Thursday, March 01, 2007

Shattering Glass

There have been changes happening in my personal world these past couple of weeks. Some I've orchestrated myself, others I didn't expect and some I'd rather not have happen but have happened nonetheless. How rude is THAT?? Ah well, shit happens. We try to roll with the punches....dust ourselves off, get up and continue breathing in and out, and putting one foot in front of the other. Ooooh the dramatics of it all.

We have to deal with changes in our lives all the time right? We adjust and readjust to adapt to everything that occurs in our lives, whether it be on an annual basis, monthly and even on a daily basis. One day we can be blissfully unaware of what's going on behind closed doors, we go through our routine with a smile on our faces. Then the next day?....we're left with a dazed, blank expression that comes about from a tone of voice or a few words. Words we don't expect...words we may even be prepared to hear but that in itself doesn't make them any easier to receive.

"We need to talk" (translates to: I'm about to say something you're not going to be happy hearing.)

Yep, I hear those words and right then and there I know. What's the point in talking after those 4 words are spoken? I know what's coming next. Wouldn't it be easier to stop the conversation at that point? Maybe. But personally? I'd have questions crowding my mind. So I wouldn't stop there...I'd want to hear more...and being the glutton for punishment I can be at times....I'd want to ask pointed questions that aren't always easy to answer. But we ask anyway regardless of the hurt we know the responses are going to cause. I've always loved honest people with a passion.

So...what do we do once that happens? Do we lay down and let the feeling of loss wash over us...leaving us devoid of motivation and all positive attitude? Or do we hold our heads up high and wear it along with the fallout of past hurts...painting a smile on, pretending all is still great in our little corner of the world? And if we feel and know, that beyond all the bullshit, what we had there is worth hanging onto or even fighting for...are we ready to give it all up so easily? Damn the torpedoes and full steam ahead?

How does one do that? Affairs of the heart are not competitions. And noone wants to be seen as a bitter, twisted person who ends up stalking and harrassing others. (Well, not ALL the time anyways haha.) Someone pass me a bazooka and a bullet-proof vest. I have no idea what I'd set my sights on right now, but it's gotta feel a little good to shoot the fucking thing off at this point.

I feel so flat and withdrawn today I could be mistaken for a $50 note. A few more of those and I'll be able to hire my own steamroller. Mind you, I have managed to achieve getting this flat without one. Damn I'm good at that...I really must remember to include it as one of my special talents when I update my resume.

Oh by the way, I'm pissed at the moment...can you tell?? I've had a good amount of bubbly to deaden my emotions...bloody things won't lay down and die though...what the fuck's up with THAT?? How much fucking wine do I have to drink to kill the bastards? *sigh* I so feel like smashing something. Rest assured, it won't be my wine glass haha.

"And, I know that it's a wonderful world,
but I can't feel it right now,
well I thought that I was doing well,
but I just wanna cry now.

Well I know that it's a wonderful world,
from the sky down to the sea,
but I can only see it when you're with me....

You know? This drunken blogging thing aint so bad really....stay tuned, I may choose to never sober up...ho ho ho and a bottle of Rum. *clink*

Oh well, at least my hair's having a good day, and fuck my walls are looking pretty hot if I do say so myself. Whoot!
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