Friday, May 06, 2005

Um..What were we talking about?..

A couple of weeks ago I posted my finale of 100 Things About of the last entries was about my slight epilepsy problem. I said I don't convulse, and I don't. It affects my eyesight more than anything else...well it affects my speech at times as well, and if I have a seizure mid-sentence I slow right down because what I was saying has completely escaped my brain and I have to fight to remember what it was all about (the sentence that is, not my brain). The seizure triggers something in my brain that stops sending signals to my vocal cords, and makes anything I'm looking at swim before my eyes. These episodes last for approximately 10-15 seconds. Sometimes I want to just sink into them...close my eyes and fall into the abyss of the kalidescope, a slight physical rush envelopes me entirely...other times I feel semi-panic brewing in my stomach...especially if I'm driving...and I fight to keep focus on the road.

This is one of the reasons I so hate driving at night. All the lights of oncoming traffic, coupled with lack of sleep and sometimes stress can spark off an attack of these heebie jeebie demons. The boys are both aware of this and understand it...although I have to admit that on at least two occasions, I've made them both freak out by saying "Fuck, I'm having a seizure, hang on". Both of them have had to be my 'eyes' on occasion. Thus I don't drive at night if I can help it...especially if it's raining...the raindrops on the windshield magnify the oncoming traffic lights and blah blah blah...I find myself struggling to focus...not a good thing. My ex-husband is also well aware of this, and I have often called upon him to take the boys to wherever they need to go in the evening if I have to.

Although the daily medication I take controls these seizures...if I'm particularly tired, it can spark them off. The last few days I've been having problems while in front of the computer. Last night, especially so. I sat here and tried to read your blogs and had to keep closing my eyes to avoid the 'swimming' affect coming over me. No luck. I came back again later and brain wasn't having a bar of if. Yesterday was a very busy day at work, not without it stresses and by the time I came home I was so keyed up I almost spring cleaned the house (that's a good thing, it was well overdue). Once that was done and I was feeling in control of my life, I sat down here and 'bingo' I could barely focus on what any of you had said.

Next week could be particularly difficult....I'm starting double shifts at the surgery while one of my co-workers holidays in Spain for 3 weeks (woo hoo, lucky her!)....this is going to mean less blogging time...less reading blogs and a phenomonal amount of catching up to do in the weekends. Try not to do anything tooooo exciting in case I miss it ok? During my more 'lucid' moments, you can bet your bottom dollar that I will be still attempting to keep you abreast of what's going on in my world/brain...whether it be something wonderful or nothing at all. (Let's face it, it's become rather obvious I can blog about nothingness til the cows come home.)

Please don't think I've disappeared from your blogs...I'm trying...considering my brain loses momentum with the rest of my limbs (eg typing fingers)...commenting could come out in any form at the moment, so I've avoided doing that, but I am trying to keep up with what you're all's just taking me a little longer to grasp.

And now that I've said all that, I'll probably be seizure-free for ages and find I whined about all this for nothing! lol

PS: I had a short episode at work yesterday....during which I managed to perform a sex change on a patient. It was relatively simple...I just basically used the computer to write directly over the top of a woman with a man...hey presto! The sister became the brother and the brother took on the debt of the sister...this debt was not was rather substantial, like over $900. By the time I came home, I had orchestrated a reversal. This was important before the patient came in and the doctor read the medical notes...imagine his surpise at finding the male before him was complaining of aching ovaries last time he was in attendance. I'm impressed with myself...all these years I have been harbouring a hidden talent for trans-gender doctoring....who knew??
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