Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Where'd She Go?

I was talking to a friend on the phone last night. I asked her "Wouldn't it be great if we could be invisible for a while?" She didn't agree, she said that we might see or hear something we may not want to. She misunderstood me....I corrected her, "I didn't mean in a 'fly on the wall' sense, but just invisible full stop."

Invisible so noone can see you. Where you go, what you do, the face that we can often put on for 'show' to others, we wouldn't feel we had to. We could be who or whatever we wanted to be, without repercussions of being judged. Invisible. How wooooonderful. Hide away from the rest of the world until we were ready to come out of the dark and rejoin the race again.

Actually I found a way to make the opposite occur today. I went into the supermarket, shoved my iPod earbuds in, cranked the music up and went around the shop filling my trolley. It was fantastic. I became totally oblivious to anything or anyone around me. Perfect.

In some ways I guess I've hidden myself by not blogging. The fact of the matter is, I actually just didn't feel the motivation to expose what's been happening in my world. Did I miss writing? Absolutely. Did I want to voice my thoughts for all and sundry to see? Yes and No. It felt safer...I felt safer, more comfortable, less vulnerable by keeping silent.

Writing on here can sometimes make me feel naked....that's a frightening thought at the best of times (lol), but I know you understand what I mean. I don't usually have a problem opening up and telling it like it is...and I've done that previously time and time again. But this matter has had me clinging to my trusty self-preservation jacket...my defence mechanisms are down...they've deserted me, gone AWOL....shit, shit, SHIT! *sigh*

Hope can be given in one breath and taken away in the next. Just. like. that. *snap*. How do we prepare ourselves for the sudden change? We don't really. We either sink or swim...exist or live (thank you to one of my previous commenters, I just stole that off you lol).

I know I prefer to live a little while I exist. And is there really anyone out there that wants to sink instead of swim? I don't think so.

As I've already mentioned to my friend Larry, I'm going to go have some (more) fun. It will also serve to keep me distracted. This Friday evening is going to be the first of many Salsa and Tango lessons. Imagine that? Me thinking I have the flare and co-ordination enough to have a go lol. But you know, who the hell cares? It's hardly sky-diving is it? It's only orchestrated dance moves (could be famous last words lol). That, I can cope with for now. God help anyone else on the dance floor.

How hard can it be?? What's more, I don't have to have a partner...so all I have to do is turn up. At the very least I can see myself dissolving into laughter at my own expense, and that's gotta be a good thing.

*sticks rose between teeth and throws back head*

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