Monday, January 01, 2007

Some Photos Behind My Mind

Life is rocking on by at a great rate of knots and I'm trying hard to hang on to it's coat tails....there are times when I would willingly let go and come to a grinding stop. Other times I'm so eager, I rush forward trying to overtake it. If I could only find a lovely balance between the two, I'd be able to cope with all manner of feelings and emotions that run my thoughts at certain times.

The past 12 months have been interesting to say the least, and like many years, it's had it's fair share of ups and downs. I've said goodbye to people, said hello again to others from my past, only to say goodbye to them several months later. People come and go in our lives....saying it that way makes it sound so much easier than it actually is of course. In reality we have to deal with the emotional roller coaster of them leaving.

What's left from those times are snapshots of memories. Memories of good feelings and touches, pictures of scenes that click in an instant inside your head. For example, when I close my eyes and think back to Anna's wedding, I see a snapshot in my head of her veil blowing in the breeze by the lake. *Click* Cameron's laughing face while we were dancing later that evening. *Click* The newly married couple dancing intimately (and Anna more than a little drunkenly!) filled with happiness and I'm overwhelmed with love for both bride and groom.

When I think of Jaimee, I see the bouncy ringlets of a beautiful young spirit grinning at me. *Click* I see a snapshot of her dressed only in a nappy, asleep against her mother in a hospital ward after a particularly difficult night with respiratory problems. *Click* Jason moving sleepily to hug me and relieve me of the breakfast I'd brought in for them (lol).

*Click*...I'm standing in the corner of a room. Rivetted to the spot, I watch in fascination. I can feel, not only see, the rush of emotion and passion brimming on the surface. I feel the ache of need and want involved in the bodies tangled together. Both struggling to keep it real...*Click*...the frustration etched on their faces of wanting to go forward but unable to take that step. Both knowing they've already pushed too many limits. I can hear the words "No", "Stop", "Wait" mingled with the ragged breathing and moaning from two people desperately wanting to do anything other than stop or wait. *Click*...The expression on his face as he's looking at her....stepping outside to go and she knows he doesn't want to leave her behind. *Click*...an image of his back as he's walking away.

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have a photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's time to say it...time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye


Goodbye 2006...thanks for the memories.
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