've had contact again with a special male friend of mine from England. After more than a year of no contact (besides a brief chat last Sept), he got in touch. We've started talking again....catching up on what's been happening in our worlds. I have to say it's a relief to hear from him and know he's doing ok. He was in hospital last year due to a suspected heart problem, and had been off work for four months. During that time his daughter in law (to be) had asked if she could get in touch with me, but he refused, saying that I wasn't to be bothered and that I wouldn't care anyway.

Why do some people feel that way? Just because the level of our friendship/relationship changes with each other, does that mean we no longer care what happens to them? Once you've been so close and had that special bond, no matter how that relationship ends, whether it be amicable or otherwise...doesn't mean we stop caring for them does it?

Of the three men I've been in love with (two of which I've mentioned today), I only want them to be happy and content with their lives...if that doesn't include me, then so be it. But I'll always care about how they are anyway. There's no switch to turn off those feelings. At times I've wished there was to avoid dealing with the hurt, but there isn't. Simply put, it's just a matter of time. You basically have to suck it up, learn from the experience, remember the good times and move on with your life.

I have no idea what's going to happen in my future...travel, men or otherwise. Anything is a possibility. I guess that's one of the beauties of life itself, you never know what's around the corner.

But what I do know, is that I definitely care to be a part of it.
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