Friday, June 09, 2006

Shift Change and Hand Over

Thank you all so much for the lovely comments you gave on my previous post. It was wonderful reading them and finding that so many of you are able to relate to what I've said on here at times.

This morning I sat down and replied to each comment. After saying on my "Letter C" post that I almost always answer my comments, it would be extremely bad taste of me not to wouldn't it? lol And seeing as it took me a good 45 minutes to finish them all, I'd appreciate it if you went back down there and read my responses, if you haven't already (there's no promise that they're filled with wisdom, just that it took me a while to do them lol)

...go on....I'll wait...

ok, now that you're back, I'm going to ask you a question. This was brought on by something I heard on the radio yesterday. Do you think there's a specific period of time that one should wait before starting a new relationship? I mean, after the end of your last relationship, or God forbid, the death of a partner? The radio station put this question out to their listeners. And I only managed to hear a couple of the callers' answers. One lady in particular mentioned her grandmother. The dear lady had been married for 55 years...after her husband passed on, his wife was remarried again only a short while later. I can't remember the exact amount of time, but it was less than 3 months.

Do YOU think there is a 'recommended' (for want of a better word) space of time, that you should wait between the end of one relationship and the beginning of another? Personally, I would think it would depend entirely on how that relationship ended, who ended it, and whether you felt ready to get back into another. When it comes to the above grandmother, and the shock she caused the rest of her family, she told them, that at her age, she realised we only get one crack at this life and it was best to make the most of the time she had left in it. I can understand her reasoning and admire her way of thinking.

For us younger beings...what if we're still grieving that loss? What if we're not ready to trust another with our hearts? Or do we continue on into the next one because we're trying to fill a void in our lives? We're lonely and feel the need for companionship. Is that selfish of us? By stepping too soon into the next, could it mean we are short-changing our new love interest? Afterall, have we REALLY come to terms with what happened with the previous one yet? We may think we're ready to move on....but should we perhaps take stock of the past, give those wounds the attention they deserve/need and THEN we may be able to give of ourselves to another without holding back?

I don't believe this means we should shut down and stop enjoying the company of the opposite sex because we're not interested or ready to go down that committed path quite yet. I think it's always good to sit back and reflect on what you had in the past, what went wrong, embrace all that felt wonderful during it and learn from it...hopefully using those experiences to enrich any future relationship you may have.

I also believe that if you feel right about it and everything it means to you feels so bloody is it possible that it could be wrong? If it doesn't feel right, then why waste your time? Not only do you short-change the person you become involved with, but you short-change yourself. We really should not 'settle' for something we CAN have, because we feel we're now UNABLE to have what we REALLY want. Regardless of whether you feel it's alright, and that it COULD be ok for the two of this age, you're also aware of what the REALLY good stuff feels like aren't you? I like to think I'm always very careful about where I lay my heart and who I'm allowing the privilege of holding it....because that's exactly what it is. It's a privilege for anyone to be the holder of our hearts, just as it is a privilege to us, that they trust us enough to hand their hearts over.

Furthermore...who actually thinks they have the RIGHT to tell us how long we should or should not be on our own before we take up that particular gauntlet and run with it again? We are all individuals...unique beings...we all react in different ways to different situations. What's good for you, may not work for me and vice versa.

Ok, that was a question, followed by a truckload of more questions. I don't expect you to answer each and every one of them lol. I'd just like to know if YOU think there is a suitable time period after the end of a relationship, before taking down our mental "STOP!" signs and allowing another person to get so close to us again.

Your thoughts?
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