Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Wave Your Hands In the Air...

I'm getting too surgary. Some of what I've written lately has me feeling like I'm drinking syrup...and seeing as that syrup is not even CLOSE to a good shot of Tequila, then I'm done with it.

I'm restless...I'm pre-menstrual.

Stop! Wait! Let me explain before you back away slowly from your screen!

Having PMS does not always mean I'm gonna get bitchy, k?

Oh, don't be such a sissy and sit the hell down. You know I'm harmless.

The flip side of how PMS affects me? I'm horny...24/7 horny. I know I'm not the only one that feels the urge so strongly at this time of the month, so I know you get where I'm coming from.

The downside of course, is that the object of my desire is out of arms reach. But I've managed to survive this long, so you must know I'm capable of finding strategies to combat the lack of sexual sport myself. Now that I'm the age I am, I HAVE to know how to get through these droughts...it's imperative I do. Otherwise, some poor man could get hurt in the rush ya know? No one is ever going to convince me that Non-Molestation Orders equal good times.

This morning as I was getting dressed, I glanced across the room and caught my image in the mirror. My arms were up as I stretched the top over my head to remove it. I give you permission to visualise that briefly. I froze in that position and thought "How could anyone NOT want to enjoy those?? They're bloody magnificent!" (Self Esteem 101).

I dropped my arms, put my specs on and took another look.

"Aww...right...fuck" *sigh*

Don't you just love it how everything looks so firm and fabulous when your arms are in the air? It can give the impression that you alone have managed to avoid gravity in the best way possible! Not only that, but when you're steaming for a bit of somethin', somethin'...arms out like that...your body language is literally begging to be had. Whispering and whimpering at a vibrator just doesn't have the same affect. In fact it's downright pathetic. Silent coitus interaction, bar the sound of consistent buzzing, can NO way compare.

I'm not getting any younger and gravity aint gonna bypass me...move your arse SugarLips...desperate times are a'comin'.
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