Thursday, September 07, 2006

Have Viagra, Will Travel

"Good Afternoon, Blah Medical Centre, Lisa speaking"

"Hello Lisa, Jack Brown here, I have somewhat of an unusual request."

"Hello Mr Brown, no problem, I've already had some interesting conversations with you in the past...fire away."

"Ok. I'm going overseas shortly and my 70th birthday is coming up. At one stage I will be taking a cruise from Prague to Budapest."

"Oh how wonderful!...I'm extremely jealous."

"Now, during that time, and on my 70th, I suspect I am going to require, for the first time in my life, some viagra."

"Oh, goodness....that sounds pretty exciting."

"Yes, I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into but there you go. Due to the fact I leave NZ on Saturday, I'm running out of time to see the doctor and I was hoping he'd write me a script without me having to come in."

"I understand, let me have a word with him, make sure he's happy to do that after he's checked out any other medication you may be on, and I'll call you back ok?"

"Thank you hinny (??), most appreciated."

After telling him I could just as easily fax the script to his closest pharmacy Mr Brown rang off. I went to speak to his doctor between patients. No problem, he was happy to prescribe the little blue pill.

Doc: "Oh, when you talk to him, ask him if he'd like me to test run his birthday present first for him lol"

Me: "Eh? You actually want me to ask him THAT??"

Doc: "Sure, why not?"

Me: "Yeah alright...whatever"

*ring ring*

"Hello Mr Brown, it's Lisa here from Blah Medical Centre. Doc is quite happy to put together a script for you and we can fax that to your local pharmacy without you having to come all the way out here to see us ok?"

"That's wonderful, thank you so much hinny (??), you've been a huge help."

"You're welcome. Oh and he said to ask you if you'd like him to test out your birthday present first, just in case."

"Oh..um...well...tell him I really appreciate his help but in this instance I will be first in line."

10 minutes later - *ring ring*

"Hello again hinny (ffs), Mr Brown here, I think I may have misunderstood what Doc meant. Please let him know that I will report back to him."

"What about me?? Do I get to hear about this too? I mean I've been doing all the to-ing and fro-ing, surely I get to hear what went on, it only seems fair really."

"Oh yes, ok, I shall make it my business to report back to both of you."

"Excellent! Enjoy your trip abroad and have a terrific birthday!"

30 minutes later the phone rings again and is answered by my co-worker. The caller is wanting to speak with me and as my co-worker passes over the call he says "Whoever he is, he sounds pretty hushed and secretive". Yes, it was Mr Brown.

"Lisa, Jack here...I'm at the pharmacy now and they say they don't have a script for me at all."

I explained that the doctor had been doing minor surgery most of the afternoon and that he would have to wait until the morning before collecting his prescription. He asked me if I often had unusual conversations with the patients.

"Yes, I've had a few and I realise that this particular one for you is a bit unnerving but let me just say....if it makes you feel any better, you have just given me hope for my future."

"Oh? How so?"

"For a 41 year old woman to hear that the FIRST time you need to use this pill at the age of 70?...well that's just made my day!"

*chuckle* "The pleasure is all mine hinny."

"Well after all this running about? *sigh* I really do hope so Mr Brown."
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