Friday, May 05, 2006

Getting to the Bottom of Things

I'm going up the coast at some stage this weekend, so I shall leave you with this. I wrote it mid January last year...and it proves the lengths that some of us will go to for the people we love on the other side of the world. Especially when we're trying to make up for something. When I originally posted this I didn't explain what "fanny" meant in New Zealand...apparently it means butt or bum in other parts of the world...but here and in England, it's a non-offensive term for um...well...pussy *blush*.

***

This afternoon I spent some time in the bedroom trying to take a photo of my nether regions for England. My god, what a fiasco that was. I have to say here, I tried this a couple of nights ago, it was late, I had the flash setting on, and each picture I took looked like I had the sun shining out of me...so I gave up. I mean, I'm sure we'd all like to think we've a bright light shining out of us for someone right? and my ex husband always said I was sitting on the biggest gold mine there was, but it wasn't a true showing of what I really look like down there, so I deleted all those (thank goodness for the delete function on digital cameras).

Today however, I managed to get it sorted...natural light...no flash...just me.

Good Lord, have you even seen anything so hideously ugly before?? I'm not one for inspecting myself on a regular basis in the mirror in that position, and now that I've seen a close up of it, it's no bloody wonder!

Straight after seeing these pics, I go online and speak to one of my closest friends. I asked her what hers looked like when her hubby took pictures of it. Was it ugly? What colour was it? Did he like said pics? Question after question until she was asking her hubby what he thought and are there any out there he'd seen previously that he thought were hideous? Just exactly what constitutes an ugly fanny in the eyes of men?

He refused to answer most of them...he's been in this position before. We've drilled him on the likes of similar subjects....it made him nervous to be asked such questions again. So, she starts asking other men on her msn list, ones that she's known for a while and talked about everything with. One guy says "don't think I've ever seen an ugly one". That response made me feel better. Next guy says "well it's the shape of them...some look a bit beat up" Say what? What the hell does that mean?

So now, after all this nervous laughter and carry on with my friend and us hunting for the mystery of the ugly fanny, I still have these photos, protected and hidden within the tiny metal confines of my digital camera. And my brain starts fighting with itself.... "Will I ever get up the courage to send these?" (Course I will, I took them for that purpose right?)..."What if he hates them?" (Nah, surely not, it's me and he loves me, so he'll love them)..."What if it is indeed the ugliest fanny on the face of the earth?" (If he has the balls to say that, I shall fly over there, spare funds or no spare funds, and he will die a slow painful death).

Ok, think I've got this organised mentally for the time being.

****

And yes I did send them...and he loved them...despite them being so up close and personal (not to mention slightly out of focus), he could just about crawl right into it. Any man worth his weight in gold would know, you do NOT tell your partner that they have an ugly anything, let alone fanny...especially if they have plans to get somewhere near it physically in the future. That would just basically ensure they get something else in their face instead...like your foot.

***

In other news....I have received Walker's journal (thanks to the lovely Aims). I've had it for the past week and am wondering how I'm going to fill up two pages with my scrawly writing. I've decided I will take it up the coast on Saturday afternoon and write in it at my sister's orchard. Anyone that wants the Bloggers Journal, please give me a shout out in my comments section. But wait...there's more (sorry no steak knives)...

1. You have to be my on my blogroll;
2. You have to ask for it;
3. You only get one page to write on (front and back of course)
4. You can only get it once.

So far this journal has 6 entries in it...7 once I've done mine. It has travelled from the originator in Ottawa, Canada to Pittsburgh, USA, then onto Florida, USA...up to Cheshire, England...back to Canada, (Saskatoon)...then all the way back to Bristol, England. Course, now it's made it to Middle Earth (haha), New Zealand. So? Who wants it?

*Throws the journal behind her like a wedding bouquet*

"CATCH!"
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