Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Fatal Attraction?

As mentioned previously, my sister has had problems with her husband 'stepping out' with other women in the past. As far as the present is concerned, I have no idea what he's up to. All I know is he still lives in the same house as my sister and their children, and I'd much rather he didn't lol.

What I wanted to talk about is the cheating side of things (yes I know, again). I think we all know, or know of, someone who has been unfaithful to their wife/husband/partner/whatever. If you're in a committed relationship, I'm pretty sure it's expected that you don't drop your knickers for anyone but your significant other.

So, thinking about all the lovey dovey stuff, Bryan Adams and his everything-I-do-I-do-for-you kinda mush...what is it that has someone leaning away from their partner towards someone else? Does this mean that there's something missing in that partnership that he/she is craving and eventually seeks it elsewhere? Is it the excitement and adrenalin rush of doing something you know you shouldn't be? Maybe it's something that just falls into their lap when they're least expecting or wanting it? Maybe they can't help themselves and despite good intentions the pull is too great?

Back to my younger sister for a mo....an attractive woman in her mid 30's, long legged, slim, a smile bright enough to light up a room. She's actually one hot sexy mama....and no I don't want to date her myself, I'm just saying what I see. She also has a scary temper and I can't imagine living with her would be particularly easy...if any of you think I might be difficult to live with, you wanna try dealing with my younger sibling. (She stayed here with me for a month many years ago...oh my God...can you imagine it? Me and her in the same house for that length of time?? I'd rather wear panties infested with tarrantulas before I let that happen again lol.)

What I'm trying to say is, my sister is a lot of that and then some but it didn't stop her husband from straying. My way of thinking is...there are at least two types of 'cheaters'. There are those that wave their goods at all and sundry in the hope they'll get themselves a piece of the single action (or even other married action) and maybe they do it because they need the continuous ego-stroking? Maybe they need to know they've still got what it takes to attract others? Maybe it's all about the thrill of the hunt, a challenge?

Then there are those that are missing something...sometimes it's not always possible to put your finger on exactly what that something is, but they're unhappy at home and need more. Course there are also those that have more of an idea of what's missing too, not only can they put their finger on it, they can practically grab the difficulties with both hands. There is always going to be something that annoys you about the other half right? That's normal. How you both deal with those idiosyncrasies is what's important. If you don't voice or accept the differences eventually resentment can build. Lack of communication can get out of hand, the silence between you screams louder than anything SlipKnot could achieve and you finally realise you've basically become two unhappy people existing in the same space.

Several months ago, one of my readers commented that they felt if the affair is based only on the sex, it can be what saves a marriage. Your partner doesn't want sex for various reasons, your libido want it regardless of what else is going on. You find someone else, on a no strings attached basis, get the sexual relief... there's no longer the sexual tension in your marriage, you can still function as a couple in every other way. There's always the possibility that one of you could get emotionally involved despite the agreement at the onset of this arrangement, and then you have a whole other set of drama to deal with. (*whispers* Watch out for the bunny burners, people.)

When it comes to my sister, I can see reasons why she wants to hang in there with her husband and try to keep going. The children, the financial upheaval, the lifestyle. Leaving your husband or vice versa certainly can turn your world upside down, yours and the children's. I've been there, done that, dealt with the emotional repercussions long after the event. It's not pretty, but in my situation, worth the freedom and confidence that came with it, in the end. Had my ex cheated on me, it may have been a completely different ball game...I may have turned into a bitter, twisted, bitch from hell, plotting his demise. Who knows? Fortunately (for him) that wasn't the case lol.

A male friend of mine has very recently proposed to his girlfriend and she's accepted. Would she have so readily said yes, if she knew of past indiscretions during their relationship? Dunno. His way of thinking is that until that ring is on her/his finger, he's not committed. My thinking on that is...um, no. If you're committed to a relationship, then that's how you're to be. If there's business going on that you're hiding from your partner, then, well, no.

If you're doing something that you can't or won't tell your partner....there's gotta be something wrong with that. You're hiding something from them, and although I don't believe it's necessary to tell them each and every little thing you do throughout your day, this is hardly a little thing is it?

This is just my opinion of course, and considering I don't have a shitload of experience in the matter to go by, it can be taken with a grain of salt, or not taken at all. Every scenario is different, the people involved are unique individuals, who have their reasons. And although there are copious amounts of people out there doing it, there are also copious amounts of people who are not.

More thoughts?
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