Tuesday, November 14, 2006

What Do You Mean "Time's Up"?

I was listening to the radio this morning, and I figure it's been a while since I heard something that inspired a post on here, so I've used the radio subject for today. A young lady (24) had written in to say that her boyfriend (22) of two months had dumped her the week before, because he felt that although he was having a great time, lots of fun and he enjoyed her company...he couldn't see a long term relationship coming out of it, said he wasn't in love with her, and he felt that two months should have been enough time for him to come to the "in love" conclusion.

The hosts of the show put it out there for their listeners...is there actually a time limit for falling in love with someone? Various answers were coming back...you either feel it instantly or it's not there...you should give the relationship 6 months before making any decisions about the "in love" thing...you should be able to tell between 6-8 weeks. The majority of the women felt that 6 months should be enough, giving some time for the infatuation/lust part of the relationship to settle for a while...this would also give some time for all those little things the prospective partner does that endears you to them at first, to change into annoying habits that drive you insane.

Quite frankly, I think 6 months is a drop in the ocean to know someone. It takes a bloody long time to really get to know them inside-out. I'm still learning about myself and how I react to different situations, I can barely keep track of all the comings and goings in my own life, am I expected to keep track of someone else's? I know you all think I'm pretty impressive at times, but I don't have eyes in the back of my head you know. Ok, just funnin' with ya, I do really...true story! (I'd hate for you to think I don't know everything *snort*)

Personally, I don't believe there's a particular time limit to come to this conclusion. Each one of my long term relationships have had their own time frame for when I've felt that giddyness. The first was by the end of the week when he told me he loved me...he proposed the following month. The second was over 15 years later and made me feel like I'd been hit between the eyes with a 4X2 in the first 3 days...It took me a good 4 weeks to raise the subject, and then I felt like vomitting lol. The third took longer for me to even notice what was happening, it grew out of a common interest and strong friendship.

Just taking my personal experiences into consideration, surely this would have something to do with my age? I mean, the first started when I was 18...young, carefree and naive...ready to jump in boots an' all, the excitement of it made me lightheaded and breathless! By the time the second one came about I had a marriage under my belt and was less ready to give up my heart so easily. I wasn't going down so quickly again...not without a fight anyway. Eventually I realised the pull towards this man was hopeless and I put my hands up in surrender and allowed myself to tumble off the edge anyway. When the third came along, I'd almost shut down my heart entirely and didn't even notice what was slowly creeping up in the background.

Each relationship has had it's downs and ups, and that's of course to be expected...if you think you can go through life with everything as bright as sunshine and smelling of roses, then would you mind getting a little closer?....



*ahem* There is always going to be some little grumble...him not ringing if he's running late (a pet peeve of mine - years of dealing with a heavy drinking husband that drove on a regular basis)...right down to how they chew their food or leave their pants in a heap every single friggin' night. You do realise they've been chewing that way for many years now right? You know that he always left his trousers in a pile like that forever after right?

Ah, mannerisms...they go from "Oh how cute *giggle*"...to... "Oh for fuck sake, how hard is it to put them IN the laundry basket?? Blah *mutter* blah *grumble* Blah-fucking-Blah...HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME??!" Course he aint, and why would he after that tirade? He's learnt to switch off to the sound of your voice these days...which incidentally may have been one of the first things that attracted him to you. Haha, sucker...you do realise it works both ways don't you? I know YOU know this...it's just a matter of whether you're able to cope with all the ups and downs from either side. Course if those downs outweigh the ups... well, I'd be either trying to adjust the balance better, and if all else fails, I'd be out the door. A good friend once told me "You don't want to get to 80 years old and have any regrets."

Kassi of Kassi's Kingdom said many months ago that it's not so much about whether you can live with them, but whether you're able to live without them (or something to that affect, correct me if I'm wrong Kass)...I've thought about this a fair bit lately. In times of strife, I tend to shut down...I mentally close my eyes to a situation I'm not happy or comfortable with, and forge ahead thinking it will eventually get sucked up into the ether, never to be dealt with again...yay. I don't need to tell you that's a load bullshit...unless you deal with those issues head on, they aint budging...boo. Since when was life ever that simple?

Um...once again I've managed to get way off the subject I originally started out with...shit...er...let's just put it down to one of my 'cute' mannerisms eh? lol I'm sitting here wondering how the hell I'm going to wrap this up by tying it altogether, haha....crap...it aint gonna work.

Soooooo...what do you think? Do you think there's a time limit on when you can see a future with someone or not? Or after a certain amount of time, if you don't feel it, should you give it more time to see where it could go, or bail? And should you secret those thoughts away in your brain vault, or come out and say it to the other person at the risk of upsetting them and jeopardising a possibility? Is it dishonest to keep those thoughts to yourself? If you take the risk and "spill the beans", wouldn't that mean the other person would then be aware of your feelings, and they can give their thoughts too? If they run in the opposite direction, then I would feel confident in saying they feel differently...or maybe they're just a big ol' scaredy cat? lol

And as one of my best mates said to me the other day "There's always a "but" with you Lisa"....Well that's because I'm always trying to see situations from every possible angle right? Analyse, nuture, analyse, destroy, whatever...

Yeah I reckon....but...yeah...*snort*
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