Tuesday, November 11, 2008

What? How? Why?...err... WHAT?!

So to follow on from yesterday. The phone call on Wednesday night at work.

Me: "Good evening, Blah Medical Centre."
Ryan: "Lisa?"
Me: "Yep, hi honey, what's up?"
Ryan: "Oh right, hi Mum. Would you mind if I moved out tomorrow?"

*brakes squealing...metal colliding...hubcap spinning...*


Mentally...I reacted like this:

In reality it was more like this:

Because, you know, I'm dark skinned.  So in my mind I was exactly like this second picture.  Except I carry a lot more weight...um, I'm not actually as dark as this lady...oh, I'm older than her of course...and I don't have a tiara...but I've always wanted one.  AND...she looks like she's playing at being a tiger...we all know how gorgeous and powerful those big cats are...which is kinda sexy. I never role play wild animals but whatever floats your boat. We could be identical twins, yeah?  I thought so too.


Casual.as.you.please. He's given no indication that he was even thinking about it. Of course there's always been the idea that eventually it would happen...he knows, I know...but not even a warning whisper that he would be going in the next 6 months or so. I ask you! There would've been less impact if he'd kicked me in the stomach *sad face*

I sat in a quiet waiting room trying to breath and realising I was in the safest place should my heart really chug to a halt. My God, I actually felt like bursting into floods of tears...I'm such a baby...but he's my baby. Then I started raging on the inside "Are you fucking kidding me??!" but I calmly responded "I need more details Ryan"...which he couldn't seem to give me. I told him we'd discuss it further when he got home. I finished at 8pm, he finished at the service station at 10pm.

I rushed off to see the nurses, panic in my voice, "Is there any way I can make him stay at home? You know, like is it illegal for him to go off on his own at 17?" What an idiotic question that was, I left home at 17 myself, but I won't be divulging that gem to him.

We both get home, and I get to hear more. Apparently some 21 year old slut young lady comes into the station each day/night to buy a cookie (ffs) and she was asking him if he knew anyone who needed a flat because she was looking for a flatmate. My youngest had obviously decided he could be seen in the role of "Knight in Shining Armour" (yet he's such a love for tigers, you'd think he'd visualise himself as Tarzan) and told her he might possibly be able to help. Bet he didn't tell her he was gonna ask his mother first.

I guess the main thing is that he did ask. He didn't just bugger off. It warms me some that Ryan continues to ask if he can do things...stay out overnight, go into town for the day etc. Cameron has practically stopped asking me at all (unless it involves the house), he's at the point where he just tells me he's going out or taking off to do whatever. But Ryan is still asking, and you can bet I'll be trying to hang on to that respectful innocence as long as possible. After we'd spoken about the more practical side of moving and money, he pretty much chucked the whole idea. I think. I'm not entirely sure, but I'll not be taken so unawares next time.

I tell ya, I'm fed up with feeling the need to steel myself against what might come out of their mouths next, but at least it gives me some emotional padding before the big one drops. That'd be empty house syndrome or whatever you want to call it. Chances are, once it happens, I'll love every minute of it...or so they say (once again with the "they" sheesh BASTARDS!)

I started this blog when my kids were 15 and 13, now they're 19 and 17...besides all the crap I've been in and out with as far as the men side of my life is concerned (and of course all the lovely stuff too, can't be forgetting that), the biggest changes around here are in my children. Where on earth did all that time go? (stinky cliche I know but seriously, where??)

Damn, look how long this post is?? If I was cunning enough I could've dragged it out for another couple of days. Crap. It seems NaBloPoMo's doing some magic and allowing me to spit and ramble on here, whilst leaving my children relatively unscathed. Poor darlings. And bless you dear reader for continuing to be here. Gold star for the lot of ya's!
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