Saturday, July 22, 2006

In Sickness and Health...

I really must remember that when I write about a controversial or deep-seated subject that you are all going to make my brain work harder when faced with your comments the following day (due to the time zone, most of my commenting happens while I'm fast asleep at night lol). I always forget that.

It's kinda like years ago before they came out with instant oven cleaners. You know, you would spray the oven with great enthusiasm at night - leave it to do it's magic...only to get up the next day and realise you had to tackle the tough stuff. This is otherwise known as 'following through'. And like you lot, an oven is not something you can put in the "Too Hard" basket lol.

You've always been so terrific with your commenting and bringing up different angles to view many situations from. My previous post is no exception. I know there are married people out there that are actually aware their partners are having affairs. For whatever reasons of their own, they choose to turn a blind eye.

From the ego thing coupled with boredom...people being lonely or looking for excitment...and the pressures of today's society etc. I guess some of it comes down to dealing with any insecurities you may have...and helping your partner work through any they may have. Noone said a committed relationship was easy, it's tough work as you know. It takes a fair amount of time and effort to keep your partner happy and letting them know how much you love them.

Some would say that they shouldn't need to continually tell them...they should just know it anyway. And to a certain extent I agree. You show someone how much you love and respect them with words and actions. Lots of the little things make such a difference. After a length of time of both parties not showing this toward each other, I guess it's no wonder that some people start getting frustrated and look elsewhere.

We all like to think we've still 'got it' ya know? It's exhilerating to know that we're still sexy and desirable and someone wants to rip our clothes off and ravish us in every way possible. Regardless of how bad we look in our ratty trackpants, hair all over the place, baby spit on our shirts, grease smudged on our faces etc....we still want to know these things nonetheless.

This is a HUGE subject and I could write about it for pages and pages, but I'm no expert obviously. I was divorced after spending 15 years of my life with the same man. What would I know? I chose to separate from my husband and go it alone. For the most part it's worked pretty well for both of us now. It's easy for me to say you need to work harder at nuturing your relationship...I don't have anything to work on at the moment.

I'm going to stop this now because I'll get out of hand and be contradicting myself back and forth just on this one subject again. In closing I'd like to draw your attention to Nan's comment in particular from yesterday's post. You're all so brilliant at offering advice and sharing your experiences I thought you may be able to lend a hand here.

"Ok, I've been reading your blog for a while and love it. So since this is a post about sex and the consequences of sex....

do you mind if I post a general question?

I went to bed with a friend the other night. It wasn't the right thing to do. Neither of us stated our intentions clearly.

I fell asleep of the couch. He put a blanket over me. I woke up and he said I could sleep in bed with him. So I did.

Not the smartest thing to do.

Truth? I wanted to be held and I should have said so. I have wondered what it would be like to have sex with him. But it wasn't what should have happen.

I'm not comfortable.

I don't think he is either.

So here's the question -

I want to salvage the friendship and lay the foundation for an open talk about whether we can or should be more than friends.

Reasonable or unrealistic? Comments?"

We're a weary world aren't we? We're trying so hard most of the time to juggle our complex lives and still remain intact emotionally at the same time. Life is so interesting, yet complicated!

Sometimes I feel, we can't help but lose sight of the basics.
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