Would the Real Parent Please Stand Up?

Me: *admiring the rings in the jewellery shop window* "Look at that one, it's gorgeous"

Cameron: "Come on, you don't need any more, we can't afford it."

Me: "Oh for goodness sake, I'm only looking at it, I didn't say I was going to buy it"

Cameron: *leaning closer, voice low* "Mum, I'm feeling very uncomfortable looking at expensive jewellery, when there's a World Vision stand set up right behind us"

***

Me: *Walking into Ryan's bedroom* "Wow, you've cleaned your room up, it looks terrific!"

Ryan: "Thanks"

Me: "Sooo...how come?"

Ryan: *still playing WoW, not looking at me* "It needed it. And anyway [insert girlfriend's name] is coming over this afternoon"

Me: *mentally gasping but speaking casually* "Oh right...and is her mother aware I'll be at work then?"

Ryan: "It's still under negotiation. Don't worry about it, it's all under control"

Me: "I see...give me her mother's phone number please"

***

Me: "Cameron?!"

Cameron: *emerges from bedroom, walks past toilet door...backs up a couple of steps* "Aw man, what are you doing this time?"

Me: *head down, straddling toilet seat facing the wrong direction and fiddling about in cistern* "I'm being a plumber...Can you go and get me that little pair of scissors in the cabinet drawer please?"

Cameron: "Eh? The ones you use for sewing?"

Me: "Yeah, they're really sharp and small enough for what I need to do."

Cameron: "Why can't we just call Uncle Steve? By the time you're finished we'll have to replace the whole loo."

Me: "Can you hold my hair back so I can see what I'm doing?......thanks honey"

***

Me: *walking toward jewellery shop window* "Hey cool, they've got some new stuff"

Ryan: *arms spread, throwing himself between me and window* "NO!"