Nobuddy Leees Za Rome

Tomorrow night is my work christmas party. Thing is, we all have no idea what's happening. I mean, the practice manger knows, and I suspect the partners know...but the rest of the staff? the plebs? we don't know.

We've just been told to turn up at work before 6.45pm and be wearing our glad-rags. Over the course of the past few weeks there has been much talk behind the scenes of what we could be facing during this coming event. We've managed to find out there will be no need for passports, sea sick pills, snorkels, gas masks, bicycle clips and the like. We also know there'll be no paint balls to contend with...which is just as well because I can see one particular male doctor a whole plethora of hues by the end of the night if that were the case lol.

Anyway, doing my best to live up to an ounce of 'glad-rag' image and having my ghastly grey silver regrowth starting to make an appearance again, I was in the bathroom tonight trying to douse them in dark golden brown muck. It's difficult attempting to do this alone. If I could remove my head and give it the required root overhaul, there'd be no problem. A contortionist I am not.

Walking into Cameron's room, I find both boys staring at his computer screen and a shit load of noise reverberating around the walls. "Left 4 Dead" is having a great deal of impact in my home of late.

Me: "I need some help...I've done as much as I can see, but I need someone to check over the rest and make sure I've not missed anything."

*silence*

Me: "Oh please? I'd really appreciate an extra pair of hands and eyes."
Cameron: "Yeah yeah, hang on a minute, I'll do it in 2 shakes of a lamb's tail"
Me: "shake shake"
Ryan: "That's not how a lamb's tail shakes"
Me: "Yes it is, they do it just like dogs...you just don't see it very much cos they get their tails docked." (any opportunity to educate my offspring)..."they tie rubber bands around their tails and..."
Cam: "Yes Mum! I'm coming! Geez!"

Cameron follows me back to the bathroom, leaving strict instructions with Ryan on how he should go about eliminating this, that and the other beastie in his absence.

Ryan: "But I don't know what I'm doing!"

Me: "Just don't get yourself killed! Shoot everything that moves hun, just keep shooting."

Cam: *picking up long hairpin* "What is THIS?"

Me: "Oh, you have to use that to divide my hair...I can't find the long tailed comb, so it's the best I could come up with short of a screwdriver...and I decided I didn't want to make my scalp bleed."

Cam: "How am I supposed to use this budget material and get a good result??!"

Ryan: "God damn!" *THEUNG! THEUNG! THEUNG!* (or whatever other spelling for loud gun noises you can come up with)

Cam: *laughing* "That sounds SO cool Ryan!"

Me: *Talking through hair* "How's it looking? Have you managed to get everything? What about this bit?"

Cam: "Stop moving Mum! How can I do this if you continue to move??"

Ryan: "SHIT!!"

Me: "Oi, stop that! Just harden up and shoot more Ryan!"

Ryan: "It's a TANK!!"

Me: "Oh My God"...rushing back to bedroom..."RUN DARLING RUN!!!"

Cam: "Mum! Get back here!"

God knows what I'm going to be up against tomorrow night, but come on...*snort*...piece of cake!