Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Blowing Chunks Today

I really want a smoke. I'm still sitting here in my pjs, it's SO cold, and the rain is lashing against the windows. It's 10.44am Wednesday.

I'm almost tempted to get dressed and head for the store to buy a packet...shame you can't just buy them by the single. I've been sitting here thinking about who's not at work at the moment, so I can visit them and lend a cigarette. It's making me fidgety and down.

I want to sit outside on the top step and suck on the end of it (the smoke, not the step) and enjoy the feeling of it hitting the back of my throat.

That must sound disgusting to non-smokers.

And trying to blog is hopeless. When I stopped smoking earlier this year, (well from what I've noticed about my reactions), it's almost like I stop breathing...so I hold my breath. Anyone else see the irony in that? lol.

Last time during the first week, I had to remind myself that it was ok to eat. I know! I'm in a bad way if I'm not eating. It was like nothing was allowed to touch my lips. Course, once I got over that hiccup, I ate quite happily and with great frequency and the scales dobbed me in to the doctor...twice. Blah.

***

ANYWAY, it's is now 1.04pm. I've spent a good part of today browsing around the "QuitSmoking" website...looking for incentive/motivation. I'm still very figdety...the good thing about that is I'm due at work in an hour, so I'll be busy for the rest of the day and some of those difficult hours of the night.

I'll tell you something though...I'm feeling this right to the pit of my stomach...it's like a desire that needs to be fulfilled immediately. It'll go, I know that, but for the moment, my God!
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