Saturday, July 28, 2007

Not in a Sharing Mood...

Alice and I met for lunch today. More out of the necessity to vent rather than wanting to share space in each others company I think. From an early morning text conversation between us, it was obvious we were both pre-menstrual and in pretty pissy moods. Men being the main focus of our attention, it was all on.

There's a shortage of men in New Zealand. I remember reading about it in the newspapers a few months ago. There are just simply not enough men to keep the female population satisfied. This of course, does not mean, that after reading that article, I decided the only alternative for me was to get out there and try running off with someone else's husband/partner.

If my mind was tuned to that way of thinking I would've had a long running affair with a married man years ago. But I didn't, until my current situation...prior to this, I would've never dreamed of going against the grain of what's 'proper' in society.

The LAST thing in the world I want to do is have to share the special man in my heart. I have no problem at all sharing him with anyone or anything else (except Iraq, I'm not prepared to share him with Iraq, that's just ludicrous. If you do actually read this babe? No, I haven't changed my mind).

Why would I be concerned about sharing? I'm not a possessive kinda girl, I have a busy enough life, I share myself across family, friends and work also. Those areas are all very real and necessary parts of our lives. But to share him with another woman? One who actually has the right to be in his life? Regardless of the fact that he doesn't want her there? Well...that part sucks eggs big time.

I have a friend here, who is living with a partner...and is having an online affair with another man. The online man has her heart, not the one that lives in her house. She loves her partner, but not on the same euphoric level she loves her 'other man'. And what about the partners that know that they're spouses have had or are having affairs? Why do they continue to stay with them? They must be made out of stronger/better stuff than I am, because there's no way I could imagine hanging in there if my spouse had breached those boundaries.

It appears to me...that some of those that DO have partners, are not happy with them...and some of those that DON'T have partners, want someone else they shouldn't or can't have. Pretty screwy really. It can't help but give out the wrong impression of what love and marriage are supposed to be like...what they're supposed to stand for.

Ignore me...I'm having one of those days where my heart is aching for time to move by at a faster rate than usual...I suspect in the next couple of days the screaming in my head will settle back down to a quiet hum.

I should've realised this mood was about to strike when I was consuming raspberry chocolate, drinking mulled wine and crying off and on through the season finale of Greys Anatomy. All that achieved was a slightly tipsy female pissed off at herself for eating crap.

2, maybe 3 days, I'll be over it. It can't come fast enough. I don't even want to be in the same room as myself at the moment lol.
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