Keeping the Home Fires Burning

The other Friday night..you know the one?...when I went out with my good friend to celebrate her birthday and then had too much alcohol, and then suffered horribly the following day?...yeah, that Friday night. Anyway...during the conversation at the beginning of that evening, one of the ladies was talking about the fire she'd 'made' one day....she'd been burning some scrub. It was mainly blackberry bush, and she was rather animated whilst talking about it.

Apparently when blackberry bush is ignited it kinda goes "WOOOOOOF!" (not in a doggie sense of the word, but in an "everything must be flaming immediately and with great fanfare" kinda woof.) One of her friends piped up with "You shoulda heard her when she rang me that day. She said "OMG, you shoulda seen the fire, it was GLORIOUS...it was so amazing, it was better than a vibrator!" Well, yeah ok...each to their own I say. Besides, we all know how fire attracts people right?

Now the other thing I never told you about that evening was, I actually went out with my ex-husband. Well, not 'out' as such...but he's a good friend of the birthday girl, and a previous work colleague and it seemed good sense to go together. In fact we picked up the birthday girl and the three of us went into town together.

Over the course of the last couple of years (possibly more), my ex has been very unhappy in his current relationship...to the point where the rest of his mates (me and my kids included) would be doing all different versions of the 'happy dance' if he left her. This relationship has been going for over 6 years now, and has been fraught with problems from the start. Quite frankly, I just want him to be happy and to find someone more suitable for him. (Although there have been times over the years that I've thought they deserved each other. lol)

Presently, his girlfriend is overseas. This has given him more freedom to come and go as he pleases, and not worry about where he's going and who he's seeing, without having the possibility of a sledgehammer response coming from the homeland. The boys and I even had him over for dinner one night...that's a first. Because of who I am to him, I fall under the heading of "Don't you fucken dare go anywhere near her!" category. He's been raked over the coals just for talking to me at the softball club.

Anyway...while she's been away...I've been almost encouraging him to have an affair. Can you believe that?? I can barely believe it myself. I haven't so much as said the words "Ok, time we got you sorted out and found someone you can bonk"...but the implication is there. I'm ashamed to admit I'd be delighted if he actually did it. And I'm not the only one of his friends that feels this way.

Months ago, I remember writing on here the shock I felt at his fumbled suggestion that he and I get it on together physically. This is BIG stuff coming from my ex. For him to go this far...to stoop that low...things have gotta be bad at home...REAL bad. I know my ex...being unfaithful might cross his mind fleetingly (as it can with some spouses), but to try following that thought through?? It's not him at all. He has a loyalty built into him that he can be proud of, yet I know that the stress of his home situation and what he knows he should do about it are starting to unravel him.

Soooooo.... never being one to give up on a 'cause' in a hurry...last Friday night I tried again. As we walked our way back to the car together, we bantered about the various people at the party. Suddenly a possibility came to my mind.

Me: "Ya know? You could be in tonight."
Him: *raising eyebrows* "Yeah??"
Me: "Not me ya twit!"
Him: "Oh...who then?"
Me: "Well...I was thinking....if you'd just let me set you on fire..."