Because I can ...

I'm taking a sabbatical. Just letting you know in case you start to wonder if I've fallen down a dark hole. I'm still around checking in on my blog favourites but need the time out from my own life and just about everything else right now. I wish you good health and much happiness. Take care and bye for now xx

That's the name of the OPI nail polish on my toes..."Where's My Limo"...cute huh?...oh never mind. Leilani?...Thank you. Thank you for commenting on that post down there...I couldn't have said it better myself. You're a gem and a good mate...ok, one that asks some frightening questions (via email) . Questions that have my brain struggling to monumental proportions, but a great mate nonetheless. Big smooches to you my gorgeous friend. Right, 'nuff of the mush. You'll be thinking I've been eating too much sugar again. (Have not !) So anyway , I keep sitting down here to write something...anything...and then my mind scrambles any possible subject I might come up with and I get up again, and walk away. Actually, this afternoon at work, I was thinking that I'd just come home and do a video post...that'd solve the thought of sitting here in this heat and messing around with the keyboard. But, on the way home I made a detour to the supermarket...i...

Cancer (June 22 - July 23) "An outburst does you no favours on the relationship front so take a few moments to cool off. What is it that you are really furious about, the real issue or your lack of control? You are the only one responsible for this difficult situation. You can put an end to it by changing your stance and temporarily going with the flow." How DO they know?? It's almost like magic, isn't it? Pfft. Tomorrow I want to read one that says something about dreams coming true and harmony and peace will reign supreme in your life and blah blah blah, warm, fuzzy, wholesome, positive stuff. Fuck that negative shit. And the swearing... enough of the swearing! Eh? That was me, you say? Oh...yeah...that WAS me *sigh* You know? One day I may just surprise the crap out of you all and get it right! I promise we'll fly lots of colourful banners and balloons that day, k? Hell, we'll have a fucking parade to celebrate that milestone, I tell ya!

You know you've been distracted when... - you drive 50 yards down the street and it's the 3 year old passenger beside you that brings to your attention she's not buckled in - "Oh! My seatbelt Aunty Lisa!"; - you immediately have to apologise and then have a conversation about 'naughty' words and how bad Aunty Lisa is, all.the.way.home, because you just said "Fuck!" in front of said 3 year old without thinking; - the following day, you jump in the car, put it in gear and instantly move in reverse coming within a hair's breadth of the garage wall behind you; - you yell at the children for not putting their shoes away...take a seat at the computer, look down and count five pairs that belong to your own feet; - you discover you're completely out of blood pressure medication and it's the last thing you should be without right now; - you have to ring work in the morning to ask what time you're expected to be there that day; - you'...

I had a lengthy text conversation with Neil's son last night. Neil's still in hospital and the doctors can't find anything else wrong with him, they believe it's "psychological trauma" that set him off. He's seen a psychoanalyst and will be doing so again. They'll be keeping him in for a further couple of days to make sure it doesn't recur and he's very withdrawn at the moment. Mike's also said, Neil is asking after me every day, and nobody knows what to tell him. Mike said the best thing for Neil right now, would be for me to make up my mind. So I did...I told Mike that it was better that I just backed off completely. I told him that I can't continue to keep doing this to Neil, and that by me disappearing I will no longer be screwing around with his father's head or his health. Mike's obviously angry at my decision, and knows it will further upset his father. He said that if I think he can tell his Dad that, while he'...

So I made the decision to take some time out from Neil...On Friday morning I asked for two weeks, no email, text or phone contact at all. I needed a breather. I've been feeling under so much pressure, it's been a nightmare trying to juggle two men in such a way. Foolish of me to think I might actually have a handle on it. I lied to Neil, told him that Dan was no longer in contact. This is not the first time I've lied to Neil...I did it a few years ago. It really is quite hopeless trying to keep everyone happy you know. It can't be done. Well, more to the point, I can't do it and not suffer emotionally and mentally anyway. Here's the quick version: - Neil knowing full well that I was already involved with someone else (yet unaware of the married status of that person), asked if he could come to NZ to see me. At that time, he was prepared to come here regardless of my circumstances, and said it was my choice that we meet, secretly or openly. I told him there was n...

...or not. The beginning of a new year. The possibilities could be endless really...or could they? I guess that remains to be seen. Did you know, I've been blogging for 3 years now? Yes, I'm amazed too. December 31st, 2004...that was my first ever blog entry. Not that you can tell...for some reason my archives only show up from Jan 2005. Whatever...no biggie. Funnily enough, I've come full circle. Three years ago, I was faced with making a decision when it came to the men in my life. Yes, that's "men", plural. The last few months, I've found myself again in a similar situation. Two men, one me...now that aint gonna work, is it? I've said "funnily enough"...yet it certainly has no humour to it at all. How the hell do I get myself into these situations? Is it because I'm weak and insecure? Is it because I'm the procrastinator extraordinaire? Is it because I'm greedy and want everything? Possibly a combination of all the...