Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Blushing with Pride?

I do stupid stuff sometimes. Well, not so much stupid, but silly kinda teenage stuff you know? In fact I don't even know if a teenager would think about doing some of it, let alone do it for real. *shrug* Whatever, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be putting it out on the web to get laughed at by the world (albeit a small but special group of people in the world).

Because Dan is on the south island and because of the complications we find ourselves up against...there is little I can do to have the time with him I crave. If I'm ever down and skating near the fine line of depression about this situation, I think about some of the things I do that keep him close, even if it's not in the way I'd prefer.

I'll admit I'm a little embarrassed to share some of this with you, but what the hell, I've no doubt I lost any sense of decency on here some time ago with you lot:

- When I go to the orchard I make sure I have his t-shirt with me, and I wear it to bed (I often wear it to bed here at home too depending on my mood);

- When I visit Anna and Jason I buy a bag of Jet Plane sweets on the way to share with them, because I know he has a thing for them, and it makes me feel like he's around in some small way. The fact that Jason is also a "Jet Plane man" (Anna's words) makes it a win/win for everyone;

- I had my toenails deliberately painted with a polish by OPI called "Don't Be Coy With Me", trying to give out a subliminal message the last time I saw him because I didn't know what to expect when he came to Wellington (the colour was pretty naff, it was a bright orange, and Cameron reckoned it would give people small headaches if I kept removing my shoes around them. If I recall correctly, Dan said it looked desperate...Anna gushed over it...Alice loved it...the girls win haha);

- The birthday present he gave me sits in the box in it's slimline briefcase, and occasionally I'll open it and run my hands over the tools. I've only used it a couple of times, because I don't want scratch any of it (I know, I know);

- I still have a dried yellow rose from the first bouquet of flowers he handed me...even though they weren't actually for me;

- My cellphone has become my lifeline to him and it's on 24 hours a day, just in case;

- I always drink my first coffee of the day out of a cup that has the words "Morning Handsome" on it. This is part of a 'couple'...the other cup says "Morning Gorgeous" and I bought them with him in mind after he'd returned home when training finished;

- I carry around the birthday card he gave me in my handbag. It's just there, I don't take it out to read on a daily basis, but it's there and although I'm the only one that knows that (besides you lot now)...that's good enough reason for me;

- I still have an old train ticket he used to come out and visit me one day...he slipped it into my wallet while I was looking for something else, and it's been there ever since...I can't bring myself to throw it out;

- I close my eyes and I can feel him gently kissing around my mouth and face, while urging me to continue telling him about my day (how I was supposed to keep talking with that going on is beyond me);

- I remember stirring in the night to feel him pull me closer and say "Go back to sleep sweetheart";

- the rest of what goes through my mind when I think about him with my eyes closed, is something I'm sure you'd all prefer I kept to myself. (Be grateful I need to go to work shortly or some of it may have found a way to spill out on here...afterall, it IS Hump Day here in New Zealand you know lol).

Anyway, that's enough for now....there's only so much squirming a girl can do when she's sharing this kinda stuff ya know?
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