Tuesday, May 30, 2006

When the Going Gets Tough...

...the tough get going.

Or...they lay down, pull the blankets over their heads and scream into their pillows.

I went along to the doctor's office this morning....got weighed and found out I hadn't lost anything. That's not actually true....I lost 300 grams. And that was after watching what I've been eating and exercising every day (minus 3 days) for the past three weeks. 300 stinkin' grams. That could be anything....water....the t-shirt I was wearing...hell, it could've just been the way I was looking at the damn scale...Bastard!

Before we start discussing that exercising will turn fat into muscle, and muscle weighs heavier than fat blah blah blah stuff....I have to tell you...for me? it's about the numbers. Which is basically why I've almost made a career out of avoiding the scales. The moment I see there's been no change, or that the change is less than the weight of a grapefruit (I doubt that's true but it sounded good to me lol)....I'm not happy.

Apparently, the fact that I haven't had a period (sorry men) for the past 5 months could have something to do with it. Lately I've been having PMS symptoms every couple of weeks (my poor children)...sore breasts, bloated, heavy stomach, mood swings...but no outcome (if you get my messy meaning). She took my waist measurement this time, so we have something else to keep tabs on...oh yay *sigh*

I'm going back to the doctor tomorrow morning to have a chat with him. The nurse today tried to get me to take a pregnancy test...hahahaha...THAT was too funny. Does she really think that I wouldn't know if I was almost 6 months pregnant?? I know it's happened to other women before...but believe me, I know my body well enough, I'd be aware for sure by now. I don't even want to think about the consequences and screw up that could make of my life at this point.

I want to give up, I want to wallow around in all my fat and get depressed and never eat another fruit or vegetable...and I don't want to get near that stupid exercise contraption again. In fact, I was tempted to push it off the balcony.

That's how I was feeling today.

So, tonight I haven't exercised....I had Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner...oh and I followed that up with 3 pieces of chocolate fudge for good measure. I'd like to say I feel great and my body is filled with energy because of it...but you'd all know I was lying, so what's the point?

I start afresh tomorrow. I can't wait! *sigh*
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