Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Cheers!

I received this in my email last week. It was sent by my ex-husband and he asked "Is this you?"

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife.
She took to drink right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"


****

Interestingly enough, some people out there could think that their ex-partners are indeed celebrating the demise of their relationship. Unless they've been trying to get rid of them for years and there's been nothing but hardship and hassles throughout their time together, I doubt that anyone celebrates the end of a relationship.

There are the questions of "why?" and "what if?" and the one that can keep us awake at night "what did I do wrong?" or "what could I have done differently to make it work?" or even worse "What's wrong with me?"

Sometimes, there's just not anything to be done to fix things. Sometimes, it's a case of finding out that the two of you aren't as compatible in your views or lifestyles as you first thought. Sometimes, it's the end of something that perhaps should never have started in the first place.

Granted, there are sometimes differences so blatantly obvious to all those around you...your friends shake their heads and think "this is only going to end in tears" and other such 'blah' statements. But you remain oblivious to it all, because you're happy...and because you refuse to listen to your gut instinct...because you're happy. And you shove to the back of your head what they say, pride not allowing you to listen to them. No matter the grief that can be caused, you forgive and carry on...because you're happy. Or should that be "because you think you're happy"?

And then one day you open your eyes...you take a proper look at your relationship...the one you've been pretending is working...and you realise you've been kidding yourself for far too long.

And it strikes you full force...you're not happy at all...you have to get out.

Too many times we beat ourselves up mentally because we feel we could've done something more to keep it going...we feel responsible for not making enough of an effort to help it survive. We blame the other person for being this, that or the other way...yet they are only being themselves...and what right do we have to try changing them into something they're not?

And what about us? Let's face it...we've all done something to try changing ourselves, whether it be physically or on a psychological(?) level...to show the other person, we are the...ONE.

Noone should surpress their personality because they think that's how the other person wants them to be. Sure, we can bend this way and that to accommodate each other and some situations. There will always be certain times where you have to tone it down a little or 'behave' for want of a better word. But to try pushing, shoving or even stomping on a character trait that YOU don't like or don't want to see? Unfair.

My ex husband has finally left his girlfriend of the past 6 years. He's moved out and bought a house and when I spoke to him this morning he was telling me how much he's loving his own company. He's sleeping better, he's looking so much more relaxed...he's happier, and showing himself to be the man I remember him from years ago.

"So, when is your house warming party?"

"Who says I'm going to have one?"

"We do."

"Oh, you do, do you?"

"Well, yeah...besides, Alice and I have already started organising it."

"Oh, and we want to know if you've got a frying pan yet"

"And why would you want to know that?

"Because we're coming around on Sunday to have pancakes for breakfast"

"I see"

"You're cooking"

"Just as well I've got a frying pan then eh?"

"Excellent"

"Don't you have anything better to do today but harrass me?"

"Nope, and anyway, you love it"

"Well, there is that...but that's besides the point"

See Folks? That's what friends do when you need their support...they rally around you. They start organising your life and making you cook for them. What's more, you allow them to do it...because you know at any time, you have the power to say "Oi, piss off and stop bullying me" and they'll back off. They might clout you first, but they'll back off all the same.

That sense of self and the power that comes with it, is a strength like no other.

And THAT alone, is well worth the celebration.
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