Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Grubby Thoughts

All this resting and relaxation is getting to me in some ways. We all know that I'm not going to win housekeeper of the year...I've made it more than obvious at times that Domestic Goddess is out of my league. And despite the fact I like my house to be orderly and clean...the covetted title of the big D.G. is never gonna be mine. I make valiant attempts to be...hell I'd even get on a chair and start vigorously wiping the walls in the kitchen if I thought someone was gonna see me do it. That's the important thing don't ya know? That someone see you do it. Important. Very.

That way, they have a visual...which in turn makes their mind think "Oh ok, and here's me thinking she never cleans anything at all around here...obviously I'm wrong, I am seeing this with my own two eyes an' all." *closes eyes, opens again* "Nope, it really is happening...no figment of my imagination going on here." The moment they've gone of course, I down tools and am back slumped on the sofa, watching Dr Phil, and munching out on chocolate and chippies (crisps).

Me? Rubber gloves, cleaning chemicals, blood and sweat, working my fingers to the bone? Come on. Really.

I'm probably not fooling anyone....the dirty house and extra body fat would be a clue. Damn my body for letting me down and showing it's traiterous self like that. Bad body! Bad!

Something interesting I've noticed (or not...interesting that is, not not noticed...I mean, shit...blah...never mind)...when I'm here at Dan's, and he has to work, which can often be the case...I spend some of my time thinking about all the things I have to do at home and how much I wish I was home to do them. Course if I was in my own house, I'm overcome with completely valid phrases like "oh I'll do that tomorrow"..."I'll get that done once Jaimee's gone"... and/or ..."I'll get one of the kids to do that shortly" (that last one being the biggest fantasy and crock of shit in my world).

With the flat being recarpeted and then tenants getting the once over etc, before coming down here, I started running out of time to give the house a clean. I always think I've got more time to do these things....most of the time I don't. I need to learn from past experience and start planning weeks ahead. And you know what? Do you all know how bloody pointless that would be?? I obviously fly down here on my own...that leaves two people still occupying my house. Two teenager male people....'nuff said.

So, in closing...until my children fly the coop, (get kicked out, go live with their father, run away with the circus, whatever)...it really is not possible for me to even get close to the bottom rung of the ladder of Domestic Goddessness. Until that time comes...I will just have to be a dirty girl. I'm starting to think it may be my calling. I may even embrace the whole idea of it. I mean to say, how hard can it be? I'll just keep on, keeping on...same old, same old. Voila! (for you Michelle lol).

Anyway, in further closing...I shall stop fretting about what I'm going to be faced with when I get home tomorrow evening. I shall step in the door with my eyes shut and 'feel' my way to the bedroom, dragging the suitcase behind me.

Surely all these words are enough to award me a pass for yesterday's absence? Go on, be a sport...we'll put it down to a mental health day, yeah? Everyone has those now and then, right?

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